This is a discussion on What MBTI/Enneagram type do you guys think I am? within the What's my personality type? forums, part of the Personality Cafe category; ...
Owl . It's really nice to see you on since I haven't seen you in such a long time (unless you're an imposter owl and in that case, nice to meet you).
I'm curious what the indicators you're getting for Ti/Fi and Se? I'm particularly interested in where you see Ti, as you said ISXP which inclueds ISTP.
I'd suggest the instinctual variants could either be sx/so or sp/so, but I'm much less schooled in Enneagram and the variants. I do agree with 5w4 or 4w5; whichever resonates more.
After I saw a comment like this on Reddit explaining what Ne is like, I just went, "holy shit, I think my brain does work like that." So it's not like I'm blind to it, but it's also something I have to bring out instead of it coming to me first and foremost naturally. As far as Enneagram goes, I could see myself as a 4 way more than a 5, to be truthfully honest. Although, I can see 4w5 and 5w4 being very similarly as well. After doing some research, I learned that 5 didn't quite resonate with me, despite relating to it a bit. I would also like to more about the variants within as well. I figured so might be my dominant, but I could be entirely wrong.
I had a close relative who was an INFP in chronic inferior grip and tyrant is the best word to describe her. Due to the complications in my family I would spend 1-2 weeks per year living with her when I was a teenager, so I got a fair share of that. She wanted to have the last word on everything about me: what I ate, what I wore, how I was spending my time, even how I expressed my sexuality. I started trying to avoid being with her as much as possible (the situation was such that I could be absent the whole day, fortunately) and it worked; when I wasn't around she was forgetting I even existed. But as soon as we were in the same room together, the nagging would start again.
Even when she would ask me which I want, x, y or z (to eat, wear, go to etc.) it was a false question: there was a right answer (what she wanted me to do) and a wrong one. If I would pick the wrong one she would harass me to no end with arguments why it's inferior to the other option, then pass on to insults if I didn't give in, raise her voice etc, until I would pick the "right" one.
She was elegant, into fashion, had been a girly girl when she was my age, you know, that kind of woman. I was the complete opposite: a tomboy interested in science, literature and sports, zero make up, zero interest or knowledge of fashion etc. so she decided I was "abnormal" and I needed to be "fixed". When the right/wrong option questions about what I would wear/do with my body didn't work she started nagging/humiliating me about my looks in front of her friends or even strangers.
There was a "right" way to be, and a "wrong" one, and by god, she was going to fix things (= unhealthy Te).
I saw/found out from others that she was overcontrolling and micromanaging with more or less everybody, she just was more intensely/found it easier to do it to me because of me being a teen and her being the adult responsible for me.
When I got into MBTI, it was clear to me that she was an INFP as strange as it may seem to you after the things I wrote above. She was rejecting reality (the facts & probability) (overuse of Fi and Ne, underuse of Si and Te); if you would talk to her at length, she was basically the INFP stereotype, believing in pink unicorns and all.
Then I read about inferior functions and things only made more sense. She was a textbook INFP chronically inf. Te gripped; this can happen, be stuck in a grip for decades, in a pseudo-functioning state. She was like that (because of trauma or ???) and the result was she just had to have her way in other peoples' lives.
I knew her better so I had no doubt about INFP, but someone who just worked with her or knew her briefly would probably consider her an ESTJ who overused tert. Ne.
Last edited by iNdependent; 05-31-2018 at 06:27 AM.
Also, this sentence stood out to me: I saw/found out from others that she was overcontrolling and micromanaging with more or less everybody, she just was more intensely/found it easier to do it to me because of me being a teen and her being the adult responsible for me. - That really rubs me the wrong way and makes me very skeptical, since just because someone is an adult and I happen to be a younger adult, which means the older one has to be in charge. I happen to think about the trust I'm going to put into this person, and if they're trustworthy enough not going to be over controlling and guide me through the right path because you never really know if they are trustworthy, if that makes sense.
In her case, she had some mental/psychological issues, too. She was later diagnosed with ADD; she had had it for a long while, so in that period she had it and no medication for it. Might have had other stuff too. She couldn't keep focus on one thing to the end: she would raise her voice and make a big scandal, leave, then minutes after she would come back into the room and want to be affectionate with me or want to do sth. fun together. This made me confused; I couldn't "do fun stuff" or hug somebody after a fight like that, I was still angry/upset, she was acting like nothing had happened. ADD (I think) was involved here, maybe emotional lability too.
In recent years (and after some discussions with her) I realised that a big part of what was going on was her trying to make me into "her, version 2.0". The fact that I looked almost exactly like her when she was my age didn't help. And in this trauma is involved: some shits went down in her life when she was in her 20s. She wanted me to be her minus her failures. All of this was irrational, frustrations boiling over from her subconscious, it only has to do with MBTI in the sense that if she were an INTJ or some other T type maybe, just maybe, she would have thought "I'm not treating this person fairly" and she would have wondered why. But she was into "what you feel is the most important; follow it", she never questioned her feelings and, if she felt strongly it was for my own good to be changed, she did everything she could.
This is a phenomenon I found in other F types, (especially Fi doms - or maybe just because I payed more attention to them). The (theoretically) most equality oriented of types become, in certain cases, the worst aggressors. It seems paradoxical, but it's not. They put feelings on a very high place, so when they "feel" sth. is wrong they react brutally to fix it (me, in that example).
Look at so many celebrities who go on stage and say you should feel good about your body no matter what it looks like, while they themselves are half naked and gorgeous, thus reinforcing a culture that requires being judged by your body and exposing a lot of it = less able than ever to hide flaws. Or the same celebrities being anti-bullying, when the exact industry they are part of reinforces a certain kind of look and personality as "right", thus leaving the "wrong" ones to be ostracised. Look at John Lennon who raised his voice about women being treated like slaves while himself was a wife beater. (many of those celebrities are Fi dom/aux, Lennon was an INFP). They say what they feel, but don't realise they themselves are contributing to the problem.
It's a problem of not going to the root cause of the problem, of wanting idealistically to fix things, which is impossible IRL, because "the problem" is an effect of some causes that were not yet removed. In this area IxFPs have a lot in common with ExTJs, both J doms may go to extremes to create a better life without realising it's an utopia in the given circumstances.
Last edited by iNdependent; 06-01-2018 at 05:39 AM.