Well... here I am again posting on the same forum with the same goal in mind and that is quite simply trying to figure out my Myers Briggs type.
I don't know what my fascination is with the test, I think originally it was just for fun and then it turned into finding out who I am... I have never really been comfortable being myself and I have never really felt that I could fit in a category. Of course, I know that personality is complex and no matter what people are different and set apart by their experiences and other psychological factors but to be grouped into a type was more than just a fun little quiz, it was a path to self-discovery.
Part of me really wants to type out a questionnaire, but I have done this time and time again with differing results. The same goes with the online tests, none really seem to be that accurate as the results vary depending on my mood, I feel like I try and make myself out to be something I'm not and this is really starting to take a toll on me.
So here I go, I'll describe myself as brutally honest as possible and in exchange, I would like someone to decipher my head that is confusing to me and will more than likely be confusing to you as well. If you feel that I fit into a set type, then please explain it. At this point I'm not trying to fit into a category, I'm actually just annoyed that I can't acknowledge being in one set type and that it differs on a day to day basis. I don't care what the answer is, but if you could explain why that would be great.
I don't really know where to begin so I will start with school, school to me is boring. I stopped really caring about my grades in Elementary school when my disabilities started to take its toll. Of course, I could have worked harder but I didn't really see a point. My goal since then, even in College is just not failing. Most classes bore me even if the topic sounds interesting, I hate being in a room full of people who I can feel are either trying too hard, competing with one another, or quite frankly like me don't want to be there. I generally just want to be left alone but of course, being in College that is almost impossible and that quite frankly annoys me.
Lets see... future careers? Ever since I was a child I thought about being something mostly everything from fireman to cook, from cop to teacher, something to strive for but I gave up trying to figure out what I wanted after High School. I graduated early, wanted to enlist, the recruiters wanted nothing to do with me and my family and teachers disapproved saying I was too much of a hard worker to pass further educating myself. I don't mind College but it definitely isn't all that people make it out to be and the only thing I enjoy about is the endless amounts of alcohol and attractive girls.
I am terrible with people and always have been, I only go to parties for the alcohol, I am rather socially awkward. I can't present to save my life, my presentations are so bad that people watching feel bad for me. I have a few friends but sometimes I question my friendships, as I go through College I realize how much I enjoy just being alone without the company of others and how I don't need to hangout with people to feel good about myself or make up for negative traits.
My relationships as far as dating and what not are also non-existant and have quite frankly, always been. I can't push myself to ask a girl out on a date because I am afraid of being rejected. I am also shy and not particarly good looking, if you have read this far you will also notice that for the most part I ramble and overthink everything which of course I can't imagine is an attractive trait, more than likely I'd pass going on a date with me too. But don't worry about me, I don't need to go on a date to go out and grab some coffee or enjoy myself. To be honest, one night stands almost sound like a blessing, on one end its not a committment. But... of course, I won't lie when I say that I feel like I'd regret it in the morning.
AHH regret, I have so much of that. Most of the time when a decision I make impacts another human being I can dwell on it and overthink it and it can drive me nearly insane. I generally feel really bad about hurting other people to the point that has made me passive aggressive and avoidant of conflicts as well as extremely indecisive.
NOW... conflict... heres the funny thing about conflict. I can fight, I have fought, I have impacted pain on people but at the end of the day I regret it. I enjoyed the rush almost, but at the same time, I hated how a situation had to resort to violence, I was picked on and defended myself so no fears, I'm not a bloodlust psycho or anything of that sort. I do enjoy the rush of fighting and its something that regretably I am quite decent at. But, at the same time I wish people would have just left me be so I didn't have to hurt them, but of course, at the end of the day if a bully is picking on me or another person I can't help but step in. Same goes for animal abuse, I could quite honestly see myself killing someone for doing something terrible to an animal. I understand hunting but at the same time I don't hold a high degree of respect for hunters, I have tracked deer for fun and its not incredibly difficult... I don't see the point or need for camo and military style gear and tactics for an animal that you could easily find sober.
My friends... have descibed me as, mysterious and quiet, a good listener, someone who is there and supportive. Hahaha, most of them would call me a good friend. I don't think I'm anything special, I'm loyal of course, I'm generally honest, I listen but I think that these are terrible traits to describe someone. I would expect this from anyone who is a friend, I think its messed up that most people think of me as these things. Sure I do them, but I do them because it feels right to me and because I don't see the point in being backstabbing, lying, or someone that ignores someone.
BACK TO COLLEGE REAL QUICK. My degree is currently history but I am starting to hate it, I always enjoyed history notably military actions and biographies, when I was a kid I would go to the library instead of recess if the teacher would let me. I am debating switching to a Liberal Arts degree and becoming a Military Officer after College because I don't want to take my chances working on a low end job that I would hate and I want the challenge and because I've heard that Officer quarters are better than enlisted in that I can sleep in my own room which College has taught me to appreciate.
ALRIGHT. SO LETS SEE...
Of course, I read through this or rather thought about what I wrote. I think I'm introverted... I don't know what introverted function I use. I am fairly sure I am feeler, I have enourmous amounts of empathy and emotions. I can't express my emotions very well, when I do its generally in anger and frustration with bouts of happiness and laughter around those I am at ease with. Most of the time, I think of others when making a decision, I put others first everytime, I feel bad when I don't. I hate conflict and arguing, I have a few friends who I am fairly sure are thinkers and they annoy me sometimes because I see them as very ignorant... of course, not all, but for the most part I can't stand people who don't consider the emotions of others and are self-centered.If anyone has any idea please reply and help a confused, probably overthinking dude out.