So… this is my first time posting on Personality Cafe, and I was hoping you guys could help me type myself. Now I wasn't exactly sure how to go about explaining myself, but I've been reading quite a bit on cognitive functions, some type descriptions, the Enneagram and Socionics (very briefly). My main focus will be on cognitive functions (and whatever accurate or inaccurate info I have on them) so, yeah, bear with me, and I would appreciate your help on this…
(Warning: Endless, self-indulgent ramblings up ahead. Sorry in advance. Also... needs more editing...)
First of all, I’ll start with the Feeling function. I am very certain that I make most of my decisions based on personal values, but I’m not exactly sure if I’m an Introverted Feeler on an Extroverted one. For quite a while I was pretty sure of my Fi (and my INFP’ness in general), but lately I’m having doubts
Again, I would say that I’m probably an Introverted Feeler because I’m pretty self-absorbed most of the time (stereotypical much?) I concern myself more with how I feel towards a certain situation, person, etc,… And I can come off pretty cold and indifferent to others at times when I’m in that “reflective” state. Though I would say that I’m usually only indifferent to people who are up in my space, or people whose behavior/personal values I disapprove of, and am usually pretty welcoming of others.
Another reason why I consider myself to be an Fi is because I’m not easily swayed by other people opinions (although I am sensitive to criticism) or that affected by their expectations of me (again, stereotypes...) My desires come mostly from within, and I tend to trivialize others’ opinions (to a fault) on things I believe have value to me (although if someone offers a convincing explanation as to why I’m wrong, I would listen eagerly and attempt a compromise.)
So far a negative idea of what Fi is, I would say…
Now here are the reasons why I think I might be an Extroverted feeler:
First, while I would say I have a pretty strict personal moral code that I, kinda, associated with Fi, I would say my sense of right and wrong extends to a more universal/societal level, like for instance I would say something like, “you can’t do X because you’re being inconsiderate/might be hurting others etc,… In a sense I focus on how a certain action might hurt others rather than myself, and even when I make myself the focus I tend to assume that I’m not the only one this person is acting bad towards. I guess I see myself as a bit of a martyr, maybe even wanting certain people to lash out on me just so I can prove to them that their behavior in general is bad/indecent etc,… This also explains, I think, why I don’t tend to hold grudges for too long if someone hurt me. Sure, I’ll distance myself from the person (because I see his behavior as despicable, and don’t want to encourage it). But overall, I tend to see people as complicated, riddled with their own insecurities and whatnot, so I try not to hold it too much against them (subconsciously I still do )
Another reason why I might be Fe (and don’t worry, it gets waaayyy shorter after I’m done with the Feeling function) is that my moods seem to change quite abruptly when I surround myself with people. Usually when I’m around people I don’t like much, I would feel awkward (but don’t we all?) and try to avoid their gaze. At the same time, when someone approaches me, and is in a happy mood, I’d usually become very happy as well (unless I'm in a really horrible mood that day), almost mimicking their emotion. Also, I have this knee-jerk reaction to smile to people, or be polite to them, just to… I don’t know keep steady relations with others and get on their good side, I guess…? Though often, I choose not to do it because I can’t exactly match their level of excitement in certain situations and it feels awkward…? I dunno
Finally, I tend to use a sort of sarcastic/dark/surreal/a bit cutesy humor either to lighten things up or to avoid an unpleasant confrontation with people… sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, whatever (and I use self- deprecating humor to a fault as well, again, to avoid a confrontation of some kind?)
Sigh… now it gets shorter, I promise!
Ne vs Ni…
Okay, so this too, I used to believe that I’m an Extroverted intuitive because I can be quite random at times (especially with my humor) and I enjoy brainstorming ideas a lot (which I later use for unfinished stories that I write), but I’m starting to believe that this is introverted Intuition at play. First of all, I don’t tend to see endless possibilities when observing the world around me. In fact, my perception of the world is pretty straightforward (people walk, cars speed by, children cry annoyingly in my ear, etc,…) Now I guess that would indicate some sensing function at work, but most of the time, I’m thinking about the future, picturing some (really, really vague) ideal that I need to work towards (not to mention I’m pretty abysmal when it comes to navigating in the present). Now again, this idea of moving towards a certain ideal, to me, seems Ni (correct me if I’m wrong) since I don’t like keeping my options open, rather I want to find that one thing that will define me (I’m not sure what it is though… leading a creative life? Finding people to connect with? Becoming wiser perhaps?) But whatever it is, possibilities to me are only a distraction, and when I see that I’m not moving towards said vague ideal, I become depressed, feel meaningless and become anxious regarding the future.
To summarize, Ne seems to me like expanding on one idea and reveling in the different possibilities that arise, while Ni seems like taking every possibility that arises and narrowing them down to a single goal/vision/whatever… I definitely see myself as the latter, which is why it’s hard for me to decide on my future goals (”I have sooo many options but nothing sounds right to me”)
Se vs Si
You’ll excuse me here because my understanding of both sensing and thinking functions is pretty unfounded. However I’ll do my best.
Now sensing… Yeah, I definitely feel that whether I’m an Si or Se, it’s most likely my inferior function. The thing is, if I understand both functions correctly, then I’m kind of inferior in both
From my understanding, Si is concerned with comparing experiences to previous similar ones, and is more detail-oriented, while Se is concerned with taking in your surroundings in real time and and deciding what to do with that information afterward. Now I’m pretty bad with details (names (oh God..), dates, etc,…), but I’m also just bad at… not getting lost(?) I mean, there are times when I’m just wandering around, trying to find something, and it takes me waaaayy longer than it would most people. Also, because I’m in my head so often, I tend to bump into things, people, walls, I drop things often, and not notice much in general… And I often remember (too late) that I forgot something really, really important at home… so yeah…
Also, I often experience a sensory overload, where I’m kind of overwhelmed (when I do pay attention to things) with everything that’s in front of me (that’s a Se thing, right?) And while I don't think it's nerve-wrecking, I do tend to feel a bit uncomfortable in crowded situations, and they drain me quite a bit (Maybe just an introvert thing...)
Something else that would indicate poor Se/Si: I get really paranoid at times that some deadly tumor is growing somewhere deep in my body that I should definitely check. But I’m afraid of the doctors finding something so I just stay home and let it grow (Now that I think about it, isn't this more of an Si+Ne thing, where I compare how my body usually is, and then come up with a billion reasons why there’s probably something wrong with it? Is it a tumor? Am I having a heart attack?!? Stroke?!? AGHHH!!!!)
Ti vs Te
Okay, final function… yay…
As I said, I’m gonna be really vague here since I'm still not sure how the functions play out. Now Te takes information from the outside world for the sake of efficiency and productivity. Well, I wouldn’t say I’m productive (although I am when I need to be or when it’s truly important) and I do tend to adhere to strict routines most of the time because otherwise I’ll start putting things off, procrastinating and feeling bad about myself. Also, when I was a kid I was very disorganized when it came to school (though it had to do with not caring about anything school-related—bullying, indifferent teachers all that stuff…) However, I do generally like organizing things just to avoid feeling cluttered.
But… I think I’m using Ti quite often as well (maybe I just don’t get it) I usually have the need to categorize experiences/people according to some principles that apply to the world (he’s X, they’re Y, I’m Z, etc…), even if I keep saying that a person’s individuality is his most important asset and tend to see others as people with their own identities, problems etc,… (sounds Fi'ish…)
However, I do have the tendency to correct people on logical mistakes (”X can’t possibly happen because that’s not how the world works!) But this too could be connected to my Fi more than Ti (My arguments gravitate more towards ethical problems rather than logical inconsistencies so it’s probably Fi at work…)
Finally, I’m often very skeptical about the things I know, and tend to be very self-conscious about making a mistake that would make me sound stupid [I've edited this post ten times and counting since I'd posted it here ] I can’t help but feeling that this is also the reason why I prefer to keep most conversations pretty shallow even with my friends (although the occasional lecture pops up every now and then)
That’s all for the functions I guess. What else? Well, I generally have trouble connecting with people, sometimes envying others for making connections so easily. Though I do dislike the very ummm… unsubtle means by which people do it (at least where I work - people are pretty loud there.) I usually keep a distance from others, again, out of fear of both exposing my differences, and incompetence to others (who may also see me as weird because I have more obscure/academic interests which I shall not--for personal reasons--list here)
Enneagram wise, I’m not one hundred percent sure. I do identify with either 4w5/3 or 9w1. I do lack the seriousness of 5’s (at least when I’m in a group of people I like - then I act either friendly or high) but I do notice that when I’m alone or with a group I don’t identify with, I would become very quiet, restrained and observant. Also, besides shame (4’s) of not living up to a certain idealized self or lacking significance, I do feel like my second motivator is fear of feeling incompetent (whether in social situations/knowledge etc,…) I would say I identify with 9’s to a certain extent as well, but I rarely avoid doing things because I think it’ll hurt someone, rather, as I said, I just feel incompetent/lacking…) Also, I don’t numb my emotions like 9’s to avoid feeling them, because I think emotions are what makes us human, and experiencing strong emotions (whether negative or positive) is something I cherish…
I do identify a bit with 1’s desire to strive towards an ideal (with regards to right and wrong especially) but I don’t feel the need to lecture people on it, and, again, my primary concern is that people should show their individuality, and fulfill their own unique potential (4’s). At times I also feel like I’m a wing 3 because I’m too… I don’t know… optimistic (?) for a five? Though I’m not that achievement oriented (more concerned with regretting having done nothing because I’m in my head all the time, than trying to achieve things unrelated to what I want as a means of compensation… what?)
Finally (I promise!) a brief encounter with Socionics lead me to believe I’m IEI (which correlates with INFJ, I guess…) I especially identify with wanting to either seem elegant/graceful at times, and stoned on LSD the other (depending on my mood mostly ) come to think of it, the Socionics Best INFp Guide Ever Written post (sorry, can't post link) describes me pretty well I would say...
But then, also the EII one… agghh!!! ***k ME!!!!
So what am I? Mostly I score INFP… other times INTP… less often I score ISFP or INFJ… so which am I? Thank you! And may Kanye West be with you! (I’m an idiot…)
P.S. I appologize for this long and tedious rant, but I would really, really (x1000) appriaciate if you could help me out, guys!