1. What is beauty? What is love?
-For me, the beauty is two things- the physical aesthetic/appearance, but to me beauty goes way beyond that. A moment can be beautiful- a moment full of emotion, a battle fought and the moment of victory...a flower can be beautiful, not only for its appearance, but for all the things it symbolizes. A very sweet person, no matter their appearance (although, we are humans and as animals we have an unconscious bias for attractiveness), they can be a beautiful person.
Love- Love is a bond with a person, who you are attracted to, that is magical. You and that other person have to have "wavelengths" that match up, and have to be attracted to one another. You have to know the person inside out, yet still not be bored. Silence should be enjoyable, not awkward with them. It should be normal. And it should be really damn fun.
2. What are your most important values?
-Well, I guess my values are things I gathered after I made the mistake myself. As a child, i was essentially "value less", and did some really wrong stuff. But over time, after getting in trouble, and awakening empathy, I gathered my values- never do an action with the intention of harming someone with no good reason, never lie to the people you care about unless you have a good reason, always balance work and play because the balance makes me feel in place and stable...I cannnot really think of more off the top of my head.
3. Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
-Yeah, well I used to believe in Karma- like if you do good stuff (studying, responsibilities, good actions) and balance them out/ do more good stuff than bad stuff (playing too much, malice, aggression etc) then your life will go out of wack. I base this off experience- when I did my good stuff, my day was good. If I did bad stuff, my day was kinda messed up. I would like to believe that gods to exist, but you know we have no evidence lol. I do enjoy spiritual discussions because although I believe sceince more than this, it is intersting and appealing of the thought of spirituality and different ways of thinking.
4. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
-Well, I have never gave it much thought, so I will just write my raw thoughts. War has to exist, because humans will be going into conflicts because we are violent animals. Military does have to exist, and we need people to enforce rules and take command, because without rules, our society would collapse because again, humans-chaos without rules.
Power- Power is something an extremely self confident person can properly possess properly. Although power can be mishandled obviously, we need some people to have more power than the others, we need leaders with power to make rules so that society does not became a mess, and hopefully the people in power are good of heart and just.
5. What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
-The only things I can have long convos about are- peoples love life, my life life, discussing ideas such as apps with friends and how to make millions of bucks, past experiences, their hobbies/interests, ideas for the future, problems, and the like.
Ok, I will make a list of hobbies I did since 6th grade- Call of Duty BO2, Badminton, weights, reading fantasy, i used to catch bugs because it was facsinating watching the mini organisms, sitcoms, hangouts, researching about psychology and fitness, periodically drawing dragons and crafts.
6. Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
-As a result of wanting to become muscular so that I get more respect/attraction, I became obsessed with fitness articles and diet articles. I love the idea of working out, dieting and eating healthy, for a strong body and a better social life. I consume so many articles, and the only health topic i like is about working out, health, and hormone optimization. P.S I also binge on psychology articles.
7. What do you think of daily chores?
-Although I get annoyed by chores and end up skipping a lot, it is satisfying actually cleaning your room and seeing it all tidy. I just think of them "eh I will do it later" then regret not doing it.
8. Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
-I really loved friends and how I met your mother and psych- when i feel lonely, I watch these shows because I fee a part of their group, but it also shows me the possibilities an adult life can turn out. I love the romantic vibes, the friend group, their daily life as a group, the young and discovering life vibe to the first 2 shows. Psych, is so quick humored, and I adore the main character, he is so entertaining, upbeat, and fun to watch. I always like to imitate/base some portion of my "character" based on my said admired character at the moment.
9. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
Aside from when I was a child, I have cried due to frusteration/stress- There are 2 types of things that make me cry, aside from other regular life- my insecurities and stress. I am insecure and feel ungifted in so many ways and the people around be are clearly superior in most ways, and my luck keeps getting worse while theirs keeps getting better. I insult every part of myself, my mind and my body, till I hate myself and cry. Next, sometimes I procrastinate so much that I give up on life, and cry, when deadlines are near.
10. Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
-My hometown. I am not going to say its name, but I moved a lot and I am heavily nostolgic. I miss the romantic vibes, the greenery, the beautiful skies no matter the season, the sense that there is more to explore, more better things to happen, the mixture of privacy hangout spots/open hangout spots, the sense of community built up from when I was small, all the familiar faces I have seen and grew up with.
Evaluation & Behaviour
11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
-People think I am not confident enough, that I overthink things, that I am mentally weak. I hate that I care so much about what others think of me, my procrastination, my insecurities, my social anxiety, and how I look.
12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
When I truly love something, people tell me I work really hard for it. And I do. If i have a goal that I like, I will pusue it with all I have got. People also like that I am not mean XD, that I am smart. I like that I am pretty smart in areas I care about, I am fit, and I guess I am nicer than the average person. I like that people can nevefr tuly know me unless they are my best friends, like I am more deeper than anyone will ever know.
13. In what areas of your life would you like help?
-I would like to get more self confident, to be better socially, to do my work, and to have fun. I first and formost, now that I have moved, need to make new friends, but i lost all my charm. I want to be able to be a person others resepct, other would want to talk to, and be a person who genuinly likes life and enjoys it.
14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yes, a huge ass rut. I moved for the 2nd time during my high school year, spent winter break in a room, and that when it started. I spent 2 weeks in a room, and I was stuck in my past- I regreted moving and thought about the past constantly, and also made plans to become a social god at my new school and watched videos on wokring out/social tips and clothing stuff, but then thought about the past and got sad. I watched videos/music and became sad with them. For an entire semester, I used school to try to be a social god, and at home I slept and googled about depression, anxiety, thought about my past, and watched videos on how to turn my life around. for an entire semester. I am still in a rut, the 1st ones side effects.
People & Interactions
15. What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
-I love a person who is nice, and empathetic first and formost. They need to not be mean, not have bad intentions. Then, other qualities like their sense of humor, thier interests, hobbies, etc etc come. I hate people who put others down for their own good, people who are mean, people who are selfish, and boring people who are a bit nerdy/serious.
16. How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
-Well, ever since I was a child, something characteristic of me was my infatuation of girls lol. I used to have huge crushes, like 20 percent of why I went to school was to spend time with them, and at home I think about scenarios and things like how our ideal interactions would be. I think a partner should be exciting, fun, adventurous, but also nice, thoughtful, intelligent etc. I also need them to be hot, because I unfortunately have a sex drive.
17. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
-I think the world now is corrupt and dangerous for a vulnerable little innocent child. There are dangerous criminals/rapists/you know who do exist, there are ditches and car crashes and the world is huge, there are snakes and spiders and dogs and the internet: the thing that ruined me and other people around me. There are bullies, and other social issues. I would be overprotective of them, and if I had a daughter, I would be even more overprotective. I need to know each detail that goes on in their life until they are older/pubertal, not what goes on in their head because thats private, but I need to have some level of control over them.
18. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
-I would have a pang in my gut, and because I am not that confident and I also do not like conflict, I might keep it to myself, but if what they said was too bad, I will speak out. I might think of them as misinformed, or that they have an individual perspective and I have mine, and would speak out to show there are other ways to approach this issue.
19. Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
-I honestly do not care about the overall society, as long as it does not affect me and my loved ones in a negative way. No, I think we are individuals. Although I of course have sympathy for the people who are homeless and poor, its not something I think about a lot. I think about gender, and political correctness and double standards. One incident comes to mind- I wore shorts one day to school, and me being insecure already, 2 girls said shorts looks bad on me because my calves are skinny and pretty hairy and that my thighs were small too, then laughed and other girls casually agreed. Man, that affected me so much. When I tell a girl about how I saw a girl who wore a short so low you could see her butt, she gets all feminist and says women can dress how ever and that I am a bad person for objectifying her. I see double standards ALLL THE FUCKING TIME and it annoys me.
20. How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I choose my friends based on how we click and connect, and if we have fun. If we have similar outlooks, hobbies, personalities, etc we will be friends. I tend to kind of take a persona- I tend to behave differently based on the person. I am always humorous, nice, funny, self confident, and more vunerable to expressing emotion and deep down secerets to people who I love and trust. I love to know how thier lives are going in general, and thier impressions of my life.
21. How do you behave around strangers?
- I am quite self conscious around strangers, and highly aware of what they think of me/what they are thinking/feeling at the present moment. I try to be how I always am with people I love, but I end up coming off as a bit creepy or nervous or anxious.