Please help, I知 stuck between ESFP and ESFJ

Please help, I知 stuck between ESFP and ESFJ

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This is a discussion on Please help, I知 stuck between ESFP and ESFJ within the What's my personality type? forums, part of the Personality Cafe category; So i wrote up a cognitive function analysis for both and I’m wondering which one would be my most likely ...

  1. #1

    Please help, I知 stuck between ESFP and ESFJ

    So i wrote up a cognitive function analysis for both and I’m wondering which one would be my most likely type. I’m 16 Female

    #ESFP:::::

    **Dominant Se**

    I go through life as simple as possible. I tend to take stuff at face value and kind of don’t realize people’s hidden intentions until someone else brings it up. I could see a perfectly chill friend just wanting to go out for dinner, someone else could see a manipulative faker trying to make me pay for everything. But in all honesty, I just feel like life goes a lot easier and smoother if I don’t spend time agonizing over hidden meanings.

    I dislike being controlled and restricted, i really just want to live my life my own way and do what I want with it. I hate being forced into somebody else’s philosophy.

    I will say I’m not very coordinated, but that’s more likely because I’m uninterested in sports and would rather just sit on my bum and eat chips and watch movies.

    I don’t bother with high fashion. Simple, comfortable clothes are good enough for me. I hate wearing dresses, and get super irritated when I’m forced to wear one. I’m not into makeup either, it makes my face feel crusty and fake and it rubs off on everything. I’m 100% a dress for comfort sort of person, and if I can find a balance then that’s great, otherwise I’m willing to sacrifice looking super “presentable” just so I don’t have to deal with digging around and scratching every inch of my body 24/7.

    I’m not completely oblivious to my surroundings, I’m fine at noticing details in the environment and sometimes i might point out something that others might’ve missed, but if I’m on my phone dead focused on something then that happens a lot less. I miss a lot of stuff if I’m laser focused on something

    I really hate stressing over problems that aren’t even a problem yet. We have a perfectly free day to do whatever we want and if you choose to stay at home and make yourself miserable over an issue that won’t even have an impact until like a week from now, I’m gonna say fk it and let’s go downtown. I end up just trying to solve stuff when I absolutely have to instead of making the thing bigger for no reason.

    I find that when I’m out with my friends doing something fun, I rarely daydream or obsess over the future as long as we’re doing something exciting. I’ll sometimes do dumb stuff like spend 20 bucks on a bag of chips. I’m very gullible and also if things get really exciting in the moment I will do some of the most dumbass things you can imagine. Climbing under a bunch of tables and standing directly in the middle of the gathering to scream and take photos just because someone else was starting to do it. I get repremanded a lot of end up repeating a lot of mistakes and breaking rules after it’s all done.

    I never feel the need to control other people or tell them what they need to do. I’m more interested in what I’m doing and I feel like what they’re doing works for them. Controlling others is a miserable thing to do in my opinion.

    I love the beauties of the city, I love being in the middle of all the excitement in it and the lights, people etc

    I don't care about having kids, I have zero interest in being a housewife, tied down for no good reason, unable to experience the better part of life

    **Auxiliary Fi**

    My parents always tell my that I pay like zero attention to how I’m perceived by others, and end up talking like a machine gun nonstop about stuff i want to talk about and take little to no consideration about what others want to hear.

    I have really, really strong emotions towards certain things. Things that are important to me mean nothing to others, and vice versa. I can’t really find myself crying over someone else’s issue, but once I can relate to it myself, I completely understand them with all my heart.

    I get absolutely pissed by people who are condescending or outright aloof to me. If I trusted you enough to share my passions and interests with you, then I expect for you to support them or at least respect them. There have been some people in my life that shat on my values just for the sake of shitting on my values. They didn’t even know what the hell they were doing, they just wanted to be rude and snobby at me. “Hurr durr, you like [insert mispronounced name of hobby here], are you gonna do that for a living? How much you’re getting paid for that?” More than you, asshole.

    If I have a stance on an issue that I feel strongly about, no amount of shit-talking and shaming will make me change it.

    I don’t pay attention to other people’s values as much as I do my own and it shows in conversation when I ramble on about my beliefs and then don’t even remember the other person’s stance. This could just be dead ass selfishness though.

    If I’m in a group and someone says something that I completely disagree with, I’m not going to make a big deal out of it unless they are directly attacking something I’m strongly attached to. I’m not a big fan of conflict, and I don’t want to lose a good friend over an argument that clearly will accomplish nothing. Neither one of us are going to adjust our opinion on it and it’s not my job to judge their values, so I’m not going to bother making a giant deal out of it. The most I’ll say is “Could you please respect/refrain from making fun of X? Thanks” if what they’re doing is directly affecting me. Most if not all the time though I’ll just stay quiet about it. My values won’t change, but I’m not going to enforce them on everyone else. If so and so likes saying “G-dammit,” so be it, go right ahead, but I’m not going to do it myself.

    I make most discussions based off how I feel, I’ll make them off of logic if it calls for it, but for things that are going to affect me, I’ll look at what I want most for myself, not what the facts statistically say will be best in the long run. If I have to choose between a job that has a higher salary, a more stable company, and a good sense of direction, but it has a corrupt staff, forces me to do what I hate, and doesn’t care about me, vs a job that might not have as high of a salary but I get to do what I love and the people there welcome me and I have a lot of friends there, I’m going to choose the one that obviously looks like the best option for me and my values right now, which is the one that allows me to do what I love.

    **Tertiary Te**

    When i need to prove something in an argument or something I will dig up screenshots and sources and quotes and facts to back me up

    Something about having the exact requirements spelled out to me on a task is comforting and a huge relief. Like, wow holy crap, literally all I have to do is this and I’m home free! I’d so much rather know exactly what I need to do than “try my best and hope my superior likes it reeeeeee!”

    If a problem comes up, and I absolutely need to do something about it right now, then I will try my best and do everything I possibly can within my pretty much nonexistent power to get it taken care of. I’ll run all the way to the other side of the building and back x938337464737 to chase down the person I need to solve the issue. I’ll fill out whatever paperwork, explain whatever I need to explain, do whatever I need to do to get out of it and minimize it to the best of my ability and hope it was enough.

    Sometimes I get so mad at all the fluffy bullshit I have to go through to do one simple thing. Oh, find a YouTube video? You have to sign in. Oh, you forgot your password. Wait, I forgot my email. Fuck it, make a new account. Well now I have to verify my damn phone number. Shit. Drive to [insert carrier here] store to activate my number to receive third party text messages. What? My data plan’s exceeded? Oh shit this for one damn youtube video. Another example. Let’s use the point above. I’m trying to solve a problem and I have limited time. I need to talk to the secretary. “Ohhhhhh nnnnnnooo, you need to have an aaaaappoooooiiiiinnnntttmeeeennnntttttt.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAUUUUUUAGAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!11!1!

    If I’m doing research for an assignment, unless I’m super passionate about the topic, I’m not going to go any further with it after it’s completed. I’ll literally do the bare minimum that’s required and learn the least amount about it possible to get by and then I’m done with it. I’m not into “learning for the sake of learning” especially if it’s a topic that bores me.

    **Inferior Ni**

    I don’t handle “wait-and-see” situations well, especially if the consequences are already starting to sink in now. Like, “it’s already bad right now, but it may or may not get a whole lot worse.” I literally feel like I am trapped in a hopeless, bottomless, never ending shitstorm situation that no matter what I do, it will not get any better. Sometimes I convince myself that my entire life from this point on is now messed up beyond repair and I can only see a grim future.

    If there’s a problem that hasn’t started taking affect on my life yet but I feel like has a 99.999% chance of destroying everything, then I’ll just come up with the worst case scenario and start believing it. “Holy shit, I didn’t finish this project in time, my superior already warned me about this last time, he was super serious about it, I am going to get in sooooo much trouble, I’m going to get fired/expelled and not be able to find anywhere else, I have to move out of town and then what, live on the streets and become an alcoholic?? There’s nothing I can do I’ve let my entire family down, I couldn’t do it. I am sooooooo fucked.”

    I’ve had my moments where literally all i could see is this awful future where I’m like begging on the streets and everyone i love is turned against me and i can’t avoid it and i won’t be able to accomplish my dreams (i don’t know if this counts or if it’s just a personal problem)

    I don’t mind short-term commitments like “oh cool we’re going out on Tuesday liiiiiiiiiit.” But if it’s a long term thing, like I’ve already signed up to get this degree and I’m not interested in it anymore, I feel dreadful because now there’s no other options, it’s too late for me, I’m going to spend the entire rest of my life doing something I dont want to do. It’s awful to make a long term commitment that can’t be changed later.

    I’ve always felt really out of touch with my intuition and i never liked relying on it. I don’t trust sudden answers that pop into my head and i want to go verify it first. I’m never described as an intuitive person unless you’re scamming me on a 500 buck palm reading.

    Also I can be really paranoid and think of the worst case scenarios for things, like if my friend installs a security camera i start getting worried that my parents and the NSA will listen in and everything I love will be used against me. It’s a real fear i have and I’m excessively careful about deleting and hiding evidence of my obsessions. That’s a big reason why I use so many throwaway accounts

    #ESFJ::::

    **Dominant Fe**
    I'm really not the most socially appropriate person, contrary to a lot of Fe descriptions. I spend a great deal of time on discord and I'm kinda socially outcasted compared to most, which is ironic considering the ESFJ stereotypes. I think the way Fe manifests in me is placing a lot of importance with connecting and being with people, being involved in things, and not being cut off from society. If I can't have a lot of social connections in real life, I'll go to the internet and move my social life there. People irl are often more judgemental than people on the internet, and I've found that nobody gives a rat's arse about finding common interests out there. Joining a ton of typology servers on the other hand made me feel free, because pretty much everyone knows about MBTI and I can freely express my excitement in it without worrying about getting condescended or even emotionally damaged for it. Without restrictions from anyone in the outside world, I can join huge voice calls, talk with really knowledgeable people, even interact with people in video chats, be apart of livestreams, and have my own identity that's operated 100% by me, and not controlled and interfered with by family or people who exist for the sole purpose of screwing me over. That makes me feel connected, it makes me feel like I'm apart of something, and it makes me feel overall more motivated and joyful to be able to be with all these people who are interested in the same things I am. I pretty much live and breathe for this. I have a strong need for a sense of belonging and a place to be myself and connect with others.

    I also have more of a “memey” and silly presence rather than an intense presence. My presence isn’t very strong either. I’m just this random person sitting on her phone or laughing or whatever.

    **Auxiliary Si**
    Ever since I was a little girl, I would always do things out of comfort and familiarity. Every weekend when I would see my grandmother I would wear the same shirt every time I visited. I would always choose the same restaurants given the choice, and order the same thing. While I do have my own personal traditions, I'm not traditional about *everything* like the Si stereotypes say. I'm more "traditional" in the sense where I like to stick with what works for me, until it stops working or I find something that works better.

    I also care about significant events from the past that I've had or I've had with my friends, every year I'll be like "Omg one year ago on this day we all blah blah blah," and I place a lot of importance on reminiscing over that. I've reduced doing that lately though because I found that no one really cares as much as I do lmao

    **Tertiary Ne**
    This is a big reason why I used to mistype as ENFP. I would go in VCs and scream memes, talk like a massive high-pitched squealing fangirl, and a lot of people would tell me "You display a lot of Ne." I don’t even know if this counts

    also my parents said i was good at finding patterns but i think they’re more concrete patterns like “ok they always pick the person standing in the middle” in like a game show or something for example

    **Inferior Ti**
    When I was being typed in socionics I would be mistakenly typed as PoLR Ti (7th slot, the absolute worst function, worse than inferior). That just goes to show how bad my Ti really is. I'm not very consise at explaining systems and concepts and tend to rely on other people for that. , I tend to sort of scoot by with that kind of thing
    Also a while back I met a friend on discord and they pointed out my tendency to not have my own logic and rely purely on others and going crazy about finding my type. Which is what I’m doing right now

    Please help I’m extremely confused and my phone is lagging from all this text lmao
    Last edited by Drivingmyselfinsane; 07-13-2019 at 01:47 PM. Reason: Added a point



  2. #2

    Okay, so if I were you, since you are 16, just look at the first two functions of both ESFP and ESFJ.
    So Se dom and Fi aux (ESFP) and Fe dome and Si aux (ESFJ). I say this because you are young and the last two functions of both types won’t pop up until you are middle age. This is because you start to level out with your functions by then.
    So see how much you relate with those. If it helps I know with Si, people tend to connect objects with sentimental values while Se, people tend to just look at the object practically.
    Fe, think about people’s feelings, and Fi, think of themselves and their values.

  3. #3

    But do a checklist or something with those four functions to see what you relate with the most.
    Really, you might be confusing Fe v Fi and Se v Si, which is common to get mixed up.

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  5. #4

    Honestly, you sound like an ENFP to me (if only because of the sheer length of your OP), or maybe ESFP. Not ESFJ.

    Quote Originally Posted by Drivingmyselfinsane View Post
    I dislike being controlled and restricted, i really just want to live my life my own way and do what I want with it. I hate being forced into somebody else’s philosophy.
    ExFP reasoning, and the last bit is very Fi-like. Not necessarily Se.

    Your paragraph about auxiliary Fi pretty much rules out Fe for me. Lots of Fi with some Te thrown in there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Drivingmyselfinsane View Post
    I get absolutely pissed by people who are condescending or outright aloof to me. If I trusted you enough to share my passions and interests with you, then I expect for you to support them or at least respect them. There have been some people in my life that shat on my values just for the sake of shitting on my values. They didn’t even know what the hell they were doing, they just wanted to be rude and snobby at me. “Hurr durr, you like [insert mispronounced name of hobby here], are you gonna do that for a living? How much you’re getting paid for that?” More than you, asshole.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drivingmyselfinsane View Post
    I don’t bother with high fashion. Simple, comfortable clothes are good enough for me. I hate wearing dresses, and get super irritated when I’m forced to wear one. I’m not into makeup either, it makes my face feel crusty and fake and it rubs off on everything. I’m 100% a dress for comfort sort of person, and if I can find a balance then that’s great, otherwise I’m willing to sacrifice looking super “presentable” just so I don’t have to deal with digging around and scratching every inch of my body 24/7.
    In my experience, Se-doms tend to be fairly concerned with their appearance. They're not always fashion victims but they generally like looking their best, wearing nice clothes, etc. That sounds more like something a Ne-dom would say.

    Quote Originally Posted by Drivingmyselfinsane View Post
    **Dominant Fe**
    I'm really not the most socially appropriate person, contrary to a lot of Fe descriptions. I spend a great deal of time on discord and I'm kinda socially outcasted compared to most, which is ironic considering the ESFJ stereotypes. I think the way Fe manifests in me is placing a lot of importance with connecting and being with people, being involved in things, and not being cut off from society. If I can't have a lot of social connections in real life, I'll go to the internet and move my social life there.
    That sounds more like an Extrovert thing than a Fe thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Drivingmyselfinsane View Post
    People irl are often more judgemental than people on the internet, and I've found that nobody gives a rat's arse about finding common interests out there. Joining a ton of typology servers on the other hand made me feel free, because pretty much everyone knows about MBTI and I can freely express my excitement in it without worrying about getting condescended or even emotionally damaged for it. Without restrictions from anyone in the outside world, I can join huge voice calls, talk with really knowledgeable people, even interact with people in video chats, be apart of livestreams, and have my own identity that's operated 100% by me, and not controlled and interfered with by family or people who exist for the sole purpose of screwing me over. That makes me feel connected, it makes me feel like I'm apart of something, and it makes me feel overall more motivated and joyful to be able to be with all these people who are interested in the same things I am. I pretty much live and breathe for this. I have a strong need for a sense of belonging and a place to be myself and connect with others.
    The things I highlighted are Fi, not Fe. You're very focused on yourself, not others: you want to have your own identity acknowledge and respected, without people interfering, and you want to find a group that accepts you as you are.

    As for whether you're an ENFP or ESFP, I once saw someone refer to Se-doms as thrill-seekers whereas Ne-doms are everything-seekers. It's a bit of an exaggeration, but it gets the idea across.

    I'd say another big difference is their relationship with abstract concepts. Ne-doms don't necessarily immediately trust their gut feeling like Ni-doms do, but they do enjoy thinking about possibilities, hidden meanings and can have a bit of a cloudcuckoolander attitude. Se-doms can be silly too but are much more grounded, in the here-and-now, and get easily bored by those types of discussions because they see them as unrealistic and unproductive ("why sit around talking when we could be doing something right now?").

    You're still pretty young, 16, so your functions are still developing. It's possible your favored Fi over Ne or Se up until now, so you're discovering your leading function. Give it some time and introspection if you feel like that's the case.
    Last edited by Decappuccino; 07-13-2019 at 02:09 PM.

  6. #5

    You seem to use Fi over Fe. Fi can also want to connect with people. Don't know about the Se vs Si, but if you use Fi and are an ESFX, you must be a Pe-dom, so you probably use Se. You seem to use Ni over Ti. Also, doing those things is not an indication of Ne.

    Also, you seem to contradict the ESFJ description more, so ESFP.

  7. #6

    ESFP, Fi for sure

  8. #7
    ISFJ

    Sounds like ESFP

  9. #8
  10. #9

    Only an ENFP would think this far into it.

    Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

  11. #10

    Def not ESFJ. EXFP


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