I've always felt out of place in the world, in society, but haven't been able to quite express or put my finger on why.
For example, in high school, I saw myself as someone who was physically present, who hung out and interacted with the other kids at school, but that no one would miss, nor remember after I was gone (aside from my group of 4-5 friends). It also doesn't help that I was the only person from my graduating class going to the particular university I chose.
The closest analogy I can think of is somewhat of a bad example, because it puts me down and assumes a better experience without me around. Also, apologies if the situation doesn't apply to you - I'm making a generalization from my own experiences in an attempt to better explain myself.
High School Analogy:
I would harken my presence in high school to advertisements on television. You notice them when they're there, but if you watch the same show without ads, you don't miss them or notice their absence. That's more or less how I felt, and in some sense, still feel with regards to my social presence - and yes, sometimes, but not always in a negative light.
I've noticed that I'm different than "normal", with normal being defined by our ESTJ society, that places emphasis on being an ESTJ as a male - being social; taking action and doing things, rather than overthinking; highly sensory, focusing on one's immediate surroundings, and even seeking material goods and/or power.
I just don't dig it, and thanks to the exploring I have done thus far, I can at least explain my differences in terms of the MBTI / cognitive functions, the enneagram, and type stackings.
Let's review the checklist:Sooo...for starters, I'm different than what society typically portrays as male role-models in...yes, that's right, all four axis. So already, based on my MBTI type, I'm in complete opposition to what we're told the "norm" is for men in society.Originally Posted by MBTII have no idea what the norms are with regards to the enneagram, nor for stackings, but what I do feel here is the anti-social nature of these types in a social world.Originally Posted by Enneagram & Instinctual Stacking
Which instinct is my stacking lacking (heh, unintentional rhyme)? Social.
Type 5s, from my limited understanding, are typically distant, aloof, and generally not social.
No wonder I generally feel misunderstood and alone. Also makes me wonder if these differences - or my perception of being different, like a lone alien camouflaged as a human, "knowing" that you're the only one of your kind in your surroundings - reinforce my being a Type 5, because it's easier for me to step back and be an observer when I notice how different I am relative to hoi polloi.
What this all boils down to is that I really want to find my personal niche within the world. For me, this includes forming deep personal connections with other people, preferably in person, although getting to a point where I feel comfortable doing that feels like having to climb my own uncharted Mount Everest. In terms of dating, it really doesn't help that men are expected to be the ones to "take the plunge" and make the first move (damn social conventions! shakingfist.gif).
I'm familiar with the saying "the greater the challenge, the greater the reward", but damn if it doesn't seem insurmountable...
Also, I'm not depressed about any of this - it's more of an annoyance. These are my observations "as is", albeit coloured with my feelings about them - perhaps that's the seemingly contradictory nature of a Type 5 Feeler.