Just kidding. Please don't run away.
I'm not really on any quests to find myself, I'm just fascinated by personality typing.
Hello there. I'm kind of curious. I see myself fitting into a ton of enneagram types but not fitting into any all at once. I've spent some time wrestling between type 5 and 9, but I could be something else. I'm more or less an INTP, although I'm somewhat more extroverted and feelsy than many INTPs. I know how long this is. So sorry about that.
What age range are you in?
Iím a teenager. Iím sometimes told Iím a mature teenager. But Iím a teenager.
Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
Iíve got ADD/ADHD. Itís tiring for me to exercise self-control, although I can do it, which makes me wonder if Iím one of the more ďprincipledĒ types with less of the actual principled part. x)
Nothing else, sir.
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
Iíd like to leave behind more good than bad. Ya know, minimizing my impact. Iíd also like to learn as much as I can. I like learning and the stuff I can do with information.
I donít see myself as a particularly driven person, at least from an emotional perspective. Sure, I have values which some would say are rather strong, but I donít really feel them. I feel things I care about once or twice, and keep the fact that I care about them for future reference but file away the actual emotion. Does that make sense?
2. What were you like as a kid?
I vacillated between very mature and immature. I had trouble standing up for myself because the right words didnít arrive to me in time and I never wanted to initiate confrontation. I wrote a lot of poems in elementary school. I liked science a lot. I was socially awkward, but still liked playdates and stuff.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
I had a very open relationship with my mom. Very comfortable. We would verbally spar quite a bit, because I never felt the need to pretend her opinions were my own. In fact, both my parents encouraged independent thought. My mom and I are sort of friends now, but still verbally spar a lot.
My dad had cancer when I was little (heís okay now by the way). I used to feel upset that he did not feel well enough to play with me. Our relationship now is open, but weíre both somewhat introverted and have trouble conversing. I would never talk with him about relationships or anything. We take a polite interest in each other.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I donít want to become my parents. I want my adult life to reflect my values. I want to be a nice person, and I want to avoid contributing to badness. Maybe even add some goodness here and there.
I want to be in a profession that lets me challenge myself in many ways and that I really enjoy doing. One that has a tangible impact would be nice, but not necessary.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
My dad having cancer. I made him a pillowcase in school one day when I was in second grade or so. There was a guy with X-es in his eyes surrounded by one of those red forbidden signs and it said ďno dead daddiesĒ underneath. That was the closest I came to confronting it head-on. I do remember learning about how cancer worked and finding it interesting, but I never really connected it to my dad because I never really wanted to. I was good at repression and intellectualizing. I confronted that fear years later, at the age of 12 or so, when a teacher showed a slide with an MRI of a brain cancer patient in science class. I had a bit of a breakdown and almost had to leave the class.
Iím still very good at repression, but also good at revisiting things Iíve repressed a couple days, weeks, months, or years later to figure them out.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
Smart, interested in everything, nice, and really freaking lazy. I see myself as different than most of my peers, but not in an isolated way. I just honestly think that Iím different than people my age.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
Approachable, interesting, nice, somewhat attractive. You know, the norm.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
Pretention and vapidity, more or less an unwillingness to look beyond oneís own point of view.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
1) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
2) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.
3) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
(but these all seem kinda habitual to me depending on the situation.)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
Weird questions about the world. (ďDo you think surgeons sign arterial stents before they put them into patients for the lulz?Ē)
That, or quiet observation. Analysis of the stuff going on around me, or just plain watching.
I used to get existential, but that makes me anxious and has stopped being an interesting question for me so I do it less.
I donít think things provoke a wandering mind besides my mind not feeling like paying attention to my surroundings. My brain doesnít always operate on cause and effect.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when solving something mentally stimulating, or when I am enjoying the companionship of a person or a small group of people I like.
I feel my worst when I find myself incapable of doing something, or when I am with a group of people who I feel insecure around.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger Ė governments doing dumb things. The world doing dumb things. Large scale dumb things which seem unstoppable, I guess. Which I wish I could control but canít.
b.) shame Ė I donít know how often I feel shame. The closest I get is regret that I mis-stepped and a resolve to fix that in the future. Then I have the creeping knowledge that I probably wonít fix it. I guess thatís shame, kinda.
c.) anxiety Ė I get anxious when I get a math test back which I did badly on and have to figure out how to do better. I feel anxious when I canít understand something, because thatís a foreign feeling to me. I feel anxious when I donít like the way another person is running things.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress Ė I have two ways. One is an emotional meltdown, which is very rare and kind of cleansing after the initial painfulness of the experience. The other way is hyper-focusing, which is in part an ADD thing, in which I completely zero in on a task which needs completion and reject everything that doesnít help me finish that task. I avoid people when I do that because I know that Iím awful to them in hyperfocusing mode.
b.) negative unexpected change Ė After my initial wtf state, I can get a bit whiny, I guess. I eventually go into problem solving mode to equip myself to cope.
c.) conflict Ė avoidavoidavoidavoidavoid. If I have to be a part of a conflict I get very stiff about it. I only talk when required in a very utilitarian way. But I avoid it as much as possible.
12. Note: I took the word group here as being in a group project type thing. School does that to me.
a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why? It very much depends on the people who I am in a group with. I think that my natural inclination is a sort of second-in-command type thing, in which I am a do-er, not a delegater, but still trusted to give advice on the course of whatever the group is doing.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why? I donít see power as being the boss of other people, I see it as being in charge of the discourse and being in charge of initiating things. I am only good at power if Iím in a group of other idea-oriented people, because then I can kind of jumpstart idea making and start to figure out how to make things happen.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why? Not usually. I feel okay asking questions of and criticising power, but when all is said and done I will usually go along with authority, even if it is unhappily.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I notice the stress of others very acutely. I tend to be good at picking up signals from people, but especially abnormal ones.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
Most people have more initial trust from me than the average person would give most people. Close friends have a much harder time earning trust from me than the average personís close friends would have. It is counter-instinctual for me to place large amounts of trust in the hands of others.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Iím an observant Jew, but an atheist. More or less. I have firmly held political beliefs, but am not particularly passionate about any of them. I donít think my responses were influenced much.
Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
- To constantly push yourself to be ďthe bestĒ
- To be without needs, well-intentioned- Thereís no time to give myself time! Too much to do.
- To replace direct experience with concepts
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself Ė I donít like conflict, and asserting myself is hard because my opinions are very multi-faceted.
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient Ė It sometimes doesnít even occur to me to ask for help.
What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
a) Iím lucky that I come from the background I do and that I have open-minded parents. Iím lucky for the resources available to me.
b) I wish I had better self-regulation. Iím working on that one.
. . . If you've read this entire thing you're an angel. Thanks. Any ideas?