Growing up, I acted like a pretty stereotypical Five.
I grew up in a pretty volatile home with constant loud, painful arguments and fights between my parents, and between my parents and sibling. It was too much for me to handle and I was overwhelmed, so I pretty much spent most of my time in my room to hide from it all and almost place myself out of the situation, and out of my family.
Things pretty much only got worse as I got older, and by middle school/early high school life pretty much revolved around my older sister's issues. I was established as the least dramatic one in the family, I was smart and logical, serious, thoughtful, responsible, mature, independent, a loner, didn't talk about my feelings, kept my head down, and I just focused on school. My way of dealing with my family's problems was to isolate myself from my family and others so that I wasn't vulnerable to being hurt by them or looked weak by showing that I was in pain (or even having to acknowledge my pain existed at all).
As I've gotten older and recently went away to college and am now finally out of the home which had caused so much pain, I've become much less withdrawn and instead have become outgoing, sociable, and assertive. I actually have become comfortable around people, I prefer spending time with others instead of being alone, and started to go towards people instead of going away. My few close friends from high school have all said that while I am still a very straight-forward, honest, and critical person, I have become much more outgoing and sensitive towards others. One friend even said that I have become more emotional, which I agree that I have on a superficial level, but am still lost when it comes to the deeper more hard to deal with feelings.
When I first took the enneagram test a couple of years ago, I scored as a Five and related to many of its characteristics. Now, however, I am not so sure. I have taken the test many times, and nearly every time I score equally to a 3, 5, and 7, and I relate to all of them.
The childhood wound of the 5 is highly relatable to me, and I can definitely see myself building up walls to protect myself from what I felt I couldn't handle. However, now that I have grown and matured as a person, am out of the home and my family situation has greatly improved, I can now see a lot of 3 in me, more so than the 5.
The SP 3w4 is a nearly a spot on match for how I think I am: highly driven, feels unworthy of validation/love without success, afraid of failure or having weaknesses exposed, focused on goals, more reserved than the average stereotype of the popularity/fame-seeking 3.
However, because of my childhood and the way I coped, coupled with my logical side, not wanting to be seen as weak or emotional, striving to become competent and knowledgable, and lack of interest in expressing true feelings or emotions, I think that it is also highly likely that I am a SO 5.
Are there any deciding factors or vastly contrasted qualities in these two types that would help distinguish which I am?