xNFx - Unsure as to whether I am ENFJ/ENFP or even INFP!!

xNFx - Unsure as to whether I am ENFJ/ENFP or even INFP!!

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This is a discussion on xNFx - Unsure as to whether I am ENFJ/ENFP or even INFP!! within the What's my personality type? forums, part of the Personality Cafe category; Hello guys! I've been lurking on this forum for a while, I find it super entertaining and interesting. Let's dive ...

  1. #1

    xNFx - Unsure as to whether I am ENFJ/ENFP or even INFP!!

    Hello guys! I've been lurking on this forum for a while, I find it super entertaining and interesting.

    Let's dive right into this:

    I've been doing tests for years now, and I kept getting ENFJ. However recently I've been only getting ENFP (and sometimes INFP) on 16personalities. I have changed a lot these past 2 years so I understand why the results could be different. However - I still get ENFJ sometimes!!! I got ENFP a week ago, but today I just got ENFJ! So I'm thinking a lot of my answers depend on my current state of mind (which changes), otherwise I can't explain it. My results are usually in the middle, especially for E/I (I usually get around 55% for E and 45% for I), and for J/P as well (usually 51% and 49%). My N and F are a bit stronger though, they never change. So for now I would say I am xNFx. Probably ENFx. --> this is based only on 16personalities.

    When reading about these personality types, I find I resonate more with ENFP than with ENFJ (on 16personalities), but I'm not sure. ENFP description makes it seem like they are the most irrational and wildest beings ever, and I don't think that's true with me (or every ENFP for that matter).

    Truity also says ENFJ, but the results are quite ambiguous: 65% E & 35% I, 46% S & 54% N, 45% T & 55% F, 48% P & 52% J.

    A few things about myself:

    • I have both ENFJ and ENFP friends. They fit really well with their particular type descriptions. However I feel like I'm a mix of the two so to speak. I am much closer to my ENFJ friend though. Much more reliable and careful with people's feelings than my ENFP friend. However I know they are individual people so I can't really generalize.
    • I prefer to be REAL. And I'm always focused on self-improvement :)
    • I consider feelings AND facts when making decisions. I usually go with the feeling though I think.
    • I try to rationalize stuff.
    • I worry a lot.
    • I am very independent.
    • I am very happy to help people, but I don't LIVE to help/serve people.
    • My natural friends are N types. I usually go for S partners though because I feel we "complete" each other and it's a wonderful experience, they keep me grounded and I love the different perspectives that meet in the middle so to speak.
    • Not sure if relevant but I am a true hopeless romantic and I feel things very deeply. For me words of affirmation are very very important because COMMUNICATION and HONESTY are everything to me. I would also need quality time. I am extremely loyal and devoted, I love the idea of long term relationships and marriage. I absolutely DESPISE the idea of cheating and the idea of casual flings. I think I resemble ISFJs a lot when it comes to the topic of love and whatnot. I would do anything to make my partner happy :) and for me deep, meaningful relationships where I feel some sort of spiritual connection with the partner are very important.
    • When people do something, I try to understand where they are coming from and analyse their thoughts. So for example if my SO did/said something to hurt me, I would ask questions - why he did that, why he thinks he did that, what is wrong, what is the cause of this situation etc. Basically I need to understand the motives behind people's actions to understand how they think and assess the situation and see if I can forgive them or not / decide how to behave from then on.
    • I am very good at "feeling" the unspoken rules in a situation/social setting and adapt my behaviour accordingly. I really do "pretend" sometimes in social settings (if the people are NOT close to me) so that I can adapt to any particular situation successfully, and to make people feel at ease. However, I still maintain some sense of 'integrity' and honesty - meaning that I do say what's on my mind even if it might hurt someone, but ONLY if I think the problem is worth mentioning and really should be addressed. If it's something minor I just let it slide, it's not worth mentioning it and arguing about nothing/creating conflict over small insignificant things.
    • I am extremely insightful and introspective. I always try to analyse my thoughts and feelings, and I overthink EVERYTHING. However I am very good at switching between "feeling" and "thinking". If the situation calls for it, I can completely switch off my feelings and can seem even "cold" - that's when logic and reason kick in. This way I can solve conflict in a calm, effective and peaceful manner relatively easily. I also prefer to talk problems through rather than wait for them to become conflicts. This is why I say what I think if there's a problem, instead of bottling everything up.
    • I am definitely not as wild/crazy as these websites make ENFP seem. I am social and super friendly yes, but not the "life of the party". Everyone who knows me says that I come across as an extrovert. I really do believe I'm an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert (lol) because I'm in my head so much, and sometimes I just don't feel like going out. I also zone out and daydream.
    • I am also very bad at practical stuff and I hate myself for it. I feel helpless and I hate it, because I actually love the idea of organisation and structure! It makes my life so much easier... when I manage to make it work...
    • Yes I love to be adventurous and I LIVE FOR NEW EXPERIENCES!!! I'm really excited to see everything the world has to offer. Because I believe life is short and you have to experience as much as you can :) there's always something new and interesting out there. I'm very much an optimist I think. But I try to stay as realistic as possible.
    • That doesn't mean I don't appreciate routine and tradition. I do, and I need more of it in my life because otherwise I am extremely disorganized.
    • I am a VERY goal-oriented person and ALWAYS think about the future. I would do anything to achieve my goals as long as it doesn't hurt other people or as long as it doesn't clash with my own inner belief system. But yes I HAVE to achieve my goals or otherwise I will not be happy with myself.
    • I am generally quite hard on myself and VERY impatient. I also lose my focus easily when I have to do some university coursework or whatever. But I think this is also because I really don't like what I'm studying right now (technical engineering abstract stuff, maths, coding - UGH!!!). For me it's really important that I'm passionate about what I do... However I am the opposite with other people: very understanding, caring, patient. I am softer with them than I am with myself. Because I have very high standards for myself.
    • I am very honest and bold. I can easily say NO. I say this because I noticed that my ENFJ used to have a lot of trouble in the past with saying NO. She literally couldn't do it.
    • I LOVE making plans and organising stuff!!! It's just hard to stick to them.... and I procrastinate, A LOT! I try not to! But again I think it's because I really don't like what I study right now and the only thing that keeps me going is my ambition and knowing that my studies will guarantee me a successful future. Which is what I want from my future - security and stability. But in general it is very important to me to be passionate about what I do.
    • I like to wonder about life and the mysteries of the universe and have philosophical discussions of this sort. But I also love to talk about normal day-to-day stuff because I prefer to feel more grounded.
    • I can't be close friends with someone if I don't feel a connection. I'm very picky about my close friends. I feel the need to connect with them on a deeper level. I think this is where my intuition kicks in and I assume a lot about people without taking the time to get to know them well enough, which is a bit unfair. Otherwise I have lots of casual friends but they are not quite as important to me...
    • I feel like I am quite the subjective person, but I can be scarily objective if the situation calls for it.
    • I'm always on time, I hate making a bad impression (if I don't know the person too well).
    • I also feel like I am full of contradictions and it's confusing!!!! Or balanced? It's weird.



    So I am asking you guys if you have any helpful insight or if there are more reliable tests that I could try! I personally don't believe anyone is just ONE type and we all use a bit of everything, but it would be nice to know which type is my dominant one because I would really like to understand myself better. Thanks! :)
    Last edited by extriana; 11-02-2018 at 05:14 PM.
    korkor thanked this post.



  2. #2

    You seem like an ENFP to me! A lot of MBTI types are very stereotyped, so if you don’t fit into the description exactly it’s perfectly okay! MBTI is a spectrum, and it’s more about which cognitive functions you utilize the most as opposed to which letters suit you. It seems like most of your “J” qualities come from a system of internal values, which would come from the cognitive function Fi. This is why you strike me as an ENFP rather than an ENFJ. Hope this helped!

  3. #3

    Yep, I second the above post. If you haven't already, looking at the cognitive function differences between ENFJ and ENFP may help a lot, since the stacks relatively different. Based off of this information alone, you seem to be an ENFP-- I saw a lot of Fi (staying true to one's self and personal values) and developed lower Te to support it (organization, making plans but higher Ne often interrupting it). I did see some possible ENFJ traits in there: some Ni (making plans far into the future and achieving them) and Fe (adjusting oneself to shared social norms/feelings) but overall your Fi dominated, so ENFP was my conclusion. :)

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  5. #4

    You sound very much like me, asides from the dating S types, I gravitate towards INTPs, INFJs and INTJs. I'm a slightly more reserved ENFP. I think there's a strong possibility that this is your type, as others have said.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by extriana View Post
    Hello guys! I've been lurking on this forum for a while, I find it super entertaining and interesting.
    Great that you feel interesting in MBTI. That's the first step. I'm going to spend a lot of this reply talking about what is and what isn't part of MBTI. Try to hang on the the enthousiasm.

    I'm also going to try to find a best fit type for you based in your responses of course.

    Let's dive right into this:

    I've been doing tests for years now, and I kept getting ENFJ. However recently I've been only getting ENFP (and sometimes INFP) on 16personalities. I have changed a lot these past 2 years so I understand why the results could be different. However - I still get ENFJ sometimes!!! I got ENFP a week ago, but today I just got ENFJ! So I'm thinking a lot of my answers depend on my current state of mind (which changes), otherwise I can't explain it. My results are usually in the middle, especially for E/I (I usually get around 55% for E and 45% for I), and for J/P as well (usually 51% and 49%). My N and F are a bit stronger though, they never change. So for now I would say I am xNFx. Probably ENFx. --> this is based only on 16personalities.

    When reading about these personality types, I find I resonate more with ENFP than with ENFJ (on 16personalities), but I'm not sure. ENFP description makes it seem like they are the most irrational and wildest beings ever, and I don't think that's true with me (or every ENFP for that matter).

    Truity also says ENFJ, but the results are quite ambiguous: 65% E & 35% I, 46% S & 54% N, 45% T & 55% F, 48% P & 52% J.
    Type doesn't actually change as you change. It's about how you handle information and how you make decisions. That's all. Test often use superficial means to type people leading to the same people being typed ENFJ and ENFJ in subsequent tests. That should be impossible if you apply the theory.
    The tests that give you percentages are also often traps.

    I'm going by the cognitive functions to get a result for you. You'll be able to follow my train of thought and make your own decision if I'm making wrong assumptions at times. That way you'll be able to do the next steps on your own.

    A few things about myself:

    [LIST][*]I have both ENFJ and ENFP friends. They fit really well with their particular type descriptions. However I feel like I'm a mix of the two so to speak. I am much closer to my ENFJ friend though. Much more reliable and careful with people's feelings than my ENFP friend. However I know they are individual people so I can't really generalize.
    You've already made the most important step: recognizing these types generalize over hundreds of millions of people, leading to big differences within type.
    I've also found that friendships can be very misleading in finding our own type. People often find complementary types rather than similar types for friendships. Although these things can go multiple ways.

    I can see the possibility for you to have Fe based on your taking into account others' feelings, although there's Fi-types that do that as well. They just have a different method for that.

    [*]I prefer to be REAL. And I'm always focused on self-improvement :)
    Self-inprovement in itself is not type-related. The reasons often are though. Being 'real' could point to a sensing preference, but there's not nearly enough to go on here to say anything specific.

    [*]I consider feelings AND facts when making decisions. I usually go with the feeling though I think.
    Humans consider both feeling and facts. That's not really type related.

    More importantly, the terms 'feeling' and 'thinking' are often misleading. They refer to cognitive processes that have to do with rules and values, rather than feelings and thoughts.

    What I'm trying to say is that you're viewing MBTI too superficially. What goes on in your head when you're making a decision? Do you have a set of personal rules that you live by? Do you create outward order? Do you put your own values over other's values? All of these can point towards certain types and all of them could be described by "I consider feelings and facts when making decisions".

    [*]I try to rationalize stuff.[*]I worry a lot.[*]I am very independent.[*]I am very happy to help people, but I don't LIVE to help/serve people.
    All of these are again too shallow to come to any kind of conclusion. For each of these I could tell you a way they could fit in any specific type. Try and find the 'why' for all of these. What goes on in your head when you notice these things?

    [*]My natural friends are N types. I usually go for S partners though because I feel we "complete" each other and it's a wonderful experience, they keep me grounded and I love the different perspectives that meet in the middle so to speak.
    Again, a lot of ways to interpret this. What are "natural friends" to you? I could see a possibiity for this to point towards some intuitive type, but I kind of have to take your word for it. Nothing concrete to base anything on.

    [*]Not sure if relevant but I am a true hopeless romantic and I feel things very deeply. For me words of affirmation are very very important because COMMUNICATION and HONESTY are everything to me. I would also need quality time. I am extremely loyal and devoted, I love the idea of long term relationships and marriage. I absolutely DESPISE the idea of cheating and the idea of casual flings. I think I resemble ISFJs a lot when it comes to the topic of love and whatnot. I would do anything to make my partner happy :) and for me deep, meaningful relationships where I feel some sort of spiritual connection with the partner are very important.
    The one thing that stands out to me here is "words of affirmation are very important". That could point towards Fe. The rest is again pretty superficial. Anyone can 'feel deeply'. The question is: what does "feeling deeply" mean to you personally?

    [*]When people do something, I try to understand where they are coming from and analyse their thoughts. So for example if my SO did/said something to hurt me, I would ask questions - why he did that, why he thinks he did that, what is wrong, what is the cause of this situation etc. Basically I need to understand the motives behind people's actions to understand how they think and assess the situation and see if I can forgive them or not / decide how to behave from then on.
    This could fit with Ni+Fe. The natural inclination to talk it out makes me think Fe-dominant could be your type. Going by "what's behind the behaviour" and go for the deeper motives fits well with Ni. This means that ENFJ could be your type according to this specific piece of text.

    [*]I am very good at "feeling" the unspoken rules in a situation/social setting and adapt my behaviour accordingly. I really do "pretend" sometimes in social settings (if the people are NOT close to me) so that I can adapt to any particular situation successfully, and to make people feel at ease. However, I still maintain some sense of 'integrity' and honesty - meaning that I do say what's on my mind even if it might hurt someone, but ONLY if I think the problem is worth mentioning and really should be addressed. If it's something minor I just let it slide, it's not worth mentioning it and arguing about nothing/creating conflict over small insignificant things.
    This is very typical for Fe-dominants. The social adaptability is very obvious, to the point that I have trouble believing you could have Fi, even in theory.

    [*]I am extremely insightful and introspective. I always try to analyse my thoughts and feelings, and I overthink EVERYTHING. However I am very good at switching between "feeling" and "thinking". If the situation calls for it, I can completely switch off my feelings and can seem even "cold" - that's when logic and reason kick in. This way I can solve conflict in a calm, effective and peaceful manner relatively easily. I also prefer to talk problems through rather than wait for them to become conflicts. This is why I say what I think if there's a problem, instead of bottling everything up.
    Again, very Fe. I would like to stress again that the "thinking vs feeling" conflict actually doesn't have a lot to do with actually thinking or feeling things. One thing it does mean for example is that ExFJs tend to be bad at boundaries. This has to do with placing personal rules over other people's values. An ISTP for example is very good at telling others "not now". An ENFJ will have trouble saying that, even when there's other pressing matters they should attend to (unless the other pressing matter is also of personal importance to another person of course)

    [*]I am definitely not as wild/crazy as these websites make ENFP seem. I am social and super friendly yes, but not the "life of the party". Everyone who knows me says that I come across as an extrovert. I really do believe I'm an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert (lol) because I'm in my head so much, and sometimes I just don't feel like going out. I also zone out and daydream.
    Don't believe these websites when they describe the behaviours of the types. ENFPs come in all shapes and sizes.

    There's also often misunderstanding about what 'introvert and extrovert' mean in MBTI terms because they're also kind of misleading. There are ENFPs that don't leave the house for two weeks because they're working on something. That does not make them introverts.

    [*]I am also very bad at practical stuff and I hate myself for it. I feel helpless and I hate it, because I actually love the idea of organisation and structure! It makes my life so much easier... when I manage to make it work...
    This fits very well with ENFJ. They have Ni, which is about the structure and control of ideas and abstractions. This means that ENFJs will often enjoy structure. Their low Ti makes it hard to actually work out the process though. ENFPs on the other hand hate structure. They can't work within it and have trouble creating it.
    Hating practical stuff actively makes me think of ENFJ too, since inferior Ti often manifests in this way.

    [*]Yes I love to be adventurous and I LIVE FOR NEW EXPERIENCES!!! I'm really excited to see everything the world has to offer. Because I believe life is short and you have to experience as much as you can :) there's always something new and interesting out there. I'm very much an optimist I think. But I try to stay as realistic as possible.
    That could fit with Ne or Se, but remember that ENFJ also has Se. This at the very least fits with you being an extravert.

    [quote[[*]That doesn't mean I don't appreciate routine and tradition. I do, and I need more of it in my life because otherwise I am extremely disorganized.[/quote]

    This means that ENxP is right out. I also see ENFJ over ESFJ. The Si tends to show itself when the ESFJ wants to create structure. ENFJ is better at structuring ideas and concepts.

    [*]I am a VERY goal-oriented person and ALWAYS think about the future. I would do anything to achieve my goals as long as it doesn't hurt other people or as long as it doesn't clash with my own inner belief system. But yes I HAVE to achieve my goals or otherwise I will not be happy with myself.
    I've seen this overlap in ExxJ types more and more lately. Both are goal-oriented and it's a big part of their identity (although it's stronger for ExTJs). Thinking about the future a lot fits well with ENFJ again. The Ni works a lot with envisioning the future.

    [*]I am generally quite hard on myself and VERY impatient. I also lose my focus easily when I have to do some university coursework or whatever. But I think this is also because I really don't like what I'm studying right now (technical engineering abstract stuff, maths, coding - UGH!!!). For me it's really important that I'm passionate about what I do... However I am the opposite with other people: very understanding, caring, patient. I am softer with them than I am with myself. Because I have very high standards for myself.
    Fits well with ENFJ again. The impatience is the EJ trait. Being almost fully intrinsically motivated can work in multiple types, but I've seen it a lot for Ni-users. The things you struggle with are Ti-heavy subjects, so that fits with it being inferior as a function and the double standard where you're harder on yourself than for others is very common for heavy Fe-users (I struggle with the same thing).

    [*]I am very honest and bold. I can easily say NO. I say this because I noticed that my ENFJ used to have a lot of trouble in the past with saying NO. She literally couldn't do it.
    That is indeed uncommon for ENFJs. It does depend a lot on other factors though. It depends on how well you know the person you're saying no to, what role you have in the group and how much you have thought about what saying no would mean to the other person.

    There's a lot of variance too. When I compare myself (INFJ) with my ISFJ wife, I'm good at saying no when it doesn't hurt people (or it hurts them in the short term while helping them in the long run), but my wife could not say no to someone if it would save her life. If someone tells her it would mean so much to them to spend a full weekend with her, there would have to be very good reasons for her to say no (and there are possible reasons of course, like previous appointments, time or trust issues with that person.

    So don't take these things as gospel. There are lots of ENFJs that can say no easily. It just depends on the circumstances.

    [*]I LOVE making plans and organising stuff!!! It's just hard to stick to them.... and I procrastinate, A LOT! I try not to! But again I think it's because I really don't like what I study right now and the only thing that keeps me going is my ambition and knowing that my studies will guarantee me a successful future. Which is what I want from my future - security and stability. But in general it is very important to me to be passionate about what I do.
    Reading that I could actually be convinced of INFJ over ENFJ. There's other parts I've seen above that make me think of EJ over IJ though, so I'm not changing right here.

    [*]I like to wonder about life and the mysteries of the universe and have philosophical discussions of this sort. But I also love to talk about normal day-to-day stuff because I prefer to feel more grounded.
    It's common for people to enjoy both of these. Mostly I see that you like talking to people, which fits with Fe.

    [*]I can't be close friends with someone if I don't feel a connection. I'm very picky about my close friends. I feel the need to connect with them on a deeper level. I think this is where my intuition kicks in and I assume a lot about people without taking the time to get to know them well enough, which is a bit unfair. Otherwise I have lots of casual friends but they are not quite as important to me...
    Having lots of casual friends fits well with ExFJ, while the rest of this could fit with lots of types.

    [*]I feel like I am quite the subjective person, but I can be scarily objective if the situation calls for it.
    I've actually seen this happen for Fe-users a lot. We can be very emotionally detatched when discussing emotional topics. This can be very problematic for Fi-users to see.

    [*]I'm always on time, I hate making a bad impression (if I don't know the person too well).
    This is not necessarily type related. There's ISFPs with bad experiences coming late all the time that have made it their life's mission to never be too late for anything ever again. So this point could fit with any type.

    [*]I also feel like I am full of contradictions and it's confusing!!!! Or balanced? It's weird.
    Interestingly, also something I've seen with every type. If someone seems normal, it just means you don't know them well enough. Everyone is a strange walking contradiction when you get down to it.

    So I am asking you guys if you have any helpful insight or if there are more reliable tests that I could try! I personally don't believe anyone is just ONE type and we all use a bit of everything, but it would be nice to know which type is my dominant one because I would really like to understand myself better. Thanks! :)
    I understand the idea that nobody is one type, but I heavily disagree with it. If you accept that there's a few ways a brain can be organized and every type has a different one, there's no question that you could be somewhere in between two types.

    Overall, I think ENFJ is the most likely type for you, but there's a lot of clutter here. You seem to be conflating behaviour and personality a lot and looking for the superficial descriptions over the cognitive functions, which is inherently confusing.
    I can't be certain of the ENFJ type for you from all this since I'm interpreting a lot from not a lot of information, but overall I stand by all my reasonings for my conclusions.

    I hope some of this has made things clearer and I hope everything I said made sense to you. I hope you find out what type you are.


     

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