First questionnaire! Feel free to practice your typing skills on me, I'm looking forward to getting some new perspectives. If you have any additional questions, then by all means, fire away.
Here goes nothing:
What age range are you in?
Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
If I have to believe my family, me not having a job is some kind of disorder. But really, there's nothing to mention here.
1.What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
To live out my passions, that includes music and people. The drive in my life is to impact as many people as possible -> to change their lives for the better (sounds like I know it all better, but I promise, it's for your own good ) Mainly, I want to live a life of passion, with someone *special* by my side and live true to who I am.
2.What were you like as a kid?
A happy, fun-loving kid. A bit self conscious but still assertive enough. My teachers told my parents that, even though I was a happy and helpful child, they could never quite 'get' me. I just always told them what they wanted to hear.
3.Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
I have a great relationship with my mum. We talk a lot and have fun. It's a bit different with my dad though: he's always remained more distant and he has a bit of a temper (only verbal and nothing serious) which is why I grew to fear him as a child to the point that I was nervous just being around him. This made me resent him as a teenager, refusing to talk to him (which didn't happen that often anyway) and I really blamed him for so many things. Now we can laugh together, joke about things. It's the closest I've ever been with him and now, as I'm getting older, there's more of a silent understanding going on.
4.What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I value my independence, freedom (not just my own), and respect for others.
I hope to never be as distant to my children (kids: maybe one day, not now) as my father was to me. Apart from that, there aren't too many things I really avoid being/doing, 'cept for being a douche. And being boring: I'd hate to consider myself “average”, living an“average life” with an “average job”. Oh, the horror!
5.Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
The fear for my dad's reaction. This was huge when I was a kid. These days, I'm way more self certain and I don't have that many problems with this anymore.
Also, especially as a teenager; other people's judgement. I was so self conscious, as if I was being watched 24/7. It was no paranoia,'tis just, I had no idea what image I wanted to present. My self-image changed constantly, so there was a certain lack of stability in this. Hence the uncertainty and self consciousness.
6.a.) How do you see yourself?
A nice, kind, friendly, passionate, intense, warm and welcoming badmotherf*****. Not pretentious at all.
b.)How do you want others to see you?
The same as in the previous, but I notice some people only see the friendly part while others only see the other part. Which is something I'm okay with really, I'd rather have people love/hate me than them not having an opinion about me at all. Also, I've had some comments on how I'm always fidgeting, maybe I've got some nervous tension going on that I'm not consciously aware of.
c.)What do you dislike the most in other people?
When they seem to not care about others, when they lack in hygiene, when people guild trip me in doing/being something, when people keep on complaining about whatever when they don't even try to change it,when I smile at people and they don't smile back.
I dislike hypocrites, even though I'm probably guilty of this myself.
7.Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3(least).
a.)Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
b.)Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
c.)Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.
8.Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
Where doesn't it take me! I ponder how I can best handle an upcoming situation. This happens when I'm more stressed. When I'm relaxed, I envision myself just having fun: mainly where I'm being extraordinary somehow and others are looking up to me for that . Or I see myself in all kinds of situations having heated discussions with others or myself, or ... Actually, now that I think of it, I often find myself coming up with topics that I then debate over with myself. A good mental exercise methinks :p
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Best: people appreciating me, when I'm going for my passions, being intimate with someone, living out music => not just listening to it, actively participating: makes me feel ALIVE
Worst: being restricted in going for my passions, giving advice to people that later turns out to be total shit, feeling apathetic (I prefer feeling sad and sorrowful feelings over feeling numb)
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
When people cross certain boundaries; I can take a lot, but when they cross the line, all bets are off.
I have two kinds of anger though: the emotional kind, which sucks, it's where I can't express myself the way I want to (furious tears, you know..). It's been a very long while since this has happened, though.
Then the 'controlled' version, where all my thinking chatter stops, where all of the world doesn't matter, just my 'obstacle' and me. And I don't back down, to a fault. It feels invigorating makes me feel truly alive. I love this kind of anger, it's pure, no bullshit. No regret.
I have to think harder on this one. I feel shame when I do something stupid, whether people see or not (though I'll make it look like it's all -part of the plan-). I feel ashamed when I try to say something but no one's listening, I get a feel of shame and resentment combined. In that situation, I'll either walk away or act like I'm not interested in them when they are looking for my response.
Also, I hate it when I need to ask for anything, to depend on others for my own needs. Definitely evokes shame. This is a point that I need to work on.
I feel anxious when there's something coming up that I don't like and I can't change anything about it. Makes me wanna pull my hair out. I'll act it out on the people close to me. Not cool of me but then again, it seems my whole family does this.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
Anxiety=/= stress? Doesn't one come with the other? It's all the same to me.:p
The more stress, the harder it is for me to keep on thinking straight. Especially when it keeps on building up for long periods of time.
Except when in a sudden emergency, then I'll get the good kind of stress: adrenaline. I'll act like I would when the good kind of anger hits me (see 10.a): very focused, clear mind, good at barking orders and above all: very much alive!
b.)negative unexpected change
I wish I could say that I would anticipate it without any stress, but in this case I need to disengage a bit and look at the new situation from the outside in. The other way around doesn't really work for me.
I tend to either ignore the argument (if it seems pointless to me –or if I don't really care about the person) or I'll confront immediately. Passive aggression isn't something I appreciate.
12. a.)What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I'm neither part of the group nor not part of it, I kinda have a push-pull thing going here. But overall, when I ask others, they say I take on the supportive role, empowering those with the good ideas:p Why? Because I like my own freedom too much to be more involved in the group, yet I realize that groups can not only be fun, they can also be really handy.
b.)If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
Very considerate of everyone's opinion, but I won't have a problem calling the necessary but not well liked shots. Why? (ugh, these questions. So many why's..) Because I believe in everybody not being the same, but being equally worth. Everyone having their qualities, making them better suited for certain positions, but where each single person is just as important as the next. Including yours truly.
c.)Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
That entirely depends on how they deal with such power. Are they fair?Well then, that's fine. Are they not? Well then, f**k them. I treat most people equally, including those in power. I have no special affinity with authority.
Although I have a tendency to talk to people's mouths, while convincing them of my way. But I do this with everyone, so it's not that relevant. Why? Because it works, that's why!
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
What someone is capable of doing/being/becoming. Even though they themselves seem to be oblivious about it. Also, hypocrisy. But I've talked about this already.
14. Commenton your relationship with trust.
We call each day to chat a bit and sometimes we hang around, I think I haven't been friend zoned yet.
Yeah yeah, lame lame. I know. Anyway, I have some issues about truly opening up to someone. It'll seem to some like I just told important pieces of my life, but I have a knack for making something sound more important than it really is. And at the same time, I'm withholding so much. I somehow feel this need to impress people, as if they wouldn't like me as much if I didn't do that. This is especially the case with romantic interests. You know about the image triad? The “feeling as if they're not inherently worthy of love”? Yeah, I relate to that.. It took me a while to realize this, but it's a pattern I can't deny.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Religious, nothing really, guess you could call me an atheist. Or an agnostic. Or whatever. Labels. Sigh.
Politics, I'm naturally inclined towards an anarchistic way of thinking. But I know that an actual anarchy is an ideology and ideologies only work in ideal worlds. So yeah, not going to happen. (Same for a 'true'democracy, oh well, off-topic much).
Does this have any influence on this questionnaire? Barely any, I'd say.
Optional Question (due to personal nature)
Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
On my seventeenth I saw the movie Fight Club. Now in my teenage years I had issues with going for what -I- really wanted. This movie helped me to break free faster. Giving the middle finger to everyone that wanted me to be someone I'm not. Yes, I responded.. with a vengeance! (slightly over dramatized)
I have a very eventful life, don't I? (/sarcasm) I have more, but this is one that had more impact on me than I thought it would.
Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
-To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
-To be without needs, well-intentioned
-To replace direct experience with concepts
-To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
-To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
-To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
-To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
-To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
-To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
-To be without needs, well intentioned (I like my independence, and to be considerate)
-To think that fulfillment is somewhere else (the disappointment in life that I'm experiencing, 'knowing' that I'll never be really content with what I have)
-To replace direct experience with concepts (Bah, procrastination)
-To overuse imagination in searching for yourself (as in, all the freakin' time, my whole freakin' life. I'm not sure why I do this, I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. I' was actually surprised to learn that this isn't a constant for everyone)
-To avoid conflict and asserting yourself (50% of the time, in the other 50 I don't have this issue. But overall I should think a bit less about how my decisions affect others)
What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
a.) My life. My self. I wouldn't trade myself for the world.
Also that I'm born in such a wealthy country. Huray, huray! Now let me go buy a fancy colored, overpriced cell phone because it represents my unique personality. Just like the other kids on the block (ignore this, my cynicism can be deadly at too high a doses)
b.) The superpower to live a couple of hundred years in perfect physical and mental condition
Why?I feel this life is too short to properly experience all the world has to offer. I don't like that my body will slowly get worse and worse until death is seen as a welcome change. But then again, who does?
Another 'thing' I wish I could have: my 'soul mate', rationally I know this is b.s., soul mates don't exist. Still, I'm a hopeless romantic, I might idealize romance a bit too much. But I don't feel this answer fits the question. “wish you could have” implies I could never get it, I don't give up that easy!
Now, please pretty please, I'd like some suggestions.
Disclaimer: I promise not to feel butthurt when someone suggests type 6.