So I found a questionnaire that I've completed just now. If any of you could take a look, I'll love you forever (but try hugging me and I WILL stab you repeatedly in the eye )
Also if Simpson17866 is reading this, I apologize for the comment yesterday (can't P.M.)
Anyway... here's the questionnaire and my answers:
0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
I wouldn't say there are any serious problems with me, per say. I guess I'm in a somewhat hazy period in my life where I'm not sure of what I am, or what I'm destined (for a lack of a better word) to be. I do tend to become depressed quite often when thinking about the future and its implications. But right now? Nah, I'm okay.
1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
flickr.com/photos/ogawasan/20663895712/in/explore-2015-08-18/ (can't post pic)
The colors are kind of unsettling. Almost looks like a kind of hell, perhaps? Or maybe the subconscious mind of a depressed/melancholic person? I imagine hearing wailing in the distance (a very hollow kind of crying, I guess?), wolves howling, crickets echoing in the background. But somehow, I still imagine the place to be without sound, except maybe the waves rustling quietly? I don't know, the whole place just seems... both haunting and calm in a way. The mist kind of gives off a Silent Hill-ish vibe, I guess... Anyways! A haunting picture, I like it. Very moody. Now give me a break!!
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
My initial thoughts would be that it just had to happen. I'll probably find it kind of amusing that this sort of thing would happen to us in the first place, probably blaming some invisible, powerful force from above (Fate? Whatever I'm agnostic in general). Still it would kind of suck to be honest (Of course, the situation is highly improbable since my friends would rather eat themselves than have to go to one of my favorite bands' concerts... Oh well, whatch'ya gonna do?
My outward reaction would probably be sulking, a lot of disappointed exhaling. I'll probably lose my spirits since I'm sure we'll be late (I tend to think that any minor bad/good thing that happens would dictate the rest of the event.) Then my friends will start arguing about what we should do, while I sit and watch as it all descends to chaos. Eventually, (I believe) my thinking function kicks in, and I'll start asserting myself and taking action, hoping my input will solve things (usually doesn't...)
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
I'll probably feel that the party would be redundant, since I'll be entirely drained from the concert itself. I'm not really a party guy, but I'll still reluctantly follow them, and, taking a quick glance at what it's all about, I'll exhale again, before going back to the car, waiting for them to finish (probably reading something online, or with my e-reader since I probably took it with me )
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
My inward reaction (assuming I'm not too tired) would probably be frustration since that friend's (I know who I'm talking about) claims are usually pretty one-sided, superficial and lacking a proper foundation.
My outward reaction would be saying that the friend in question is too closed-minded, not seeing the bigger picture, or not thinking about the subject in a thorough manner. Of course, it won't be long before I decide to shrug it off since there's no talking him out of it (Again, I'm referring to someone specific)
Also immediately after he makes his claim, I'll do that thing where you roll your eyes up and make a sort of disapproving click with your tongue... I don't know...
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
I'll start brooding excessively and, if it's a belief I held onto for a long time, I'll probably succumb to depression, shutting most people off, until I come to terms with the new belief and either accept it into my system, or undermine the importance of the new belief, going on to live in denial for eternity (though it's most likely the former...)
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
I guess I want everyone to be honest and true to themselves. I think we filter ourselves a bit too much in order to fit into societies' expectations. I'm not saying everyone should start acting however they please, but, rather, people should look more within themselves to realize what they truly want, without the weight of society bringing them down (I know that, at times, this goal is a bit unrealistic, but I generally do believe that people can liberate themselves from outside expectations once they develop a certain mindset)
I would also say that open-mindedness is important, reading between the lines rather than simply observing what's on the surface (especially with regards to people) because the thing is, I kind of see everyone as having two sides to them - one is the public persona, and the other side is their true/authentic self. And while two, at times, blend with each other, people are often too concerned with the image that they project onto others, keeping their true self kind of hidden. This of course leads to people acting fake and phoney (something I deeply despise in others and, more so, in myself...)
I guess my values stems from feeling alien most of the time, and having trouble connecting with others. but at the same time, I don't really want to change that part of myself because it's, well, me...
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
a) I guess I'm more sensitive than most people I know. I often find myself on the verge of tears, and sometimes from really minor things (just seeing others having a more difficult time than me could upset me quite a bit, more so homeless people on the street [though I'm not always inclined to give them money since a) I'm don't always have money to spare and b) I think they'll waste it on something bad...] or wounded strays...)
Also—and this is probably more of a workplace thing—but I just have more academic/humanitarian (?) interests compared to others? People I work with (a cafe) seem to enjoy more physical activities like sports, talking about the latest events, going out drinking (I need a drink now...), when I'm more interested in how people think/behave (Wow, really?!), daydreaming, attempting to think of ideas for stories to write. And I enjoy weird things for some reason (challenging music, disturbing/sad movies, surrealistic art, anything like that... )
b) If I could change one thing about me it would definitely be my reluctance to take action when needed. I often think of a million reasons why I shouldn't do something, and it depresses me afterward because I know deep down that I'm over-exaggerating the consequences of my actions. So yeah, taking action and ceasing opportunities makes me anxious.
Also there's the whole thing of tending to not repeat mistakes or avoiding experiences that disappointed me or caused me harm in the past.
I guess getting over these problems would enrich my life in a way, and I wouldn't feel empty sometimes...
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
Hunches and gut feelings? I'm not sure. I guess I get “gut feelings” when I believe there's an opportunity that I should take (asking a girl out, going to an event...), or when I think others are treating me badly or laughing at me behind my back/taking me for granted.
I usually do tend to restrain myself when it comes to acting on my “gut feelings” when it comes to opportunities, again, out of fear that it won't work out, or I'll look like an idiot. But when people treat me badly? Well, I usually don't let people treat me too badly since I've been bullied quite a lot back in school, and I'll do everything in my power to stop history from repeating itself :) Eventually I will confront the person if he's acting like a major prick. But I guess even before that, when it's just small annoyances, I'll already start developing a sort of dislike for the person who's doing it (which I express with by either being quiet around that person or giving him “a look”)
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
9. Can the thing that energizes me be also what drains me? Usually when I interact with people that I like (my friends mostly), I do tend to feel energized and pretty lively (sometimes they say I can appear hyper when I'm excited about something or that I start acting high and saying random, weird stuff.) But towards the end (or maybe even half-way through), I tend to become withdrawn, have a hard time thinking of what to say, and just wanting to go home and fall asleep or something along those lines...
Of course, I enjoy reading (especially if there's something insightful to gain from it), watching movies, but I wouldn't say these things energizes me. More like a sense of umm... inner peace? Tranquility? Often (especially when watching a movie) I even feel like I should be doing something else, like interacting with friends, going out, or reading something instead... :-/
I would say, though, that taking walks alone in the evening while listening to music tends to energize me and put me in an emotional (happy or sad depending on the music) mood. I do feel “alive” when I do this, and the music in a way begins to blend with reality, as I walk and I imagine I'm in some weird alternate universe or something (especially love listening to GY!BE while walking down empty streets - makes me feel like I'm exploring a wasteland or something )
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
Internally, I guess I sometimes repress my dislike of others. I have this idea that people who don't align with my values/ideals are just “in the way” I guess? I know it sounds messed up, and it's not that I want to hurt people (I don't resent anyone or anything like that...) but I wish sometimes that certain people would just disappear. I'm really not sure...
Externally, I guess I don't let people know how I feel about them often. And if they say or do something that I disapprove of, I probably won't tell them to spare their feelings (I need to be in a very, very bad mood to before I harshly start criticizing people. Especially since I believe I'm not exempt from criticism myself...) Also, there are times when telling someone exactly what I think of them is not worth the consequences (my boss, for instance.)
I also repress telling someone I have feeling for them. I'll usually have a hard time telling them not because I'm afraid they'll be angry with me or ridicule me. But rather, if it's someone I really like, then I'll already start picturing us together, and convincing myself that, in the long-term, we'll disappoint each other, or we'll find that we don't connect, or are too different for each other...
Okay, so that's it, I guess... I don't usually reveal that much about myself to anyone so this is TMI as far as I'm concerned. But whatever. Hopefully it's enough to disclose my type (+enneagram?). Thanks everybody, and I appreciate your help on this.