I'm having a bit of an Ennea-crisis ;] ...can anyone plz help? Thx!

I'm having a bit of an Ennea-crisis ;] ...can anyone plz help? Thx!

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  • 1 Post By Berry
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This is a discussion on I'm having a bit of an Ennea-crisis ;] ...can anyone plz help? Thx! within the What's my personality type? forums, part of the Personality Cafe category; Hi, there! I'm new to these boards and was so excited to find this site!! Nice to virtually meet you ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I'm having a bit of an Ennea-crisis ;] ...can anyone plz help? Thx!

    Hi, there! I'm new to these boards and was so excited to find this site!! Nice to virtually meet you all :]

    OK, the scoop: I used to think I was an ENTP & was sure I was a 5w4.
    Then, I recently became convinced that I'm actually an ENFP (or maybe even "I"?) and my feeling side must have just been really repressed for most of my life :[

    Also, b/c of this new-found feeling side (which seemed very obvious to outsiders, especially in the last year or 2), some Ennea-experts told me they thought I was more likely 4 core, and had lots of 4/5/6.

    Later, I took the quiz on this site...twice; and both times, it said my main type is 7w6. I kind of relate to all of these a bit; and maybe I also don't "want" to be a 5 anymore now that I value feeling so much more & notice it in myself so much more as well. Plus, I know I also have lots of 9 (which got me into a few rather sticky situations recently) and I don't know where that fits into the pic either. Any ideas??

    Which Ennea-type(s) usually go along w/ ENFP? And is there any more info I can provide/questions I can answer that can help you help me figure out what's my core?? (Or anything else I can read, look up, etc.?)

    Thanks in advance very much for any insights/info!

    All the best,
    ~Berry
    Spades thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I recommend the Enneagram forum; there's also a specific subforum for Enneagram typing.

    Edit: and here's the form they usually ask you to fill out for your typing thread there.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    Sp 7's can mistype as 5's often. I'm a 7w6 that often gets Type 5 on tests. The 4 and 9 you see in yourself could be your tritype. 749/794? Other that that, take Flatlander's advice =)
    Berry thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Great, thanks so much, Flatlander. Great resources!

  6. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Wow, really? Cool to know. Maybe that just means we must be super-integrated! ;]

    I think my tri-type was 5/9 the first time, and actually 9/3 the second time...yes, it looks like Flatlander's info is the next stop. Thanks for your help!
    Spades thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Hi! I finally finished it (I hope); figured I wouldn't wait till I could do the optional Qs, as I wrote so much & took so long with these...Hope I did it right ;] Thanks in advance for everyone who takes the time to check it out & give me some feedback :] Much appreciated! Ok, here it is:

    Main Questions


    1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?


    I think my main drives have been pursuing my varied interests; wanting to develop my skills & talents; personal happiness/fulfilment and artistic expression (via music, poetry, writing, acting, etc.); fierce pursuit of truth, both internal and global, including spiritual matters; and, in a certain sense, security (and peace of mind), though not necessarily in every aspect – for instance, financial security is important to me, and I've always been inclined to save my money, even since I was like 12. but job security apparently didn't really scare me, as I chose to go to theatre school for university over the great business school I also got into, because although I actually do love math (and took Calculus as an elective in theatre school and got As it in), I couldn't imagine doing it all day long, whereas acting is a passion of mine, and it's the only thing I could imagine myself doing all day long if I had to choose one thing (among my many interests). So, in that case, my happiness/fulfilment quotient seemed to have overruled the seeming security one. Even with that, I did always kind of have the philosophy that if you're doing what you love, it'll work out, even financially, etc., and, thank goodness, I've found that to be true. (I've actually seen both sides of that now, so I feel I can say that even more certainly.)
    I also want to add, however, that in the past few years, I have been putting “security” much higher on the priority list. I think it may be because I've been scared by people's challenging financial situations, and it increased my fears of having to deal with such things (Heaven forbid!); it's a pretty big fear in me, so I've found myself much more enthusiastic about a job offer, even if it's not as idealistic or stimulating as my other interests – however, I do want to add that I'm now again reaching the point where I realize that the two have to overlap rather significantly in order for us to best actualize who we are, which I believe is a big part of why we are on this planet, so I'm trying to make sure that my means of earning income at least don't preclude my having enough time & opportunity to pursue more creative outlets as well (and exercising, etc.), and making sure that the “big picture” of life remains in focus. Am I still answering the question??


    2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?


    I'll start again by quoting my (admittedly, kind of vague) dream from when I was a child, because it still applies, then I'll try to update it: I basically just wanted to be earning enough money to live on so that I can also afford to continue pursuing my interests and learning new skills and arts, like playing music, doing pottery, doing yoga and exercising, etc. As far as how I'd like to earn that money ideally, it would be via writing or acting (but this has become more difficult lately, as I've chosen to live in a community that doesn't really have much opportunity for on-camera work, which is how I was making my living before moving here; but I like the other values in the community, so I want to stay here regardless of this drawback). Plus, the community kind of frowns upon that kind of acting work on a large scale in general, which I do understand, although it's challenging for me b/c it's such a passion.
    So, still, I hope to be able to do creative things on perhaps a smaller scale? But still earn enough.
    Also, I very much hope to work as hard as I can to perfect my character, to be able to be as great a person as I can in whatever roles life brings me. And I very much hope to be able to raise a happy, healthy, loving family, which grows out of a happy, healthy, loving relationship/marriage.
    I probably have other goals and dreams as well, but this seems like it should pretty much cover things for now ;]


    3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?


    Re doing: I hope to avoid doing stupid things and making dumb mistakes in life, or should I say, any more than I already have, especially those that may lead to financial loss, or loss/damage of relationships with people whom I care deeply about.
    Re being: I hope to avoid being miserable, and/or in debt (G-d forbid), and/or “trapped” in any sort of life situation that I would rather not be in, but don't seem to have a reasonable way out of, by natural laws. I also hope to avoid being “trapped” or too long on a path that it not the right path for me, in any aspect – personally, career-wise, or any life situation. I hope to be able to be true to myself and so I guess I hope to avoid...not being true to myself and my integrity.
    A few of the values that are most important to me are integrity, loyalty, honesty, being true to oneself, acceptance of oneself and others, making people around you feel comfortable and helping others whenever possible, in whatever capacity you can. Also, providing a stable, loving, and fun life for children (unfortunately I have yet to have any yet...but it's still a core value) within a stable, loving, fun marriage.


    4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?


    I fear not being able to handle what life throws at me, like being overwhelmed by bills that I don't know how to cover in time (G-d forbid) or not knowing how to handle my kids (may seem strange after the previous answer, but it's also a fear, b/c I see what so many other parents go through, and since it's so important to me, I fear failing at it, not being able to provide them with what I so very much want to).
    Also, I fear not being able to handle any job that I may get, and this could generalize to other long-term responsibilities as well. Even when I believe that I can do the job well and am suited for it, etc., I still fear, What if I won't be able to keep it up long-term, and other such things. This often holds me back from totally going for things, b/c I think I kind of feel guilty going for a job or whatever that may want to hire me for long-term, when I feel, How can I guarantee that I'll be able to continue doing a good enough job for many years, or indefinitely?
    Oh, forgot the “Why?” part: I think because I can't know for sure what will be in the future, so even if, let's say, I know I can do something well, I'll fear that maybe I won't be able to do it well enough this time, or maybe not for long enough, or maybe not quickly enough, or maybe someone else needs it more & if I'd do it, I'd be taking it away from them, etc. I think it's because I don't want to let people down and that I don't want to be viewed as unreliable or as a failure (or feel like that myself) & I want to be honest & maintain my integrity. So I don't like to commit to something that I can't guarantee how well I'll be able to fulfil, esp. long-term, or assure someone they can count on me when I don't know what the future may hold. (And I know that I never can, but the fear still exists as of now.)


    5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?


    I want others to see me as reliable, capable, responsible, talented/creative, caring, giving, intelligent, attractive, a good friend, independent, fun, but also serious when need be, warm, loving, insightful...and probably a bunch more things that I can't seem to think of right now.
    I see myself as insightful, trustworthy, loving, caring, giving, creative, fun, a good friend, deep, spiritual, curious, loved, thoughtful, growing/growth-oriented, introspective...and yes, probably lots more stuff that's not quite coming to me right now.


    6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?


    One category of situation in which I feel my best is via creative achievements; like when I've just given a performance that felt good and got good feedback from; when I'm able to spend time writing (mostly creative, for performance, like stage plays, etc., but also journalling, which I also don't do nearly often enough); and/or when something I've written is being performed by others and goes well/gets good feedback & people enjoy it, can learn from it at the same time, etc. That, I think, is the best for me. If I could spend the “jobby/working” part my life doing things like that, I think I'd feel extremely fulfilled, deeply happy and giddy & joyous.
    Another type of “feeling my best” comes from having done what I set out to do on any given day. If I have a productive day, and/or was able to finally take care of something that really needed to get done, or that has been hanging over my head for a while; that makes me feel very good as well.
    And yet another type is when I'm able to be a good friend, largely in terms of listening to them, helping them sort out their current challenges, giving them good advice, which they acknowledge as good, helpful, insightful, etc., and also helping people see things they may have done wrong, or done not as nicely as they could have, in a way that not only doesn't hurt them, but wherein they'll even thank me after, and say they're going to go apologize to the person or fix whatever wrong they realize they may have done (however subtle). That makes me feel really good. Or when I can give someone criticism without their noticing, and maintain harmony in a situation that could have potentially been hurtful or distancing. Or help them in some more concrete physical ways, too, when possible, like giving someone a ride somewhere, lending them money, cooking for them when they need, etc., or writing them a personal song or poem for a special occasion of theirs, so they can feel how special they are, to me and in general (esp. when it comes out objectively well, too ;] )
    I feel my worst when I feel like I've let someone down, including myself; when I feel like I made a stupid mistake and I REALLY should have known better already!! When I make the same mistake I did before and feel like I still haven't learned from it yet; makes me feel hopeless, b/c I feel like, how & when will I ever learn if I keep doing the same stupid things?!
    Also, when I feel overwhelmed, that I have more to do than is possible in the time I have to do it; when I feel rejected or abandoned, isolated, judged; when I feel I've misrepresented myself, not communicated what I meant to or what is accurate, or when I feel otherwise misunderstood – especially when the person won't even let me explain myself, or thinks my explanation is an excuse and not really how I feel or what my real motivation was -- I find this extremely frustrating and hurtful; also when I feel incompetent or ill-equipped to do what I need to do or things that I think are important; and when I feel like I just don't know what to do in a given situation, confused, lost, or like the solution seems so beyond me, I can't see how I'll ever get clarity or resolve the issue or make the right decision, etc.


    7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.


    (a) Anger: I often feel indignant; when it's really strong, I sometimes feel like I want to hit the person (but, thank G-d, it's just a feeling!), but it's at least a very strong feeling of wanting to defend myself, as soon as possible if I can; when I don't guard myself, I may often try to defend myself or get my point across even before the person is done speaking, cutting them off, etc., so I can say my side of the story (as if that will make them actually hear my point!), not caring what their side is, b/c I feel like I'd heard enough already. (Working on it!) If it's a different kind of anger, it may be from a feeling of hopelessness, and that I don't know what to do about a situation that is painful or extremely challenging, so I sometimes express it in angry tears, but I try to channel it toward crying out to G-d for help & understanding, instead of like “punching my pillow” or things like that.


    (b) Shame: I'll feel very guilty, and like I want to hide, like I don't want to admit whatever it is to anyone, but often the guilt aspect will overwhelm that and I'll feel that I need to “confess” what I feel shame about to someone I trust. (Am I answering these correctly?)


    (c) Anxiety: I often feel an overwhelming need to talk with other people about what I'm anxious about; especially if it had to do with a decision I need to make, so they can help me weigh out the factors, plus, hearing myself say out loud what I'm thinking, both sides of the equation, also feels helpful for me, can help me process; or if the anxiety had to do with a disagreement or altercation with someone, or if someone said something about me that I don't agree with and that upset me, I still feel the need to talk about it, but to help me get perspective, and at least to know that not everyone thinks that way, or if there is some truth to the criticism, a trusted friend could say it to me more gently, sensitively, in a way that I can hear and learn from, b/c I know they'll still be there for me, support me, etc. I guess I feel like I need reassurance when things like that cause me anxiety.
    If it's anxiety caused by having too much to do in too little time, or realizing an extra expense that I'd rather not have to deal with, I'll often try to minimize my other needs to help relieve the anxiety, whether it be my responsibilities (so I'm not overwhelmed by the time commitments I have) or my expenses, in whatever ways I can, or in general, to try to minimize my other stresses. But this would probably show up mostly in not taking on more commitments to others, and trying to push off other things as much as I can until the other responsibilities have been taken care of.


    8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.


    (a) Stress: Similar to “anxiety” above; but if it's an acute stressful situation, my natural inclination would probably be to try to find out if there's any way I could just avoid or dodge the stress; e.g., if I was nervous to speak at a dinner or event where almost everyone is speaking, i.e., telling over their personal responses to a shared experience, etc., then I'd just try to rationalize why I don't actually have to do it, so I can avoid the stress of it, thinking of what to say, etc. Even if it really would be good for me and beneficial for the others in the group, I'll tell myself it's really not such a big deal, that I can just get out of it.
    If it's a stress I can't avoid, then sometimes I'll still disassociate a bit and pretend it's not actually that stressful, or that I don't have to deal with it yet, or something else; or, if I really can't avoid it, then, as above, I'll probably want to vent about it to a friend (or a dozen friends) and try to figure out what to do. When I'm able to be more centered and present, I'd probably (hopefully!) be more likely to take a deep breathe, take a step back, and pray, realizing that there is a solution to everything & that if I am in this position/situation, there must be a reason and I can, in fact, handle it; then I'd pray to be guided to what that solution is, and which direction I should go in, and try to do so as calmly & quickly as I can.


    (b) unexpected change: It depends: If someone had made a promise to me and then changed their mind or flaked out, or if they made a decision involving me without consulting me, then I'd be upset with them; but I suppose that involves more of the betrayal aspect & not the fact that it's unexpected change; so scratch that ;] I think when reasonable or unchangeable circumstances make it impossible for something to be that had been the plans until that point, like changing a vacation spot or not being able to travel overseas b/c I realized my passport had expired (this just happened to me!), then I usually take it pretty “easy-goingly”; if I'm disappointed or sad about the change, then hopefully, I'll express and experience my feelings of disappointment/sadness, but I'll usually deal with the circumstances OK and figure out what we need to do now to prepare for or deal with this change, try to look at the practical side, and the bright side, etc. (This becomes easier when it was something I was kind of ambiguous or unsure about to begin with, like we could either go here or there for vacation, and we decided, let's go “here” and started making plans, etc.; then it turns out, we can't go “here,” so let's change and go “there” instead. OK, fine! “There” it is ;] If the change involves loss of money, like a deposit or something, it makes it harder, but again, I think that's more about the loss than the fact of the change in circumstances itself. I think I tend to be pretty flexible with things like that.


    (c) conflict: I don't enjoy being involved in conflict, and yes, I'd rather avoid it if I can, but if I am involved in a conflict about something important, then I can get very passionate and argue my side, especially to defend someone who's being accused of something unfairly, etc. But when the other person isn't fighting fairly, or is trying to be manipulative and/or not really listen to me, trying to twist my words, etc., then I usually give up on the discussion much more quickly and would be inclined to want to get a third-party “witness” involved rather than trying to deal with someone like that, b/c I especially hate dealing with people when they're being like that.


    9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?


    (a) authority: It's actually quite challenging for me to take authority figures seriously. I know it is because of childhood experiences, etc., but it still persists. For example, in high school, one of my “pet peeves” was when a teacher would do something unfair to another student (including myself, but not at all limited to) and not give them a chance to even speak their side of things, etc. I'd be quite adamant about taking action/speaking up for these people in situations like this, b/c it was so exceedingly upsetting to me that a high school teacher would try to get a power trip in this way; like, You teach high school, get over yourself! Just be nice, fair, and a normal person; you are NOT an authority figure; you teach high school, Buddy! Chill out!! I only realized later on that they actually were supposed to be authority figures, but it seemed pretty ridiculous to me at the time.
    Later in life, when I met authority figures that I actually did want to respect, that I felt deserved such treatment, etc., it was actually quite difficult for me, and it's still challenging. Not because I don't want to, but I don't really have experience relating to authority figures with appropriate respect, and sometimes even awe, so the lines are a bit blurry.


    (b) power: I actually noticed that I'm naturally quite uncomfortable with my own power, or being n a position of power, although I've worked on it & become much better, often there still remains that internal discomfort. If I think someone is uncomfortable with the fact that I'm, say, better at something than they are, or if they're intimidated by some aspect of my personality, behavior, success, talent, or any aspect of my being or interaction with others, I become sensitive to that and my natural response (since childhood) was actually to try to downplay my strengths/positive attributes or my “power” as it were, to try to make them feel better, more comfortable. I know, pretty stupid, but whatever; that's what self-awareness is all about, right? Acknowledging the stupid things you do so you can stop doing them ;]
    Anyway, I've thank G-d become aware of this in more recent years and realize that I don't need to downplay myself in order to make other (healthy, normal) people comfortable, so I'm working on it, but the habit is actually still not completely gone, even when there isn't anyone around to spark it, which is sad, and also pretty annoying. It's also ironic, b/c I think this actually originated from a place of strength and security, feeling that not only am I secure enough not to have to brag about or emphasize my strengths, etc., but I can even go the opposite way, esp for what I misguidedly figured was a noble reason.
    With other people's power, I guess it's a similar type of thing. If someone's trying to pull a power trip to make themselves feel worthy or important or whatever (as long as it's not at the expense of anyone else, as in “authority” above), I generally don't try to “compete” with their need to feel they're in the power position. I let them, and I generally don't feel it takes away from my well-being or anything.
    However, in what I also think comes from a misguided attempt at being humble/open, etc., since I don't want to appear (or actually be) stubborn or unable to see faults in myself, when someone tells me I'm not good at something or I did something wrong or that something is my fault, I'm much too open to listen to them, even if it's not true what they're saying – this is quite dangerous, because it can leave me vulnerable to believing people who are either wrong, or who actually don't have my best interests at heart, or who are just saying things without thinking very much about them. I actually think this kind of thing developed a bit later on in my life, and probably because as a youth, I would very much do my own thing, whatever I thought was the right thing to do (for me), or, you could say, whatever I “wanted” to, quite naturally, even obviously. I wasn't trying to be “rebellious” or contrary, but I just did whatever I wanted regardless of other people's opinions or input (like going to theatre school over business school for university; see question 1 ;] ) -- I think that later on, I felt a stigma attached to being someone who does “whatever I want” -- even if it's not done irresponsibly or anything, so I think I almost felt like this was a negative thing and that I should become much more open to the fact that maybe what I want to do is not necessarily the best thing, and also much more open to others' input. Perhaps because I was not used to doing this very often growing up, maybe this is why I – more often than I'd like – haven't tended to be so good at knowing what exactly to do with this new “info” or perspective, and how to reconcile it with my feelings & inclinations. I tended to give away my own “power” too easily, because I had developed negative associations with just doing what's right for me (probably because I didn't word it like that; I framed it as “doing whatever I wanted”). So that's what I can think of re “power.”


    10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?


    I think that I tend to view humanity as generally good – but I think this has been a bit of a liability more than I care to think about. I think I am a bit naive and it's hard for me to understand that a lot of people are two-faced and will just say whatever they want just to get what they want, etc. I think I've let myself be taken advantage of a lot b/c of this. I also think, just b/c I'm thinking of it now as a result of this question, that I tend to think of humanity in general as kind of mediocre. Not outstanding; not so able to accomplish really great things, in general, as in the majority of the general population, and that people tend to produce works that are not such great quality, but people view them as if they were of great quality b/c they are a bit starved for things of actual great quality... I'm not sure how relevant this is, but since it occurred to me & seems to answer the question, I thought I'd put it in. Thanks for reading!


     

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