Who owns my heart: is it 3 or is it 4? Help needed!

Who owns my heart: is it 3 or is it 4? Help needed!

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This is a discussion on Who owns my heart: is it 3 or is it 4? Help needed! within the What's my Enneagram type? forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; Can't figure out my core: it's either 3w4 or 4w3. My Gut fix is 8w7 and Head fix is 7w8. ...

  1. #1

    Who owns my heart: is it 3 or is it 4? Help needed!

    Can't figure out my core: it's either 3w4 or 4w3. My Gut fix is 8w7 and Head fix is 7w8.

    1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
    Passion for something, or survival. I wanna be a very distinguished person, I’m secretly very vain. I want to be a person who is greatly admired in several different ways. I wanna be outstanding and attractive, for my appeal to be undeniable.

    What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
    Happiness of course, to live the life I’ve dreamed of: doing what I love everyday, being very well rewarded for it and impacting the world positively with it.

    What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
    An empty shell running on only basic instincts and wishes. Integrity, ethic, ambition, courage, self awareness, objectivity.

    What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
    To find out I’m not good enough, that I’m not cut out for the roles/positions I covet. To fail at realizing my dream, for it to be an illusion and waste of time. To never find a place/people to belong to/with.

    How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
    I want to be fascinating and impressive. I’m a lot of tings, some good, some bad. For better or worse I have a very defined sense of identity which I’ll never compromise because I know the consequences of doing so: you die inside. I know exactly what I want and won’t settle for less. I’m cunning, but honest.

    What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
    Best: When I can do what I like competently, when I perform really well. When I’m free to express myself. Worst: When I fear I’m gonna fail and embarrass myself, when others are much better than me at something (falling short). When I feel unwanted and out of place (rejected).

    Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
    Anger: It’s so natural I can’t describe it. It’s just very immediate, generally I express it immediately, many times it just comes out.
    Shame: I just wanna disappear to never be seen again, it kinda burns?
    Anxiety: the usual, you feel kinda unhinged, can even tremble, it’s awful.
    I suck at describing feelings though I feel them intensely.

    Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
    Stress: I just do want I gotta do so I can be free of it and relax again. Then I can reward myself, If there’s no solution possible at the time I try to distract myself.
    Unexpected change: if it’s negative I’ll try to prevent it from taking place, if not then I just troll with it.
    Conflict: It’s natural, just let it all out and deal with it.

    Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
    Authority: except the law/police I don’t care. I’m not impressed or intimated at all by titles.
    Power: should be mine. I don’t do well with having little of it, I just escape the situation altogether.

    What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
    Life is great but not easy, and it doesn’t really own us anything. Humanity has unlimited potential, which is both a curse and a gift.

    I'm open to any questions.



  2. #2

    I feel like there's a limit to how accurately you can type someone based on a questionnaire, but my first impression says 3w4.

  3. #3

    3w4, the three in very evident.

    Your post reads overwhelmingly of competence wants/struggles.

    I can't see any evidence of w2, so I have to assume you're a w4.
    Gamine thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    I agree with the above comments. Three is a self-assertive type, the four is not. So I don't see the four in you.

    But actually, I am not 100% sure whether you the 3w4 is then your Ennea type. You're too self-assertive actually. I know three female 3w4 closer. One is my sister. Riso-Hudson calls this subtype The Professional when I remember correctly. This type has as it's middle name "understatement". The threes come with a very sophisticated way of denying that it is achievement for them what really counts for them.

    I find that you are way to bold, direct, and anger-owning also to have the 3w4 style.

    The 4w3 - I also know two female people quiet well - is much livlier than the 3w4, they resemble sevens in their energy level, but have much more depths and of course EMOTIONALITY. So they have everything what is at the center of the four. Especially the interest for the self. In one way or another they all study the self professionally or as a hobby. You don't mention anything like that. You are outward oriented.

    So I don't really see you as that type either. I see the 8w7 in you for sure that you mention as your gut style. Maybe you want to reflect again whether this could actually be your core.

    Notice that the eight comes across as a very male style in the literature because of our cultural assumptions but it as a matter of fact it is not a male style. I even read somewhere that there are more female than male eights. What I know from my experinece is, that there are soooo many female eights that I cannot count the women and girls I know of.

    Unfortunately the Enneagram theory which has been mainly worked out by men doesn't very well account for that. That is, presenting some thoughts about how female eights express their energetic, strong, don't mess with me-attitude. You wouldn't be the first female I am aware of who has mistyped themselves because of the stereotype in Western culture that links power to masculinity.

    What do you think?
    Gamine thanked this post.

  6. #5

    You may want to go to the eight discussion section with your questionnaire. It's always the people of the same core who can tell best whether you belong to them or not.

    Good luck!
    Gamine thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Some 3- and 4-type attitudes in the first question, but also consider 4 or 8.
    Gamine thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
    Passion for something, or survival. I wanna be a very distinguished person, I知 secretly very vain. I want to be a person who is greatly admired in several different ways. I wanna be outstanding and attractive, for my appeal to be undeniable.
    This seems more assertive 3 than withdrawn 4.
    I can relate to some of what you are saying, but I've never heard a 4 say anything such as they want their "appeal to be undeniable."

    What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
    An empty shell running on only basic instincts and wishes. Integrity, ethic, ambition, courage, self awareness, objectivity.

    What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
    To find out I知 not good enough, that I知 not cut out for the roles/positions I covet. To fail at realizing my dream, for it to be an illusion and waste of time. To never find a place/people to belong to/with.
    These seem much more 3-related fears and values than 4 I think.

    How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
    I want to be fascinating and impressive. I知 a lot of tings, some good, some bad. For better or worse I have a very defined sense of identity which I値l never compromise because I know the consequences of doing so: you die inside. I know exactly what I want and won稚 settle for less. I知 cunning, but honest.
    And I think this is the 4 wing. 3s have a bad rep for being "liars" but that's not necessarily true. You do seem very ambitious, which could be 4w3, but your specific dreams just vibe as more 3. Especially saying "I know exactly what I want and won't settle for less." Stuff you say reminds me of Marina Diamandis who I think is a clear-cut 3w4 (probably with 7 and 8 fixes too).

    What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
    Best: When I can do what I like competently, when I perform really well. When I知 free to express myself. Worst: When I fear I知 gonna fail and embarrass myself, when others are much better than me at something (falling short). When I feel unwanted and out of place (rejected).
    I lean 3w4 because you seem to be more competency-oriented when it comes to shame.
    You do have some reactive triad traits but that can be explained by your 8 fix for sure.

    Overall, I definitely say 3w4 for you is more likely than 4w3 based on this questionnaire. But I don't think it's a great questionnaire either. If you have any specific questions about 3 and 4 I can try answering them from my perspective as a 4.

  9. #8

    Also I agree with some of the comments above me that say your 8 is very clear. Maybe you should consider it as a core? I think it's 3 and 8 that are most likely, and not 4.
    Gamine thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Sengai View Post
    I agree with the above comments. Three is a self-assertive type, the four is not. So I don't see the four in you.

    But actually, I am not 100% sure whether you the 3w4 is then your Ennea type. You're too self-assertive actually. I know three female 3w4 closer. One is my sister. Riso-Hudson calls this subtype The Professional when I remember correctly. This type has as it's middle name "understatement". The threes come with a very sophisticated way of denying that it is achievement for them what really counts for them.

    I find that you are way to bold, direct, and anger-owning also to have the 3w4 style.

    The 4w3 - I also know two female people quiet well - is much livlier than the 3w4, they resemble sevens in their energy level, but have much more depths and of course EMOTIONALITY. So they have everything what is at the center of the four. Especially the interest for the self. In one way or another they all study the self professionally or as a hobby. You don't mention anything like that. You are outward oriented.

    So I don't really see you as that type either. I see the 8w7 in you for sure that you mention as your gut style. Maybe you want to reflect again whether this could actually be your core.

    Notice that the eight comes across as a very male style in the literature because of our cultural assumptions but it as a matter of fact it is not a male style. I even read somewhere that there are more female than male eights. What I know from my experinece is, that there are soooo many female eights that I cannot count the women and girls I know of.

    Unfortunately the Enneagram theory which has been mainly worked out by men doesn't very well account for that. That is, presenting some thoughts about how female eights express their energetic, strong, don't mess with me-attitude. You wouldn't be the first female I am aware of who has mistyped themselves because of the stereotype in Western culture that links power to masculinity.

    What do you think?
    Quote Originally Posted by Sengai View Post
    You may want to go to the eight discussion section with your questionnaire. It's always the people of the same core who can tell best whether you belong to them or not.

    Good luck!
    Quote Originally Posted by withrainfall View Post
    Some 3- and 4-type attitudes in the first question, but also consider 4 or 8.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seokjaunnie View Post
    Also I agree with some of the comments above me that say your 8 is very clear. Maybe you should consider it as a core? I think it's 3 and 8 that are most likely, and not 4.
    Thanks for all the input. I mistyped as an 8 for about 6 years, so I'm sure that's not my core. Probably the Te dom I couldn't recognize that lead to it, and it is my first fix and the wing of my last fix too.


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