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This is a discussion on All about me me me. within the What's my Enneagram type? forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; Go for it. If you can find a better type fit than the 9w8 I have then post your thoughts ...

  1. #1

    All about me me me.

    Go for it. If you can find a better type fit than the 9w8 I have then post your thoughts as to why.


    Anyone arguing in here over the top will be hacked into little bits and sent to your mother.




    What age range are you in?


    Middle age.

    Any disorders or conditions we should know about?

    Addison's disease. It has impacted on mental health in a couple of ways ie depression hits for a day or so here and there and there (it's one of the symptoms but I don't pay it much heed apart from being really annoying) I have a thing where I disconnect from the autopilot of mood and follow how I think I should behave instead (or I would have killed people by now).There are two ways of dealing: I remove myself from it by ignoring the crap out of it and soldiering on or I take a day of self indulgence in sadness and watch movies where people soldier on against odds ie 300 (tonight we dine in hell) so ignoring it by proxy. It's diminished acuity somewhat. I was really smart, quick and witty and now I'm slow to think and sometimes confused when my levels are low. It's affected most parts of me and dynamics have altered but those are probably most salient to this.



    Main Questions

    1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

    I think I'm just an animal driven by a need to live and try and see my line doesn't fail. Har! I'm not ambitious. I'm interested in doing what I want, being free, being independent. I hate being told what to do or being manipulated to do the right thing because I have my own mind already geared towards responsibility, doing the right thing and modifying my own behaviour accordingly. I'm inclusive and concerned with justice even though I rarely offer thoughts to arguments concerning justice. I'd rather do things to benefit others rather than sit on a thistle and whine about it.
    2. What were you like as a kid?.

    I was easy going in some respects until someone told me what to do then I simply woudn't do it. I could be asked to do something and happily do it though. I would daydream a lot, I was creative (won art prizes in school). Hated team sports but enjoyed skating, bmxing and go-carting. I always came second in the 100 metre sprints even when I had the edge and could win I wouldn't and it never worried me at all. My quietness was sometimes misconstrued as shyness and I was precocious. Adults always loved me because I was cute and said alarming and hilarious things once in a while in front of a crowd. I'd often go missing (wandering off) I was found in a suitcase asleep on one of those occasions ut mostly I'd find a place to sit and read. I was sick with asthma a lot and hospitalised on many occasions.

    3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

    My mother threw anything she could at me in terms of books, resources like art supplies. She was clever with me and I was less of a drama because of her ways to distract me when I dug in, and her treating me with respect. She would drive me interesting places when I had mild attacks of asthma. She was supportive and we never really fought at all. My father was not always around but when he was he was a pain in the arse. We'd clash hideously. He'd tell me what to do I'd dig in and refuse to do it. I'd sometimes rise to the challenge and do the opposite. It was more obvious in my teens when he was trying to get me interested in modelling for a living so I shaved my head and got a tattoo....I became a punk afterwards because most of my old "friends" rejected my "look". My mother said my teen years were living in a parallel universe (I did have an early teens trauma though).

    4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

    I avoid being an arsehole and being the hand grenade I once was (I sometimes say I'm a recovering shrew). I don't necessarily need others around 24/7 but I thoroughly enjoy catchups with friends. I work at friendships and try to be supporting when I can. I strive to be as straight with people as possible with a no harm factor. I've learned how to be diplomatic even from being here and dealing with the underbelly of PerC. I haven't had that much of a filter throughout life (It's part of the charm but sometimes people don't get it and take my evil humour literally).

    5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

    Can't really say if I've ever had fears apart from rats. They give me the heebies I got pet mice to try and deal with that but then realised I didn't really like them either so I set them free. I've always been an optimist yet a cynic at the same time. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
    I was raped in my early teens but it did not really make me fear it happening again. Whenever something difficult comes up in my life I withdraw, regroup and try to get back as if nothing happened to affect me. It did put me off relationships until I was in my 20s even though I had a fair amount of interest in me. I withdrew and looked at myself to see if there was something I could alter and do better to avoid it in the future. There was only a couple of defining moments where I can say about the rape where I was frightened and it passed quickly. I faced my rapist around 6 years later and beat him at a game of pool and told him exactly how he affected me and told him he belonged in the gutter. It went well....he seemed taken aback and I had the catharsis I needed. When I heard he had died of an overdose years later I just felt sad for him that he might not have had a great life. I did a couple of reckless things during those somewhat dark years like hitching up the east coast of Aus but it wasn't out of fear. It was more a freedom thing. Thinking back it was just a bit stupid. It may have been after watching Easy Rider or something.

    6. a.) How do you see yourself?
    Just another person in the world. Nothing too spectacular. I've often been described as enigmatic by my mother and friends, maybe I am a bit.
    b.) How do you want others to see you?
    I don't think I have power over that but I do hope they understand why I do things. Ever the optimist, me.
    c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
    I don't like bullies. I don't like feeling trapped into acting because of other people's emotions I'd rather step back and follow my own course if I'm going to act. I think I've established that I don't like being told what to do. I don't like people who cut others off from saying sad or real things. I l like to hear real struggles and real thoughts rather than those of a controlled, contrived group setting where some imagined politeness trumps inclusiveness.

    7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
    a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 3
    b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 2
    c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 1

    8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
    To music. I can be talking to someone and want to answer in lyrics from a song or hum a guitar riff because it feels that way. To stories and ideas for stories and how I could implement them and extrapolate. I have no idea what provokes it. It's almost unconscious.

    9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

    I feel my best when I have freedom from expectations yet I don't shy from responsibility. Untenable situations where I am tied up and gagged (metaphorically).

    10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
    a.) anger.
    I react when I'm treated like I'm expected to knuckle under and play subordinate to a fool. I will play equal responsibilities and even take charge if I have to (but not out of desire to be on top). This has been a little bit of a sticking point in relationships, being a woman and not accepting what the role might entail. I'm not that traditional and my choices haven't been for smart men, or smart choices generally.
    b.) shame I rarely feel shame about anything. I feel guilt about somethings but I get over it fairly quick.
    c.) anxiety. I don't really feel anxious about a lot of things. I don't like having toxic people in my life meaning to undermine or threaten me, people or things near to me I don't really like thinking about them but if I do it's with an aim to eradicate them from my life.

    11. Describe how you respond to the following:

    a.) stress. I usually don't really know I'm under that much stress until I start to lose things, forget stuff and have stupid accidents like jamming my fingers in a car door. Addison's disease (adrenal insufficiency) is made much worse by stress so I have to be mindful to drink more fluids and sleep a little more. I'm irritated as fuck but I manually override irritation by doing things I think I should be doing (so I often confuse whether I'm under stress or not because I'm often overriding).
    b.) negative unexpected change. I generally move with the flow and treat like a problem to be solved. Great in a crisis but then I have to be aware of stress....and yeah, already addressed that. I tend to joke about negative things as a means to lessen the effects (it works for me).
    c.) conflict. I don't pick fights with people but I don't shy away from them either. If I've ignored someone who is picking a fight it's because I can see there will be no resolution and that it's going to be a time sink rather than a meeting that I or they can learn anything from and I avoid them. So I choose battles I've kicked people out of my house rather than continue with bullshitty arguments. A couple of people have landed on my step outside before they knew what had happened. Never to be talked to again.

    12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
    I've a tendency to be the joker once I get passed my initial reserve. I don't take life that seriously (although there have been times when I've been so sick I an't be bothered and sit like an observer). I also take on the role of the responsible one if there are drinks involved. I don't drink much. Also there are times when I've been the confidant. I keep secrets.

    b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why? I don't ask of people what I wouldn't/haven't been prepared to do myself. With power there is responsibility.
    c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why? Not really but there have been times I've not suffered fools gladly. I usually quit if the boss is horrible.

    13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
    I see people's vulnerabilities but I don't exploit them.

    14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
    I give trust until it is breached. Then I don't

    15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
    I'm Athiest with Pagan leanings. I doubt it.

    OMG I'm not answering any more questions from the questionnaire.

    Ask me stuff!
    Last edited by beth x; 05-11-2016 at 09:06 AM.
    mimesis, VinnieBob, Lord Bullingdon and 2 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I read it all. I also note you a senior Mod here who deals with conflict on a daily basis. I note your avatar. I note your nickname. I note your style. I note your willingness to be brutally direct with me personally in the past.

    I note this: "9w8 I have then post your thoughts as to why. Anyone arguing in here over the top will be hacked into little bits and sent to your mother."

    It might be that you truly are a 9, with a HUGE amount of protective layers. But a 9 is more famous for avoiding conflict, and deflecting, and not getting in the middle of it all.

    You appear to be willing to enter into conflict quite happily if it will help the environment, and help others. It BRINGS YOU ENERGY to set the environment to be a better place.

    Treebob self types as an 8w9, and I've always taken him at his word on that. Granted, he is ESTP, and mbti does indeed flavor the enneagram and how it appears IMO. But he's not shy about wading in to conflict, and setting things they way he thinks they should be. It doesn't appear to cost him any energy.

    I think a 9 it does cost energy to resolve conflict, even for a better solution. Yes, they can do it, but it costs. and over time, that eats away.

    A really healthy 7 has a desire to help others, and concern about other's feelings and well being.

    Why do you see yourself as a 9?
    Why do you not see yourself as an 8w9?
    Have you ever considered 7w8?

    Respect offered for willing to lay yourself out there.

  3. #3

    @bethdeth
    I've always gotten a 1 vibe from you, but I shall take a look at the questionnaire and see what turns off
    Edit: actually, looking through the thread, I think you are indeed correctly typed at 9w8, probably Sp/Sx (more assertive and less self-critical than 9w1).



    Last edited by Swordsman of Mana; 05-11-2016 at 02:26 PM.
    beth x and Ace Face thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Although I haven't seen you post anything in a long time, from what I can remember about your persona you reminded me very much of an 8w9. An 8 for sure was always front and center for me, from how you expressed yourself to how you treated others.
    beth x thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by drmiller100 View Post
    I read it all. I also note you a senior Mod here who deals with conflict on a daily basis. I note your avatar. I note your nickname. I note your style. I note your willingness to be brutally direct with me personally in the past.

    I note this: "9w8 I have then post your thoughts as to why. Anyone arguing in here over the top will be hacked into little bits and sent to your mother."

    It might be that you truly are a 9, with a HUGE amount of protective layers. But a 9 is more famous for avoiding conflict, and deflecting, and not getting in the middle of it all.

    You appear to be willing to enter into conflict quite happily if it will help the environment, and help others. It BRINGS YOU ENERGY to set the environment to be a better place.

    Treebob self types as an 8w9, and I've always taken him at his word on that. Granted, he is ESTP, and mbti does indeed flavor the enneagram and how it appears IMO. But he's not shy about wading in to conflict, and setting things they way he thinks they should be. It doesn't appear to cost him any energy.

    I think a 9 it does cost energy to resolve conflict, even for a better solution. Yes, they can do it, but it costs. and over time, that eats away.

    A really healthy 7 has a desire to help others, and concern about other's feelings and well being.

    Why do you see yourself as a 9?
    Why do you not see yourself as an 8w9?
    Have you ever considered 7w8?

    Respect offered for willing to lay yourself out there.
    I'm thinking I might actually be an 8w9 instead of a 9w8. I was diagnosed with Addison's in 2012 to give you a rough idea of how it went (some symptoms are laid out above). I was withdrawn and ill at the time I arrived here at the site after a hellish relationship and I strongly identified with 5 although I know in my heart of hearts that it didn't fit and quickly got over it but I still have the fear of becoming useless (it's been an immediate thing due to health and the implications). It really irritated me because I was left with being a 9. Nobody here has really seen the beth of old but she does come out more times than not nowadays. I've pretty much thought it might have been the 8 wing rising up occasionally rather than me being in a state of ill health and being more myself of old on occasion. I've been in a bit of a holding cell working through things and biding time. Not in a negative way. I make the most of what I have on hand. Not healthy but careful not to impact on people around me.

    The talk of anger over the time I've been here has made me wonder about 8 instead of 9 because it doesn't match a 9. I mine anger and ride it like a wave and the only negativity I see out of the emotion is losing control and shooting yourself in the foot and losing all the ground you've made. Don't let it get so messy that you become destructive to yourself and others.


    People in the past (when I have flourished) have described me as indomitable, a firebrand, emotionally stable, empathetic, kind, inscrutable, an enigma, an intimidating person. I have met people who have later said I thought you were scary when I first met you but now I see you as very kind. My daughter uses meeting me as a litmus test for her friends. If they aren't scared of me then they are worth keeping and if they are scared of me they have something to hide. It's actually proven accurate for her.

    I'm not really that protective of myself. I have layers that have been learned from past folly. Don't be vulnerable to people is more where I'm coming from. I have bent over backwards for people and I've self neglected (that part of 9 fits well) but it's more of a by product of untenable situations rather than some willing act of sacrifice.

    I haven't considered a 7 before but I can see why you've said it. I have been adventurous, versatile and spontaneous on a surface level but it's planned spontaneity when I'm in the middle waiting for other things to click into place. There has been more forethought into my adventures (they were sadly just misplaced hopes and trust). I do have the fear of being trapped in pain but it's because I had a back injury which causes pain....never again dude....NEVAR!
    drmiller100 thanked this post.

  7. #6

    I'm pushing. Meant in good faith.

    I TOTALLY believe 8w9, but let's look at 7 a bit.

    When done, I've never seen you lose sight of "kind." You are always "kind."

    The vast majority of 8's can be jerks at times, some of us more than others. Never seen you do that...... to me, that can be a happy 7 trait.

    Maybe you are just further along on the path towards 2 as an 8, which I'd also believe.

    smiles......
    beth x thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana View Post
    @bethdeth
    I've always gotten a 1 vibe from you, but I shall take a look at the questionnaire and see what turns off
    Edit: actually, looking through the thread, I think you are indeed correctly typed at 9w8, probably Sp/Sx (more assertive and less self-critical than 9w1).
    I was taken aback when you said I was perhaps a 1. Man, if you only knew how many times I've blown up the forum and had to fix my mistakes and how many times Siggy slapped me for getting processes wrong (she does not pick little faults because she can). She was awesome. I'm not that critical of people. I loathe being micromanaged or having to be involved in being a micromanager.

    With the 9w8 I thought I fit so/sp better than sx or leading sp. I have often sought out vulnerable people and stood by them against a group of people and created another group for them. I've chosen to work with people with disabilities now because I relate to them on different levels.

    a) I know what it's like to be misunderstood. I know what it's like to be in pain, I know what it's like to have things I can't do.
    b) I don't have to try and form an image to show people who I am. I'm reserved, absolute crap at projecting who I am and I like to see how people are before I have involvement with them. I'm there to facilitate their accessibility as a functioning member. It's how I view the moderating here too.
    drmiller100 thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by drmiller100 View Post
    I'm pushing. Meant in good faith.

    I TOTALLY believe 8w9, but let's look at 7 a bit.

    When done, I've never seen you lose sight of "kind." You are always "kind."

    The vast majority of 8's can be jerks at times, some of us more than others. Never seen you do that...... to me, that can be a happy 7 trait.

    Maybe you are just further along on the path towards 2 as an 8, which I'd also believe.

    smiles......
    I'm consciously mindful of what I say as I am in a position with responsibility both here, at home and wherever I go. If I didn't have the responsibilities I might tell a different story ((kinda like @MuChApArAdOx did, I think I may have been a little arseholish there)). I've had a few embarrassing situations where I've accidentally said things in the past that have come back to haunt me and I've shut people out, not asked for help when needed it and generally been unapproachable to the people who are good for me. I like to maintain a good circle of people I can be open, unfiltered and messy with but I understand that I'm not an easy read in spite of it so old friends are good friends because they see all the different ways I approach things, mistakes and all. There have been a few.

    An old man with dementia used to come in every day to the bar and say I was too skinny to take home because I couldn't keep him warm (I was in my 20s). I was nice to begin with but I nearly lost my mind after a while with the repetitiveness and said do you know you say this every day you silly old thing (I can't remember the exact words but they were pretty flippant and arseholish) but I remember the scorn I had. I remember he looked a little sad and I thought well.....I'll do better. So I have tried to do better because I don't like hurting people who don't ask for it. It's a justice thing maybe?


    My father used to brag about me taking no prisoners. It's the thing he hates when it comes to dealing with me personally (he says I'm hard) but it's the thing he admires in me when he watches me cut people down. My father's historical anecdotes aren't all that trustworthy. We have complete different histories of the same event, but anyway.....

    He tells the story of the time pulled a man by the cuff of his collar while working in his bar at the tender age of 18 with such glee. He says I was sick and tired of being hit on and I told him if he wanted to order a drink then he'd better get on with it. Me, I have no recollection of ever doing that but it does sound like something I might have done without actually grabbing his collar.


    I've stood up to people in bar work and physically pulled people from fighting and I've even kicked a man in the face (while he was standing) after months of torturous dealings with him. The entire bar watched in horror at closing time as I kicked and punched this guy out the door which was punctuated with my descriptions about what kind of person he was. I'm not proud of what I did and losing my shit like that. It was all I had left that was available at the time. It earned respect from everyone around and nobody really hounded me after that. I'm not even proud of that new found respect as it seemed more about me losing it as a reminder rather than conquering the enemy (he really was an enemy). I can't really remember punching him as much as I remember the looks of people standing around with their dropped jaws.

    I don't really know about paths in the enneagram that much but I know I have had a lot of lessons to get me here.


    @Entropic

    You have a decent insight into behaviours and people. If you have the time I would be grateful.
    Last edited by beth x; 05-12-2016 at 12:48 AM.
    drmiller100, Entropic and Santa Gloss thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by bethdeth View Post
    I was taken aback when you said I was perhaps a 1. .
    so much for 7....... 7 and 1 have links.
    i'm not seeing any 3 either, or 6 for that matter, which sort of precludes 9.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by drmiller100 View Post
    so much for 7....... 7 and 1 have links.
    i'm not seeing any 3 either, or 6 for that matter, which sort of precludes 9.
    There isn't anything I would say that was fearful about me. I walk through disaster knowing it was coming. I don't usually say I told you so either. Just get on with it getting through.

    The lowest scores for me were 2 3 and 4 (3 and 4 being equal) in the tests and I used the 3w4 out of the trityping because it fit the "competent 9" tritype (9w8 5w6 3w4). *shrug*


     
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