Instinctual Variant, again.
Sorry, with all the talk about instinctual variants recently I thought I'd ask for opinions again. I didn't feel like resurrecting a thread for this.
I'm currently between sp/sx and sx/sp, and I'm thinking sx/sp is more likely but I might be biased somehow. Could be something else too, if you want to say something say whatever you think. Not like you wouldn't anyway, whatever. Well, here are the facts.
(I apologize for the run on sentences, they really are a problem for me - sometimes I don't notice or don't think what I'm saying works as well with multiple sentences so I really am sorry for the inconvenience that you might experience while reading the sometimes cumbersome format, honestly, it's how I talk sometimes too so it's pretty natural to go into that.)
Soc: I've never wanted to fit in. I've never really liked having to exchange niceties with people or anything like that. I feel pretty much irrelevant in a large group, everyone else already has the people they're talking to or doing stuff with. In the past if I think I should be involved with more than one person for something I just try to handle them so that they don't feel excluded or hate me, nothing more. I'm a lot happier if I have one friend, then we can do our own thing together and I don't have to worry about anyone else.
So I wish I could be better in group/social things so that I wouldn't embarrass myself or anything and maybe I would have a way of making friends normally, but I don't actually care about that kind of stuff for its own sake.
Sp: I'm pretty aware of my own needs, and I deal with problems alone. If I'm sick or have some personal problem I don't tell anyone unless I need to when asked for an explanation or to get out of something. If I think there's going to be a really awkward or difficult time when I go somewhere, I would sometimes rather just not go and not have to deal with it, unless I think it could be important to someone else. I want to be prepared for situations if I'm uncertain about them.
Other than that, I love dispensing with normal comforts while camping/traveling, and I'm usually just interested in material things or self-improvement when it opens the door to new possibilities. I don't really care whether I have enough shampoo or my sheets need changing, or anything like that. That stuff I just don't bother with, and I don't put any effort into mundane stuff at all for a while sometimes if I'm not going to be seeing anyone different who I care about impressing or doing anything interesting.
But now I am happy about having a way to take my dog to the dog park every day, because that will give him a lot of exercise and it's a way to get him used to acting normally around other dogs instead of flipping out and ignoring me because he wants to play and he almost never gets to (there's more to my plan and I know what I'm doing, don't lecture me on dog parks and training/safety if you were going to for some reason >_<). I'm enthusiastic about going running lately, because I think it's pretty cool to be able to run five miles or something and I want to get up to that point. I'm enthusiastic about saving up for a bike soon because then I'll have more freedom to go places.
Sx: I've seen the feeling that you can only have one friend at a time associated with sx, and I can really relate to that. Even when I've sort of had two friends I wouldn't mention the other while one was around because it would be awkward, and if my best friend was hanging out with someone else I felt like they betrayed me/didn't like me anymore. I'm pretty passive and accommodating so I just got mopey for a while and hesitant to spend time with them again because I would think that maybe they didn't like me anymore.
Fairly recently when I first got my dog and started bringing him over to my friend's house when I went, I wondered if I should stop going over there if I had to inconvenience them with a few of his needs and I couldn't put my full attention on my friend. That actually sounds really stupid once I think of it, but it's really all or nothing.
In the same sort of vein, if I have a horse that I'm leasing/riding regularly, any horse that feels like mine anyways, they're my partner while I'm at the barn and my dog is my partner any other time. It has to be compartmentalized like that for most anything.
I'll talk about horses some more, I think it's relevant. Some people must do it for the competition or exercise or something, or they just treat it like any other sport. I do it to build a partnership with my horse, for that feeling of being one with the horse. I also can't talk about it without using stupid flowery language, as you may have noticed. I pride myself on being analytical, but I cannot talk about jumping without describing it as 'awesome' or maybe 'a mix of dancing, flying, and racing' or something like that. It's ridiculous.
Because my focus is mostly on having a partnership with my horse, I find it difficult to handle/ride other peoples' horses. It's just sort of awkward, I don't want to do anything I shouldn't. I really hate sort of sharing a horse with someone else. They have to be all mine, at least for the time I'm around, or I have to just deal with them in a very businesslike manner. This isn't helping me to find a new place to ride at all...
I can't think of anything else, and I'm kind of tired of writing this stuff. If you happen to have any questions just ask and I'll answer.
Not like if you asked a question on one of these threads anyone would be outraged and start typing in all-caps or anything, I just thought I should say that for some reason. Anyway, if you read all this, thanks!