0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
Yes, my bipolar disorder, PTSD and anxiety WILL affect my answers, my medications may as well. I am currently living in a group home with an eye for leaving and spending time traveling across country out of a backpack, though I’m having trouble figuring out the practical details, having never learned the proper skills. I am a cisgender female, 23, and am currently a little sleepy. But I am also desperate – I have been trying to figure out my type, to the grueling pain and wearing patience of my friends, for nearly seven years. Maybe an objective stranger could help!
1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
https :// www .flickr .com / photos/ [email protected] / 20450688110 /in /explore- 2015- 08- 17/
This dog looks like a lion! A very tired and noble little guy. It seems like he enjoys the sunset, I can almost feel the warmth. I hope he isn’t lying in anything… I like the golds and greens and hues in this photograph. It’s a nice angle, too. I’d like to be at level with a gentle looking dog like that and talk to him and see his expressions. I wonder where he is. He seems like he’s the alpha and that’s why he’s so tired. He’s been organizing his pack all day.
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
Damn, I wish I knew how to fix a car. Does anyone know how to fix a car? “Hey, do we have tools? Does anyone know how to USE the tools? If not, we should use google maps to find the nearest town, and then try to find out if there’s anyone who can make it out here to make a repair in the middle of the night…”
Of course, we may not have reception. But it isn’t like we can stand by the road and wait for someone who can fix a mysterious break down – an unknown reason would eliminate the car stopping due to a dead battery!
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
I’m a bit nervous due to the perceived wild scene. Besides, it’s late, and I get tired pretty early on. But as long as I can find at least one other person who isn’t drinking and can keep an eye on my friend from afar, I would be happy within numbers. Alcohol and drugs make me nervous, but people and loud music don’t. Hopefully I can get some phone numbers. If the cops are called, though, I’m taking my friend and getting the heck out! A bunch of us can arrange a pre-emptive meeting place if that were to happen. No need for the party to stop if we're really having fun. Unless my friend wants to go home, or I really DO get too tired...
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
I immediately start arguing, if it’s serious. If it clashes with my beliefs, it’s typically pretty unacceptable to people overall and I would usually be the only person comfortable enough to say anything. At the same time, I am easily insulted, but only if it comes to people being rude about my life experiences (or others, even if I haven't gone though it), or picking at my personality traits. I might erupt a bit, or the other person may blow off the conversation. I’d stew on it for a while before redirecting the conversation to something more peaceful. No need to stay angry.
If it's a small belief, I would just bristle and nudge their seat. Cold shoulder for a few miles, then back to normal.
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
Previous beliefs are in the past – the only reason I would jump in would be if it affected someone else, it wouldn't bother me otherwise. If it clashed with a previous experience, I would want to understand WHY this experience would be so different from my own, and may overanalyze it to draw a symbol, metaphor or sense of purpose and clarity from it – if it were positive, I could observe and find closure, while if it were negative, I could find a life lesson and a new way of thinking or reacting in the future. When it comes to something that clashes with previous habits, I wouldn’t be sure what to think. I am not sure I would pick up on something like that.
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
Values are very important to me, but I have a lot of trouble defining them. I spend hours, days, weeks figuring out the logistics of even one word: (“Love is synonymous with passion, it invokes mental images of fullness, faith, respect, devotion, fire, hearth, apples, forgiveness… but those words each span into a new web, DAMN. I need to figure out how this word works in order to truly value it myself and apply it to my life!”) However, this method is… difficult. It can get obsessive. I find that my values are formed more spur-of-the-moment, while making a choice – I may fantasize about one thing, but I will often choose another when confronted with the actual experience. I try to maintain the values I had growing up, mainly through television and books. I have more childlike values, but apply them in an adult way – if I say something, I mean it. My values tend to be drowned out a little, but I have a few that I can think of off-hand: Resourcefulness, courage, imagination, commitment, sharing, respect, authenticity, taking a stand, bringing others together, loyalty, knowledge, peace, tolerance, long-term thinking, harmony and fun. My values tend to come out more in the roles that I can take on: A mother figure, a little sister figure, a flirt, a communicator, a good friend, a bit of a dreamer, a mentor. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Mother, a Unicorn and a Witch - so my most accurate value system stems from combining those archetypes and finding the similarities between them.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
I would change my own inconsistency! I try to be too many people all at once. I need a focus on who I am! (That’s why I’m here!)
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
I have always had EXTREMELY strong and accurate gut hunches. It used to freak people out when I was young, and into my teens. I could look at someone and figure something out immediately, and it made others uncomfortable - still does, if I talk about it, which is rare. What's worse is that I tend to be a bit clueless - when people know about my intuition, they assume I know more than I am letting on, which isn't always true, and that I am much more intelligent than I am, which can disappoint them when my instincts fail. My family said I was physic, so I said I was too, though I thought the idea was hokey. I have since admitted to not ever believing it in the first place :P I don’t tend to rely on my gut hunches as much anymore, due to my illness, but I have learned to rely heavily on them when it comes to people. If someone has a bad vibe, avoid them. Somewhere down the line, they usually do something that harms someone. Appealing to others doesn't always help things, neither does jumping in. Love at first sight is real, but sometimes the other person has trouble accepting it and… that can be disastrous, if I try to be outspoken about it and they are uncomfortable, so I tend to withhold those moments as well. My gut hunches are triggered mostly by people and can also help me to prevent dangerous situations. I have never really had a hunch that something “good” was about to happen, which I enjoy - that means that every day can be great, if I have the right perspective!
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
A) Going for walks. Writing. Looking after children. Checking out a new café, bookstore, museum, etc. Taking a long bus trip. Singing. Banter. Completing a goal. My favourite thing to do is to be in a room full of people, quietly writing and looking out the window (hopefully, it’s raining), while being able to join in the conversation for long or short periods of time whenever I like. I'd probably end up helping someone with something at some point.
B) Being alone, though I spend most of my time alone - I don't like being inside my head, but I like to relax in my room lay on my bed and listening to loud music on repeat, especially when I'm nervous. Mathematics. Trying to brainstorm can be frustrating, though I have found it necessary. Daydreaming if fun, but I overindulge. I can be obsessive about analyzing things, especially social discrepancies in the media (The Vampire Diaries has destroyed my psyche, do NOT get me started!). Trying to calm down two irrationally angry people.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
I don’t repress much, to be honest! I find that I don't need to anymore, people are pretty ok with who I am. Like I said, I edit my gut hunches about things, though, and I have trouble explaining my own feelings because I'm scared of getting in the way of other people's lives - something will come out that was only revelent to a situation that happened months or years ago. I bottle things up. I’m a very sincere person, always have been – but I’ve edited my sincerity so that it doesn’t offend others as much as it did when I was a kid and I would just shoot my mouth off. God, I was awful. Still am, need to work on that to be honest. I tend to put my foot in my mouth. I try to make myself as neutral and tactful as possible. I find myself often in the position of someone who is needed for advice, or someone who is very socially directive and trusted by whoever has taken the lead of a group, so I have to be careful about how I phrase things and manage my interactions – which I don’t mind, and I’m happy to defer to someone who is better at it than I am, so long as they aren’t controlling, insulting, narrow-minded or aggressive.