Help me out between 9w1 and 9w8 core?

Help me out between 9w1 and 9w8 core?

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This is a discussion on Help me out between 9w1 and 9w8 core? within the What's my Enneagram type? forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; ...

  1. #1

    Help me out between 9w1 and 9w8 core?

    Hey, Iím seeking input for my type! At the moment, Iíve typed myself as 9w1 3w4 7w8, so/sx. The parts Iím specifically input is regarding 9w1 vs 9w8, although anything regarding my head fix, and my stacking is also especially appreciated.

    1. How would an author describe you in a book? Write the paragraph that would introduce you in a novel.

    Whew. Going to pass on this but will explain why, as I imagine thatís probably better than writing Ďtoo lazyí. Not sure if projecting or anything but in a little snapshot of a moment weíre all different. How I look right now can differ than how Iíll look an hour from now. People are dynamic and I donít think I could do anyone, myself included, justice with a single paragraph that Iím sure wouldnít dissatisfy me afterwards. Just wouldnít feel accurate, if that makes sense.

    2. Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways other people have annoyed, angered, or otherwise bothered you - any situation where people have done one thing, while you wished they would have done another. Look at each of these instances and answer (you can make a list or make note of general patterns - an example is good):

    People keep asking for explanations for things that were already explained in text and easily accessed in a group text/chat
    I think the trait that bothered me was over-reliance on others to the point that it hinders the overall conversation for everyone. I donít mind answering questions on unexplored territory at all but answering shit that was already stated in a group text setting is a waste of time.
    This bothered me probably the most out of everything because in my mind, itís so easy to scroll up / ask for a reference (like a timestamp). In my mind, it disrupts the conversation if we have to re-explain the most simple concepts every time someone jumps in and cares enough to want to know whatís going on but not enough to put their own time into finding out the situation. I always try to figure things out on my own first to not bother others (especially in a real time discussion) so itís hard for me to understand why others donít do the same. Even if I donít understand after reading the context, I wait until the conversation dies down and then ask- itís not like Iíd be able to contribute if I didnít know what was going on either way.
    I reacted by summarizing the situation and telling the person in each situation that if they want more, scroll up to X time in the chat. Not going to retell the whole tale.
    I think the way I reacted was the way that best suits me. I didnít completely comply by disrupting the flow of convo but in my mind I donít think I was rude. Plus, these are friends and we all have annoying habits anyways.

    Everyone at work was staying overtime and suffering together yet certain people kept loudly complaining about the situation
    I guess what bothered me was literally lacking the depth to understand that no one wants to stay past their scheduled shift when shit gets real crazy and continuing to whine about it demonstrated to me a lack of situational awareness.
    I was bothered because it was only making the work atmosphere even more frustrating for everyone. In addition, I think as an adult there ought to be more perspective and realizing that youíre not able to leave because the universe or anyone in the store hates you- it just happens. Everyone else is also experiencing this and everyone is aware.
    I reacted by shutting my mouth and continuing to work before exploding lmao, even though the situation really did bother me. No need to make a bad situation worse.
    Once again, I donít think there was anything wrong with how I reacted. Not like I was going to make a major character change on someone during work and getting externally angry really wouldíve exacerbated the situation; especially as my reputation in work tends to be the calmest person under pressure.


    3. What holds you back in life? This can be an internal or external force. If that thing were gone, what would be different? What would you do?

    I think the thing holding me back most right now is an unwillingness to depend on others. If that was gone, I think Iíd be able to open up with others and therefore gain more perspective on what bothers me, or even feel more assured. For me, I donít dislike the concept of others helping me (I really like the reverse of helping others), but I donít like the steps to admit that. I prefer everyone viewing me as fine even when Iím not at my best. Opening up in general can never be undone, and I donít like the idea of shattering someoneís view of me. I donít want to be seen as a person who is anymore worth worrying about than anyone else.

    4. Your deepest secret has just been revealed to the person or people from whom you most wished to keep it. How do you feel? How do you react? What are the results on your life?

    I would feel vulnerable and embarrassed above all other feelings. I would probably react by avoiding the people who know for a little bit until I calmed down and was able to think about things rationally and push away my doubts (ď I wonder if X is mad that I didnít tell them beforeĒ). The result would probably be the same situation as before honestly; itís only about the past anyways.

    5. You are offered one of three gifts: a bottle filled with water from the Fountain of Life, a crown which will give you peaceful dominion over the world's people for your entire (full) lifetime, and a ring which will unite you with your true love and ensure a happy, passionate marriage. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

    I would pick the bottle filled with the life water. The other two strike me as overly manipulative, and I could always use the water on someone not myself. I guess my only hesitations would be about exactly how the water works- the ramifications biologically with whoever drinks it. Iím not really concerned about extending life or whatever in a cosmic sense.

    6. You are offered one of three houses. The first is located in a big city and has historic and artistic value: it was designed by a great architect and was owned by interesting people in the past. Owning this house is very prestigious and guarantees you social status and a circle of friends, but it also comes with responsibility - you must keep the house up to code, manage the household, and give parties and events. The second house you may design using your imagination - literally your dream house - it is located in a very secluded location and no one is allowed to visit this house except you and your immediate family. The third house is very nice, but has no particular aesthetic appeal - a McMansion in short. It is in an extremely convenient location and is very secure. It is impossible for thieves to break in and it has no danger of natural disasters. You are guaranteed to be able to sell the house for double the price in twenty years. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

    I would pick the third house. Iím very bad with maintaining things and Iím not the type to be particularly alert about security breaches. As much as I like viewing aesthetically beautiful places, itís not a priority for my house to be 1000/10 looks wise. The second house sounds cool too but I donít like the idea of having only a handful of people visiting; Iíd really want my friends to visit too. Iím not very entrepreneurial either but the guarantee of being able to sell it for double down the road is also amazing as heck.


    7. You are offered one of three doors. The first opens to a world that is dangerous and demands mental or physical skill to navigate through, but also has great rewards to be gained: think of the worlds portrayed on the shows Game of Thrones or Supernatural. The second opens to a world that is full of wonders, magic, and knowledge, which can be learned or experienced, but there is little solid resting ground - think of the worlds portrayed in the shows Doctor Who or in the multi-media phenomenon A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The third opens to a world where you may experience a life of peaceful, uneventful poverty - think of the hobbits in the series Lord of the Rings or most of the animals living in Narnia. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

    I would definitely pick the second world. As much as I love the comfortableness around uneventful life, the supernatural always piqued my interest. Iíd love the opportunity to play around with powers or even just see the impact of it; nothing would make me happier. I donít think Iíd have any hesitations with the choice, even if I wasnít particularly powerful/gifted.

    8. What do you wish people understood about you? Talk about a time you were misunderstood.


    No one specific incident comes to mind, but I wish people would accept what I say about how I feel without challenging it. Iím known for saying that Iím okay / not bothered about specific things (like if a friend comes off rude/offensive towards me, for example) and people tend to interpret that as me not wanting to hurt their feelings. I know that whenever friends tend to do the ďwrongĒ thing itís not out of hate but just a mistake, which is totally alright with me. If I really was bothered by something a friend was doing I would tell my friend because, once again, I know theyíre not doing it to hurt me. In general, I donít like people interpreting how I should react to things and believing that interpretation over what I directly tell them.

    9. What do you hope people won't notice about you? What are you uncomfortable being teased about?


    I hope that people donít point out my inconsistencies in what I say / do. I have a really strong sense of self but I also am open to changing my opinions and perspectives in light of more contemplation. So when I do change an opinion / idea, Iím sensitive to the idea that people misinterpret my open mindedness as inconsistency of character or a lack of firm ideas.

    10. What's worse - to be seen as caring more than you do or less than you do? Why? Do you think you come across one way or the other? Do you typically pretend to care more or to care less?

    I think itís worse to come off as more caring than you actually are. Coming off too caring only sets you up for more standards thatís harder to reach if your heart isnít in the right place. Plus, if you come off in such a way, you start doing things that you couldnít care less about, which is inauthentic. I think I come off the opposite way - caring less than I do. Iím very lax to the point of apathy, so I typically donít care enough, especially when itís matter only regarding myself. I think people see me this way too. I probably tend to pretend more though, because Iím aware that I legitimately donít care enough to the point of conflict / issue.

    11. Think about a time that someone else tried to control your actions - to tell you what to do, to manipulate you, or influence you. How did you feel and how did you react? What went through your mind?

    I felt angry. I donít get angry often but autonomy is definitely the thing Iím most protective about. I am typically easy going and go along with others as the path of least resistance but Iím really defensive about doing what I want to do. Usually I try to appease people or not just upset them but I ignored them completely and told them why in a matter-of-fact. It always feels so restrictive and terrible to not be in control of the one thing I can mostly control- myself.

    12. When you first meet someone, what are your first thoughts? What judgments do you make and what kinds of considerations do you have? Are you more concerned with what they think of you or what you think of them? If you are preparing to meet someone new, what do you hope about them and what do you fear about them?

    When I first meet someone, I try to gauge them based on how much they tend to exhibit traits that I like in people. For instance, I feel at most in ease with people who are funny and open minded, so I pay attention to displays of those. Another thing I try to see is where their boundaries lie. Iím very sensitive of my own boundaries (although I try to come off as the opposite), so I try not to cross them for others because nothing feels worse to me than that feeling.
    Regarding the issues of concerns, I think they arenít mutually exclusive, but Iím more preoccupied of how they see me. I am concerned about how if people perceive me the way consistent with both others and myself. I hope that their impression, good or bad, is ďmeĒ, and not me impacted by that particular circumstance. Iím slow at judgements myself, so I donít get particularly concerned about how I view them initially.

    13. Think about the last time you cried (if you've recently lost a loved one or gone through another similarly difficult experience, you can go back further and choose a random instance). What caused this? Who was around? Were you crying out of sadness, joy, frustration, or some other factor? How did you feel afterwards? Did it change anything? Is this typical for you?

    I purposefully have nights where I just let my mind venture into all of the negative thoughts and moods so I can cry and let it all out. Itís caused by my tendency to bottle up around others but express it in the privacy of my own space, by myself. It was definitely more of a sadness / frustration cry. Afterwards, I feel a bit better and rationalize those negative feelings to try to learn from them in someway and move on. Sometimes I get something out of the sessions, and sometimes I donít really but crying is nice anyways. Very typical for me.

    14. Think about the last time you felt really happy, joyful, or satisfied. What caused this feeling? What was different? What keeps you from feeling this way all the time?

    The last time I was incredibly happy was when I was on a rollercoaster. My mind tends to race at a million thoughts a minute, so Iím typically somewhat disconnected from the world. When your adrenaline gets running, like on a ride, my mind is so preoccupied on the sensation that nothing ruminating in my mind matters, like someone finally muted my mind. It feels freeing, like for a moment life is simple. Obviously, this isnít the way to spend all my time, as cool as that would be.

    15. If you were a tragic hero, what would be your fatal flaw? If you were a character in a comedy, what would be your distinguishing trait (i.e. stingy with money, fastidious, shallow, pretentious, etc.) Do you think others would agree with these?

    My fatal flaw is definitely my fixation of autonomy, which can manifest to the point of self-isolation and aggression. My distinguishing trait is my ability to under-react in every negative situation. I think the people who know me well would agree with both of these for sure. I tend to push people away because I prefer dealing with my issues by myself and get upset when people donít respect that, even if they have good intentions in mind.

    16. Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways that you have done badly - by yourself, by others, etc. - any time that you have done something, and wish you would have done better. How would you characterize these instances? What caused you to fail and what was your reaction? Are you more likely to be hard on yourself or to find excuses for yourself?

    Iíd characterize these instances by a failure to do something I intended to do. My preference for inaction in favor of, basically, being lazy, led to the results honestly. Iím not really angry though, itís more disappointment because this is a constant in my life. Iíll do a bit better in this regard for a while but fall apart to the same vices again. Iím much more likely to be hard on myself; for better or for worse Iím complacent about others but I have high standards when it comes to myself.

    17. a. Imagine meeting an evil version of yourself - your 'dark side' - and describe this person.
    b. Describe your ideal self.


    The evil version myself is me, but even less self-aware probably. Just does the same shit about pushing people away, never reflects on anything and is just a lazy hedonist. Ideal version is me but actually getting shit done and internalizes the idea that growth doesnít mean never making a mistake.


    18. What is your experience with and how do you deal with the following:


    a. Loneliness: A lot of it is self-imposed. I deal with it terribly, by self-isolating further and using that to support my idea that Iím lonely and am unimportant.
    b. Doubt: I donít experience too much doubt on its own, as I can rationalize the most likely outcome from a particular situation and that usually satiates my doubt.
    c. Boredom: I can entertain my own mind pretty easily. Usually music, reading or chatting can prevent the boredom once I have something to get the ball rolling.
    d. Laziness: Redundant to repeat at this point, imo.
    e. Temper: Redundant to repeat at this point, imo.

    19. Which of the 'seven deadly sins' - pride, wrath, sloth, envy, lust, gluttony, avarice - do you relate to most and why? Which do you relate to least and why? Feel free to go into depth about these.

    Most to least relatable: Sloth, gluttony, pride, lust, wrath, avarice, envy.
    Sloth: *gestures to whole questionnaire*
    Gluttony: Feel like this goes hand and hand with the sloth, since Iím not gonna do the shit that matters, why not overindulge in the good shit?
    Pride: Despite my laziness I have a lot of pride about my good qualities, but lowkey - like my ability to stay calm and pick up on things that may not be easy to notice.
    Wrath: Not super angry at all, and I can usually talk myself down from it.
    Avarice: Iím overly complacent / simple in terms of needs. Iím fine with what I have.
    Envy: Iím a little too individualist to be envious, as lame as that sounds lmao. Comparing myself to others in terms of what I have / what they have is useless.

    20. Link a song you relate to and explain why.

    Sorority Noise - Art School Wannabe
    Maybe I'm my own greatest fear
    Maybe I'm just scared to admit that
    I might not be as dark as I think
    Maybe I am not the person
    That I never wanted to be
    Maybe I'm my own greatest fear
    Maybe I'm just scared to admit that
    I might not be as dark as I think
    I might not be as dark as I think


    I relate a lot to the idea of identifying with this image that you cultivated for yourself, and having doubts about it. Just experiencing a lot of uncertainty on that end, as I grow and change from new experiences and ideas. In addition, the idea of not being as fucked as you thought you were all along is super relatable, and not really knowing how to proceed with that information. Itís weird in that it points to a positive (not being completely hopeless) but youíve gone on for so long with the idea that it is hopeless that itís hard to accept.


    Aaa that really long, so thanks for reading even a portion of it! Feel free to ask any more information if it would help to a more sure / accurate typing.
    Nissa Nissa thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Not confident on this, but I guess 9w1 sounds right.

    Maybe a little surprised at first glance by the "so" in so/sx.

  3. #3

    @Nokoiyuh interesting to read, thanks!
    I think 9w1, though I could see a case for 9w8, let me sort:

    1 Things
    I don’t mind answering questions on unexplored territory at all but answering shit that was already stated in a group text setting is a waste of time. This bothered me probably the most out of everything because in my mind, it’s so easy to scroll up / ask for a reference (like a timestamp). I always try to figure things out on my own first to not bother others (especially in a real time discussion) so it’s hard for me to understand why others don’t do the same.
    To me this is quite 1 because you are focused on how others were lacking, and comparing them to yourself and your behaviour to, if I'm interpreting correctly, justify the judgment to some extent.

    I know that whenever friends tend to do the “wrong” thing it’s not out of hate but just a mistake, which is totally alright with me.
    EXTREMELY 9w1 sentence

    I hope that people don’t point out my inconsistencies in what I say / do. I have a really strong sense of self but I also am open to changing my opinions and perspectives in light of more contemplation. So when I do change an opinion / idea, I’m sensitive to the idea that people misinterpret my open mindedness as inconsistency of character or a lack of firm ideas.
    Bolded strikes me as 1ish fear of corruption, the rest seems quite in line with 9

    Coming off too caring only sets you up for more standards that’s harder to reach if your heart isn’t in the right place.
    I see 1ish fear of corruption here, both unreachable standards and heart not being in the right place

    I’d characterize these instances by a failure to do something I intended to do. My preference for inaction in favor of, basically, being lazy, led to the results honestly. I’m not really angry though, it’s more disappointment because this is a constant in my life. I’ll do a bit better in this regard for a while but fall apart to the same vices again. I’m much more likely to be hard on myself; for better or for worse I’m complacent about others but I have high standards when it comes to myself.
    Strikes me as quite 9w1, 1 channels anger through disappointment especially with 9 influence (1w2 is more likely to try to hold on where 1w9 is more likely to let things go, so I think that 9+1 combination can lead to resignation and disappointment)

    Ideal version is me but actually getting shit done and internalizes the idea that growth doesn’t mean never making a mistake.
    First part classic 9, bolded 1 for obvious reasons

    8 Things
    I think the thing holding me back most right now is an unwillingness to depend on others. If that was gone, I think I’d be able to open up with others and therefore gain more perspective on what bothers me, or even feel more assured. For me, I don’t dislike the concept of others helping me (I really like the reverse of helping others), but I don’t like the steps to admit that. I prefer everyone viewing me as fine even when I’m not at my best. Opening up in general can never be undone, and I don’t like the idea of shattering someone’s view of me. I don’t want to be seen as a person who is anymore worth worrying about than anyone else.
    I think 8ish fear of vulnerability, but the red part highlighted the passage for me as being really in the 9 range, definitely some 8 influence though. Do you have any perspective on why you are like this?
    Definitely see some image concerns (I'd imagine 2 fix and 5 maybe, btw?)

    My fatal flaw is definitely my fixation of autonomy, which can manifest to the point of self-isolation and aggression. My distinguishing trait is my ability to under-react in every negative situation. I think the people who know me well would agree with both of these for sure. I tend to push people away because I prefer dealing with my issues by myself and get upset when people don’t respect that, even if they have good intentions in mind.
    self-isolation and aggression seems like 8w9/9w8 manifestation
    Anyways I do think 9w1 but I think you can see your shadow wing
    (+9 shares these issues with 8 as part of the gut triad)


    Interestingly 9 Things

    Just for fun/to point them out

    I was bothered because it was only making the work atmosphere even more frustrating for everyone. In addition, I think as an adult there ought to be more perspective and realizing that you’re not able to leave because the universe or anyone in the store hates you- it just happens. Everyone else is also experiencing this and everyone is aware.
    Another thing I try to see is where their boundaries lie. I’m very sensitive of my own boundaries (although I try to come off as the opposite), so I try not to cross them for others because nothing feels worse to me than that feeling.
    Unsorted

    Maybe I'm my own greatest fear
    Maybe I'm just scared to admit that
    I might not be as dark as I think
    Maybe I am not the person
    That I never wanted to be
    Maybe I'm my own greatest fear
    Maybe I'm just scared to admit that
    I might not be as dark as I think
    I might not be as dark as I think

    I relate a lot to the idea of identifying with this image that you cultivated for yourself, and having doubts about it. Just experiencing a lot of uncertainty on that end, as I grow and change from new experiences and ideas. In addition, the idea of not being as fucked as you thought you were all along is super relatable, and not really knowing how to proceed with that information. It’s weird in that it points to a positive (not being completely hopeless) but you’ve gone on for so long with the idea that it is hopeless that it’s hard to accept.
    This is so interesting, such a different way of looking at things!
    Also strikes me as both 9 and 1ish in an interesting way

    (If you weren't a 9 and I didn't see a reason to doubt that I'd look at 6 btw, this is the sort of thing I might associate with 6)
    Nokoiyuh thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    @nep2une Thanks for the input, which stack did you expect based off what I said?
    @Nissa Nissa Wow, thank you so much for the detailed response! <3
    What you bolded as 9w1 makes a lot of sense, especially the part where you highlight disappointment > anger for me. I feel more convinced on 9w1 just on that alone.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nissa Nissa View Post
    I think 8ish fear of vulnerability, but the red part highlighted the passage for me as being really in the 9 range, definitely some 8 influence though. Do you have any perspective on why you are like this?
    Definitely see some image concerns (I'd imagine 2 fix and 5 maybe, btw?)
    I think the reason why I'm like this ties back into nine. I don't like being 'out of sync' from people, feeling like I'm not on the same setting as they are. I see the expression of my troubles as alienating to my friends, because I don't want my troubles to impact the tone of joy I get from talking to them and hanging out. I know that realistically, they can't solve my problems, and they'll feel things like stress and worry on my behalf. So just on what I've internalized on myself, I would rather only attempt to impact my friend's moods if it's positive, and try to filter out the negative as much as I can. I know that this is unrealistic as fuck by the way, the concept of enjoying all positive emotions without no negative, but it's a lesson that's hard for me to shake off.

    Hmm, this isn't the first time I've been suggested to have a 2 and a 5 fix, tbh. I think the hardest thing for me to reconcile is how relatable the Rejections object relations is to me, like eerily so (which I think is what you're hinting at towards that suggestion). In fact, it was one of the biggest things that made me consider 9w8 at all.

    For what it's worth, I don't really have anything that concrete says I'm not 2 or 5 fixed, just more things that push me towards other fixes. For instance (and I could go into more detail about this if wanted, but it's probably not necessary) I think a lot of the things I mention towards image is very 3. Just the fixation of how it's perceived versus if it's true to reality or not. And for 5, I think I embody a lot of the negative aspects of it (self-isolating, becoming uncharacteristically detached) without any of the positives (like that relentless focus towards areas of interest, my attention span is really shitty, unfortunately). On the other hand, I tend to have a lot of positive 7 aspects as well, like quick thinking and optimism, and the bad tendency to overly reframe situations. I think I just experience a lot of 7->5 but I would be interested if there was anything towards 5 / 2 beyond the rejection triad in anycase.

    Thank you again for your input, very much appreciated.
    Nissa Nissa thanked this post.


 

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