lets try this

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This is a discussion on lets try this within the What's my Enneagram type? forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; ... very stream of consciousness. And I'm pretty emo today. 1. What drives you in life? What do you look ...

  1. #1

    lets try this

    ... very stream of consciousness. And I'm pretty emo today.

    1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

    ... knowledge, passion and experience. The possibility of travel, of love affairs or finding someone truly special, being able to breathe and not feel suffocated by the mandates of society, or culture

    2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

    ... used to be, musician. But there’s a literary and dramatic undertone to music that get neglected. To live and feel intensity, to be fully alive. Awake.

    3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

    ... living a life of boredom, of monotony, of being someone I’m not, of becoming someone I don’t want to be, of become someone who would frighten me if I were to look in the mirror, of disappearing into the oblivious masses, of being consumed by depression and not doing anything. Of running away from myself.

    What values are important to you?

    ... love, that includes the love of self, live and other people deserving of love. I was spoonfed the brotherhood of man garbage, but I’m more of a feast of friends to a giant family. To have someone close and not feel lonely. To learn and to understand, clarity and not obscurity: Perception, contemplation and understanding and never blind ritual and conformity. Freedom to live, love and define yourself.

    4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

    ... to die and not live.

    5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

    ... I was extremely vain when I was younger, and the more hurt I felt the more I wanted attention. Bad attention is better than no attention. Right now, I honestly could care less. I accept there are those who hate me, and those who love me. I want others to see me for who I am and not what I do or my aptitude at what I do.

    ... I don’t see myself. I am myself. There are many things I like, many things I don’t and would like to change.

    6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

    ... best: freedom to do, live as I please. Being able to connect with others. The possibility of writing, travel, romance [regardless if its a monogamous girlfriend, or a fling I would love it to be meaningful and that we genuinely care for one another in that particular moment]. Fluent in words, thought and feeling light and alive and able to speak my mind openly without feeling like I’m always judged for who I am.
    ... That I am nobody, confined to a life of monotony, without friends, without hope, without a future and the possibility of one and becoming a grey spec of meaningless dusts where society, corporations, media and the masses at large trample my dignitity and won’t let me feel like/be myself. I had very judgemental people in my life, can you tell?

    7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

    anger, it’s very internal. Get me furious enough and I could write season after season of Dexter. Sometimes it scares me how fast my mind works and thankfully it’s mental
    ... shame, paralyzing. I feel that I’m not going to be accepted for who I am. I’m ashamed of things I haven’t done more than those I have. Although I do feel bad about the anger and that I sacrificed many friendships, lovers in favor of working on my music and I just don’t have as much experience dating as I would like.
    ... anxiety, I don’t know. Depression more like it.

    8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

    ... stress, either become an ass-kissing doormat or a perfectionist. Both nauseating.
    ... change, no problem. Good, bad. Judged accordingly.
    ... conflict. I’ve been asked to keep the peace and doing so makes me think super violent thoughts and those frighten me. Also my parents tell me I’m still confrontational because, well growing up in rough neighbourhoods and having ‘pick on me’ tattooed on your forehead, you learn to fight. In healthy situation indifferent. There are people I can talk to, others I want to sandpaper their face, and others who just make me feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

    9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

    ... fuck both of these. If you need someone to tell you what to think, what to feel and can’t make up your mind on your own, you’re an idiot. Have your own thoughts, emotions and values. Stupid sheeple.

    ... I get the need for order and that people can’t take responsibility for themselves, or lack the character needed to know what it right/wrong, what makes sense and if the authority in question is ethical and it makes sense to have it, cool. Power to, not power over. I’m not into rewards and punishments, lame. I don’t even get off on accomplishment. If I don’t enjoy something I won’t do it. Maybe you’d really have to twist me leg.

    10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

    ... right now, pessimistic. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I used to give everyone an honest chance but I had friends betray me, take advantage of my hospitality and open door policy, become an emotional burden, that I just closed up within myself and crashed. Humanity, I’d like to think most people are okay, except they’ve been hurt like myself and everybody else by someone abusive and it might take time to open up.


    test results

    I usually get 4 or 7 with the left overs to 9. The suggestions for 4 help millions on the enneagram institute page, more so than 7. But not by much.
    nburns thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Think I'm going to say 4.

  3. #3

    Your core type is 4w5. But it can easily be 4w3.

    You enneatype: 4w5/3 7w6 9w1 sx/sp
    nburns, Doc Dangerstein and Jakuri thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurus View Post
    Your core type is 4w5. But it can easily be 4w3.

    You enneatype: 4w5/3 7w6 9w1 sx/sp
    ... cool, the first two I agree with. I'm seeing how I'm core 4 rather than core 7. And I most certain agree with the instinct. I have absolutely no social instincts. Societal approval is the last thing on my mind.

    Never been a member of a church, subculture, political party or feel any pride for my nationality. I went to church when I was younger because I believed in God at the time, I stopped when I begin to see it as a level of government I didn't need in my life and opted for personal knowledge and understanding. Only reason I fly the Polish flag is because I was born there and love Warsaw as a city and feel happy when I visit. I also have this uncanny attraction for Lisbon and I'm not Portuguese. The need for safety and security is definitely secondary. I'm definitely governed by attraction to the choices I make: I choose music because I love playing/writing knowing very well it's financially unreliable, I choose to read things because they interest me, and my friends are those who captivate me. It doesn't mean I'm cruel and unfriendly to others, and if they show me kindness which I greatly appreciate, I'm happy to share their company. Except there is no magical spark between us. The relationship doesn't always need to be romantic/sexual because I can have the same feeling towards men minus physical desire.

    ... maybe I知 an 8 rather than a 9. I知 not aroused by dominance and violence, but mockery and satire are my weapons of choice and I have absolutely no qualms about offending people. Secretly I enjoy it and I hate to apologize when I知 convinced I知 right. I might say 的知 sorry you lack the intelligence to see my point. or 的知 sorry you池e a waste of my time. I have no problem giving a sincere apology but when one is demanded me because of manners it often very caustic. I hate that lovey-dovey, hippy, kumbaya bullshit.

    The sign of a true alpha male is one who know his influences, feels secure enough in his own skin and no longer feels the need to dominate another. [I find pointless dominance offensive and a sign of weakness, actually this is why I hate Canadian multiculturalism and it's acceptance of foreign dominance as encoded in their religion and value systems] At the same time, stand your ground. Stand for what you池e about and if you need break a few noses, or yell at someone or push the read button, so be it.

    I'm still perplexed over the body-fix. Actually, I know people who always explain themselves, almost apologetically and I just roll my eyes and not say anything.
    Aurus and nburns thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Spastic Origami View Post
    ... cool, the first two I agree with. I'm seeing how I'm core 4 rather than core 7. And I most certain agree with the instinct. I have absolutely no social instincts. Societal approval is the last thing on my mind.

    Never been a member of a church, subculture, political party or feel any pride for my nationality. I went to church when I was younger because I believed in God at the time, I stopped when I begin to see it as a level of government I didn't need in my life and opted for personal knowledge and understanding. Only reason I fly the Polish flag is because I was born there and love Warsaw as a city and feel happy when I visit. I also have this uncanny attraction for Lisbon and I'm not Portuguese. The need for safety and security is definitely secondary. I'm definitely governed by attraction to the choices I make: I choose music because I love playing/writing knowing very well it's financially unreliable, I choose to read things because they interest me, and my friends are those who captivate me. It doesn't mean I'm cruel and unfriendly to others, and if they show me kindness which I greatly appreciate, I'm happy to share their company. Except there is no magical spark between us. The relationship doesn't always need to be romantic/sexual because I can have the same feeling towards men minus physical desire.

    ... maybe I’m an 8 rather than a 9. I’m not aroused by dominance and violence, but mockery and satire are my weapons of choice and I have absolutely no qualms about offending people. Secretly I enjoy it and I hate to apologize when I’m convinced I’m right. I might say “I’m sorry you lack the intelligence to see my point.” or “I’m sorry you’re a waste of my time.” I have no problem giving a sincere apology but when one is demanded me because of manners it often very caustic. I hate that lovey-dovey, hippy, kumbaya bullshit.

    The sign of a true alpha male is one who know his influences, feels secure enough in his own skin and no longer feels the need to dominate another. [I find pointless dominance offensive and a sign of weakness, actually this is why I hate Canadian multiculturalism and it's acceptance of foreign dominance as encoded in their religion and value systems] At the same time, stand your ground. Stand for what you’re about and if you need break a few noses, or yell at someone or push the read button, so be it.

    I'm still perplexed over the body-fix. Actually, I know people who always explain themselves, almost apologetically and I just roll my eyes and not say anything.
    Maybe you are an 8w9 or 8w7 then. Probably 8w7. And you have a very interesting life story.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Spastic Origami View Post
    I'm still perplexed over the body-fix. Actually, I know people who always explain themselves, almost apologetically and I just roll my eyes and not say anything.
    Don't worry about tri-fixes. Tri-fixes are controversial at best and I think they are complete foolishness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurus View Post
    Maybe you are an 8w9 or 8w7 then. Probably 8w7. And you have a very interesting life story.
    For body-fix? Or core? Definitely not core 8.
    Doc Dangerstein and Aurus thanked this post.

  8. #7

    ... thanks your the input @Aurus .

    Awesome to have someone with whom I can bounce around ideas. That's what they do, bounce all over the place in a chorus of 'what if this' and 'what if that' until they get their own sense of direction. The adjective of maverick feels closer than bear, I'm leaning to 8w7 over 8w9.

    Dad is 9-5-something, mom is 2-9-something. I learned diplomacy but it always feels fake and strategic. Like chess with surgical implants. Anyway, thanks again man. Is that Samuel L Jackson? Nice!

    @nburns , definitely body fix 8. I looked into 4/7 and the last couple of nights and can't imagine myself being anything else BUT a core 4. My only beef is 'envy.' I am not the jealous sort. I'm someone who is naturally happy if things go well for friends and other people and have absolutely no desire to squash another's good fortune because they have it and I don't. Maybe my understanding of 'envy' is different from the enneagram's. English being a 3rd language and all :)

    But I certainly understand 'longing'
    nburns thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Spastic Origami View Post
    ... thanks your the input @Aurus .

    Awesome to have someone with whom I can bounce around ideas. That's what they do, bounce all over the place in a chorus of 'what if this' and 'what if that' until they get their own sense of direction. The adjective of maverick feels closer than bear, I'm leaning to 8w7 over 8w9.

    Dad is 9-5-something, mom is 2-9-something. I learned diplomacy but it always feels fake and strategic. Like chess with surgical implants. Anyway, thanks again man. Is that Samuel L Jackson? Nice!

    @nburns , definitely body fix 8. I looked into 4/7 and the last couple of nights and can't imagine myself being anything else BUT a core 4. My only beef is 'envy.' I am not the jealous sort. I'm someone who is naturally happy if things go well for friends and other people and have absolutely no desire to squash another's good fortune because they have it and I don't. Maybe my understanding of 'envy' is different from the enneagram's. English being a 3rd language and all :)

    But I certainly understand 'longing'
    You know, I could also see 9.

    I've been responding to these questionnaires for about 3 months now, and I'm not 100% sure if I've seen an actual 4 yet. There have been lots of 9s looking sort of 4ish. I wonder if actual 4s are put off by the idea of posting a questionnaire.
    Doc Dangerstein and ScientiaOmnisEst thanked this post.

  10. #9

    ... lets compare the two. First the 9.

    Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable.

    ... actually, I was VERY reckless throughout my early twenties. And my thoughts, opinions and emotions are constantly changing. There are things I feel strongly about BUT as the situation changes [or my understanding of the situation] so do my feelings. Acceptance, sure if it's something I can't do anything about. Trusting, I'm willing to take a chance on people and it doesn't bother me if the relationship falters. That's just life: you take a change in friendships, dating, business. Some things work, others do not.

    They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace.

    ... creative yes, optimistic sometimes. I wouldn't call myself a pessimist either. A realistic optimist perhaps. I have no problem calling a nasty situation nasty and do get called a fear monger sometimes but when I speak of those possibilities I feel no fear and I feel no anxiety. If I feel something is a horrible idea, and if I given it some thought and it remains a horrible idea, I have no problem telling someone it's a horrible idea. Going along with others is not my style, and I'm suspicious of others who go along with me. But if you're my people, definitely fiercely loyal and supportive. Sheeple are disposable and would rather not have them in my life. I get some are less confident than others and they may have their doubts as to who they are or what they want or they may feel lost, but sheeple ... I find it difficult to accept those who don't have independent thought or feeling.

    They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting.

    ... man, I'm too much of a shit disturber. The one time I kept the peace is when my mother fell sick. You know, obvious reasons. She is good people and I care about her and I understood how my actions could affect her health at the time. It was taxing for me to do so and she commented about my repressed aggression many times.

    They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness.

    ... my two personal peeves. Sometimes I fall into inertia when I'm depressed and feel hopeless. It's not so much of inertia but a feeling of being stuck in the mire, spinning the tires of my thought, action and downright frustrated that nothing is moving forward.

    At Their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

    ... granted, I know a very healthy nine and she's awesome at this. It's not who I am. I don't think community. I understand politics, but God, it's something I passionately hate. I would never want to be elected into office or be a civil/social servant.


    ...

    Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved.

    ... yes, minus being reserved. I'm not reserved about myself, about being who I am. But I am reserved in passing judgement on something or someone and feel that every decision I make is one I can change in the future. I do reserve the option to change my mind.

    They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious.

    ... yes. Sometimes I'm not emotionally honest to others because, work and life. But I'm always honest to myself regardless of how frightening my impulses are. But, yes, yes and once again yes.

    Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living.

    ... I would like to say no to "vulnerable and defective" but I'd be lying to myself if I did. Yes, I am the creator of my own life.

    They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.

    ... yes, yes, and kind of.

    At Their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experience

    ... yes, a weird fusion of Dionysus and Hermes. What sucks is that inspiration needs to be followed by sober thought and mastery of craft to amount to anything :)

    The big question I had with for is 'envy.' Actually I was sceptical of enneagram for the longest time because it borrowed a lot from religion: sin, redemption, etc. I don't feel like doing 7. Maybe it's the religious talk again, but I certain need no rescuer or a saviour. A saviour from what? Life? Myself? It's the other detail of 4 I really have issues with.

    EDIT: the integration/disintegration make better sense with 4 than they do for 9. I hate to accept growth at 1 because 1s sound like they're no fun. I can accept growth to 1 as a means to realize my intention, because it's necessary to persevere and to do the work and do it well. Otherwise, I could care less about inner 1-ness. Unhealthy 1s would irritate me. I mean, get a grip on yourself and who made you authority. At 2, I could see myself being manipulative like unhealthy 2s but their healthy traits don't interest me very much. Disintegration at 6, [for E9], I feel fear, anger, contempt, boredom, disgust and apathy, hopelessness or futility but rarely worry or anxiety. And I care too little about ambition to be integrate to 3. Accomplishment is nice but not at the expense of myself. Granted exertion is necessary but I mean at the expense of your inner core. Tried that, hated it.
    Last edited by Doc Dangerstein; 03-10-2016 at 01:36 PM.
    nburns thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by nburns View Post
    Don't worry about tri-fixes. Tri-fixes are controversial at best and I think they are complete foolishness.



    For body-fix? Or core? Definitely not core 8.
    Lol, body-fix. The core is definitely 4.

    Quote Originally Posted by Spastic Origami View Post
    ... thanks your the input @Aurus .

    Awesome to have someone with whom I can bounce around ideas. That's what they do, bounce all over the place in a chorus of 'what if this' and 'what if that' until they get their own sense of direction. The adjective of maverick feels closer than bear, I'm leaning to 8w7 over 8w9.

    Dad is 9-5-something, mom is 2-9-something. I learned diplomacy but it always feels fake and strategic. Like chess with surgical implants. Anyway, thanks again man. Is that Samuel L Jackson? Nice!
    Lol, no problem mate. And btw, it is Samuel L. Jackson
    Doc Dangerstein thanked this post.


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