Eyo! I've scratched this little itch on my back countless times, but it keeps coming back! I'd love to know your informed, outside perspective on me so that I can put my doubts to rest (although Fi will forever compel me to re-evaluate myself, ye?)
I've always identified as a 4 (4w3 to be precise), and every time that I introspect, that 4 comes out top dog. But I swear that I often feel much more like a 7 in my daily life. For one, I tend not to invest myself in emotions that might easily sway me, control me, or commit me to some kind of prolonged feeling of sorrow or lament. I do enjoy feeling deeply and I feel often, but I prefer to simulate those kinds of emotions creatively (writing) because I can control them at will. But, for the most part, I want to stay cheerful, calm and rational. I just plain feel better this way. I feel like that's "who I am". I can't stand being a sniffling mess and jeopardizing my upbeat, hype mood for the day.
I use my head fix a whole lot. I do think before I act and evaluate everything, but it doesn't take much to get me to hit the "go" button if I can find one good reason to do something or buy something. If it comes with consequences, then I simply go out and fix what I messed up. I'm pretty forgiving of myself. I've learned so much over the years in the way of staying true to myself isn't about what I do or do not, but about being confident and comfortable with myself.
My tritype is 4w3, 7w6, 9w8 Sx/So. Here we go!
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I am driven to express myself and my experiences creatively via writing, art or other means. I look for truth--real, unbiased truths about the world, and I am dedicated to removing my own personal bias from the equation so I can best know how to cultivate myself and translate my findings into a work that best reflects my dedication to factual impartiality while still imparting my own personal and emotional writing style to the work. I hope that this will create something wholly unique that is entertaining, poignant, and timeless despite being indicative of its time. Just like Senpa--I mean George Orwell's works.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I want to help and do good unto others, publish my works, become a damn good artist, continue to hone my artistic skills, continue to learn new things and keep myself happy and physically healthy.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I don't want to be irrational, immature or nonsensical, such as being a hypocrite, a bigot, or otherwise narrow-minded. I also do not want to be too set in my ways to change or refuse to understand why something is. I also do not ever want to fall back into depression.
One of my firmest beliefs is that we, at the very least and if we do nothing else in this life, should not do things that cause others around us harm. After that, I believe that we should all do our best to find our own, individual talents and make the best use of them. Too often is natural ability squandered.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I am terrified of literally losing my mind to Alzheimer's, dementia or some other disease that will compromise my ability to think, use my body, and be myself. As a woman in her 30s, I already feel a bit more brain fog than when I was in my 20s an younger, and it's seriously alarming me. I am also afraid of having my privacy compromised--online and off.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as intelligent, confident in myself and with respectable values, even if they agree to disagree. I want people to recognize that I am completely free-thinking and not a hive-mind whatsoever. I don't expect others to understand every facet of me, just as I cannot of them, but I want people to see where I am coming from. Make sense, spread sense.
As for myself, I can see myself as a lazy, unmotivated, impulsive/undisciplined, contentious crab who is occasionally in denial, but I sincerely love myself and wouldn't dare dream of being anyone else--inside or outside. :)
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when I am creatively inspired, usually while reading great books. I also feel at my best when I have high energy, like after a good night's rest, or when listening to upbeat, catchy music.
I feel my worst when I am without this inspiration--feeling nothing and sleeping my time away. It is also hell when I am feeling hurt, sad, angry, or anxious about something, and I still feel horrible despite that I have already sworn to fix or have already fixed the issue. I am just dying for that feeling to pass.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
Anger: I usually bite my lip and shut up. I have to. I don't want to regret what may follow if I don't.
Shame: If I have done something really wrong, I feel guilt followed by such embarrassment that I feel like I'm not welcome where I'm present, like having me around is an insult to the establishment.
Anxiety: This seldomly flares up, but when it does, I immediately try to rationally explain the situation to myself and do my best to resolve the situation immediately. I don't want to settle for excuses, either. I want to get the problem I'm having fixed for good, so I can get back to feeling fine.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
Stress: Attempt to destress by removing myself from the stressful situation so that I can understand how to deal with it better. If I'm unable to remove myself from the stressful situation, bitching and venting to myself are imminent, and I typically don't care who hears until I'm calm again.
Unexpected change: Depending on the situation, I can be flexible and receptive, like if a friend wants to cancel on me, or new policies at work are instated. As long as the reason for change makes sense, then I'm down. If not, then I'll most likely not be thrilled and grumble about it.
Conflict: If I am in a calm state of mind, I first feel catatonic shock, diffuse, then abort. But, if I'm already really stressed or mad and the conflict involves me, then I'm just fine with it. I got chu, and I'm ready to go. x'D
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
Authority: Eh, usually incompetent and corrupt with power, but needed. I almost always do my best to abide by laws and be respectful to authority. If I must challenge them, I do it respectfully.
Power: Easy to abuse, those in it need to be kept in check, but also needed. I refuse to let anyone exacerbate personal power over me.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
It could be better, but it also could be a whole lot worse. I'm proud of what we've accomplished in the past 250 years, but we're still fumbling around as a species and finding new, creative ways of killing ourselves and keeping ourselves alive for the same, old reasons. I'd be insanely thrilled if we could find new life elsewhere, but we're so far from that. ;u;
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
Years ago, I felt like I was losing everyone who was close to me. I had just gotten out of a bad, possessive relationship and I realized later that I had been distant from two friends who had been trying to help me through it. When it was all said and done, I wanted to try to hang out with them, but things weren't really the same after that.
A few months after, I declined to hang out with them on my birthday, and both of them got extremely angry at me (I think they had something planned, but we both failed to keep in contact with each other). One of them told me off and stopped being my friend that same day, and the other gave me the cold shoulder for weeks before forgiving me. I was pretty clueless at the time with no communication as to why they acted that way, and I felt like I had no one to really confide in for a while after that.
For the rest of the month, I was very withdrawn and even more depressed, but after introspection, I eventually realized that, for so long, I had always relied on support from others and participating in activities with them to help me get through bad times, and that I not only needed to start doing this on my own, but that I should, not only so I don't put pressure on anyone else, but also for the sake of my own independence. So, I decided to turn inward completely to start writing a huge, fictional story. Almost overnight, I started to feel a sense of purpose again that I hadn't felt in years--the need to not coerce people into doing things with me to keep me happy made me feel freer and helped me realize what I was doing to others, too. And, ever since, I've held onto that definitive sense of purpose and oneness with myself. C:
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I am cautious, but I don't have an unreasonable issue with trusting others. As an INFP, I can usually judge well who is trustworthy and who isn't, so I tend to weed out shadier characters from the get-go. But, even if I am had by someone, it's not going to destroy or traumatize me. I just learn why it happened and take action, possibly cutting the person from my life and move on. I tend to give second chances, and if I am fooled again, well, that's on me; I cut the ties for good. I feel like being raised by two trustworthy, honest parents has been more of a godsend than I probably realize.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
a) I am very open-minded and forgiving, free-thinking, and genuinely different from other people as a result. I feel unique and stand out in a quiet way in person, and in a loud way in my writing.
b) I am unmotivated, lazy, often uninspired/am difficult to inspire, and I'm overweight and have long nurtured unhealthy eating/living habits. ;u;
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I like to give people, even people who appear stupid as all hell, the credit that they deserve as individuals, not as a generalized whole set apart from me. I recognize that that teenage kid half my age who's recording him/herself doing stupid things for Youtube fame may be way better at math than me. A petty shoplifter may be able to paint better than I'd ever hope to, or a perpetual drunk or a drug abuser might be able to unveil important truths about the world to me--things that I've never thought of before. On the opposite side of the spectrum, a millionaire may not be any smarter, wiser, or happier than me or anyone else. Social hierarchy aside, just as everyone has flaws, everyone also has something incredible to offer.
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
If it's an unwarranted insult, I'll feel a little indignant, but I shrug it off eventually. I'm not going to let someone else who knows nothing about me affect me too strongly. A compliment is always welcome, and I try to accept it as best I can. I'd rather be complimented for my inner self than for my outer self, of course.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
a) I'm thankful for the extremely fortunate life I have. I'm thankful to have been raised well by two responsible, caring parents (ISFP mom, ESTJ dad) who ensured that my every need was taken care of growing up. I'm thankful for my long-time ENFP best friend who understands me better than anyone. I'm thankful to have received inheritance money to start my life off with a great starter house of my own--a room of my own, the Core i7-4700MQ laptop with GeForce GT 745M card that I am typing on right now, etc., you get the idea. I'm thankful for it all because--why shouldn't I be? There's always something to be thankful for, and it's more fulfilling to be that way.
b) I wish I could have what I am too lazy to get, like finishing up my College degree and getting a better, higher paying job. In terms of objects? Nothing really. I'd have bought it by now. But, if Daft Punk ever decides to have an Alive tour again, you can bet your bonnet I'm gonna wish I could have those tickets!