First of all, my main language is not english. I am sorry if you can not understand something i said. Also i am sorry for lenght of this message.
I am a good chess player. I don’t know what is my rating or my playstyle is. Because i don’t play official games so much. When i play, i generally win though. None of the amateurs did win a match against me. (Ofcourse they win sometimes but very very rare. They just win 1 match in 20–30 match) I mean by amateurs is below 1500–1600 range.
I am interested in philosophy ever since i could remember, i don’t read philosophy books too often though. I just think about philosophy. And there is a incorrect common sense in the society that if you are interested about something you need to read about it or study it. I think this is bullshit. Especially about philosophy.
I was very good at school in first grades. I was at the top of the school and class. I have even be 11. in the country when i was in the fifth grade. (I did full correct but my name starts with B… So… I was 1. actually.) I started to bored in second grade and i left working on classes in fourth grade. I left doing my homeworks in the fifth grade. I am in the twelfth grade right now. My scores are low since eighth grade but i can pass the class and i don’t care about my scores. I know that test about i did good is not so important though. In this country the test scores are can be maximum 500. I don’t know how the system works in other countries. I take 500 in fifth grade. 460–480 in fourth. I take 420–430 in eight grade and high school starts in 9. grade. This scores are avarage but right now i take lower than 400. Anyway school is not a problem for me. It is not about intelligence either because it is just more work. Not challange. Let’s skip this thing because i hate school and i just telling you about my life.
I played games for 4 years all day in my 10–14 ages. I do nothing productive, i literally screwed up my life in that years. But i play too much games and i bored of games. I don’t play them now. That is good.
When i become 15 years old, i started to feel very very empty. I was depressive for 1–2 years, maybe i am even depressive now but i don’t know.
I try to solve ‘’odd perfect number problem’’ (it is an unsolved math problem) when i was 15 years old, i couldn’t solve it ofcourse but it was fun and at the same time frustrating. I did interesting things, i am sure they are nothing and i waste my time for to invent the wheel again. I quit trying to solve it.
When i was 16 years old, i was constantly late for classes. Our guidance teacher speak to me and said to me ‘’You are in depression, you need help.’’ I don’t think i have a disease called depression, but i feel empty, you know. I consider suicide seriously 1–2 times, but it was stupid and weak, i realize now. It was giving up and i hate giving up. I was healthy i think though, i did not consider suicide with a depressive mind, i am not sure.
My real weakness is i can not decide things. Literally. When i go to the market for chips, i can not decide which chip i want, you know. When i play MMORPG games, i can not even pick a MMORPG class to play, because i don't know which one is best for me. When i play chess, i have a bad tendency about analyzing every move. Even that move is suck. I need to analyze it. The real frustrating thing about my weakness is i can not make a life plan. I don't know what i want from life, i don't know how to be happy, i don't know. I want to be a physicist maybe because it is kind of like philosophy and very lovely but ofcourse… I am not sure… Also i know MBTI theory for 1 years, i don't research about it a lot. The thing is i can not even decide which type i am. Tests says me that i am INTP but you know, tests are wrong.
I tried to write all my thoughts and tried to decide after that. But whenever i do that, there is at least one attacker too every thought, when i try to defend that idea, there is more attacker ideas, and so on. I can not even say i am definitly not X type because, i feel like everything can be.
I am not stupid. I believe i am smart. I know that most people can decide things easily than me but i feel like they are all take action without thinking. I am slow, but not the way that my processing speed. I am slow for making decisions. I see infinite possibilities everywhere and i feel like i am crazy. I can also see why peoples decide that way. But i feel like that way is wrong. All ways are wrong.
I want to be determined, strong willed but i am just all over the place. My mind is just messy.
My friends are just seems like doesn’t experience these kind of problems. They all want to be engineers, they all want to be doctors. And end up doing nothing about their desires because they are just wanna earn money and live and die. I guess they don’t even know what ‘’passion’’ really means or ‘’You live your life only once.’’ I guess these kind of things are just some cool words to them. They think they know what they want but…Maybe i am underestimating them…
So, what is my type and ofcourse why? Please add details as much as you can. And if you want to help me a bit, you can give me advice about my ''real weakness'' you know.
(I am not sure, but i don't think i am a S type. It can be though.)
(Note: If you ask me, what is your favorite classical music, i can not answer to that question. I am just writing the musics from my mind. Also same for the animes, films, movie series etc.)
I like watching animes. DeathNote, CodeGeass, Kaiji, OneOuts, Log Horizon, Detective Conan. My favorites. I didn't watch too much anime though.
I like classical music. My favorites are Bach-Air, Pachbell-Canon, Beethoven-Moonlight Sonata.
I like strategy games in PC and MMORPG games.
I like go and chess more than any game. (I am a newbie in go.)
I like INTJ's. Well, everybody like them, they are cool. And... They can decide.
My favorite film is Shawshank Redemption. (It just come to my mind and i writed. I don't know what film is my favorite. But that film is nice.)
My favorite TV-Series are BigBangTheory, Sherlock, True Detective, House MD, Numb3rs.
I believe everything is possible. We can be immortal one day, we will gonna colonize space etc. but if we don't destroy ourselves. I also believe everybody capable of doing what they want. Everybody can do imposibble things. Imposibble just means, we can not do it right now. For example, people believed flying was imposibble but it is possible.
1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?
I don't know. I don't even have a type to be unsure about.
2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?
I am student. I want to be a physicist, not sure though.
3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.
There is a moment in my life, a fight. I feel like i am ready for every attack and i am stronger than my opponent. Like he can not do anything, i know everything he can do. I mean everything. ( I don't like fight ofcourse.)
4) What makes you feel inferior?
Not being able to understand something.
5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)
I don't care money, status, reputation etc. I can help peoples but it is not my main focus.
6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?
First of all i ask tons of questions, usually peoples can not answer them, not because they are hard, they are too many. When i got the answers i lost interest.
7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?
I don't remember...
8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc)
I hate memorize, it is just wrong. Hands are good but understanding and theorizing is the best thing for... Ofcourse understanding.
9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?
I want to be organized but i am just a mess right now. I am trying though.
10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?
Both. I do everything. I don't know.
11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?
I prefer second option.
12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?
I think my speaking untill my listener bored and goes away. One-on-one is good but i don't know because i never experience a group thing. I didn't even try.
13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words?
I want to know. And there are some things, you can't know... Yeah, i am wrong. You can know everything given enough time to think. But the problem is, life is not infinite. That's why i want to be immortal.
14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?
I don't open the phone, so i can not know.
15) How do you act when you're stressed out?
(I make not funny humor, but it is funny to me) I sleep and try to do it again. If it is not hobby and it is important, i must do that thing untill i die. I didn't die yet. So...
16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?
When they say ''I know this is true and you need to believe me. I can not explain why this is true, don't question it, because i heard from my mother, it must be true.'' You know... It is not some hunch by the way. They can not explain it because they don't know anything about what they say. Also they are not gonna be right after that discussion. They are just wrong.
17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?
18) What kind of things do pay the least attention to in your life?
19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? ? What would your friends never say about your personality ?
They can not perceive me. I don't speak with them. I don't have friends either. I don't want to have friends. I am not anti-social, not psychopath. They are just talking about unnecessery things. I want to have a friend that do not talk about unnecessery things.
20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?
I don't know. It is hard to decide.
My big five test results,
withdrawn, loner, moody, dislikes crowds, avoidant, not big on fun, socially unskilled, not that interested in others, overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings frequently, depressed, requires lots of time alone to recharge, socially awkward, hard to get to know, feels defective, averse to change, low self confidence, dislikes small talk, dislikes touchy feely types, private, not prone to complimenting others, driven by own personal gain, pessimistic, self absorbed, indifferent to the feelings of others, does not easily forgive, inflexible, skeptical, embarrassed easily, tense, lower energy level, attracted to things associated with sadness, very suspicious of others, does not believe in human goodness, interested in intellectual pursuits, does not put the welfare of others ahead of self, lonely, not known for generosity, unadventurous, doubting, quick to judge others, discontent, hard to understand, wounded at the core, believes in a logical answer for everything, worrying, uncooperative, agnostic/atheist tendencies, has anxiety, not physically affectionate with most people, feels second place is not good enough, frustrated when people don't live up to expectations
more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, detaches to analyze factors from multiple perspectives, regularly uses ideas and tools to transform understanding, enjoys playing with random interconnections between ideas and patterns, would describe self as a nerd in high school, likes science fiction, introspective, good at fixing things, more comfortable around adults as a child, feels both special and defective, knows the darkside of life well, is not bothered by going long periods without speaking with people, more intellectual than sensual, can be bitter, problem solver, relies on mind more than on others, driven by curiosity, feels best when working, minimalist
(I don't think i have low self-confidence. I am not nerd. I am also not sure about that i am RLOEI... Just did the test and paste here.)