Ok lets try this typing thing again

Ok lets try this typing thing again

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This is a discussion on Ok lets try this typing thing again within the What's my Enneagram type? forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; I'll try this more in a give and take fashion. I'm on the border of multiple different types and I ...

  1. #1

    Ok lets try this typing thing again

    I'll try this more in a give and take fashion. I'm on the border of multiple different types and I need some help to figure mine out.

    What are your motivations?
    To express myself honestly and to make other people happier with my disposition and actions. I help people out without requesting any return because it makes me happy. I give to others because it is in my nature. I am here to enjoy and give enjoyment.
    But I think behind those motives is the need to be liked and respected, I thrive off relationships and If I plan to do something, I will put in all my effort to be the best I can. I'm fiercely independent with my own work. I try to be un-judging in my affection but I give endlessly more time and effort to those who I know will be there for me.
    I try to be strong with compassion and filled with a naive lightheartedness. At my worst I push people away and escape, and I become apathetic yet still caring. The worst feeling is the feeling of conflicting actions and intentions. With people I just find what makes them smile and I do more of it. It's usually pretty offbeat and exaggerated.

    Describe your ideal self
    Ideally I would like to inspire people to be happy and compassionate through myself, but sometimes that just doesn't happen.
    I make people happy by being myself, but by being myself I just want to make people happy so sometimes I'll change the timbre of my attitude.
    I definitely feel that sometimes theres no space for me and I have to carve it out and take charge.

    I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid when people realize my true self I'll be rejected and exposed for my weaknesses. I'm afraid of sadness and denial.

    I think thats a good starting place. It's difficult to recreate my talking style and engaged nature over the internet, so imagine more .

    Give it a go and if you have any other questions just ask.
    Last edited by TheYellow; 12-25-2010 at 12:06 PM.
    screamofconscious thanked this post.

  2. #2

    I hope you have patience for slow response times on my part. It's partly because of my full life but also because I like to let things roll around in my head. Those moments where conclusions crystallize in my mind are neat.

    Anyway, some questions for you:

    What kind of stuff gets you mad?
    How aware of your anger in the moment, are you?
    What is it about 2, 4 and 7 that you relate to in particular?

    If you have the means and are comfortable with the idea, posting a video of yourself can be incredibly helpful toward typing you.

    I'm bit by bit, browsing your past posts. Between our previous conversation and what I'm seeing on the forum, I'm leaning toward 9 for your core fix, at the moment. If not core, very possibly your gut fix.

    Please feel free to ask any questions you might have. I'll do my best to answer.

  3. #3

    I wouldn't say patience is my strongest trait but take your time! It doesn't bother me, you have things to do, and most importantly at least for me, your making some sort of effort. Any response at this stage is a great response.
    Side note: I think thats true for me for a number of different things. I was always like that. I like to make people respond, get active, I like to see people react with me and 'play'.

    Firstly I can't really stand behind my posts as of late because of the moods I've been in. I wouldn't put that much emphasis on my previous posts because my mom has been very ill and my dad has been drinking and I've been caught in between them.
    Also I've noticed that I come across totally different when discussing interesting topics without any human interaction. I'm very expressive and very active, two things you can't really sense over the internet. While I am a smart person, I'm rather horrible at staying logical, and sometimes mistake my feelings for rationale. Don't judge me on my actions, but intentions.

    Actually I think my stress is seeping through this as I write, perhaps type as if I weren't acting as my regular type? I really don't have any advice, if I did I would be taking it myself. Perhaps I need to leave and come back when I'm more comfortable.

    I just finished watching some old VHS tapes of me 1-5 years old. I was a mover and a shaker, always voicing my opinions. I think the 9ness that I embody is really just learned traits after being with my overly dominating father. That's why I want to find out my true type, as I know many of my traits today are merely because of circumstance. But saying that I still could have a 9 gut fix. I never really score that high on 9's but I could have a bias.

    Quote Originally Posted by screamofconscious View Post
    What kind of stuff gets you mad?
    When people ignore me or take my presence for granted. I'm a highly focused person and I give my all to things I enjoy. When people glaze over me it feels like an insult to my character. Any blatant attempts to cut me down make me incredibly reactive and flustered. Most the time I try to hide it though. I probably get most angry with myself though. I'm my biggest critic and there is a huge dissonance between my thoughts and actions sometimes, because I'm scared. Scared of situations I shouldn't be but I still am so I don't take action. I know I should have and I know I could have but I didn't. That is most liable to make me angry.

    Quote Originally Posted by screamofconscious View Post
    How aware of your anger in the moment, are you?
    I'm usually aware of when I'm angry. The only time I've gotten into a fight is when this guy was making a girl I was walking with uncomfortable by harassing her, because he thought no white people would mess with him (A tall black guy). He got all up in my face when I told him to stop and I kicked his face in. It wasn't really a fight but he backed off. I don't like when people try and assert their dominance. When people downplay others and blindly assert their egos, it makes me angry. I'm cool under pressure now but when I was younger I would become engulfed by blind rage. Usually after kids picked on me because I was small and didn't really fit in with the 'dudes'. This only made things worse because I would feel ashamed because the anger was aimed at no one and only made people believe I was less of an equal.

    Quote Originally Posted by screamofconscious View Post
    What is it about 2, 4 and 7 that you relate to in particular?
    Type 7 is the type I usually score the highest on in tests and the enneagram I identify best with when I'm in a stable happy mood. I love to experience new things and the general happy disposition that can be infectious. However as of late I feel that it doesn't reflect my tendency to wallow in my melancholy feelings and introspect and analyze.After my father got very agressive when I got older I become much more reserved and lately I feel embarrassed to smile or show any emotions. I feel like I can't do that around my parents anymore and it tears me apart. It's what I want to do but I was conditioned to do otherwise. The thing that makes me depressed is when I don't have the ability to express my emotions freely because I'm usually an uplifting guy. I can't express who I am to my parents because I was forced to keep it inside for so long.

    Type 2 is also something that I think was a learned behavior. It was the way I was able to be active and communicate with my father who was always the controller. By acting like a 2 I never had to face his bad side and he might even become nicer. But disregarding that I also have always loved to see people laugh and smile and I love to help people. I can be selfless in my actions and thought, but a bit selfish when it comes to emotion. Again though, lately it hasn't reflected my interactions. Also see above for lack of interaction and emotion.

    Type 4 I think represents my feeling of being different and the lack of understanding that people have of me. I can hardly understand myself and I know people around me just think I'm some strange guy. I can have extended periods of wallowing in my imagination and feelings, but when I'm feeling better that begins to stop and I reach out to people much more. Type 4 may be a feeling I've acquired over the years of highschool when I tried to fit in with the naive teenagers but was never able to because I knew some of the truths of life that few teenagers should and was very in tune with myself. I talked with every social group at my highschool but not until senior year did I really develop true friendships and established myself with a so called 'clique'. My mom and dad are ISFJ and ESTJ respectively and my sister is INTJ. I really can't relate to any of their ways of thinking. I inherited many of their traits and I'm behind many of their decisions. But I never really feel too understood. People seem to place their views in me as to see where I'm coming from, but it feels like I'm coming from a different direction most the time.

    I found this the other day and it seems useful. I would have to say that my mother is responsive, and my father and sister are active.
    Personality Types - Enneagram and Myers Briggs

    Well as always, this has turned into a free flowing dialoge between me and myself with some introspection. I just sat down and it all kind of spilled out. I'm sure there are truths in here but also be weary of the influence of my aim. Sometimes I can be very good at getting what I want to hear, regardless of my conscious attention to not doing it.
    Ideally I want to conclude on a type which I can positively relate to and I definitely have my biases on which type I would like to be.
    I'd like to add that I don't enjoy pressing all of my feelings and thoughts on to you, but there's really no warrant for light talk or embellished ideas. I try to be objective because I try to be honest.
    And as you can probably tell, I have a lot to say and even MORE to ask. Really the problem is who to ask and how to phrase it. I'm insatiably curious. Right now I can't think of any helpful questions. I tend to ask myself questions most of the time and respond internally.

    I'm trying to find myself so I can be honest in my expression. I want to be sincere and kind, I want to be happy. I can't do this when my center is misplaced, from what I think was a chaotic childhood.

    Again with the tangents, but I think it's valuable. Also, everything makes sense in my head but I always have trouble putting it into words. Grammar was always my worst subject.

    If you got this far, thanks for reading.
    Also Merry Christmas! Or happy holidays, whatever floats your boat.

    Also- I'm missing that give and take that usually happens face to face. I feel selfish and up tight without it. Feel free to ramble about something!

    Edit: I'll probably just have to make a video. After re reading and re editing it's still really incoherent. Huzaa for second guessing.
    Last edited by TheYellow; 12-25-2010 at 10:35 PM.
    screamofconscious thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    I think no on 7. 7's aren't very aware of feelings of shame/embarrassment. If they do become aware of it, they won't show it or talk about it with others. A 6w7 might misidentify as a 7 however and can easily associate with such feelings.

    You seem less 9ish at this point, however, if it's in there, I'd lean toward 9w8. I think I'd like to throw 3 on the table. Any reasons why you do or do not identify with that type?
    TheYellow thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Hmm, 3's.
    I do have the need to succeed and I do have the need to be impressive, but they're not overpowering.
    Initially I thought I was 4w3, and I'm wondering why I started doubting myself in the first place.
    But usually the descriptions of 3s are focused on how they are efficient and colder "get things done" people. I feel more idealistic and have a tendency to do what's aligned with 'me' rather than what is efficient.

    Now that I think about it though, I can definitely see 3 tendencies in my past post. Definitely gives me some material to think about.
    When people ignore me it's more the insult to my character and actions that gets me down rather than the absence of recognition.

    A certain situation might highlight it better.
    I played in front of a large audience as a solo performer and I wasn't really into any of my songs and it really didn't reflect the kind of music and mood I was trying to portray. People said it was a great performance but to me it really didn't make any difference. It wasn't as I imagined nor what I had intended.
    On the other hand just recently I performed as a second guitarist/vocalist for a band in town and I absolutely loved it. No one really came up to me and said what a wonderful job I did. No one really knew me in the audience. However the band was great and I felt the songs were fun and meaningful. My favorite part was just smiling and singing not really caring about the reaction. Everyone was having fun.

    So far this has been the hardest response, to either refute or accept. I'd rather not just stop here though. The 3 seems to describe some parts of me but really leaves out the most important parts. My authenticity and general humble nature does NOT come through in these posts. In fact I think the very opposite does. I'm assertive but I try to not be 'better'. I just try to 'be' and assert that 'being'.....yea

    GAH this is near impossible to put into words! This time I don't think a video would help. It's all in my head and I understand why this doen't fit but I can't articulate it well. When I'm centered people like and enjoy being around me. I most enjoy when I'm in a mode of genuine helpfulness and happiness. When I'm me people enjoy being around me. THAT's why I'm looking for my type. Possibly this is a 3 type in a disguise?

    But I am aware of what I think are other people's perceptions. Like right now I'm thinking "I hope whoever is reading this isn't bored and thinking how selfish I am. I bet whoever is reading this is getting the wrong message, maybe I'll change this."

    I'd much rather be relatively unknown and be able to honestly express myself than be well known and just be expressing the general consensus of what is acceptable.
    Overall I think I definitely have 3 traits, but I don't think they define me. Or maybe you have a different opinion?

    So now after thinking out loud and going through the numbers, I'm falling back to around 4w3 or something in the heart triad rather than something from 6-9.
    What's your take on that?

    Edit: If it wasn't too obvious, I don't want to be typed as a 3. This could be either denial as a 3 or plain disagreement as another type. Either way I don't think I could live easy knowing I was inherently inauthentic. It feels like a 'weak' type, susceptible to un honorable motivations, all the more because I can see myself in it sometimes. Hmm maybe we can add that to fears? Fear of being fake. Fear of being weak?

    Edit numero dos: wrote this up and it's fairly accurate.
    * Tell us in a brief paragraph or two how you would describe yourself and what you hope to get out of this forum.
    I'm a young hearted energetic guy put in an older sublimated environment. Some may call me well rounded but I'd just call myself conflicted. I've been through a lot in my life and I've been able to bounce back not with relative ease, but I've done it none the less. I never give up and I'll help you out if you need it. I have a huge imagination and I listen to music almost all the time. I play in two bands and I'm artistic in most things I do. I've also got a scientific side though. I tend to doubt myself too much and I'm very aware. Overall though if you met me in real life I'd be fun and talkative. I like to laugh and to make other people laugh. I just come across a bit jaded on here. I hope to find myself and learn about others on this forum.
    Last edited by TheYellow; 12-26-2010 at 06:57 PM.

  7. #6

    So after reading the descriptions at:
    the enneagram ...info from the underground

    There were no types that I identified more than 3, 4, or even 6 (9 too).
    As much as I would like to identify with 7s, 8s, or 2s I fear it's merely wishful thinking.

  8. #7

    Of the type descriptions I've seen, 3's always get the stamp of superficial glowing pride. The descriptions define by observing a 3, they miss out on some rather large portions of the type.

    3's have the insides of a blank portrait, throughout life they are finding a picture to paint for the the canvas. Many alterations, erasing, and changing throughout their life (perhaps the superficial vibe comes from this?), they are often inconsistent in behavior (or too consistent when sold to their image).

    A 3 puts forth an image, the image is what they use to do whatever they want (they usually succeed), it's adaptive and "smooth". Their inner self is often put in the backburner, because it is not ready, it does not work, it is too much. Failure is the pits, the image cracks.

    The portrait must have something, occasionally a 3 will put something in it, just to have it for the image (perhaps materialism, they want the image the object lets off, not the value). Forever seeking authenticity, or just a balance between the image, and the self.

    The type's in the 3-6-9 line have a tie to searching, and in a pattern perhaps. The 3 is always searching, the 9 needs to search, and the 6, why do I need to?.
    Promethea, screamofconscious and TheYellow thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Thanks, I just made some big leaps of thought after exploring around on the enneagram forum also. I do appreciate that metaphor.
    I'll be back when I have my head on my shoulders. But right now I'm feeling either 4w3 or 6w7, and the possibility of 3w4.

    Do you ever have those times when you can almost see what you're looking for and you're on some huge bridge of thought and you're inches away from the answer and then it all shatters? I feel like that just happened. I was having a moment of clarity where things almost made sense but now it feels like I'm in the exact same position as before I even started this thread.
    Scruffy and screamofconscious thanked this post.

  10. #9

    I see a quite a bit that makes me think 3w4 as your core type. If you like, I can highlight what and why. Not everybody is comfortable with an analysis like that though, so I leave it up to you.

    In any case, 3's are not inherently inauthentic. Perhaps this perception appears in 3 descriptions due to their ability to adapt. As any type deteriorates, they become less authentic. 4's might be the most obviously inauthentic at unhealthy levels due to their rejection of any and all commonalities between themselves and others.

    I'd say the "cold" and "efficient" descriptors of type 3 are probably geared more towards 3's with a 5 head fix. I'm really not sure about your head fix at this moment but if I had to guess off of impression alone, I'd say 6w7. As for your gut fix, would you say you get angry often or easily?

    Whenever you're ready. And yeah, I can relate to feeling like I have the answers within my grasp and they some how just slip away. Sometimes I find that there are people around who can help though.
    TheYellow thanked this post.

  11. #10

    FWIW, the 3ishness that I'm seeing in you isn't at all off putting.
    TheYellow thanked this post.

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