Sorry to bother everyone again, but the devil’s advocate (6) in me can’t seem to let me decide whether I am an Si or Ni dominant, and once doubt is in my mind, I will spend months thinking about it until I finally decide that I should ask for help and guidance. I sincerely apologise for the essay but I want to be 100% sure, otherwise I won’t be able to proceed with anything without wanting to think about it constantly, and I don’t think I’m qualified to give advice on forums either unless I understand what’s what first. I feel ridiculous for posting something this long so I promise this will be the last essay I post. I wrote this crazy long thing to figure things out once and for all since I’m a bit of a blind spot to myself… and I’m no longer sure of anything anymore (not that I ever was…) and I cannot remember what kind of person I am since I don’t remember most of my life. That may have something to do with stress and trauma and shutting off most of my childhood and teenage years may be a coping mechanism, or I could just be bad at remembering the past. If it is the latter, then shouldn’t I be good at predicting future events? I have some reason to believe that I am afraid to think about the future since I spent most of my life thinking the future would be grim and would prefer not to think about it.
If I were to try my hand at it, I would imagine myself 11 years from now where I stand in my kitchen, which for some reason looks exactly like the one I grew up in, and I am boiling the kettle to make coffee for my Si husband, who always drinks coffee before he goes to work and I am still the best at making his coffee, 11 years on. I have become a stay at home wife and I am about the make breakfast for my 3 bickering children, 2 of which are sitting at the kitchen table. The eldest, a blonde girl with green eyes and a friendly smile, an extravert unlike her parents, is optimistic and eagerly awaiting her school day. Her homework is finished and she is trying to cheer up our second child, a boy with dark hair and green eyes. He is looking sullen and does not enjoy school, sitting at the table and playing with a fork by scratching the table with it, which I find rather irritating. I don’t judge him for hating school, since I can see a lot of myself in him – a loner that struggled with fitting in and felt different and misunderstood by the other children and teachers. I can hear my husband coming down the stairs whilst the third child is still upstairs in the bathroom - the child that takes the longest to get ready, like me. I am not ready either, but I have to get my children and husband ready before myself, I will do that when everyone has been taken care of. He is prone to daydreaming, like me. I would say my eldest child is an enfp, the younger boy and istp/intp(?) and the third is an isfp. The boy sitting at the table is thinking about strangling his enfp older sister partly because he finds her optimism infuriating and partly because he is jealous that things seem much happier for her. He would rather stay at home and play video games and go back to bed. I believe this is set in January due to the lack of morning daylight and the blues everyone but the enfp seem to have.
The above is my attempt at predicting the future. Most of my imagery is based off the past. The house I am in happens to be the one I grew up in, including all of the furniture and décor. I have talked about the future with my partner before, so it’s not completely something that I have thought of by myself, but the scenario I have created is entirely my own. I have made a similar snapshot for when I am old and grey, expecting grandchildren to be over soon with my husband. It’s a beautiful sunny day and I am looking out of the window watching one of my neighbours walk their bulldog. My husband is watching television next to me. In this example, I used a relative’s bungalow as a template for the scene – the house, décor and the street are the same as that of the relative. Having remembered dogs, I’d like to re-envision the above scenes to include a Border collie running round the floor, and a smaller dog in scene number 2 which is sleeping on my husband’s lap.
I don’t do this often. I’m quite paranoid about the future, but that may be the enneagram 6 talking… Also, there has been an argument that Ni types predict the future using the past… isn’t that just Si? Expecting things that have happened in the past to keep happening in the future?
Things that support Si:
I often use the past as a benchmark to predict the future… i.e. this person has behaved this way in the past… they are prone to using emotional blackmail and sympathy to manipulate others to get their own way. I expect them to carry on in the same way and when they mention a certain topic; alarm bells go off and I usually expect it to go a certain way from what I’ve seen them do in the past. My Si partner also comes to the same conclusion and has also started suspecting how conversations will go with this person in the same way I do, and we are usually right.
I need evidence and concrete examples to prove something. Facts usually convince me, for example, when I was younger, I believed in horoscopes but then I found the Ophiuchus article which completely disproved horoscopes as everyone knew them, so I dropped it like a rock. On the other hand, my ISTJ partner had a long chat on how he would disprove MBTI in a very Te way, and it worked for a while, albeit my mind turned into a command prompt looping an error on repeat for a few hours, but reading into MBTI and cognitive functions further, I decided that he just didn’t know enough about it to successfully rid my mind of it, much to his dismay. I also decided that I had no right to talk to him about it unless I was absolutely sure about my personality, which means that I don’t fully understand the cognitive functions and their behaviours myself. Except not behaviours… behaviourism is not a part of mbti and I should immediately get that notion out of my head… which makes seeing what I am even more difficult because I could be and isfj that has more behaviours in common with an infj and appear like one, but still be an isfj. A few people have typed me as an isfj but the example I gave was not very extensive, I work at a sensing job where Si is required and I am dreadfully stressed as ‘said’ job. It requires a lot of details work which I find very boring (but so do the other two Si dominants that work there) and I would honestly rather just think of ways to fix the problems they complain about… and I did, and then I started rallying the office and going around asking my colleagues what they thought about the plan after relaying a load of positives for why we should adopt this new method, which has been available to all of us the whole time! Some were open to it, but my Si dominant colleagues were extremely reluctant. It would only add a couple of seconds to their jobs but would fix so much that they always complain about… but it seems they would rather carry on complaining but keep things the way they are. I almost feel like they are being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn, on a matter of principal. That’s the impression I got. I found that thinking of ways to improve the business was far more interesting than actually doing my job. I admit that my way of thinking tends to be practical.
I find things like space and the cosmos interesting and often see life as the matrix… people are just busying themselves everyday… doing day to day things without waking up to see the loop they’re in and soon enough… life has passed them by and then it’s too late. I am in awe of how small we are in relation to the universe, but I often get impatient when my (confirmed) infj mother starts to talk about how scientists have discovered that cats are aliens and that satellites have produced images of a world war 2 tank on Mars. She genuinely believes this, and despite all efforts by my Si partner and I to convince her that she should stop believing clickbait, there has been no avail. I even demonstrated in Photoshop how easy it would be to fake such an image but she stubbornly sticks to her ‘discoveries’. I can slightly sympathise though… I used to believe every word she said before I met my thinking partner, who taught me how to develop my logical functions and to question information more, so I’ve become better at critical thinking over the past few years. I am angry to have been so misinformed and wrong before. I’m ashamed of how stupid I must have looked when I tried relaying unproven facts to others. I don’t like misleading others and I certainly don’t like to be wrong and I was trying to save my mother the same fate, but unfortunately, she continues to use bad sources which she believes as gospel and so everyone has just written her off as a paranoid conspiracy theorist wearing a tin foil hat (although I agree with her that we’re not alone in the universe, and to ‘some’ extent, wonder if they may already be among us). I have not made any of my own theories about aliens of anything of the sort, but I enjoy watching theoretical documentaries about aliens and ancient Egypt, although I find their lack of conclusion extremely annoying on the grounds that usually at the start they open with: “we have found this discovery and therefore this must be real”… OOOOH! Great! Let’s see what you found… But they conclude with: “This could be the case but we’ll never know for certain because we never actually found anything”… Seriously?! It’s that a misleading introduction? I’d be much less annoyed if the documentary opened with “This is only a theoretical video where we will only discuss the possibilities of ‘blah’ rather than lure people in with evidence that we never actually found…”.
Do I like routine? Mmmm… I’d actually say no. I have a habit of waking up and reading new chapters of stories that are posted every day but I actually like variety. I wouldn’t even say I have a routine since I just do things as I think of them, but I routinely stall at work to avoid having to deal with my mundane job. Bearing in mind, I most likely have ADHD, but even then I seem to differ from other ISFJ’s who have also said they have ADHD, so I’m also questioning that… I’m not particularly averse to change and would welcome it with open arms if it meant things could get better. BUT… Whilst I enjoy exploring places I ALREADY know, I tend not to venture out to explore without a companion who knows what he’s doing. I don’t know my stress response – I can relate to Ne grip and Se grip, although I can’t understand this “out of body” experience INFJ’s talk about. Not in the slightest. Nor do I pick up the emotions of people around me in public places. I am not overloaded sensory wise in public places since I naturally just zone out of everything most of the time. I was told that in nursery I would cover my ears as an infant to get away from loud children and preferred to sit in a room away from everyone so maybe that could be classed as being overwhelmed sensory wise. I tend not to notice what my colleagues are doing or how they are feeling either since I just zone out and ignore the atmosphere. My ISFJ colleague and I are quite similar but I tend to get bored when they discuss things that have happened in tv shows (I don’t watch tv since I just get bored and daydream instead – could be ADHD) and politics…
I get a lot of impressions of things that remind me of other things… for example, the way a morning looks today compared to one of my favourite morning that I DO remember as a kid. When I do relive past events, I can usually relive sensory aspects, but this is usually quite brief and I would have to concentrate on different sensory aspects at a time… collating them into one big memory bundle is quite difficult, but If I were to try and remember a swimming pool, I can usually recall how the water looked and felt as well as the light level, but they have to be pretty powerful memory. My mind also has a habit of ‘filling in the blanks’ where it makes up what happened next when it didn’t happen that way at all, so I don’t fully trust my memory to not play tricks on me. However, I do try to remember facts since intelligence and memory is a bit of a sensitive area for me, but my mother, doesn’t seem to care as much. Comparing the two of us, we’re very different… Her imagination runs much more wild than mine, and she predicts the future more and with better accuracy than me. She also thinks about the future more and is the textbook infj as described in books and sources from everywhere… insightful, mysterious… I don’t fit ISFJ or INFJ and this causes a lot of doubt. Whilst this does not matter, I would like some help figuring out which cognitive functions I actually use since my Ti seemingly needs absolute truth at all costs.
I borrowed the following image from the pinned “Short Effective Scenario Questionnaire 2.0 (Self-Type)” in the type me section of the forum. I haven’t had much luck telling myself whether I’m one cognitive function more over another.
This is a link to the thread the image came from.
It took a while to think of anything to say about this, but it’s quite beautiful. I love how all of the colours look wonderful together. I imagined myself there, looking around. I can see myself dipping a foot into the cold lake. I’ve seen this photograph many times, but before I saw it again, my image of it in my mind was completely different. The way I remembered it was without trees, a narrower entrance and a small pond instead of a lake on the right hand side, so I was surprised at what it actually looked like when I saw it again. I’m not particularly interested in leaving the cave since I feel like the interior would be far more interesting to explore. I have not been in many caves and have always wanted to see what it would be like. I am actually quite interested to see what is on the other side of the camera (aka behind the photographer’s back). There may be more holes in the cave or further, smaller caves to look at. It could be a whole network of caves. Could more plants grow there? When I looked at this photograph in the past I imagined myself stroking the stone to see if the stone would feel warm where the sun rays touch it, whether I would be warmer if I walked out of the dark where we are looking from in the photograph to where the sun shines in the cave. The trees and the bright parts of the cave stand out to me most… I find it strange that trees would grow in a cave so well. Yes, there’s water and sunlight, but something about the trees just looks odd.
When I saw the photograph the first time I believe I looked at it as a whole but in any repeat times I bring up the photograph, I focus on wherever my eyes were pointing at the time. I have a strange way of looking at things: my vision takes in most of my peripherals but I don’t see everything in great detail unless I am agitated or uneasy, instead, I have been accused of walking through my neighbourhood for months with my eyes shut and it took my Si dominant partner to point them out to me and then it’s literally like looking at it (whatever it was in the situation) for the first time. After looking at the photograph for some time and taking a second look, I notice the ripples in the lake, the patterns in the rock and the shape of the hanging rocks.