Ever since the massive change in my life known as dorming at college for four out of the seven days in the week, as well as the other change of being forced to adapt to being around people almost constantly and working in a highly-objective field (biology), I can no longer see myself as an INFP. Even during the summer and before, I could not fully understand why other INFPs seemed so concerned with ethics, and right and wrong, while I seemed to be the direct opposite. I did not relate to them incredibly well, but I didn't relate to INTPs completely, either. What kept me tentatively labeled INFP was my emotional instability and wonderful ability to be overwhelmed with anxiety when I felt conflict afoot, or when some kind of question about the universe or myself went unanswered and filled me with massive doubt. Now, I don't care much about conflict, I mainly become angry and cold at whoever is pissing me off or obviously showing they don't care about me. I've usually just become cold to people in the past to get attention or to show that I'm angry, though. It's a tactic that works, and has always satisfied my anger for the short while that it lasts.
I have a decent understanding of the functions, and I honestly can't figure it out. I can tell you I have always used Ne, and lately I've been using a lot of Si because of so much information overload and an inability to connect how my life is now, to how it was when all the information had been processed well, and I had a clear understanding of everything, and I was sure of everything. Part of the problem is, I don't see myself as objective enough to fully label myself. I've asked a few friends familiar with Myers-Briggs, and they have come up with INXX, which is pretty much where I got. On tests, I've gotten INTJ and INFJ, but that seems pretty irrelevant to the functions, so I changed to INFP because the functions at that time seemed more accurate.
The only conclusion I can reach on the assumption that I am still INFP is that I am developing inferior functions as a way of adapting and totally squashing whatever Fi I have. I've experienced depersonalization and derealization somewhat ever since the summer, becoming lost and scared and unaware of how I got here. It's like my mind shut off since 2009, and here I am! Sometimes, I also get jamais vu around my family. I try to not worry about it anymore, since I have more immediate problems, such as college and work. Worrying about it will only cause me to spiral into emotional instability and possibly a mental asylum out of clear desperation for some kind of answer or explanation for what is occurring.
Honesty, authenticity, a solid and sure knowledge of myself, routine, a clear perspective of where I am heading, an ability to connect everything together in a way that makes sense, and finding out the objective truth are most important to me mentally.
There are so many things I could talk about, but I'm really not sure where to start (Ni? supposedly an inferior function for INFPs?). Unfortunately, I haven't had the patience to put all of my thoughts into something coherent, mainly because I know no one in my life offline would understand anything I am talking about. Also, I really should be studying for my genetics exam this weekend. If someone could give me some feedback and finally give me a direction, that would be amazing. My type has always bothered me, and I've never been sure of anything. I am pretty sure, though, that my enneagram is 6. Not sure about the wheels, I've never really been that interested in enneagram, but it would be cool if someone advised me about that, too. Thanks.