Identity crisis! Marriage crisis! Any help? - Page 2

Identity crisis! Marriage crisis! Any help?

View Poll Results: What am I?

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This is a discussion on Identity crisis! Marriage crisis! Any help? within the What's my Enneagram type? forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; Hi @ Dogulas . I think @ Dare 's analysis is excellent. 6 makes sense given a lot of what ...

  1. #11

    Hi @Dogulas . I think @Dare 's analysis is excellent. 6 makes sense given a lot of what you've said. Good luck with the situation with your wife. If you are indeed a 6 then I imagine her 7 upbeatness was always a joy but I assume it would be a little challenging dealing with her flightiness.

    no way a person whose marriage has failed because of being a bad arguer could be a Peacemaker, and even less possible that I'm an Enthusiast. But 4 seemed possible: I tend to think of myself as such a unique, Individualist person
    Two things here - one, 9s can be quite stubborn and in denial, and conflict is always between two people. A 9 could feasibly fail in that way. As Dare said don't take the names too seriously. They only address a small part of the type itself. Peacemakers can certainly create and prolong conflict in certain ways. Two, you sound sp/sx, which would make you individualistic regardless of your numeric type.
    Dare thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by angelfish View Post
    Two, you sound sp/sx, which would make you individualistic regardless of your numeric type.
    How? He seems rather Social in his focus, so I wouldn't guess Social-last.

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by Remnants View Post
    How? He seems rather Social in his focus, so I wouldn't guess Social-last.
    Ah, good point... I believe the thought came to me because the overall orientation towards people reminds me of my dad, who is 5w6 sp/sx. It's the sense of negativity and pressure in response to "other people" that gave me that impression. But of course an instinct can be negatively oriented... and that doesn't immediately make it a blind spot...

    On second read - I do see references to impression of what others think, fitting in, suggestions from others, being self-conscious of appearance to others, expectations/identity built on "role", analysis of how personal attitude has caused interpersonal conflict. And "lack of personal magnetism" might even suggest sx-last. IIRC, dogmatism is associated with soc/sp 6?... Maybe something to look into later...

    @Dogulas

    I think the reason I'd tend to discard 9 as a core for you is because 9 is an under-thinking type (relying instead on their gut), whereas your long, analytical, winding post indicates over-thinking, the realm of the head types, 5-6-7. If your type were 6w5, it'd certainly explain some of your tendencies to feel and appear like a 5 while not really being driven by the fears and desires of a core 5. Note there is also a slight difference between 9 seeing all perspectives versus 6 balancing perspectives. 9 is harmonizing and 6 defensive. (Though healthy/actualizing 6 moves to 9).

    Quote Originally Posted by Riso & Hudson
    6w5

    The traits of the Six and those of the Five are in some degree of conflict with each other. The general orientation of Fives is toward detachment from people so that they can avoid being influenced by anyone. Sixes and Fives are both looking for safety, but Sixes look to alliances with others and commitment to systems of thought for security, while Fives tend to retreat from others and to tinker with, or even dismantle, established systems of thought. Both tendencies exist in the Six with a Five-wing, producing a subtype which sees itself as fighting for the "little person," while at the same time being drawn to systems, alliances, and beliefs which often contain strong authoritarian elements. Sixes with a Five-wing can seem like Ones because they are serious, self-controlled, and committed to specific moral, ethical, and political beliefs. Like Eights, they can also be rather outspoken and passionate in the expression of their beliefs, with less concern about being liked than the Six with a Seven-wing.

    Healthy people of this subtype combine the Six's capacity for organization and personal engagement with the Five's perceptiveness and curiosity. They may have a strong intellectual streak, depending on how much the Five-wing is in their overall personality. Healthy Sixes with a Five-wing often develop technical expertise and are valued as practical problem solvers; they are good communicators, educators, and pundits. They are also attracted to professions such as medicine, law, and engineering; they desire to master a system of knowledge but within a field where the rules and parameters are established and known. They often get involved with political causes and community service. There is a strong identification with the underdog, and Sixes with a Five-wing may become the spokespeople or champions for groups or individuals they see as disadvantaged. Sixes with a Five-wing possess greater powers of concentration and focus than the other subtype, although they can sometimes be perceived as too narrow in their concerns. They are usually shrewd observers of the environment, particularly people, and put a premium on foresight and predicting how others will react. Their perceptions are more original than those of Sixes with a Seven-wing, but because Six is the basic type, they do come across not as intellectuals but as extremely competent, knowledgeable individuals.

    The anxiety we see in average Sixes also causes people of this subtype to be more intense than Sixes with a Seven-wing. Sixes with a Five-wing are more independent than Sixes with a Seven-wing, and are less likely to go to others for reassurance, advice, or to solve their problems. They may have one or two mentors or confidants, but in most cases they will "gut out" their problems and anxieties alone. They can be very hardworking and loyal to the systems or people with whom they have identified, but this can lead to strong partisan stances and a competitiveness with rivals. Persons of this subtype tend to be constricted in the expression of their emotions, and are usually more detached, cerebral, and pessimistic.
    Does any of this strike you as relatable, or totally off?

    On a less-Enneagram-oriented note, regarding the bold, regardless of what type you end up being... you got an advanced degree in your realm of interest, you successfully kept up an informative communication for years, you care about truth, you care about solving problems, you try to reconcile where there are rifts, you care about your marriage even though you are struggling... your roles may change but your identity and values and strengths are intrinsic... and you clearly have the analytical skills to troubleshoot what's happened here and set a new course for the things you do want to pursue...
    Last edited by angelfish; 07-23-2019 at 07:10 AM.

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  5. #14

    I didn't read everybody's response on this, but one thing that stood out to me that is anti 5 is you said that you only read enough about enneagram to be dangerous, this is not 5. 5 will read everything they can find on it and then some before even making this thread.
    Dogulas thanked this post.

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I didn't read everybody's response on this, but one thing that stood out to me that is anti 5 is you said that you only read enough about enneagram to be dangerous, this is not 5. 5 will read everything they can find on it and then some before even making this thread.
    Ha! Such a good point. I've definitely decided against 5, thanks in no small part to all who've contributed. Thanks.

    For anyone keeping score, I think I feel most anchored as a 9, with a fair amount of 6 overlap especially in disintegration.


     
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