[Enneagram Type 9] 9w1 sp/so or sp/sx?

9w1 sp/so or sp/sx?

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This is a discussion on 9w1 sp/so or sp/sx? within the Type 9 Forum - The Peacemaker forums, part of the Body Triad - Types 8,9,1 category; I'll prelude this by saying that I'm fairly new to enneagram, so any info I've read is still sinking in ...

  1. #1
    Unknown


    9w1 sp/so or sp/sx?

    I'll prelude this by saying that I'm fairly new to enneagram, so any info I've read is still sinking in and I don't understand all of it yet. I've done a lot of reading about the differences, including older threads on here, but still haven't been able to figure my instinctual variants. I've tried focusing on what I identify with more as well as attempting to zone in on which blindspot sounds more like me, but every time I think I got it, something else will pop up and throw me off.

    To be very honest, a lot of the so traits sound like me, if not all because I do feel like I am a very introverted person. I'll list some things about myself that seem to fit either so or sx.

    so:
    - I've always cared about what others think of me and view me, to the point that I take their opinions of me at face value because I believe(d) they know(knew) me better than I do myself => this is beginning to become remedied as a therapist has been helping me over the last year
    - I'm always aware of where and who I am in the group, what 'role I should fill'
    - not sure if this would be classified under networking, but I always know and usually don't hesitate to ask for help when I know I won't get anywhere just relying on my own skills
    - I'm not much of a social butterfly or networker, but I like the sense of belonging a group brings me and feel almost like something is missing if I 'only' have 1 or 2 friendships independent of a group (I hate groupwork and much prefer to do tasks by myself though. Has to do with lack of trust in other people)

    Due to personal circumstances, I'm more or less afraid of people which is why I initially turned away from so as possibility.

    sx:
    - I prefer one-on-one relationships to a group. That being said, I've been thankful and enjoyed being in friendship groups, even if there were only a couple or so of people I was close to in said groups
    - I'm acutely aware of relationship dynamics in others and am immediately able to tell when there's romantic interest in me. To a degree, that's flattering but I tend to feel a bit panicky and stifled when they start coming on to me (this has only happened with people I had zero attraction towards. I don't know what would happen if I actually liked this person. Possibly also panic but mixed with exhilaration)
    - similarly, my first reaction to realising I have a crush is to panic and try to get rid of it or sort of a resigned annoyance. I can effectively control my emotional reaction and behaviour towards the person by forcing myself to think of them in a friendship context. It calms me down considerably and is a lot more comfortable
    - for crushes, I fall fast and hard. Friendships are slower and more gradual which I prefer
    - I get into 'obsessive' phases. I have single-minded focus and block out everything else. This can apply to hobbies and real life tasks (or me right now as I seem to forget things around me in an attempt to cram everything into one write up)
    - I can be very jealous/envious though I wish I wasn't

    unclear/blindspot(?):
    - I don't follow current events and it doesn't much interest me
    - neither does idle chitchat about gossip or random things that happened during someone's day. This is worse with family than with friends. With family I'm straight up annoyed and mostly don't care (often enough it's the same 3 topics all over again, the occasional new thing I'm marginally more interested in)
    - that being said, I make an active effort to ask about my friends' day when I remember and can make myself feel and sound more interested
    - I seem to care more and am interested when something happens in my immediate sphere of 'affect', like with things that happen to friends or family, if something good or bad happened, what they're up to (less and less if I have no emotional ties to them. My family is huge and I only really know a handful)
    - I like to keep myself at a distance with new people until I'm sure we both want a friendship. It's like I put on mental brakes and only let myself fall into it once I know it's 'safe'
    - I'm usually very unaware of how deeply (or not) I feel toward a friend or family member, to the point I sometimes feel defective
    - I relate to sx blindspot in that I fear I'm too 'bland' and a bit boring, also it takes me A LOT of energy to get started on things, even things I like. That being said, once I'm in the swing of things I keep going and don't stop until I'm done, preferring to get it all done in one go
    - further, I think that fear hasn't always been there; it's been developed over the last few years because of the people I was around. On the contrary, I often feel like there's a lot more to me than I (can) show on the surface. I guess weirdly enough I feel 'deep' and 'intense' if I try to tune into myself
    - I'm a bit socially unaware at times (due to my introversion and personal reasons), though usually I'll catch on pretty quick
    - I'm interested in and yearn for a deep, meaningful romantic relationship. As silly as it sounds, the notion of true love (conquers all) has always seemed appealing to me
    - assertiveness is very difficult for me. I'm told I'm passive aggressive though I don't know how true that rings
    - I'm very calm and easy-going, more of a going with the flow kind of person. I can also be very stubborn though. I may feel like I'm more passive than I appear; that's because I always try to avoid getting anyone upset or annoyed with me
    - I seem to be likeable. People rarely tell me they hate me
    - I don't become angry fast or often. I'm told I'm someone whose anger would be feared
    - I tend to be a bit of a loner though I don't want to be. It's very difficult for me to insert myself among people

    I have no idea if intensity scares me or not. I can become intense and passionate about things and people I care about (the latter mostly when I go into protector mode). In hobbies that involve other people, I've been told that I can be very passionate and intense, that I do have the drive I fear I lack. My singing teacher once described me as 'dark horse' because I seem unassuming until you get me into something I really care about and then excel in it.

    There might be more but that's all I can think of right now. Let me know if you want me to answer any questions :)
    Last edited by Nephilibata; 08-12-2016 at 02:46 AM.



  2. #2

    Have a look at the descriptions in the OP of this thread, that could maybe help you.

    https://personalitycafe.com/type-9-fo...stackings.html

  3. #3

    Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If you have you should now if intensity scares you or not.
    How do you feel about small talk?
    Nephilibata thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Unknown


    @Marv , I've seen the descriptions and they both have elements I identify with and some I don't. Especially the sp/sx description confuses me a lot. It sounds really muddled and I have no idea what it's saying about half the of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by karmachameleon View Post
    Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If you have you should now if intensity scares you or not.
    How do you feel about small talk?
    I haven't. I think that's why it's very difficult for me to determine.

    It's ok, it's there. Not great and kind of boring, I'd be fine to do without. I can see why it exists and is needed for some, but with strangers conversation ends up dying pretty quick because I can't keep up small talk very well. I've heard it said that getting people to talk about their interests will keep the conversation going, and I can seem interested in that, but yeah, it's even difficult to get there with most people. With people I know better it quickly turns from small talk into more 'meaningful' conversation, what the other feels or thinks and so on.

    Edit: I'm rereading the Bliss stream descriptions and reconsidering a different dominant, I may be completely wrong after all
    Last edited by Nephilibata; 08-12-2016 at 09:31 AM.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by RainIsMyColour View Post
    @Marv , I've seen the descriptions and they both have elements I identify with and some I don't. Especially the sp/sx description confuses me a lot. It sounds really muddled and I have no idea what it's saying about half the of it.



    I haven't. I think that's why it's very difficult for me to determine.

    It's ok, it's there. Not great and kind of boring, I'd be fine to do without. I can see why it exists and is needed for some, but with strangers conversation ends up dying pretty quick because I can't keep up small talk very well. I've heard it said that getting people to talk about their interests will keep the conversation going, and I can seem interested in that, but yeah, it's even difficult to get there with most people. With people I know better it quickly turns from small talk into more 'meaningful' conversation, what the other feels or thinks and so on.

    Edit: I'm rereading the Bliss stream descriptions and reconsidering a different dominant, I may be completely wrong after all
    You sound more sp/sx than sp/so, but not sure. May be worth looking into synflow/contraflow. Synflow wants to be where the people are , contraflow does better not being with the masses. You could compare this to synflow wanting to live in a bigger city, and contraflow wanting to live out on the country side far away from all the noise and people. Or on the moon. :D Synflows can still be introverts and like their alone time, i do, but I feel better when I know theres a lot of possibilities with peopler rather than just living isolated. Same with contraflow, they can have lots of friends.
    sp/sx is contraflow, sp/so is synflow.
    Nephilibata thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Unknown


    Ok, after rereading, out of sp/sx and sp/so, I recognise these parts in myself (bolded)

    sp/so 9w1

    They are the most persona non gratta 9w1s.... They have a warm, gentle and diplomatic feel about them as if nobody is home. Their presence is wimpy and resigned, but occasionally they might erupt in a burst of gut truth like somebody sliding head first into home plate. They sometimes take testy, tough, and immoveable positions with relatives.... But inevitably resign themselves to putting their heads in the sand. They can have an unassuming ambition and fall into depression or bouts of despair not having yet made a mark...They are reliable reporters of what's going on socially and are more stuck to people in their environment than they let on. Unlike sp/sx 9w1, this stack sticks to their routines much longer and more consistently in the details of their activity day in and day out, right down to the conversations they have with people and the inflections and tones they use in their voice. They may seem like 5w6 in their scientific orientation. But they are unshakeable idealists when it comes to their sense of duty and social responsibility. They will do what's necessary without fanfare but can seem cool and aloof as if it's all process. They contain a social motor of willpower that lacks self-awareness. This same aloofness can show up as an indifference towards the needs of family members when they are under stress. They see how everything subjective is ultimately swallowed up into nothing, giving them a long, long view of events. They know when they can move the "templates" of reality forward through their unconscious sense for which way the winds are blowing. But in doing so, they still retain the detachment to narrate events as if they weren't the ones moving them.

    Looking at every description, I think I can identify the most with these (bolded):

    so/sx 9w1

    They want to contribute something new and passionate to society, but feel like too much of a social nonentity to do it. They may view themselves as 4ish due to issues around uniqueness, but these issues only arise because of how aware they are that others possess a sense of self, which only reinforces the 9's sense of nothingness....Since they know they lack a strong self, they lack hope about contributing something original. They resolve the quagmire either by spinning their wheels with fruitless and endless self-examination hoping to discover something deep about themselves or by conforming to various personalities and completely checking out. They are dispassionate in general but can seem more passionate, sad, or lively because they comply to a Oneish social instinct in the back of their head telling them how they should react and what's appropriate. They know underneath how internally unaffected they are. They are taken back by the possibilities of things they could imagine happening without stirring a real reaction in them and find it disturbing to think about how they could merge into anything... They can seem 7-like in their draw to books, people, beliefs, and adventures, but they are drawn to these outlets in hopes of receiving a sense of perspective and self. They have a nose for unconscious structures and may create a new language around patterns, themes, or archetypes in myths, traditions, history, and groups. They are easy to mistype because they can seem to run fully on the 'software" or agendas of different types. They may search for approval and validation like a 3, but reject the approval once they get it as if wondering why they would be worthy of admiration or attention in the first place. It's the 'agenda' 'software' itself they are addicted to, not the result.

    sx/so 9w1

    They look for people who can spark their passion and help improve them as a person... But once they begin to merge with somebody they are passionate about, they become more hesitant about showing their passion...This may look like disinterest, but it reflects the sensitivity they have to separation. They want to avoid creating memories that could come back to haunt them....so they may often break eye contact or go aloof as a reflex to intense or romantic moments... The more they do this kind of thing, the stronger they feel for the person. This type falls in love easily, but has difficulty falling out of love and prefers not to let themselves fall out of love. They stay in love with the world and people by living inside of their fantasy world where they can maintain a relationship long after it ends....On occasion, reminders may be powerful enough to break through their defenses and remind them of what once was. The longer they put off dealing with their negative feelings, the more they will continue to reexperience breakup years after the fact....one dream can force them into a state of melancholy for days on end....They may seek escape through other things like music...They usually have a great ear for music and can learn instruments rather easily, and even compose their own stuff. Their compositions are usually scattered across a range of feeling from melancholy to absurd. If they can't find passion through a relationship, they may look alternatively through a cause. They believe in doing the 'right thing' and will protest the "wrong thing." They don't just want connections with people, but a sense of solidarity with those who care deeply about the same issues like they do. They have a soft spot for anything living and defenseless, and can even seem "extreme" or "kooky" in their defense of these things. In spite of it, they retain a shy, sweet, and gentle exterior with a touch of autism.


    sx/sp 9w1

    This typewingstack embodies the passion of sloth very well. They desire personal development and enlightenment. However, their sloth is always one step ahead of them. They know what they gotta do, but can't summon the motivation to do it. They get more in touch with their own willpower later on in life. They do very well in fields that involve listening and connection so long as they can get their judgmental 1 wing under control. They have less drive for comfort and more drive for intense experiences. These 9s can sit around and have long conversations with people they hardly know in the strangest places and lose themselves in ripples only the 9 is aware of. Their fractured identities can also manifest in their living environment....i.e. some parts could be on the warm and bright side while other parts are plain and unattended to. More than other 9w1s, this 9w1 can virtually run on a fast and scattered autopilot for long periods of time with virtually no productive activity. Depression and self-destruction is not uncommon. They are most attuned to the sense that underneath all the things they know they have to do and attain, there is an essential nothingness at the core of existence, even of their own 'identity', and this only further locks them into their narcolepsy. Afterall, becoming awake would bring them to terms with this nothingness and that's not something they want to confront. They don't usually have a social network to fall back on. They idealize connections to such an extent that finding a friend is like searching for a needle in a haystack.... They can wind up feeling completely numb, lost, lonely, and longing for a blissful sense of completion that can only come from a relationship. Perhaps this is why no 9w1 is more pushy and assertive when it comes to merging. When they do, it's as if they are totally blind to any boundary between themselves and the other. As they get older, they can grow more guarded and less excited/open to the flow of experience.

    (Note: I very much doubt I'm sx-dom as I don't think I have the drive or energy one would have. The 'sloth' thing sounds very accurate)

  8. #7
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by karmachameleon View Post
    You sound more sp/sx than sp/so, but not sure. May be worth looking into synflow/contraflow. Synflow wants to be where the people are , contraflow does better not being with the masses. You could compare this to synflow wanting to live in a bigger city, and contraflow wanting to live out on the country side far away from all the noise and people. Or on the moon. :D Synflows can still be introverts and like their alone time, i do, but I feel better when I know theres a lot of possibilities with peopler rather than just living isolated. Same with contraflow, they can have lots of friends.
    sp/sx is contraflow, sp/so is synflow.
    thank you! I'm looking it up right now. Just from your comparison, the city seems more appealing to me just because basic necessities are more likely to be around, plus people when I feel the need to socialise. I live in a big city atm and before that in a rather small one, almost like a big village. It was quiet and idyllic which I did like a lot...hm the peace is nice. Lol, rn I spend most of time inside anyway, tbh. I liked going outside and on walks a lot more when I lived in the village, but there's definitely a sort of pull towards the city...idk, it might be my age, my father once said that he was much more restless and liked cities when he was younger whereas now his ideal is a small, isolated village in the middle of nowhere.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by RainIsMyColour View Post
    thank you! I'm looking it up right now. Just from your comparison, the city seems more appealing to me just because basic necessities are more likely to be around, plus people when I feel the need to socialise. I live in a big city atm and before that in a rather small one, almost like a big village. It was quiet and idyllic which I did like a lot...hm the peace is nice. Lol, rn I spend most of time inside anyway, tbh. I liked going outside and on walks a lot more when I lived in the village, but there's definitely a sort of pull towards the city...idk, it might be my age, my father once said that he was much more restless and liked cities when he was younger whereas now his ideal is a small, isolated village in the middle of nowhere.
    My sp/sx boyfriend, which is 19, hates big cities and wants to live in a small town or preferably no other houses in eye sight. :p He also doesnt care about not having friends at all (social last+contraflow) he just needs a partner, and his family maybe. Whereas I feel more depressed when I have no friends, and I struggle with making and maintaining friendships too because of social last. That's the shitty thing about being sx/sp.
    Nephilibata thanked this post.

  10. #9

    -
    Last edited by karmachameleon; 08-12-2016 at 10:15 AM. Reason: dp (double post :))

  11. #10
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by karmachameleon View Post
    My sp/sx boyfriend, which is 19, hates big cities and wants to live in a small town or preferably no other houses in eye sight. :p He also doesnt care about not having friends at all (social last+contraflow) he just needs a partner, and his family maybe. Whereas I feel more depressed when I have no friends, and I struggle with making and maintaining friendships too because of social last. That's the shitty thing about being sx/sp.
    ooh...hmm, what you say about yourself sounds a lot like me tbh. I want friends though the need feels very foggy...it's very difficult to pull myself out of that and actually go do it. Making friends is so, so hard for me and maintaining them if I don't see them on a regular basis too.

    I wonder if the points I list as so have more to do with my MBTI Fe than variants, because then that would make sense. Plus, I initially typed as sp-dom because it seemed to fit the most out of the three but I admit I'm pretty bad at selfcare. I procrastinate in general but especially sp stuff I suppose - I've been meaning to make a doctor's appointment for a good two months and literally only just renewed my permanent residency visa running out in like 3 weeks. What made me choose sp first too was the fact that I'm paranoid with money but in all honesty suck at handling it well.

    If I may ask, do you tend to be very stable and calm emotionally, mentally? Because yeah, what you said sounds like me but I just feel like I'm not 'energetic' enough for sx-dom lol


     
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