I went to see a new therapist today and she almost immediately saw a lot of build-up anger in me created by my inability to let my inner-critic stray away from doing what I truly wanted in life.
It seems that I have been cultivating a pretty rigid beliefs about my ability to affect changes and to take action. I also have this idea that true happiness must be met with thorough and thoughtful accademic achievements and efforts. Science is also much more open-ended and ramified than I was meant to believe. In conculsion, I was trying to self-actualize through a very narrow-minded view of what I thought I should do in order to grow and be fulfilled. I was a bit taken aback when my therapist told me, after I stated that I considered MBTI to be in a gray-area between science and esoterism, that it actually was scientifically-proven... I was red-faced all the remaining hour.
Looking back, it's true that I use ''shoulds'' and ''musts'' in my vocabulary, in addition of being quite blatantly critical and mean toward other people. Activities that I considered fun and creative are now time-consuming and exhausting. If I can't get right that drawing or singing of mine, I almost immediately berate myself and give up too soon. When I'm healthy though, I more accepting and tolerant of my mistakes.
In addition of being very tense and self-demanding, when the pressure is too high, I become snappy and want to rush through my work in order to get to pleasurable stuff. I become anxious of my work as it stays unfinished and try to schedule a regular work-time for my leisures. I always fails to deliver, though, and I'm back to square one.
I know that I am a 4w5 So/Sx but my tritype is still hazy.
My question to you is : is this behavior indicative of a ONE fix in my tritype? Could I be 451 or even 471?
Thank you in advance.