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Emotional Self Defence

767 views 2 replies 3 participants last post by  Quang 
#1 · (Edited)
As a 9; I have a tendency to try to make sure that everyone is in a good mood.
I like to give people hugs, pay them meaningful compliments and try to keep a laid-back attitude.
However I am terrible at dealing with people when they are angry.

When others are angry, I automatically smile/ laugh which usually leads to the person getting angrier and me laughing more so I need to go into a different room so that I don't make them angrier. I can't seem to control it! I always feel guilty after but I still can't control my reaction (it's like a cough that needs to come out). I'm worried in case this behaviour could damage future relationships as it comes across to others as if I am mocking them and when I explain that it is a nervous habit, it seems like I am lying.

Have you ever struggled with this and do you know any way I can stop myself from reacting this way?
 
#2 ·
Yeah, an effective way to deal with someone who's angry is to acknowledge verbally that you understand that they're angry. For example, many people's response to anger is to say something like "I can see that you're a little bit angry", in the hopes that saying "a little it" will deescalate the situation. However, it actually has the opposite effect, because it makes the person feel that you haven't heard them. But if you say "I know you're really really angry", that does have the effect of calming them down because they feel that they've been heard.

Smiling/laughing at someone when they're angry will surely piss them off to an incredible degree, as I'm sure you realize :p Basically just try not to do it? lol
 
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