What age range are you in?
Gen Y, 19 to be exact.
Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
I haven't been diagnosed, but I think I may experience social anxiety.
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I don't know if I really think my life is about anything in particular. I just want to learn and do lots of things before "my time comes". I'd also like to educate and open the minds of others, especially within the realm of sex ed and GSM-related issues. (GSM = Gender and Sexual Minorities) I want to see the world become a more open-minded and tolerant place.
2. What were you like as a kid?
I was something of a know-it-all, as I learned how to read at the age of three and I was somewhat further ahead of the other students in school when it came to literacy. When I was around 10-12, I was reading at an eighth grade level. I loved reading, playing video games, and I was generally shy and withdrawn but I could be loud and silly with my friends. I only really had two or three friends that I regularly spent time with, and I didn't care much for everyone else. I went to a kindergarten-to-eighth grade school when I was a kid, so everyone knew everyone growing up, basically. Because of my lack of socializing, I had to see a counselor when I was around 11-12 and she tried to encourage me to socialize; the sessions with her involved discussing how I interacted with others, how my poor socialization skills may appear to others (particularly my lack of skill with making eye contact), stuff like that. So I did get a little better at small things like eye contact, but I still preferred my small group of friends and didn't really bother with everyone else.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
When I was little, I was close to my dad, but not much with my mom; Dad always played video games with me when he had the time, and Mom was often too loud and she got drunk too much, which irritated me. As the years went on, Dad had to work more thanks to the condition of our economy, and Mom stopped drinking so much and I realized she was actually fun to be around, so my preference switched and I liked being with Mom while Dad was constantly working or sleeping (I certainly don't blame him, though, it's not his fault). I also became a little afraid of my Dad, because when he's angry, the way he yells and argues is scary, and I've been on the receiving end of his anger before, often for seemingly small and trivial things. So now I'm afraid to talk to him and ask him for anything.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I value being open-minded and educated, and being kind and patient to others (cue a unicorn vomiting rainbows and sparkles ). I hope to avoid being a person who bullies and puts down others -- I recognized in hindsight that I did some small-scale bullying when I was a kid, and I regret it and try my best to avoid it nowadays. I don't exactly have a very strong sense of empathy, though; I'm actually not very good at sharing emotions with others, and I'll often feel relatively neutral about things that inspire strong emotions in my peers. I just don't think it makes sense to be cruel and impatient. Lashing out at others isn't productive.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I was very shy and afraid to talk to others when I was a child, like I said earlier. It did pretty much continue into the present day, but it transformed into the social anxiety that I experience now. Now, instead of basic shyness, I fear making a fool of myself and being incompetent around others. I remember pretty much every instance of doing something stupid and embarrassing, from early childhood 'til now, and it's almost always on my mind. I tend to avoid social situations in which I may embarrass myself, which I recognize as a poor way of handling things, and I want to try to get better at handling social situations more positively.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
I see myself as a largely incompetent and overly anxious mess, but also as a casual intellectual; I'm not a huge fan of formal education, and I probably won't go to college unless my job prospects are absolutely dismal, but I love to study things in my free time through books and the internet. I also tend to see myself as an alien who is often both physically and mentally different from others, and I have difficulty relating.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
I want others to see me as fun to be around, open-minded, intelligent and kind, as a person they can comfortably come to for reassurance and strategies to consider for solving their problems.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
I dislike when people are irrationally or needlessly mean or rude to others, and when people have absolutely zero passion for learning and opening their minds to new ideas.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
- 3 - Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
- 1 - Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
- 2 - Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
It usually takes me to whatever fascinating thing I'm currently studying, or sometimes I'll create characters and try to think up stories and backgrounds for them. I don't know what really provokes it, I guess free time and/or a "what if?/why?" question that inspires me.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when I'm doing well and displaying competence at something, especially when I'm doing it with other people.
I feel my worst when I'm being put down by others, especially my friends and family, and when I'm displaying incompetence and doing embarrassing things.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
It's honestly hard to say, because this isn't an emotion I experience very often. I suppose I may become angry when a fellow student is being obnoxious and rude to a teacher, being simultaneously needlessly mean to the teacher and an obstacle to my learning. This isn't entirely relevant now, though, as I'm no longer in school. Anyway, when I experienced this emotion, I'd keep it to myself or maybe vent about the situation with a friend later.
I might feel shame if I'm rude or mean to others and there's no reasonable way of justifying it. I would completely keep it to myself, or possibly share it later with a friend once enough time has passed and I've distanced myself from the emotion.
Ahahah, when do I NOT experience anxiety? I experience anxiety when I'm in or looking forward to a social situation and I'm worrying about making a fool of myself. I experience anxiety when I'm presently displaying or worrying about future general incompetence, like performing poorly on a project or job. I try to avoid situations that may cause me to experience anxiety. When I experience anxiety, I feel tense, sometimes to the point of near-paralysis, I avoid eye-contact, and I do things like placing my hand behind my neck or looking down at my hands if I'm sitting.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
b.) negative unexpected change
I guess, to all of the above, that I hide away in my mind and constantly think about the situation and how I could deal with it (but not exactly how I WILL deal with it, because I usually never take action unless it's necessary) If I MUST take action, then I'll think and think and think until I'm nearly certain of what I should do and then take action, usually with confidence that I don't usually exhibit.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I prefer to stay in the background and observe and gather information from others. I may embarrass myself if I take action and join the conversation, and I'm interested in finding out more about others.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I've never actually been in power before, but I would worry about how my followers/team members would judge me, and if the option were available, I would find someone else to put in power in my stead.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
I only struggle with them if they make me do things I'm not good at doing or if they're rude and overbearing.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
It's hard to say, really, but I guess I see that most people generally have good intentions, and I try to consider where they may coming from when they argue their opinions and views of things. I don't automatically assume that a person is an asshole or an idiot for having differing views, unless those views just make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I feel confident with trusting most people, as long as they are generally kind, polite, and don't put people down. I don't think I've ever really had a situation where I had to revoke my trust in a friend or anything like that.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
I'm an agnostic atheist, and I'm basically a liberal. I guess my lack of religion/spirituality may have partially influenced my answer to the first question, but other than that, I don't think so.
Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
- To be without needs, well-intentioned
- To replace direct experience with concepts
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
I guess my answers to all of the above are respectively that I fear making the wrong choices, I don't want to provoke others and possibly get myself in trouble, and I don't want to be a load for others to carry.
What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
I'm thankful that I generally grew up in an environment that encouraged being smart and being passionate about learning (mostly thanks to my mom and my teachers), and I wish I could have the ability to relate to others more. I don't know if I can really explain the first, other than "I like being passionate about learning", but I wish I could relate more because I just feel too different, and I want to make more friends, but it's hard when you have difficulty with sharing common interests and being physically different (being 4'6" and most people being at least a foot taller)
So, um, yay! Whew. Right now, I'm considering either 5w4 or 5w6 -- I'm pretty much sure I'm a Head Triad type -- but I'm definitely willing to hear any other suggestions and I'll expand upon my answers to the questionnaire or answer any other questions if need be. Thanks in advance for the help!