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This is a discussion on I cannot figure out my type! It's a real challenge please help within the What's my personality type? forums, part of the Personality Cafe category; Originally Posted by faithhealing When I say analytical, maybe I'm using the wrong word. More reflective maybe? I read deeply ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by faithhealing View Post
    When I say analytical, maybe I'm using the wrong word. More reflective maybe? I read deeply into my relationships with other people, how they treat me and how I treat them, and I like to analyze movies and music. I'm not technically savvy when it comes to that type of thing though. So, I usually do focus on how something maybe me feel and what I would change (like if I were in the place of a film director, let's say). I can be defensive about my intelligence though! I want to be considered insightful, maybe ingenious is the right word? But, a lot of the time I feel like what I'm saying falls short of accurately summing up my feelings and thoughts about something. This is mainly why I feel so misunderstood occasionally.

    I wouldn't say I'm selfish or arrogant. We all have our moments. But, I don't mind asking my family for favors even if I know it puts them out. People say I'm good at comforting them but I don't see that in myself. I'm polite usually but I could probably be more pleasant sometimes haha. I can get snappy at people if they say something I seriously disagree with. I might ignore plans I've made with someone if I'm not in the mood and I wouldn't feel overly guilty about it. My comfort and secure comes before other people's feelings and time. It's more subconscious than me actually think that's a good way to live life! Maybe I'm being too hard on myself Idk.

    What I'm saying I guess is that I'm not the most gracious people I know.
    That's okay, I wasn't trying to say you're not analytical. But I do understand where you're coming from and "reflective" is quite good enough too.

    Oh alright I understand. I guess you're putting your priorities first which I believe is what everyone should do. After all, you should live your life according to your best interests, right? =P And I don't believe someone can be perfectly pure!
    I'm curious though, you say you could be more pleasant but you decide not to be under certain circumstances. Why? And you say you could get snappy at people if they say something you disagree with. Like what? And why does that make you mad? Sorry for all the questions, I hope I'm not overstepping, if so...don't hesitate to tell it, I'll stop.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by Firemoon View Post
    That's okay, I wasn't trying to say you're not analytical. But I do understand where you're coming from and "reflective" is quite good enough too.

    Oh alright I understand. I guess you're putting your priorities first which I believe is what everyone should do. After all, you should live your life according to your best interests, right? =P And I don't believe someone can be perfectly pure!
    I'm curious though, you say you could be more pleasant but you decide not to be under certain circumstances. Why? And you say you could get snappy at people if they say something you disagree with. Like what? And why does that make you mad? Sorry for all the questions, I hope I'm not overstepping, if so...don't hesitate to tell it, I'll stop.
    No please! I like how thorough you're being!

    I suppose because I'm moody it's hard for me to be polite consistently but I try. I can be snappy because I didn't get enough sleep, something as simple as that. But, situations that make me snappy are usually when someone is taking about something that they don't fully understand, like a political issue. I have a mutual friend who says that he doesn't trust homeless people with money, for example. Comments like that make me see red. It shows such a severe lack of sympathy and understanding from my point of view. I like to see things from all directions, at least I try to, so black and white statements like that about someone who is struggling are very upsetting for me. I'd feel guilty if I didn't speak up in a situation like that. I feel like it's my responsibility to speak for people who may not have a voice, as egotistical as that may sound haha. I have high moral standards typically and values I cannot compromise on. I'm willing to recognize my own biases though and I do try to let people defend their points, but I can talk over people during a debate. I surprise people with how blunt I can be during an argument.

  3. #23

    @Firemoon Is ENFJ out of the question? I may be totally misguided here but I found a description that I relate to in a lot of ways:

    ENFJ - Envisioner Mentors (it could be vague enough that I was able to self-insert though)

    I'm not very empathetic but I'm warmhearted. At least that's how my friends describe me, especially my closer ones. I still think you made a good point when you said that I could be more focused on other people than I realize. I've been thinking about that and it really resonated with me. I seem to bridge the gap between E and I, sort of, maybe I'm way off. I probably don't have the energy levels and highly active social life ENFJs have though. I feel like they would require a big, close knit friend group. Which I'd love but I'm not sure it's applicable to me right now. Just spit balling though!

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  5. #24

    I'm wondering why people keep pointing out my high Ne. This is where I show my lack of knowledge! But, what exactly does that entail? I've also had my Ti pointed out too a few times, which may be noteworthy. I'm not sure.
    Last edited by faithhealing; 12-22-2017 at 04:47 AM. Reason: I just notice that comment about insecure Fe and what you said was pretty spot on.......
    Firemoon thanked this post.

  6. #25

    @faithhealing

    Yeah, I could see you as ENFJ actually. I just need to see if you're using Ni, and how you use it. I don't really take the time to read description because they're rather stereotyped, I suggest you to read cognitive functions. People typed you as Ne but most of their arguments seemed to fit both Ni or Ne, that's why I wasn't that convinced. You could use Ne rather than Ni, but since your Fe is really strong, you'd more likely be ESFJ in this case.

    Anyway, tell me about:
    • How you feel or deal with the future.
    • What makes you feel excited and why?
    • What are your strengths and your weaknesses? Elaborate them please, this would help me understand your process thinking.
    Last edited by Firemoon; 12-22-2017 at 07:57 AM.

  7. #26

    @Firemoon

    Thinking about the future makes me feel anxious since it's so uncertain, so I kind of avoid thinking about it. I wouldn't say I 'live in the moment' though. I'm usually focused on what's happening next. Like, if I have a function to go to later in the week, or if I have errands to run tomorrow. I end up planning extensively about the best way to do something, even if it's as simple as running to the bank to deposit a check (setbacks in my plans don't usually cause me to be too upset for very long though). I usually am focused on tomorrow, not today. But, I avoid thinking about the long term future. I like to set more short term goals for myself, I'm trying to be more realistic about what I can accomplish in a sort period of time though, like when it comes to getting in shape or something like that.

    I usually feel excited about upcoming social events. I actually really look forward to my therapy sessions because it gives me the opportunity to talk with someone whose expertise I trust with candor. I'm very concerned with personal growth and I think gradually maturing throughout life is one of the main points of living, so anything that allows me to step outside my thoughts and actually put my talents to use I like, it gives me a chance to grow and prove what I can do. I think a lot of people close to see me as ineffective but I do not care to be thought of as someone who is naive, even if it is true sometimes. Anyway! I get more excited about the small things than most people probably do too. Like, getting take out later or shopping with a family member. If it's doesn't require too much effort on my part but it gives me something to do then I'll most likely be more than happy to do it. I would rarely pass up an opportunity to talk about myself or be the center of attention too honestly. Especially if I was given time to prepare beforehand. I'm somebody who likes their own birthday and reading their own horoscope.

    I'll share with you what other people who know me have said about me! I've been told I'm very verbal, I'm a good speaker who is argumentative and precise. But, I also speak faster than I think sometimes and it can feel like my words come out wrong because of it. Creative writing and expressing myself openly are two strengths of mine. What I lack though is conscientiousness. Some people would argue that I have my priorities all wrong. I'm not very career driven right now and daily chores often get left undone but what I do care about I make sure is done perfectly! Like, homework assignments, getting the perfect gift for a friend. Things that may seem more trivial to some people can never be done perfectly enough as far as I'm concerned. I can put off shoveling the snow off my deck because I know it'll take me awhile to get it 'just right'. I like to be evaluated positively I guess.

    I'm easily distracted by my own thoughts. I can feel disconnected from reality. This could have to do more with mental illness, so keep that in mind! I'm good at explaining things I think, although I tend to drive my point home too much! I like research, even if it's on a topic that has little practical use. I've been told I'm clever. Like, in the way I speak. In person, I can be sarcastic and conniving when I want to be. I'd say I'm 'bad' with my hands though. I'm not good at sports, besides when I pitched in baseball. I have a hard time figuring out how to fix things, like a mechanical problem. That kind of thing totally alludes me! I can take charge if somebody needs my help or if I think I'm in a situation where it's appropriate for me to be direct with people but I wouldn't say I'm much of a leader.

    I could keep going but I don't want to force you to read through an essay. Hopefully this is kind of what you where asking for. If not, please keep asking away if it helps!

  8. #27

    @faithhealing

    Thinking about the future makes me feel anxious since it's so uncertain, so I kind of avoid thinking about it. I wouldn't say I 'live in the moment' though. I'm usually focused on what's happening next. Like, if I have a function to go to later in the week, or if I have errands to run tomorrow. I end up planning extensively about the best way to do something, even if it's as simple as running to the bank to deposit a check (setbacks in my plans don't usually cause me to be too upset for very long though). I usually am focused on tomorrow, not today. But, I avoid thinking about the long term future. I like to set more short term goals for myself, I'm trying to be more realistic about what I can accomplish in a sort period of time though, like when it comes to getting in shape or something like that.
    Um sounds like Ni or Si. Those functions are quite insecure when it comes to managing the future, especially when they don't know what to expect, although Ni is more confident if they have an idea of what could happen. High Ne/Se are, in contrast, excited by the outside world and rarely feel anxious about it, they would rather go with the flow and figure out things as life comes. For example, my INFP partner is really chill when planning for the future comparing to me lol. I'd often try to predict every consequences and visualize potential problems first in order to get rid of them as quickly as possible when they come. I'm almost surprised this INFP isn't that preoccupied by that, he just....go for it with what he has in mind, but sometimes he get caught off when unexpected problems appear. I often need to be by his side because, to be frankly enough, I've already thought about a solution for this particular problem (doesn't mean it will work though haha). But even without my help, he can figure out something, he's very flexible, he just needs to be reminded of some details!

    I usually feel excited about upcoming social events. I actually really look forward to my therapy sessions because it gives me the opportunity to talk with someone whose expertise I trust with candor. I'm very concerned with personal growth and I think gradually maturing throughout life is one of the main points of living, so anything that allows me to step outside my thoughts and actually put my talents to use I like, it gives me a chance to grow and prove what I can do. I think a lot of people close to see me as ineffective but I do not care to be thought of as someone who is naive, even if it is true sometimes. Anyway! I get more excited about the small things than most people probably do too. Like, getting take out later or shopping with a family member. If it's doesn't require too much effort on my part but it gives me something to do then I'll most likely be more than happy to do it. I would rarely pass up an opportunity to talk about myself or be the center of attention too honestly. Especially if I was given time to prepare beforehand. I'm somebody who likes their own birthday and reading their own horoscope.
    Sounds like Ne or Ni. Once again, I can see your Fe.

    I'll share with you what other people who know me have said about me! I've been told I'm very verbal, I'm a good speaker who is argumentative and precise. But, I also speak faster than I think sometimes and it can feel like my words come out wrong because of it. Creative writing and expressing myself openly are two strengths of mine. What I lack though is conscientiousness. Some people would argue that I have my priorities all wrong. I'm not very career driven right now and daily chores often get left undone but what I do care about I make sure is done perfectly! Like, homework assignments, getting the perfect gift for a friend. Things that may seem more trivial to some people can never be done perfectly enough as far as I'm concerned. I can put off shoveling the snow off my deck because I know it'll take me awhile to get it 'just right'. I like to be evaluated positively I guess.
    Alright, this sounds N more than S this time.

    I'm easily distracted by my own thoughts. I can feel disconnected from reality. This could have to do more with mental illness, so keep that in mind! I'm good at explaining things I think, although I tend to drive my point home too much! I like research, even if it's on a topic that has little practical use. I've been told I'm clever. Like, in the way I speak. In person, I can be sarcastic and conniving when I want to be. I'd say I'm 'bad' with my hands though. I'm not good at sports, besides when I pitched in baseball. I have a hard time figuring out how to fix things, like a mechanical problem. That kind of thing totally alludes me! I can take charge if somebody needs my help or if I think I'm in a situation where it's appropriate for me to be direct with people but I wouldn't say I'm much of a leader.
    Ah, that last part sounds Fe now.

    Thank you for your explanation, I'm almost done, I have one last question for you. Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? If so, why do you feel the urge to make things perfect? What could happen if you don't do things perfectly? You like to be evaluated positively...by who? Yourself? Or people? Give me an essay if you want to honestly, it would actually help me spotting your type.

  9. #28

    @Firemoon

    I definitely try to predict everything that could happen in future situations. Even down to small details. I wouldn't call myself a productive person, far from it sometimes. But, I still stress about what I'll say and how I'll do things just to make things go as smoothly as possible. I notice potential problems pretty quickly. You're right though, just because I notice something could happen doesn't mean my solution will resolve the issue hahah.

    I'm a perfectionist when it comes to word choice, when it comes to my image too, like how I present myself. I could get a poor mark on a test and it might not phase me but I still take a longer time than others to finish whatever I'm doing because I want things to be perfect. Even if my idea of perfect (or ideal) is different from other people's. I can be unsatisfied with a paper I've written or chore I've done even after reworking it several times over! Even if people praise the results I can still be dismissive of my accomplishments.

    I'm not sure I can give a clear reason as to why I try to make things so perfect usually. I wonder about it myself. I can be messy and clumsy in private but I'm not sure I like that to come across when I'm in public. I'll be kind of embarrassed if a close friend, or family member even, walks in on my room when it's disorganized. It makes me feel like a failure in their eyes, I guess. I want to be positively evaluated by strangers or people who I don't know very well mostly. I like when my loved ones acknowledge my traits, even if they tease me about my "flaws" that's fine. I'm not that serious of a person on the surface I don't think but I do like the idea of other people thinking I'm 'interesting', or 'self-assured'. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm not those things, so I try to make up for what I lack by projecting a more positive and stable image of myself? I'm open, like I'm not exactly secretive. But, still, I very much want to have control about who I tell what and how I tell them. On my more adventurous days I can blend in with almost any group of people while still maintaining a sense of authenticity. I want people to act friendly towards me more than anything honestly! I want my presence acknowledged and I figure the best way to go about that is to do everything 'right'.

    I do have a strong sense of integrity though. It's important that I see myself as I am, without biases (but that's impossible I know that realistically) . It's important I follow my core beliefs even if it means putting myself out there and making people uncomfortable sometimes. I'd say I focus on how people may be seeing me and reading more than anything though. I tend to think people are harsh when they're not being open and expressive, Thinkers can make me doubt myself so often because they don't always beat around the bush which I can't understand well. I read between the lines, but that may go without saying if you're familiar with common BPD traits.

    I'll admit that I'm the type of person who sometimes 'fishes' for compliments. The more you do correctly, the more you separate yourself from the heard, the 'better' you look, the more compliments you get theoretically. Not only that but it helps with establishing a sense of self. Like, a few weeks ago an INTJ friend of mine said something like 'I wonder what people think, me being an adult whose buying legos for himself' (this worrisome kind of comment isn't usual for him). I said something like 'Do whatever you want, people are going to judge you no matter what you do', and he straight up said "wow, you're awesome" and I think I'll always remember that. It made me feel genuinely good about myself! I try to make a good impression when I can and to have it noticed outright like that, by somebody who I admire no less! I thrive off that feeling of being understood, of being noteworthy in people's eyes. I joked about having the presence of a celebrity with my sister yesterday. She said that if I think that way then that probably means I do have a strong presence, which was a funny piece of insight to me. I was joking though! I mean, I'm pretty tall so I might stand out Idk but that's besides the point haha.

    I'm not sure I'm a 'people pleaser' though. I butt heads with people, even rude strangers sometimes. I speak up when I feel like there's an injustice going on. I don't really do that because I want to be seen as anything in particular, I just want to put cruel and unreasonable people in their place. Like a drunk creep or somebody saying something bigoted at a get together. Any positive regard that comes from others afterwards is just icing on the cake!

    I exert a lot of energy by acting so 'stiff'. I spend a lot of time alone due to fatigue. I used to be around more people more often and I was generally happier then. I don't want to be popular really, that does sound tiring. But, having only a couple of close friends kind of makes my life feel empty a lot. Which sucks, because I want to appreciate what I have and I try to but I can become easily dissatisfied with myself, other people, and my surroundings. I have some issues with anxiety and with avoiding intimidating aspects of life, but in my ideal world I'd be mingling with interesting people more frequently. I like feeling connected to others but it doesn't always come naturally to me since a lot of stuff just kind of seems boring to me. I'm sure that has something to do with depression.

    I'll be waiting to hear what you have to say about what I wrote!
    Last edited by faithhealing; 12-22-2017 at 12:53 PM.

  10. #29

    @faithhealing

    I'm a perfectionist when it comes to word choice, when it comes to my image too, like how I present myself. I could get a poor mark on a test and it might not phase me but I still take a longer time than others to finish whatever I'm doing because I want things to be perfect. Even if my idea of perfect (or ideal) is different from other people's. I can be unsatisfied with a paper I've written or chore I've done even after reworking it several times over! Even if people praise the results I can still be dismissive of my accomplishments.

    I'm not sure I can give a clear reason as to why I try to make things so perfect usually. I wonder about it myself. I can be messy and clumsy in private but I'm not sure I like that to come across when I'm in public. I'll be kind of embarrassed if a close friend, or family member even, walks in on my room when it's disorganized. It makes me feel like a failure in their eyes, I guess. I want to be positively evaluated by strangers or people who I don't know very well mostly. I like when my loved ones acknowledge my traits, even if they tease me about my "flaws" that's fine. I'm not that serious of a person on the surface I don't think but I do like the idea of other people thinking I'm 'interesting', or 'self-assured'. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm not those things, so I try to make up for what I lack by projecting a more positive and stable image of myself? I'm open, like I'm not exactly secretive. But, still, I very much want to have control about who I tell what and how I tell them. On my more adventurous days I can blend in with almost any group of people while still maintaining a sense of authenticity. I want people to act friendly towards me more than anything honestly! I want my presence acknowledged and I figure the best way to go about that is to do everything 'right'.
    Alright, your perfectionist side stems from Ni-Fe combination: You've created a certain "ideal" in your head and you're trying to achieve it the best way you can in order to make a meaningful existence. Your perfectionism is also manifested through social interactions (Fe): You want to be seen as "admirable/interesting/special" by showing qualities you believe will make you gain social validation. Thus, you want to be a "perfect model"(or at least, something remarkable) for people.

    "Maybe it's because I feel like I'm not those things, so I try to make up for what I lack by projecting a more positive and stable image of myself?" This is typical Fe, I've to admit I'm guilty of this too haha.

    Nevertheless, you keep your authenticity thanks to your Ni/Ti. But you seem stuck between Fe's desire to be what is socially acceptable and Ni's desire to be what's meaningful for you. High Ni doesn't like to feel boring, mediocre or ordinary.

    I do have a strong sense of integrity though. It's important that I see myself as I am, without biases (but that's impossible I know that realistically) . It's important I follow my core beliefs even if it means putting myself out there and making people uncomfortable sometimes. I'd say I focus on how people may be seeing me and reading more than anything though. I tend to think people are harsh when they're not being open and expressive, Thinkers can make me doubt myself so often because they don't always beat around the bush which I can't understand well. I read between the lines, but that may go without saying if you're familiar with common BPD traits.

    I'll admit that I'm the type of person who sometimes 'fishes' for compliments. The more you do correctly, the more you separate yourself from the heard, the 'better' you look, the more compliments you get theoretically. Not only that but it helps with establishing a sense of self. Like, a few weeks ago an INTJ friend of mine said something like 'I wonder what people think, me being an adult whose buying legos for himself' (this worrisome kind of comment isn't usual for him). I said something like 'Do whatever you want, people are going to judge you no matter what you do', and he straight up said "wow, you're awesome" and I think I'll always remember that. It made me feel genuinely good about myself! I try to make a good impression when I can and to have it noticed outright like that, by somebody who I admire no less! I thrive off that feeling of being understood, of being noteworthy in people's eyes. I joked about having the presence of a celebrity with my sister yesterday. She said that if I think that way then that probably means I do have a strong presence, which was a funny piece of insight to me. I was joking though! I mean, I'm pretty tall so I might stand out Idk but that's besides the point haha.

    I'm not sure I'm a 'people pleaser' though. I butt heads with people, even rude strangers sometimes. I speak up when I feel like there's an injustice going on. I don't really do that because I want to be seen as anything in particular, I just want to put cruel and unreasonable people in their place. Like a drunk creep or somebody saying something bigoted at a get together. Any positive regard that comes from others afterwards is just icing on the cake!
    More evidences you're using Ni (ex: integrity, core beliefs, feeling understood, developing your potentials, perfectionism, etc) and Fe (giving a good impression, establishing sense of self through people's acceptance, speaking up when injustice disrupts social harmony, etc)

    I exert a lot of energy by acting so 'stiff'. I spend a lot of time alone due to fatigue. I used to be around more people more often and I was generally happier then. I don't want to be popular really, that does sound tiring. But, having only a couple of close friends kind of makes my life feel empty a lot. Which sucks, because I want to appreciate what I have and I try to but I can become easily dissatisfied with myself, other people, and my surroundings. I have some issues with anxiety and with avoiding intimidating aspects of life, but in my ideal world I'd be mingling with interesting people more frequently. I like feeling connected to others but it doesn't always come naturally to me since a lot of stuff just kind of seems boring to me. I'm sure that has something to do with depression.
    Yeah, sounds like an unhappy NFJ. I'm sure your BPD and anxiety stuffs might have to do with your emotional problems but I was able to see NFJ patterns in your text. Despite your BPD, you're displaying what Fe craves: interpersonal connections. Same thing for Ni: finding a personal direction/vision of life.

    I'm not sure if you're ENFJ or INFJ but I'll go with the latter because you seem to have a good grasp of who you are and your Fe is only reactive to that (although, you've shown to be aware of social dynamics wether it's related to you or not). ENFJ have a harder time introspecting or acknowledging their feelings/personal priorities simply because their Ni and Ti are weaker, and they'd rather use their energy for social commitments, responsibilities, reinforcing social harmony or things like that. In contrast, even if you do value all of these things, you seem to gain greater pleasure when you're spending your time trying to understand your own mind.

    Final conclusion: You are INFJ.

    The reason why people typed you as Ne-Dom is probably due to your insecure Fe. It's not uncommon for IxFJs to look like extroverts because they're using Fe, a function about relationships. Even as a Five (this type is supposed to be like the most introverted and socially awkward of all), I still come across as an extrovert to people who don't know me well.
    Last edited by Firemoon; 12-22-2017 at 05:50 PM.
    La Bella Luna and faithhealing thanked this post.

  11. #30

    I didn't read most of the replies and etc here, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought you were a Fe-user in part because you have BPD. I have a friend with BPD (who has tested as an INFJ) and from what all I know about it and considering just how much people with that disorder want validation and love and acceptance, have abandonment issues, issues with insecurity, etc, I think people would be inclined to type someone with that disorder as a Fe-user. Er... Hopefully this doesn't confuse you.

    Anyway, no deep thoughts or anything really. Just shallow impressions. You come off as ENFP or xNFJ to me.


     
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