Hey there, it's been a couple of years since I've been on this site, and, I would like to see what my enneagram is. In all relationships I have had, there's always been one thing that's bothered me that's caused failure. More on that later.
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I'm not necessarily sure. I suppose being good at what ever I can get my hands on, I'm also very fearful of being controlled or manipulated. I look for safety, for trust, for compassion and understanding.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
At the end of the day, I want my degree, a high paying job, husband, family. Boom. The dream.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I seriously hate being clingy, oh my gosh. Right now, I'm clingy. It drives me crazy.
I would values that are important to me:
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Being cheated on and lied too. Unrelated, well, possibly not. My boyfriend says he's busy, but I always see him on snapchat or instagram and this drives me so fucking crazy. Spend time with me, not your friends on the internet. Jesus fucking christ. /end rant.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I guess what comes to mind: unphased by anyone else. Or rather, to "want nothing, to desire nothing, to rely on no one", at least from another person. So if I was object a and object B exerted motion onto me, I wouldn't want to exert anything back or be phased by it.
I see myself as better than most people, stronger, worth your time and energy.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Honestly, when people can express emotional intimacy with me. I feel so good when someone can validate my emotions, especially when I have a problem with them.
What makes me feel my worst is when someone lies, betrays me, tries yelling at me, telling me what to do.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
Anger: Depends on the environment. Work, I hardly ever yell so no one can write me up. Buuuuut everyone has their breaking points and I yell at supervisors and managers.
Shame: I guess...I just deal with it?
Anxiety: I freak out. Anxiety hits me HARD. I become anxiety.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
Stress: I become hyper productive, or I don't do anything at all.
Unexpected change: rage, irritation
Conflict: I wouldn't say I enjoy conflict but I mean, no one is going to stand up for you at the end of the day besides yourself.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
Authority: I look for someone and see if I can work under them, or even be under them. Basically, are you worthy?
Power: I like it, I love taking over group projects.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I'm not sure anymore. Basically, I want to lay down my sword and shield and let someone love me. I want to be relaxed. I don't want to be uptight.
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?