1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
Right now, I really don't know because I have a lot of things in mind. I can say that I want to finish college, read a lot of books, have professional experiences and contacts for my career in politics, which I want to become a Master on Government or Public Administration. I also want to provide my parents with a better home and, if I become a father, to be an excellent figure for my children. I can say that I look for excellence and success.
At the same time, while I'm very competitive and ambitious (traits that I consider very dangerous double edged swords), there's also moments in life where I just want to live a calm, peaceful life with friends and family. No need to better myself, to compete or to be in constant pressure. I love peacefulness, truthfulness and a joyful environment. There are some times when I want to work as a fast food cashier or just a librarian. But my monetary and personal ambitions stop me from that. I want to make changes in the world, through politics and its practice.
I also want to develop and excellent attitude and a healthy personality. That started when I read Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. Despite being a product of its time, it showed to importance of making good and productive habits in life and making rational decisions.
I yearn for security and strong opinions too. My career in politics deals with a lot of ideologies that my peers adopt and defend critically, but I just can't fit with any of them. I think that ideologies aren't best applied for the entire world but country to country, each of them presenting particular economic, social, cultural and political issues. For such, I want and do read a lot of books, seek a lot of information, pay attention to classes and do everything to form my opinions, and defend them the best I can.
I can say that success drives me, but also the desire to live peacefully and calmly as well as a desire to make right and appropiate decisions.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I hope to work in government or NGOs and design projects for poor people. I hope to become an excellent human being, professional, friend, son and partner. I hope to experience the most of life and use that experience for productive ends. I hope to make theories about administration and government that will help people. I hope that these accomplishments make me happy and others happy.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I avoid envy, since I tend to be envious and competitive. I love personal validation and praise, but I don't want that to be my main drive towards achieving my goals. I want to avoid anxiety, to second guess myself, to think way too much things. I want to be honest but not blunt, to act appropiatedly. I want to be a good person to people, but I don't want my goodness to be taken advantage of. I want to lead an active life, but my energy levels are low. I need to sleep a lot, and I hate that.
Responsibility, commitment, hard work, confidence, cooperation, trustfulness, persistence, friendship, solidarity, intelligence, tolerance, humbleness and openess are my core values.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Not doing the right decisions: that what I choose to do, the values I decide to live and the people that I choose to get together will just harm me and destroy me.
Not being able to correct my mistakes. I am often harsh, imprudent and somewhat insecure, which makes me get into hot water a lot. I want to be able to ammend my mistakes and do good.
Not being independent. I want to take the course of my life, have financial autonomy and being able to deal with people and the world to my benefit and other's benefit.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want people to see me as a good person, a good professional and a good friend. I want people to depend on me, be seen as trustable and responsible. I want people to enjoy all the good attitudes and traits I have and help me correct all those that are not appropiate or right. I want people to think of me not as a rival, but as an ally, someone who knows will help them. I want to be respected for my knowledge, actions and judgement. I want to be the voice of reason and the peaceful resolution to conflicts.
I see myself as an ambitious person, with a lot of skills and abilities to achieve my goals. I see myself as intelligent and capable, but often distracted, absent-minded and somewhat doubtful of my intelligence. I see myself as a very responsible, mature person, who does his best to act appropiatedly and keep to his promises. Point of fact, I value responsibility more than intelligence, because there are a lot of people who aren't particularly gifted, not even in social intelligence, but they have a drive to do things right that makes them overcome their obstacles. I see myself as an emotional person, sometimes my feelings difficulting my activities. I see myself as very naive and gullible, cause I haven't experienced a lot of things people my age have.
But above all, I know that all my flaws will be corrected and my virtues will make me do great things in life. It's something I know will happen. I have confidence in my future.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
What makes me feel best
To have people who understands and supports me and viceversa.
To know that I have developed myself and became a better person.
Peacefulness and lack of conflict.
When I sleep, because I love sleeping.
To hang out with people, and being able to connect with them.
To do something that I love and succeeding at it.
To assert myself (cause I'm not THAT assertive).
To be honest even at complicated times.
Listening to music.
What makes me feel worst
My sloth and lack of drive sometimes.
Some people's competitive and utilitarian attitudes.
Lack of responsability.
Failing at something because I didn't do a lot of effort or not doing what was right.
Second guessing myself.
Seeing all sides of a problem and not taking a stance.
Impatience and lack of tolerance.
People being rude and blunt using honesty as an excuse for their immature ways.
Any form of explotation.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
I don't get angry easily, mostly it's shown through irritation. I don't like to be angry, cause when I am I become very explosive. Sometimes I use my anger or indignation towards goals in my life. I fear that my anger will destroy people, or that people will destroy me for expressing my anger. I want the appropiate use of anger, which I think is through assertiveness.
While I'm mostly shameless or counter-shame, my most common way of showing shame is through shyness. I am very extroverted and all of that, but there are times that I don't know how to approach certain people, so I become shy, fearing that I will be disliked for stupid reasons. However, there are times that I just don't give a shit and act the way I do with people, and if they don't like, I just distance myself and that's it. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I also want to be respected, taken into account and be considered important and contributing, I'd be ashamed and angered if such things wouldn't be present in people, but if they do, I just walk away.
This has been a big enemy in my life. Most of my life's problems comes when I don't know how to deal with everyday's issues. I am very open to suggestions, opinions and such, but that makes me doubt myself a lot. That's why I either investigate more and more on something or I just trust my instincts (something I have trouble to) and do what I have in my head. That makes me very cautious as well as very impulsive. I want to be independent and wise so I calm my anxieties and act.
I see my anxiety coming in my family. I am an only child and I lived in a somewhat overprotected environment. I'm not that street smart or worldly wise, so that's why I behave anxiously, fearing that I will make some stupid mistake. I have inherited depression from my mom, and I have some symptoms of OCD, which further enhances my anxiety.
I am also aware of how unattentive or distracted I can be, so that's a source of behaving anxiously and over alert sometimes.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
I hate it, absolutely hate it. Not even on the "small, healthy doses". If there's something I dislike is to be pressured. I want things to go calm and smoothly, and solving problems and challenges with such calm that will enhance my power. When there's stress I tend to put an adrenaline rush in myself, so I will not fall into deep and unproductive over-worrying and do some action. If there's a LOT of stress, then I seek for help, immediately.
I don't like changes too, it angers me, especially when it's about commitments or responsiblities. I tend to get stressed for it, most of the times, so my reaction is the same as described above.
But when I see positive unexpected changes, I do feel really good, and I tend to see much more possibilities to even better the changes that have happened.
I also dislike it, cause I like everything to be peaceful and calm, but I accept it when if the situation demands it. For example, I will have fights with my parents and friends, but that's something that will surely happen. It's part of life to disagree, and deeply. So I take my stance and make a resolution as best as possible. If there's a conflict without any conciliation, then I think that problem ended and my interaction with that person too.
But for example, if I ask someone a question, and they respond me angrily because they thought it was stupid, then I do become angry and demand some respect. I hate when people get angry for stupidities; but hey, people get angry for a myriad of reasons. So, it's very relative.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
I want to be an authority figure to people. I want to be respected, considered, valued and I want my judgement to be appreciated and fair. I respect people who exercise their authority that way, who are also good role models. I deeply resent people who abuse their power, who wants to value themselves with their positions. They lose authority to me because they lose my respect, and authority must come with respect.
I tend to think that I can do better than them.
It's essential to life to have power, to have the ability to do things. I want to have power and to put it into good pratice. I want my goals to be done with such power that they become magnanimous. I also desire wealth, knowledge and physical strength, that will make me do the right thing. Power without good judgement just sucks.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
Life is something beautiful and approachable, and people have to experience it to its fullest potential. That's it, to experience every single thing out of it, and enjoy it exactly the way it is. There are tough moments, and people who live under horrendous circumstances which makes them resent their lives, but life is an interconnection of various elements that must support one each other. That is why all sciences and disciplines come, because we are aware that life is made of a fragile reunion of webs and webs of elements, and whose actions have an impact on everyone.
Humanity is an element of life itself. Our actions have an effect on life and our rationality must be conducted to improve life for its maximum enjoyment. Just as animals use primarily their instincts to make life go round, we are blessed with our reason and knowledge, which is our tool for happiness.
I don't think humanity is essentially evil. I know we are good, but we are sons of our time and circumstances, and we may do horrendous flaws due to that. But at the end of the day, it's up to us to see if we want to change. Not history, not anthropology, not genetics, but us.
I'll answer the optional questions later, as I'm hurried hehehe.