1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
- i have no idea
- i want to become famous and well known i guess so that my life is actually worth something and so that i have an audience to express myself to
- i also want to become a singer/songwriter because i'm really passionate about music and i'm kinda good at singing; i don't want to end up having a job that i don't actually enjoy
2. What were you like as a kid?
- really cringey and socially awkward, had phases where i had weird obsessive interests, had phases where i tried way too hard to be cool, and had phases where i tried way too hard to seem like a super mature/kind/'perfect' kind of person
- i've kind of quit all of those phases altogether since i became a teenager pretty much (except the cringe, i've still had many cringe moments as a teenager, which i've only now really become aware of)
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
- not very great, i've had a lot of really heated arguments with them because i'm kinda sensitive to criticism and i also really dislike it when parents put too much stress on me at the wrong moments (their moods highly affect mine as well)
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
- idk about values but i hope to avoid being just another insignificant person among 7 billion other people (same reasons as in my answer to question 1)
- i also hope to avoid having to do something i dislike (which is most job-related things) as my job because i want to actually enjoy life
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
- i guess death because if i die i won't get to experience anything anymore and that's just so sad and scary to me
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
- a complete mess; no social life; extremely lazy; chronic procrastinator; never finds motivation to do anything useful with life
b.) How do you want others to see you?
- idk, well at this stage in my life considering how useless of a person i've been i can't really have high expectations for that
- but i guess i want people to see me as funny, relatable, talented, and mentally/emotionally strong (not in the sense of hiding my emotions and being super put together necessarily but more in the sense of how i openly confront emotions)
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
- i really dislike when people get too easily offended over little things and/or they look too deep into it and manage to come up with some false emotional implication for something that happened and they get offended
- i also dislike when people assume the worst in others, as in they assume someone did something to be (negative personality trait) although they might not have actually meant anything by it
- another thing that annoys me is when people can't ever apologize or admit their mistakes and instead expect *me* to apologize every time even though they were in the wrong and not me (or their actions were 'more wrong' than mine)
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.
i don't do any of those
ok in all seriousness
1) b? idk
2) c? idk
3? a? idk (i don't actually do 'work' what's that)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
it takes me to like idk just random-ish stuff like ideas for creative sounding song titles and funny ideas for youtube videos and random puns and peanut butter and username ideas and humorous ideas for online posts and crap
nothing specifically provokes it, i just get distracted a lot so yea that's pretty much it
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
my best feelings have usually come from winning something, like a chess competition or a game in school (ugh that just got me thinking i've never won a Kahoot before welp) or some other kind of competition/competitive activity
or similarly, getting a higher rating/ranking in chess and being invited to special invitation-only tournaments (because of my rating) and getting a lot of recognition for things i'm good at makes me feel really good too
listening to certain types of music i really like has made me cry tears of what i think are positive emotions too (but also a little bit of a melancholy feeling which i guess is enjoyable for me too?) it also gives me inspiration for possible songs i might write so there's that as well
my worst feelings come from when i feel like i've been treated unfairly and/or blamed for something that i don't think should actually be a problem at all
or when people are just ruthlessly mean to me, that hurts too
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
- often arises from when i feel unfairly criticized (sometimes i am a little sensitive though and in hindsight the criticism was totally fair but i just didn't like hearing it) or stuff i mentioned in my answer to questions 6c and 9
- usually i react really impulsively and often end up regretting it (i raise my voice, use angry body language, and become really bitter and sarcastic. occasionally i punch and hit and kick the person too, that happened like a few times semi-recently. i never really physically hurt the other person though because i don't actually want to and i'm not strong enough anyway, it's more like an unhealthy way of getting my physical anger out)
- often arises way after the fact, when i realize i might have showed a little too much of my bad side and/or been too vulnerable in a public setting/online
- or if i did something embarrassing/cringey
- i guess i just deal with that by deleting whatever evidence of those things may be out there and that's pretty much it
- i don't always feel comfortable talking to people about things that make me feel ashamed so i don't
- usually if i have stuff due or if i'm in a social situation but i'm not sure how to approach it
- i guess i mainly 'deal' with anxiety by ignoring it, like just kinda pretending those deadlines or other people don't exist and returning to watching youtube or memes or whatever else
- i end up finishing a lot of stuff last minute
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
- i mostly just try to ignore it/let it pass coz i don't know what else to do lol; i guess i could consider doing my usual random internet stuff as 'destressing'?
b.) negative unexpected change
- this one's really a case by case basis, i don't know how to generalize it
- this is the easiest of the three to answer, i guess i could say that if i feel personally affected by the conflict (which usually means if i'm directly involved), I feel the need to get right into the heat of things and speak up for myself/... unhealthy anger reactions and stuff
- but if the conflict doesn't affect me then i just stay the hell away coz i don't want to deal with it
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
- if i know what i'm doing, i'll probably take charge in some form or another (not necessarily as the 'one main leader' of the group but i'll express a lot of ideas and i'll generally be really highly involved)
- if i don't know what i'm doing, i just tend to go with the flow and try to get away with doing as little as possible without making people annoyed
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
idk, i'm not even sure if that's really ever happened to me
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
yea definitely because i find it more healthy to speak up for myself rather than just keep quiet when that person does/says something that makes me mad, and that can lead to problems
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
idk how to answer that question
i have no idea what others see and if i tried to answer that question my answer would probably just end up being something that most other people notice anyway
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
i don't really know who to trust, honestly. after hearing stories of people being treated like crap and having been treated like crap (at least it felt like that to me) in various ways myself, i couldn't help but lose a little faith in humanity to be completely honest. even if people act a certain way, i never really know what they're thinking, and that's always a little scary to me.