[Enneagram Type 8] Fear of confronting because of fear of hurting and then being rejected/left

Fear of confronting because of fear of hurting and then being rejected/left

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  • 1 Post By drmiller100
  • 3 Post By lametaoist

This is a discussion on Fear of confronting because of fear of hurting and then being rejected/left within the Type 8 Forum - The Challenger forums, part of the Body Triad - Types 8,9,1 category; Over the past one year, on several occasions, I have found myself unable to confront close friends even when a ...

  1. #1
    Unknown

    Fear of confronting because of fear of hurting and then being rejected/left

    Over the past one year, on several occasions, I have found myself unable to confront close friends even when a confrontation was required. This comes out of a fear - a fear of losing control if I let my anger out, saying too much too intensely, and hurting people to an extent that they decide to abandon me. What should I do about it? Neither full on rage is right since it can (and in the past it has) make me lose the handful of friends I have, nor gulping in your anger as unexpressed anger eats you from the inside.



  2. #2
    Type 8w7

    time to learn to be tactful, to learn to be honest without being hurtful.

    I have a need to be authentic. My gift to those who I truly care about is my honesty, and my protection. Over time I've learned what are my problems I can fix, and what are my friend's problems to deal with.

  3. #3
    Type 8w7

    Quote Originally Posted by sm1 View Post
    Over the past one year, on several occasions, I have found myself unable to confront close friends even when a confrontation was required. This comes out of a fear - a fear of losing control if I let my anger out, saying too much too intensely, and hurting people to an extent that they decide to abandon me. What should I do about it? Neither full on rage is right since it can (and in the past it has) make me lose the handful of friends I have, nor gulping in your anger as unexpressed anger eats you from the inside.
    There are two ways to look at this--why do you feel it is necessary to confront friends, and why are your "friends" unable to handle confrontation from you?

    If there is a problem that needs to be addressed, which happens, it means that something needs to be addressed. As @drmiller100 mentioned, a more tactful way is to see it as addressing problems, rather than confrontation. Confrontation rarely needs to happen, but problems often need to be resolved. But problems can be resolved without confrontation. It's just not as fun.

    Secondly, they are not great friends if the relationship both necessitates confrontation, and they are unable to handle your confrontational nature. Ask yourself why you want them as friends if there are things that need to be addressed, but you feel that addressing them will cost you your friendship. Are you better off having mediocre friends that you resent because they can't see that there is a problem?

    You are who you are. Good friends can take the good with the bad. I would suggest trying to learn be be a slightly lighter touch, to keep from driving away the good ones, but the good ones are still few and far between.
    Baracuda902, Temizzle and nablur thanked this post.


 

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