[Enneagram Type 5] Unpredictable emotions?

Unpredictable emotions?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22
Thank Tree35Thanks

This is a discussion on Unpredictable emotions? within the Type 5 Forum - The Investigator forums, part of the Head Triad - Types 5,6,7 category; Dear type 5's, I struggle with unpredictable emotions, is this typical? My relationship has ended (been together +/- 4 years), ...

  1. #1
    Type 5w6

    Unpredictable emotions?

    Dear type 5's,
    I struggle with unpredictable emotions, is this typical?

    My relationship has ended (been together +/- 4 years), feeling pretty bad right now. However, the first few weeks I didn't feel this way at all and told everyone I was doing fine this way. The weird thing is, I genuinely thought I was okay with it. But now, having holiday, I suddenly realize I miss him so much... And suddenly the sadness seems unbearable.
    Looking back, this is often what happens to me. About two weeks ago, I even met up with my former boyfriend and was very relieved it went so smoothly; I didn't want him back and told him I would be okay with meeting up again. But a day later, I feel so sad and think about all the good times. Like, how is it possible that I can't even closely predict how I'll feel about something afterwards? Same has happened a couple of times during our relationship, especially when he told me he had doubts about our relationship. The moment itself I'd be very supportive, telling him he should take the time he needs, I'll be there etc. And two days later, I get angry at him for putting me in that situation and feel very sad/scared for him leaving me.

    I'm not sure why this keeps happening. I suppose it's typical for a five to not be in touch with their emotions, but even when trying to be, I tend to fail apparently. Does anyone recognize this? Do you know ways to get better in touch with your feelings, to prevent the 'aftermath' of sadness?
    Sengai and VoicesofWitch thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Hmm mm, I don't know if it is truly a type 5, or something else, but I related to what you wrote (or I believe I do).

    I used to have "delayed" emotional reactions, and been aware of it helped me to first stop reacting like I used to do, because it wasn't a spontaneous deep reaction, but a learned one to cater to others emotional needs in detriment of my own. So now I dismiss this first reaction, and allow myself time to wait for the next one, a raw wave of emotions, and I acknowledge it and take care of it. And I'm now more and more in touch with these emotional responses, and noticed it also allows me to truly be an help to loved ones in return, without been detrimental to myself.

    Of course sometimes emotions won't come linearly, it can go back and forth from happy to sad, to anger etc. And you can't "prevent" emotions to come, you just learn to recognise it and take care of it in healthy ways.

    Don't know if I truly understood you, and if I made sense, good luck anyway !

  3. #3
    Type 5w6

    Thanks you, that does sound like the way I experience it. So maybe I should try not to respond immediately and take my time to process... Which is hard I guess, but don't know another way to prevent myself from saying things I actually don't agree with.
    Egao and VoicesofWitch thanked this post.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4

    I reply again, and hope I'm not imposing my vision of things on you, feel free to take your time about all of it !

    What helped me was also that I openly voiced this tendency of mine to people I interact regularly because I knew I would do it again multiple times before been able to properly notice this conditioning in real time and unlearn it. That I was someone with a first reaction conditioned that I noticed and wanted to stop doing and so people shouldn't be surprised if they see a delayed reaction later more different than what I first acted in the moment. Usually people who care about you will understand and even point to you in these moments to take time if needed and it helps because they don't feed the 1st reaction or take advantage of it, but instead break the pattern and wait for you to express yourself freely.
    Sengai thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Type 5w4

    I also can have a delayed emotional response. Not always. Frequently I know instantly how I feel. Most often the delay is with significantly negative events (and/or big decisions). With minor negative things and positive things I tend to know immediately.

    Sometimes I've told people "I need to take time to see how I feel about..." Within a day, or few, it becomes clearer.

    I put it down to a mix of:
    -being relatively detatched from my emotions
    -my thinking wanting to take the lead (especially when caution may be required)
    -higher emotional control generally (I can interfere with how I feel -- but should I?)
    -wanting to utilize my subconscious processesing while I sleep (see how I feel in the morning)
    -fear of acting irrationally

    I think it's harder on others than me. Waiting for me to work out how I feel is probably unpleasant. Fortunately this happens very infrequently these days (no negative people in my life).

    One thing that helps me is introspecting -- sort of a constant mental/lifestyle cleaning house. I tend to decide in advance what I want, what I won't tolerate etc. If something pops up I've usually already decided how I'll handle it. No feelings required...
    Diving for Light, Aridela, RexMaximus and 2 others thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Type 5w4

    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a break-up.

    I can fully relate to what you write. I see it very much as a five "happening". It doesn't feel so much like a behaviour, does it?

    Let me go back to what you are writing and what you are asking for unless I don't get lost in my experiences and what I find interesting about the topic...

    My relationship has ended (been together +/- 4 years), feeling pretty bad right now. However, the first few weeks I didn't feel this way at all and told everyone I was doing fine this way. The weird thing is, I genuinely thought I was okay with it. But now, having holiday, I suddenly realize I miss him so much... And suddenly the sadness seems unbearable.
    Looking back, this is often what happens to me. About two weeks ago, I even met up with my former boyfriend and was very relieved it went so smoothly; I didn't want him back and told him I would be okay with meeting up again. But a day later, I feel so sad and think about all the good times. Like, how is it possible that I can't even closely predict how I'll feel about something afterwards? Same has happened a couple of times during our relationship, especially when he told me he had doubts about our relationship. The moment itself I'd be very supportive, telling him he should take the time he needs, I'll be there etc. And two days later, I get angry at him for putting me in that situation and feel very sad/scared for him leaving me.

    I'm not sure why this keeps happening. I suppose it's typical for a five to not be in touch with their emotions, but even when trying to be, I tend to fail apparently. Does anyone recognize this? Do you know ways to get better in touch with your feelings, to prevent the 'aftermath' of sadness?
    When I read it again one of the first things I want to ask you is why you don't explicitly write who was the driving part in the separation of the two of you. Did he end the relationship?

    Wow, four years is a long time. I imagine that you were really fond of him and maybe still are. - I conclude that from the fact that fives are picky.

    you know what? I gonna stop writing here... I think you should try to get in touch with real people who you can talk to about your pain and who help you feel your loss fully. Or maybe you want to write something about what you have lost in the fives' confessions or just in your own journal?

    I'd be there to listen in any case...

    I know of no other way to better get in touch with your feelings. You need to practice it. And the not so agreeable message for fives is: You can not do it without others. : )
    Last edited by Sengai; 04-21-2019 at 03:04 PM.

  8. #7
    Type 5w4

    P.S. ...
    Last edited by Sengai; 04-21-2019 at 02:56 PM.

  9. #8
    Type 5w6

    @Dare

    Thank you for your reply. I suppose this didn't really seem like an option to me before, but thinking about it,probably should be. Most of the time I'm glad to reply fast, but might need some extra time when hard decisions come my way. My mother in law came in contact with me and asked to meet up. I told her I would like to, but need some time to set things straight before seeing her. This way I can have some time to think about what I want to say etc.
    Dare and VoicesofWitch thanked this post.

  10. #9
    Type 5w6

    @Sengai

    Thank you. I must say, I didn't notice I hadn't specified the way our breakup went. I left out the details because I didn't want it to be such a long 'sob story' after a breakup. Let's see, it's hard to say who initiated the breakup. I would say it was me, but he's a 9w1 and had had doubts about us for a long time (months). I wanted him to make a decision, but he couldn't. After so many times hearing 'it doesn't feel good, I think we should break up, I'm not sure about us etc', I said we might have to. But honestly, if he still had wanted to, I was already planning on moving in and had already imagined having kids together. However, it was my first relationship, so I suppose that's pretty common. And I am very picky as well, so that doesn't make it easier. Like, thinking I have never 'opened up' as much to anyone before or after him or even feeling that initial spark that we had.
    The past week I felt pretty bad, but now I'm feeling better again. I can feel this experience helps me to understand my emotions better or at least, learn to deal with them. I know that I'll be fine and I have a great support system, but I'm not really fond of talking with others about it. It's easier to know what you feel when you have some time to reflect (such as when typing on a forum), rather than having to immediately answer in a direct conversation.
    Sengai and VoicesofWitch thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Simonis View Post
    Like, how is it possible that I can't even closely predict how I'll feel about something afterwards?
    Two possibilities I can think of: Lack of experience with the type of situation that provoked the emotion and failing to engage emotionally in the moment, which leads to surprise delayed reactions.
    Do you know ways to get better in touch with your feelings, to prevent the 'aftermath' of sadness?
    I'm not sure that what you described represents being out of touch with feelings.
    Aridela, baitedcrow, Squirt and 1 others thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] Unpredictable INTJ?
    By AsherelCrow in forum INTJ Forum - The Scientists
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 09-29-2013, 11:04 AM
  2. [INFJ] Unpredictable event bring me stress, how about you ?
    By firelink in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 09-01-2012, 02:09 PM
  3. [INFP] The only interesting life is the unpredictable life
    By Zebedee in forum INFP Forum - The Idealists
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 04-30-2012, 09:50 AM
  4. [ENFJ] Do you consider yourself predictable or unpredictable
    By Malachi in forum ENFJ Forum - The Givers
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 03-23-2012, 01:12 PM
  5. Your Inferior Function-- evasive and unpredictable?
    By vocalist in forum Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-26-2010, 07:29 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:08 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0