Okay, so I donít actually know that much about Enneagram, to be honest. Iím more of a Myers-Briggs gal myself, but Iíd like to delve deeper into the Enneagram. This being said I, a hardcore INFP, am confused as to whether I am a 4w5 or a 9w1, or something else entirely. I intitially typed myself as a four, and I still think thatís the most likely option, but I have some doubts. My deciding factor was when I was reading an article about determining between type four and nine, and how, when reading or writing, the nine will favor books with happily ever after endings, while the four will favor those with more tragic conclusions.
But the more Iím reading about fours, the less Iím relating. Iím really not all that moody, and I always try to place others above myself (but this is tricky, because of my Fi situation. I am very much aware of my own thoughts and feelings and naturally I would probably be very selfish, and even now I justify my self-centeredness, calling it introspection.One of my strongest core values is the value that others are inherently more important than I, and that my comfort is always less important than theirs. This is probably due to the fact that I do believe whole-heartedly in the Bible, and the Bible has quite a bit to say about ďhonoring others above yourselfĒ and such.) so I donít know if thatís particular trait is useful. I think I probably am a four, but my need to be ďdifferentĒ or ďspecialĒ is not expressed outwardly as much. While I hate conformity, I hate being noticed even more (though I hate being ignored more than that so...) I tend to keep my many ďspecial snowflakeĒ thoughts private because I donít want others to feel like they are causing me to beg misunderstood. That is why I tend to write a lot, to get my feelings out. Because I feel that telling other people that they sometimes make me feel bad (which, yeah, they honestly do, but they canít help it because no matter how hard they try Iíll still feel misunderstood) will make them feel bad, and I detest making other people feel bad. Yeah. Itís a vicious cycle.
But anyway where was I? Oh yes, complaining about my problems to the internet. Another thing, Iím only sixteen, so I, not going to be a very developed version of either type. But back to my problems with being a four. I have never been depressed. Like Iíll be very sad and Iíll cry and throw myself a pity party, ďnobody truly understands meĒ ďmy friends only hang out with me because Iím so annoying they know no one else willĒ ďIím never going to get married because Iím so weird no one will ever love me in that wayĒ all ridiculous lies to be sure (well. Iím still not convinced my friends actually like me). But Iíve never had depression where it affected any aspect of my life other than the irrational hour before bed while Iím PMSing. Also, although the written word is my FAVORITE thing ever, I have no aesthetic talent. I can appreciate beauty (especially the beauty of nature) but I have very little skill in the area of creating visually pleasing things. I feel that I can write (un poquitito) and many have told me that my voice is pleasing when I sing, but as far as visual art goes, Iím lost. Also, as you can see, Iím not actually that good at writing because I doubt youíve been able to follow my train of thought through this whole thing.
I havenít actually read too much about the nine, or when I did it was a while ago. Basically I was wondering if you could ask me questions which would be good indicators of my type, and also recommend sites or articles which would help me understand the Enneagram better. Thank you for all your help!