I'll prelude this by saying that I'm fairly new to enneagram, so any info I've read is still sinking in and I don't understand all of it yet. I've done a lot of reading about the differences, including older threads on here, but still haven't been able to figure my instinctual variants. I've tried focusing on what I identify with more as well as attempting to zone in on which blindspot sounds more like me, but every time I think I got it, something else will pop up and throw me off.
To be very honest, a lot of the so traits sound like me, if not all because I do feel like I am a very introverted person. I'll list some things about myself that seem to fit either so or sx.
- I've always cared about what others think of me and view me, to the point that I take their opinions of me at face value because I believe(d) they know(knew) me better than I do myself => this is beginning to become remedied as a therapist has been helping me over the last year
- I'm always aware of where and who I am in the group, what 'role I should fill'
- not sure if this would be classified under networking, but I always know and usually don't hesitate to ask for help when I know I won't get anywhere just relying on my own skills
- I'm not much of a social butterfly or networker, but I like the sense of belonging a group brings me and feel almost like something is missing if I 'only' have 1 or 2 friendships independent of a group (I hate groupwork and much prefer to do tasks by myself though. Has to do with lack of trust in other people)
Due to personal circumstances, I'm more or less afraid of people which is why I initially turned away from so as possibility.
- I prefer one-on-one relationships to a group. That being said, I've been thankful and enjoyed being in friendship groups, even if there were only a couple or so of people I was close to in said groups
- I'm acutely aware of relationship dynamics in others and am immediately able to tell when there's romantic interest in me. To a degree, that's flattering but I tend to feel a bit panicky and stifled when they start coming on to me (this has only happened with people I had zero attraction towards. I don't know what would happen if I actually liked this person. Possibly also panic but mixed with exhilaration)
- similarly, my first reaction to realising I have a crush is to panic and try to get rid of it or sort of a resigned annoyance. I can effectively control my emotional reaction and behaviour towards the person by forcing myself to think of them in a friendship context. It calms me down considerably and is a lot more comfortable
- for crushes, I fall fast and hard. Friendships are slower and more gradual which I prefer
- I get into 'obsessive' phases. I have single-minded focus and block out everything else. This can apply to hobbies and real life tasks (or me right now as I seem to forget things around me in an attempt to cram everything into one write up)
- I can be very jealous/envious though I wish I wasn't
- I don't follow current events and it doesn't much interest me
- neither does idle chitchat about gossip or random things that happened during someone's day. This is worse with family than with friends. With family I'm straight up annoyed and mostly don't care (often enough it's the same 3 topics all over again, the occasional new thing I'm marginally more interested in)
- that being said, I make an active effort to ask about my friends' day when I remember and can make myself feel and sound more interested
- I seem to care more and am interested when something happens in my immediate sphere of 'affect', like with things that happen to friends or family, if something good or bad happened, what they're up to (less and less if I have no emotional ties to them. My family is huge and I only really know a handful)
- I like to keep myself at a distance with new people until I'm sure we both want a friendship. It's like I put on mental brakes and only let myself fall into it once I know it's 'safe'
- I'm usually very unaware of how deeply (or not) I feel toward a friend or family member, to the point I sometimes feel defective
- I relate to sx blindspot in that I fear I'm too 'bland' and a bit boring, also it takes me A LOT of energy to get started on things, even things I like. That being said, once I'm in the swing of things I keep going and don't stop until I'm done, preferring to get it all done in one go
- further, I think that fear hasn't always been there; it's been developed over the last few years because of the people I was around. On the contrary, I often feel like there's a lot more to me than I (can) show on the surface. I guess weirdly enough I feel 'deep' and 'intense' if I try to tune into myself
- I'm a bit socially unaware at times (due to my introversion and personal reasons), though usually I'll catch on pretty quick
- I'm interested in and yearn for a deep, meaningful romantic relationship. As silly as it sounds, the notion of true love (conquers all) has always seemed appealing to me
- assertiveness is very difficult for me. I'm told I'm passive aggressive though I don't know how true that rings
- I'm very calm and easy-going, more of a going with the flow kind of person. I can also be very stubborn though. I may feel like I'm more passive than I appear; that's because I always try to avoid getting anyone upset or annoyed with me
- I seem to be likeable. People rarely tell me they hate me
- I don't become angry fast or often. I'm told I'm someone whose anger would be feared
- I tend to be a bit of a loner though I don't want to be. It's very difficult for me to insert myself among people
I have no idea if intensity scares me or not. I can become intense and passionate about things and people I care about (the latter mostly when I go into protector mode). In hobbies that involve other people, I've been told that I can be very passionate and intense, that I do have the drive I fear I lack. My singing teacher once described me as 'dark horse' because I seem unassuming until you get me into something I really care about and then excel in it.
There might be more but that's all I can think of right now. Let me know if you want me to answer any questions :)