So I'm pretty sure I'm a 5, but I have this obsession with emotional immersion. It's not my native state (anymore, at least), it's more of a distant ideal, but much to my chagrin I often end up retreating and detaching whenever I have a problem. I was wondering whether or not this was consistent with 5-ness. I am infatuated with the idea of immersing myself in emotions and it is a major goal in my life (whether or not I excel at it), but I am often too scared too...like it is too overwhelming. I identify with lot of four-ish traits like an obsession with image creation and self expression and actually get it a lot (perhaps most) of the time when I test, but all the detachment I experience seems to be at odds with it. I often feel at a disconnect from the world. I don't want to. I actually really hate it. Maybe I want the best of both worlds, like I want to experience the pleasure of emotions but from a safe distance, but inevitably that ends up diluting the experience, which depresses me. Would this be typical of a 5w4? How do you guys overcome it?
This is sort of related to another dilemma I'm sort of sorting out right now...the INTP/INFP question, but this is a separate issue and since I'm in a psychologically unhealthy state right now the emphasis the Enneagram places on self improvement and healing means it's almost more pressing, in a way.