IxFP or IXFJ? Please help

IxFP or IXFJ? Please help

View Poll Results: What type do you think I am?

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This is a discussion on IxFP or IXFJ? Please help within the What's my personality type? forums, part of the Personality Cafe category; Hello, guys. I've been researching about MBTI, Enneagram, Socionics, graphology, astrology and other related topics since I was a teenager, ...

  1. #1

    IxFP or IXFJ? Please help

    Hello, guys.

    I've been researching about MBTI, Enneagram, Socionics, graphology, astrology and other related topics since I was a teenager, as a means to better understand myself and other people.

    Regarding MBTI, I came to the conclusion a few years ago (between the last years of high school and my first years in university - I go to law school) that I was an ISFP, due to my intense procrastination, as well as my interest in pretty things (Se) and in better understanding the world (Ni). But back then, some people already thought that I was an INFJ instead, due to my interest - and, frankly, obsession - in MBTI and evaluating other people's types. I thought they were wrong, though, because my gut told me that the ISFP definition fit me better. Also, because I hated studying literature in school, mostly because I didn't understand a single thing the teachers were discussing most of the time. [I did enjoy reading some texts, though, such as this one by Fernando Pessoa]. Finally, because I didn't feel that I had a clear mission to help other people - which is frequently said about INFJs.

    Now I'm a young adult, and many things have changed in my life ever since. I'm finishing law school, I have been in a couple internships (in court rooms and legal practices) and have made more friends. I'm (finally) in a relationship (which takes a lot of work) and am studying about Buddhism, more specifically the Zen branch, because I felt I needed to embark on a spiritual journey to deal with some of my existential issues, and because Buddhist principles make a lot of sense to me, providing a reasonable moral framework to guide me. I also did therapy for a few months, due to some terrible anxiety crises, which have thankfully subsided since I started (ocasionally) meditating and taking antidepressants. Some people, to my surprise, have also complimented my writing style (in native Portuguese), my organization skills - even though I still feel like I make too much of a mess and my thoughts don't make sense - and said that I seem very serious on the outside, which could help me to be a judge. Actually, most people who meet me in the field say that I look like a judge. Not bad for an ISFP, I suppose.

    But, recently, I was reflecting on what would be my boyfriend's MBTI type, when, again, the question of what is my own MBTI type felt like it was relevant again. Especially because, when I established that I was an ISFP, my life was pretty different than it is now, and, considering my life trajectory, it doesn't seem to fit the ISFP profile any longer.

    To kill my curiosity, I watched a few videos about INFJs and joined Facebook groups to understand more about the people in this type, and thought I could maybe fit the description. But I'm still doubtful. I also consider the possibility of being an ISFJ or INFP, though I don't know if Si could be one of my 3 first cognitive functions, since my memory is really bad.

    In short, I would very much appreciate the input of people here in PerC.

    I decided to answer one of the questionnaires from the "sticky" threads, hoping it'll facilitate this process. I haven't finished yet, but, when I do, I'll post my answers in this thread.

    If you read everything until now, you have my sincere thanks. Also, thanks in advance for any input.
    Last edited by alitasea; 11-27-2018 at 09:37 AM.



  2. #2

    1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?
    As I said, finishing law school has got me thinking about my life trajectory.

    These are the aspects that make me unsure of my type:

    • I can be very methodical, albeit lazy
    • Focusing on sensorial aspects of life can be overwhelming. It took me a lot of meditation to not freak out when I realize that Iím actually alive (aka living in the present)
    • I donít know if I use more Fi or Fe. I don't seem to care too much about individualism as a Fi dom would. Maybe what I thought was Fi is actually Fe (like being able to put myself in other peopleís shoes, creating little movies in my head about how they live their lives)
    • I have dreams that seem like simulations of real life. I forget about them and, later, they end up happening in reality. I donít know what this means, lol
    • My previous therapist said I was too pragmatic sometimes (dunno what that means either), that I should just let go and focus on the present moment.



    2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?
    I used to yearn for happiness, but, according to Buddhism, happiness shouldnít be oneís primal source of nourishment. So, what I want now is to achieve a state where I can deal with any situations in life. I want to be in peace and become wise, influencing people around me in a positive way (and being recognized for it).
    Also, I want to build a family, and to be able to prepare my kids to deal with the world in the best way possible.
    Material stability wouldnít hurt.
    Finally, I want to be successful in my career of choice.


    3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.
    I was returning home with my friends, sharing an Uber. We were talking about a subject I was well versed in. We exchanged opinions, and I shared my thoughts in a very eloquent way. My thoughts were organized.


    4) What makes you feel inferior?
    - not being listened to and not being respected. When I was a child, I had a dream where I couldnít speak Ė I could move my mouth, but no sound came out of it. It felt terrible.
    - making mistakes that I couldíve avoided by listening to my gut feelings. And then being scolded by making such mistakes.
    - feeling more stupid than my peers, especially when they seem to easily understand something that I, for some reason, cannot.
    - when I feel that my clothes and makeup are not appropriate for the environment or the occasion.
    - discovering, only later, that I had been emotionally manipulated.


    5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)
    - How people will react. I donít want to make them mad or view me in a negative way, especially if I want to have a long lasting relationship with them (or at least if I think Iíll need them in the future)
    - I try to foresee if the outcome will be positive or negative, as if with a crystal ball. If the outcome is positive, then I act. If itís uncertain, I try to gather more information and opinions from different people


    6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?
    It depends on the project. If itís something I have no idea how to do, I research how other people undertake the specific task at hand so I can learn the basic aspects involved, and eventually improve on then, trying to achieve the best possible result. If itís something that I already know how to do, I apply my usual method, but also look for things that eventually need improvement. I like to have control of the outcome and even try to think, in the future, what will be the consequences of the final result (how other people will receive it, etc.). But even after I finish the project, I like to reread it again to see if thereís something wrong that I missed Ė like a typo or an argument that doesnít make sense Ė, even days or months later, after I gained some distance from the project.

    If itís an artistic thing, e.g. drawing, I like to first have an idea of what I want to do and how I want it to look like. In this area, if things donít always go as planned, I can get frustrated and give up entirely if I canít seem to find a way to salvage the drawing. If I donít succeed, I end up not drawing again for months Ė or years.


    7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?
    Exchanging jokes with my friends, my boyfriend and my siblings. Laughing a lot, until my face hurts and I need to rest for a while.


    8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc.)
    The best way for me to learn is by listening and taking notes. I try to create a mind map in my head, or a system where everything fits and makes sense.
    I write notes on what I think are the most important topics of what Iím trying to learn. My notes are usually written in items and sub items and I try to keep them as detailed as possible, so that I wonít forget anything (my memory is very bad, like I said before).
    I donít like to waste time to make my notes look pretty, which is why I prefer taking them on my computer; if not, then I donít bother using different colors, etc., I only highlight some stuff so that I donít get lost while reading or trying to find a specific passage.

    If it involves abstract concepts, and metaphors, I try to visualize them.

    I did try memorizing a few times, but I thought it was too exhausting. It involved a lot of repetition, and I usually donít have the time for that. I procrastinate a lot before exams, so in the end I only have limited time to study. I only memorize if I really donít understand what Iím reading, hoping Iíll be able to make sense of it in the future.

    I was really bad at Maths and Physics. I only learned a bit of them after doing and repeating many exercises. My best grades were in History, Geography, English and Spanish (never in my native language, lol, which is Portuguese).


    9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?
    I donít think Iím organized. I can have a really established way of doing things, like having lots of folders in my computer to archive my favorite pictures, books and songs, but my mind feels very disorganized.


    10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?
    I try to understand the principles behind the ideas. If the principles make sense, then Iíll maybe look for concrete information and other peopleís thoughts to check if my first assessment is correct.


    11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?
    The latter option seems more accurate to me. I enjoy when people act correctly, in a moral sense. If they donít, then I distance myself from them, protecting my own values.
    In trying times, though, I try to help as much as I can. When my father had a stroke, my mother destabilized completely and my younger siblings felt very sad, and cried a lot. As they cried, so did I. Then I felt I had the duty to be strong and step up, to take care of my siblingsí material and emotional needs, preparing myself for the role Iíd take if my father died. Thankfully, he didnít, and I stepped back.


    12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?
    Most of the time, I think before speaking. Actually, I canít come up with something to say if I donít think of it first, and if it doesnít make sense, then I wonít say it, unless itís a silly joke and I feel that Iím allowed to make in the context. I speak before thinking if Iím in a heated discussion, for an example.

    I prefer one-on-one communication. Itís easier for me. I donít know how to participate in group discussions, most of the time.


    13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speak more than words?
    Iíd rather know where Iím jumping before leaping.
    I believe action speaks more than words. Verbal communication has its limits, so figuring out a pattern in oneís behavior tends to be the best way to evaluate someone, in my opinion.


    14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?
    Iíd rather stay home, so Iíll think of an excuse to not go out with my friends. But Iíll feel bad later for disappointing them and maybe missing out on an opportunity to socialize with them.


    15) How do you act when you're stressed out?
    I get aggressive towards other people, especially my family. I have no patience for small inconveniences and questions I deem silly.
    With people outside my family, I tend to completely avoid interactions, unless Iím forced to talk to them because of work or because I need something done.
    I also eat a lot of sweets, spend money on things I donít need (like new clothes, cosmetics), find a topic to obsess over (e.g. astrology), watch a whole series on Netflix.
    I can get paranoid about peopleís intentions and any thing that might be perceived as an external menace, too.


    16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?
    In short, I donít like people who:

    • are judgmental (about values, external appearances)
    • talk too much, too loudly
    • are insensitive and rude
    • are unnecessarily aggressive
    • are trying to draw too much attention to themselves
    • seem to have a fixed and/or shallow view of things. I prefer people who keep their minds open, even if I donít think their principles are correct
    • donít respect othersí ideas and donít present valid counter arguments. Those arguments canít be contradictory either.
    • try to emotionally blackmail me. If I sense someone is doing that, I get very angry and lose my capacity to empathize with them



    17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?
    Subjects I like talking about with other people:

    • the future
    • how other people think and feel
    • movies and their meaning
    • the origins of the world and society
    • silly jokes and memes



    18) What kind of things do you pay the least attention to in your life?

    • my environment. Iím very lazy and rely on other people in my house to keep my stuff organized and clean. But I like to have a general sense of where are my stuff, and get very angry if other people take or move my stuff without permission
    • gossip about celebrities, current fashion and musical trends
    • sports in general



    19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? What would your friends never say about your personality?
    My friends perceive me as:

    • serious;
    • funny;
    • organized;
    • ďmysteriousĒ (they say I fit the Scorpio/Capricorn stereotypes);
    • intelligent.



    I donít see myself as serious. I just lack the energy and the will to smile all the time. And I prefer if people donít think of me as easily approachable, because I like to be left to my own devices. That doesnít always work, though.

    Also, I donít think Iím organized. See 9 above.

    I donít see where my ďmysteriousĒ aura comes from. Maybe itís because I donít like to talk much and because I make occasional observations about other peopleís behavior. Maybe they think Iím always analyzing stuff and that makes me mysterious somehow.

    Finally, I donít think Iím that smart. I just like to read and contemplate, which gives me a lot of information and practice on how to think. If other people did that, Iím sure theyíd be perceived as smart, too.


    20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?
    Right now, if I had the choice, Iíd travel to a beach in Ilhabela with my boyfriend. Weíd eat braised calamari or ceviche and drink natural juice while sunbathing, talking and listening to the waves. Afterwards, weíd take a nap and return home.
    Failing that, Iíd love to stay alone at home, surfing the net, reading fanfics, watching something on Netflix, playing videogames and listening to my favorite songs.
    Last edited by alitasea; 11-27-2018 at 09:40 AM.

  3. #3

    INFJ.

    * I don't see any Ne in you but I do see Ni and quite a lot of it, so INFP and ISFJ are out. You're very future-oriented, careful and seemingly single-minded once your mind is set on something (like your description of what you currently want in life). You also describe getting a "gut feeling" about how things will turn out. A few examples:

    Quote Originally Posted by alitasea View Post
    My previous therapist said I was too pragmatic sometimes (dunno what that means either), that I should just let go and focus on the present moment.
    Quote Originally Posted by alitasea View Post
    I try to foresee if the outcome will be positive or negative, as if with a crystal ball. If the outcome is positive, then I act. If it’s uncertain, I try to gather more information and opinions from different people
    Quote Originally Posted by alitasea View Post
    I like to have control of the outcome and even try to think, in the future, what will be the consequences of the final result (how other people will receive it, etc.).
    Quote Originally Posted by alitasea View Post
    - making mistakes that I could’ve avoided by listening to my gut feelings.
    * I also see a lot of Fe:
    - putting yourself in other people's shoes (a Fi-dom has more trouble detaching themselves from their values)
    - wanting to influence people around you and be recognized for it (with emphasis on the desire for recognition)
    - enjoying talking about how people think and feel
    - being very concerned about how people will react to your decisions

    * The way you react to stress sounds like inferior Se:

    Quote Originally Posted by alitasea View Post
    I also eat a lot of sweets, spend money on things I don’t need (like new clothes, cosmetics), find a topic to obsess over (e.g. astrology), watch a whole series on Netflix.
    * You mention liking talking about movies and their meaning as well as the origins of the world and society. You also seem like a very spiritual person. Those are Intuitive traits. An ISFP especially would be unlikely to focus on those subjects.

    I wouldn't focus too much on the organized/disorganized part, although I think it's funny that you call yourself lazy and messy but your friends describe you as organized. I doubt all INFJs live up to the stereotype of the Ni-dom with a house neat as a pin.
    alitasea thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPercent View Post
    I wouldn't focus too much on the organized/disorganized part, although I think it's funny that you call yourself lazy and messy but your friends describe you as organized. I doubt all INFJs live up to the stereotype of the Ni-dom with a house neat as a pin.
    To add, Ni doms (INFJs more so) are the most perceivish and prone-to-procrastination of judgers.
    INTPercent and alitasea thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Alivingobituary42 View Post
    To add, Ni doms (INFJs more so) are the most perceivish and prone-to-procrastination of judgers.
    This seems more like an excuse to type actual Perceivers who relate to "Ni" as J.

    OP seems INFx, the argument of "liking pretty things" just does not work as an S argument (most people do) and even ISFPs probably are more specialized in storing a lot of facts. But it's INFx's not ISFPs which would be more likely to seek out that "deeper meaning" beyond the "reality" which can directly be picked up by the senses.

    INFJ seems possible and even likely but I would not rule out INFP.
    alitasea thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPercent View Post
    I don't see any Ne in you but I do see Ni and quite a lot of it
    Why would you rule out Ne as one of my main functions, specifically?

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPercent View Post
    seemingly single-minded once your mind is set on something (like your description of what you currently want in life)
    Yeah, I can relate to this. I might take a long time to decide what I actually want, or what I think is the best course of action, but once I do decided, then I'm filled with energy and feel inclined to follow through until the end.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPercent View Post
    I think it's funny that you call yourself lazy and messy but your friends describe you as organized. I doubt all INFJs live up to the stereotype of the Ni-dom with a house neat as a pin.
    I think my friends describe me as organized because they haven't seen my house

    Ideally, my dream house would be "neat as a pin", as you described, to optimize space and avoid dust related sicknesses (I have allergic rhinitis). But, in reality, I can't control how the other people who live with me (my parents and younger siblings) behave. In other words, I can't keep other people from making a mess in my environments. I did try to keep a least one corner of the house exclusively for my personal stuff, but it didn't work out. So I gave up on trying to maintain my house clean.
    Last edited by alitasea; 11-27-2018 at 12:32 PM.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Alivingobituary42 View Post
    To add, Ni doms (INFJs more so) are the most perceivish and prone-to-procrastination of judgers.
    I've heard that too, but was unsure if I was a Ni dom.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Ocean Helm View Post
    OP seems INFx, the argument of "liking pretty things" just does not work as an S argument (most people do)
    Yeah, my argument sounds very superficial now that you say it

    Quote Originally Posted by Ocean Helm View Post
    even ISFPs probably are more specialized in storing a lot of facts
    How so? I have the impression that INFPs, due to their tertiary Si, are also very inclined to memorize facts, but I might be wrong.
    Or do you mean instead that ISFPs have the tendency to store facts, but not analyze them more frequently?

  9. #9

    How so? I have the impression that INFPs, due to their tertiary Si, are also very inclined to memorize facts, but I might be wrong.
    Or do you mean instead that ISFPs have the tendency to store facts, but not analyze them more frequently?
    Maybe in some kind of weird function theory. It's hard to know what specific function lovers believe at any particular point in time which is one of the many reasons why I prefer typing by letters but if you look at the general definition of N preference (which I think could even apply to Ne being higher than Si, as opposed to Se being higher than Ni), S's prioritize "what is" while N's prioritize what "can be" and what sort of exists outside of the S-reality. So I'd expect ISFPs to still be more grounded in the factual world and do this by more or less rote memorizing a bunch of stuff, while the intuiting is outside of their preference.

    If I'm an example I commit very little in terms of rote facts to my memory and instead prefer looking at things more as connections and relationships which can then be used to sort of lead to the essence of the fact if it were really needed but the precision often isn't there.
    alitasea thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by alitasea View Post
    Why would you rule out Ne as one of my main functions, specifically?
    Simply put, while both Ni-dom/aux and Ne-dom/aux are future-oriented, INFJs are more long-term. Their train of thought goes from A straight to Z, burning through steps with "a-HA!" moments where you can almost see a lightbulb light up above their head; it's a very instinctive function. They also typically have fewer genuine interests, but are intensely interested in them and can become real experts in their domain.

    INFPs have more trouble clearly visualizing a distant future like an INFJ would, and they are more likely to go with the flow and quickly redefine their priorities. More flexible, in a way (as long as their values aren't attacked). Their train of thought is something along the lines of A -> B -> C, and while fast and sometimes (often) abstract they can generally explain the steps they took to come to a conclusion. Ne makes them intensely curious and they can focus their attention on several things at once more easily, but their knowledge is more superficial. Their Ne is also used to support their Fi, and I didn't notice Fi in your posts. Just good ol' Fe.


    Quote Originally Posted by alitasea View Post
    Ideally, my dream house would be "neat as a pin", as you described, to optimize space and avoid dust related sicknesses (I have allergic rhinitis). But, in reality, I can't control how the other people who live with me (my parents and younger siblings) behave. In other words, I can't keep other people from making a mess in my environments. I did try to keep a least one corner of the house exclusively for my personal stuff, but it didn't work out. So I gave up on trying to maintain my house clean.
    That's very interesting. So if you lived on your own your house would be clean and tidy? That does sound more like the Ni-doms I know. Your current situation might be more caused by learned helplessness than anything.
    alitasea thanked this post.


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