Wow that does ring a lot of bells! I see my ISFP friend as being a lot more shrewd than the ESFP too. She's aware of all the problems they have and she's always the one who decides enough is enough. But she finds herself miserable being alone so she always goes back. She's also agreed she would get married, when before she always hated the concept! ESFP is definitely the more needy, clingy one and I think ISFP is in a constant contradiction. She loves being loved but she hates being smothered. The ESFP never seems to get the balance right so ends up pushing her further away.
I suppose the reason I brought this subject up is because I used to be very close with the ISFP. Ever since she's been in this relationship she's been extremely distracted by it. All her energy is taken up by ESFP and she often seems drained and stressed out. She's become very paranoid and has snapped at me several times for no apparent reason. She's not motivated to get a career or social life of her own. She's almost a shell of her former self. I think she's suffering from low self-esteem because she always seems upset and its not very nice to watch.
wow. that's such a bummer. I was a little more independent in that relationship; I pursued my own goals and he pursued his. she might not though because the Ni-gut feeling might be telling her that if she does that, her relationship won't work out. but I mean you can't live that way; not without losing it, at least.
I'm pretty low on the romantic scale. outside of a relationship, I don't need and/or want romantic attention. I've just never been a romantic. But in the relationship, during that time, I really did love being loved--by him. otherwise I was totally disinterested in those sorts of things. and I still am, which makes dating a total pain in the ass.
At one point our relationship became very competitive. he was always trying to outdo me in anything; wasn't happy for my successes etc. that was sad. I can't say our final breakup was unexpected, but it was still really upsetting.
the thing with Se is that it doesn't look at the past or compare the relationship to the past to figure out what's going to happen. it's constantly fresh, new. someone with Si in their stack is more capable of saying 'that didn't work out so we're going to keep it with me' or, conversely, becoming so attached that they never let go of that person to begin with. but Se is ready to take it anew and not think twice about that stuff. Fi can hold a wicked grudge, and I did--but it didn't seem pertinent enough to matter. one day, someone with Ni in their stack will wake up and say "whoa, this isn't what I want" and go from there. Even though SPs are perceivers, Se tends to be decisive.
The one thing to take into account is that enneagram matters; other aspects of personality matter. If you look at two ISFPs, they won't look alike--like Arya Stark and Aurora, from Sleeping Beauty. ESFPs, Merida from Brave and Stephanie Tanner, from Full House.
I myself am an enneagram 7w8 ISFP; so I'm constantly unsettled, and physically moving in search of stimulation. My ex was probably a similar Enneagram type to me, which was probably one of the reasons we clashed. Neither of us wanted to face the problems at hand because we thought more activities and new things to do would help solve the tensions we faced. Some of the tensions involved old friends adding pressure to our relationship, the living situation etc. not fun. Other things were inevitable.
I'm sorry to hear that your friend is struggling. Unfortunately understanding the situation doesn't always help either. Two of my very close friendships deteriorated over the past year and a half or so, and it's disappointing, but sometimes all you can do is watch people make mistakes. even if you know the solution, they don't always want to listen.
