Hello everyone, I've been greatly interested the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator for quite a while now, and I have found it to be very endearing so far to read the descriptions and qualities of many different types and see these qualities in people around me. However, while I can definitely understand the descriptions of many of the types and associate them with people I know, or see how a person really shows strong characteristics of a specific type, I have had a very difficult time typing myself. I'd like to apologize ahead of time if this post comes out as very ambivalent, indecisive, or childish, but I do greatly appreciate everyone's courtesy in reading this, and helping me find a type that I relate to, it sincerely means a lot to me.
I find myself desperately trying to compare myself to fictional characters, or other well-defined and recognized people in hopes of seeing a relation, and certain qualities in myself, but I find that I don't see anything or anyone that really makes me say "Yes, this is me!" I have taken many of the tests, and often times, I will be given varying results, because I feel that many of the questions seem very black and white, this or that, and does not take into account that sometimes I do think with my heart instead of my head, or the other way around (I understand that the tests are mainly inquiring about trains of thought, tendencies of action or natural affinity towards certain aspects, but sometimes I find it hard to peg myself in a numerical fashion, or answering in a simple 'yes or no' fashion). I'm hoping that by filling out the questionnaire that I have seen in many of the other topics here, that it will give everyone some insight that will help find the answer.
1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?
The aspect of my personality that made me so unsure of my type is my indecisiveness, my inability to simply declare something for myself, usually because of a skeptical outlook. If I find I relate to a certain type, I may be immediately ecstatic that I found something that I feel really relates to me, but shortly after, I'll have this surge of doubt rush in and force me to reconsider, as if it was too convenient that I be such a rare type or something. I'll always find a reason to be skeptical or doubtful of anything that seems too good to be true, and have a hard time accepting something that applies to me as definitive, unless, strangely enough, it comes from the opinion of someone else, usually someone I hold in high esteem or see as trustworthy. Most of the time, I know who is competent and has input I can acknowledge and accept. I won't be so naive as to be entirely ignorant of everyone's thoughts and insight, but I do tend to hold some people's thoughts higher than others (this sounds so cruel and selfish! ).
Another thing about myself is that I am contradictory in most everything about me, while I believe that I am naturally very child-like in nature, sort of immature, and endlessly talkative when I want to be, I can also be very serious, cynical, moody and unnecessarily and regrettably harsh toward people (often due to impatience) sometimes when I am stressed or feeling upset, and be uncaring of their seemingly weak problems (I simply don't care for their over sentimental drama over something that I show little care for, like people who complain about every trivial thing just for attention), when I know myself that I have problems of my own, and are often subject to the very things in others that I show little tolerance or care for! I can sometimes come off as hypocritical and selfish, which I detest about myself. While I appreciate my good qualities in myself, I'm not as ignorant as to ignore my bad ones as well, and they weigh heavily on my conscious and often haunt me and cause me to feel tremendous guilt. Hurting others ultimately hurts myself more, and I sort of see it as punishment for being so inconsiderate or uncaring in the past. I am often self-defeating when under stress, and I don't like to brag or set myself up as something to be idolized without at least proving that I am deserving of such (although I still don't like being treated as some sort of ruler or king, despite my personality at times).
Ultimately, this leaves me with a question stuck in my head that I simply cannot ignore until I find my answer. I am a bit of a perfectionist, and I have a difficult time simply giving up on something I've put so much time and thought into. As pathetic as this may sound, I've been losing sleep and obsessing over this whole MBTI thing, even if it does come off as a little horoscope-ish, or not entirely definitive (general, essentially), I still need to find my answer, and won't be at complete peace with myself until I can attain a unanimous decision. I hate leaving something as 'on the fence,' so-to-speak. I want to find the best answer for everything, and I hate being put at a disadvantage because of a lack of insight.
Another aspect, too, is my difficulty deciding whether or not I am a feeler or a thinker.
While around my close friends, I can be witty, sarcastic, funny, rash, and confident, and I have a bit of a habit of making fun of everything, and trying to make things fun for others (sometimes through spot-on and accurate rants and silly, stubborn tantrums, satire, if you will, but I do understand that I can sometimes come off as unintentionally ignorant, or hurtful), I can come off as a little pretentious or unintentionally demeaning, because, while I can speak in a very convincing and know-it-all fashion, around people who can 'bite back,' or not see my humor and joking complacency for what it is, or lose patience with my humor, I tend to fall back into my shell. While I can take a joke and make fun of myself (sometimes I do this to an overly honest degree, if my jokes hurt someone's feelings, or if people have had enough of my joking complacency, in an attempt to lighten the situation and not come off as mean on purpose, I will degrade myself without second thought in a desperate attempt). To be sort of blunt, I am the definitive wuss. I like everyone to have fun, even at my own expense, but at the same time, I don't wish to hurt anyone's feelings or have them see me as a cruel tyrant or a holier-than-thou, ignorant person.
On the bright side, I can often brighten someone's otherwise bad day with light-hearted cheerfulness or humor, and I am considerate of when people are not in the mood to mess around (or deal with my 'trolling') and seriously need a confidant to bounce their thoughts off of, because I too, would hate to be ignored during a painful moment. I am caring enough in that regard to see all the sides of their issues, and attempt to help as best I can, even if I don't see myself as the best person for the role.
In my circle of friends, I see myself as fun-loving, rash, silly, childish, humorous, but also sensitive to others, and they often take my input seriously and thoughtfully. While I can talk endlessly around people I am comfortable around, and can lighten the mood, I become extremely reserved and quiet around people I do not yet know well enough or trust. It's not to say they are bad people, it's just that I find myself having a hard time opening up and letting loose when people are even still reluctant to know me. Sometimes, merely seeing the intent in somebody's actions, even a mere glance, can speak louder than words. I do try my best to be respectful of others, however, no matter how they may fault against me, or if I do not wish to be overly sociable (although I despise being tried as a doormat, my patience can run very thin against arrogant or inconsiderate people, and I tend to be harshly judgmental for a long time towards that person, even if I do value mercy and forgiveness over justice).
I often times tend to over think things a lot and try to see deeper meaning in everything, which causes me to (often times, humorously) overlook the blatantly obvious, such as an answer being right in front of me, and being so caught in my mind that I didn't think to check and see if the answer is right in front of me.
Another conflict is between Perceiving and Judging. While I do value conformity in school in some order, I do not entirely agree with rules coming to a point where people must be 'tamed,' or have their freedom and opinions muted in strict order or judgment. Sometimes, people do need to let loose, and have fun, and be able to whisper in class or make jokes, without fear of being seen as immature, imperfect, or scrutinized as a problem child or no longer seen as a model of perfection. At the same time, however, on the other side of the proverbial coin, I do not like seeing people become ignorant of authority, or be ignorant to why teachers must be harsh in their discipline, because otherwise, it may be too difficult to show someone the light of their wrong-doings. Essentially, I value balance.
Being in a routine, controlled scenario (in my familiar example, a call center) is like a nightmare to me, sitting in a chair for 8 hours straight, being insulted by disgruntled people for the lack of perfection, and feeling so caged and controlled is a hideous experience, and it feels as though my freedom is being revoked.
While I do take my commitments seriously, sometimes, I do need to reconsider or cancel plans I have made because I need to be alone to my thoughts. A trait of mine that I am not proud of in the slightest (and yet I still give in to compulsively), is giving up easily, being self-defeating, and being self-isolating on purpose when people hurt my feelings. Sometimes, I feel impulsive. I tend to procrastinate, but mainly for the reason that I don't like doing something until I feel extremely confident that I have my bearings and tools (school notes, for example) to get my work done. I hate starting a project and not finishing it in the same sitting, I dislike putting things on hold, but sometimes, I can be lazy and put things off in favor of having immediate fun or relaxing first. I tend to stress over assignments and tests, even if I am already doing extremely well in a course, because I fear failure and making mistakes. I want to be perfect in as much of what I can, especially if I have the control to ensure it, despite how unrealistic and, in the grand scheme of life, unimportant it is, I would feel horrible if I did something and did not do my best, letting myself down is a haunting experience, and my teachers and parents can see intuitively understand this in me (my stress and body language says it all).
I'm sorry that this is a lot to absorb, but I find it hard to attain a definitive answer without explaining as much as I can (sort of a conflict between iNtuition and Sensing now, too, now that I think about it, sorry ).
2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?
Ultimately, I yearn for a life of fun, wonder, and freedom, while also being accepted and appreciated by others for who I am. I want my father to appreciate the carefree side of me, the introverted side of me, and not only care about me if I play sports just because I am talented enough to be good at them (to be honest, I have played hockey for 7 or 8 years more than I wanted to, simply for his sake), and in turn, I'll still remain respectful of, and admire his wisdom and his earnest desire to make life as fulfilling for me as possible (even if I don't openly show my respect and gratitude, and even if he does come off as a stickler for tradition and rules, and only seems to care about being kept busy with work) and always continue to be the best that I can be, and be as considerate of others as I can (even if I do write myself as a bit too immature, and possibly even a devil's advocate when I'm with my close friends) as he taught me. I want to be that 'wide, sparkly-eyed child with nothing but wonder in his eyes' child that my mother adored me for when I was little (she probably doesn't even think I remember her saying this to me. Thinking back on it, in many cases, it was my own fault for being so harsh on myself, being cold, and sometimes stubbornly and inconsiderately judgmental of others without giving them a chance) and isolated from
Although I do tend to hide my true self from strangers and have a hard time being the silly, childish me around friends or people I feel close to, I still desire to live a life where I do not need to constantly worry over becoming successful as part of some corporate, controlling system, and living that almost child-like, carefree life, while still valuing harmony and understanding in all people. I detest being obligated to do things simply because it's part of a cynical, cold, grey system, or simply adhering to the 'real world,' when ultimately, it feels very constricting, draining, and almost tyrannical in a certain light.
3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.
As silly as it may sound, whenever I think of the most ideal time of my life, both from a self-respecting light and from a harmonious, idealistic view, it was when I was a young child, merely in grade 4. I was so self-confident, adored, outgoing, bright, cheerful, intelligent, happy. It was a time where there conflict didn't exist, my life was straight-forward, I wasn't being condemned with thoughts of the grim future of the 'real world,' I was simply a young, well-to-do boy who everyone looked up to, and I was so happy with the appraisal I would receive. I would pride myself on my perfectionist standards, settling for nothing less than perfect scores, and making my teacher and family so proud, and being admired by my classmates. I know this all sounds so self-aggrandizing, but it almost seems like a dream that didn't really happen when comparing it to myself today. I almost feel like a huge letdown in comparison to then, as if I had a better grasp of life then, than a I do now.
4) What makes you feel inferior?
I feel inferior when I need to ask others for help, or when I am scrutinized or scolded for not being serious or considerate enough. I also am quite competitive, and I hate losing, especially if I feel as though my opponent was not as serious or caring as me. I do not mind losing to someone if I was simply outmatched or because I had less experience, but it boils my blood to lose when I feel that I shouldn't have, again, because I strive to always do my best, and if I feel my opponent did not do the same and still won, I feel cheated and deprived.
5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)
When making decisions, I try to look at what kind of commitment I need to make, and what influence it will have on certain others, and if I see this decision (in a long-term case) as something worthwhile. To be honest, when it comes to decisions about myself, I have a very difficult time making decisions. I have a hard time deciding on a career path for school, I've had wavering convictions about not going back to school for a year to live with my family again and save up some money, even simple 'yes or no' answers tend to weigh me down, in the case of a social situation, because I don't wish to inconvenience my friends if I have the ability to control it. Sometimes peer pressure can be annoying and hard for me, I hate to let others down, but I don't always enjoy being spontaneous about something I feel I won't enjoy, yet consumes a lot of my time because some friends want me to do something.
6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?
When working on projects, my main emphasis is grasping the concept, and attaining a good understanding of what is desired from me. I find a lot of enjoying in writing and the typing parts of certain assignments. I like to make sure I am prepared and have all the necessary information about the topic at hand, and hate feeling as though I have to guess about something, or being left in the dark.
In terms of groups, when I was younger, I much preferred to be in control of the outcome, I hated the idea of having to share group roles because I never had faith in many of my group partners, because they did not show the same level of care or determination to do what needs to be done to get the best result possible, and therefore, had to accept that by virtue of the assignment being done as a group, that my grade would suffer as a result. While I still have the same intensity to do well today, I am a little more deferring to my teammates now, and try to do my best for the group, even if I still dislike having to share thoughts and work. I'd much rather do individual assignments.
7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?
Any time I was with my best friend, to be honest. We only lived in the same town for a few years, but we were inseparable. Our interests were the same, we had a similar sense of humor, and he was a terrific teammate in everything that we did together. I can't really pinpoint a single moment, really, but it was our triumphs and good times as a whole, together, that I remember, not just a single instance. I'll fondly look back to those days, since I never found a friend with such depth since.
8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc)
This is an interesting question for me. I am often quite natural at whatever I put my hand to, without the need for a lot of practice. I do like to observe, however, and try to apply the techniques in my own way. I can sort of see the concepts behind certain occurrences, and immediately understand why, and how to properly apply what I've seen. If it isn't a topic or activity that I care much for, however, I find it hard to get interested, and therefore, tend to easily forget, or confuse details. In such a case, reading and forcing myself to memorize things tends to work out most favorably.
9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?
Another interesting question. When I put my mind to something or if I am suddenly under stress, I can be extremely organized, not wanting to forget anything, and can be very neat and tidy. I do value a tidy home, and living with my aunt who has the messiest state of a 'home' has been very taxing on my nerves, especially after having had to clean up a dead rat from the front step, has terrified me. I'm not clean, however, to the point of being nit-picky or immaculate, but I detest blatantly filthy messes, especially after it has massed, it feels like a lost cause not worth even attempting.
In terms of engagements and schedules, I tend to be on time for things, and absolutely so if it is something important. When it comes to something like friendly gatherings with large groups of people, I have no qualms with being late, unless, again, it's important. Despite this, however, when it comes to work, I have a bad habit of showing up to work either right on time, or a couple of minutes late, and if it's too late to be on time, I really don't stress too much over it, I just accept it and move on (however, I also don't really make steps to change this habit, despite knowing this).
Continued next post!