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How do Infps act when they have a crush?

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thewoodlandfairy

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
Hi!
I'm an Enfp girl who just so happens to have developed a crush on an infp guy :)
He's a typical infp, obsessed with music, we go to the same uni and are in the same study group.
I added him on Facebook the first week I met him, being the typical Enfp I am ;) not even thinking about liking him or anything!
The week after, there was so many empty seats at study group, but he sat In the empty chair next to me, but didn't initiate any conversation with me. Actually, he doesn't really talk much at all in the group.
Anyway, that's when I kind of started crushing on him. And so I initiated conversation with him at the group a little, he didn't really talk much just kind of laughed at whatever I was saying (me being an idiot lol), and went home and messaged him on Facebook.
He replied straight away, and we ended up talking heaps, almost four hours straight, and he pretty much opened up to me about stuff and I was really surprised, and got him to take a personality test (he got infp). We are both single? Anyway, he was like telling me that he really enjoyed talking to me, so I went for it and was like, I really enjoyed talking to you too! Did you want to hang out one time?
And he was like, yeah! That sounds really good!
So we organised a day and we are going to hang out next Monday.
Except, I'm not sure if he is actually in to me or what, and whether he's just Doing this for friendship or what. I know the mature thing to do would be to wait and see, but I really want some thoughts on this, such as:


How do Infps act when they have a crush?

What would an infp be thinking in this situation?

And also as a tangent:

Do Infps and ENFPs work in a relationship? I'm kind of scared to actually commit to one person and for the reality of it to not work out to my ideal, but i know that's something I have to work through myself :)

Thank you infps and I love you all! Xx
 
#4 ·
erm, I'm a girl so this might not help but I just try to talk to them. Like ask whoever it is for help with stupid stuff, and laugh at all their jokes. Also, as creepy as it sounds, I stare at them. A lot. Like if we're in the same room. But I think all girls do this.

As weird as it sounds I'll also be self-deprecating around them. like make lots of jokes about how I'm awkward or lazy or whatever. Idk why and idk if its an INFP thing, but I have realized I do this a lot.

As far as feelings. He at least doesn't hate you bc whenever people message me on facebook and I don't like them I just go "ok." "yeah." "not much." pretty much just talk minimally. so yeah, he probably likes you; now as to whether it's platonic or not, you'll just have to wait and see.

And I've heard people say that infp/enfp work well together. As far as idea matches, infp's can go wrong with another NF.
 
#6 ·
If I was him and acting that way, it's probable that I like you. Oddly the part I'm most hung up on is he sat NEXT to you, on his own accord. Just wow, lol. On one hand, If I was crushing on you and I don't know you well, I wouldn't do that, but on the contrary I also would never just sit next to someone I don't know well unless they requested me to or there were no empty tables so I don't know. :p Sitting next to you but not talking, laughing when engaged, responding promptly to your message, especially opening up to you, just things that stick out for me. I'd say for another type it might be hard to tell if we're into you as it's subtle and can be overlooked (it definitely was by my ENFP. We ran into the problem where I was mistaking her flirting for friendliness as I hear the reverse is common in ENFPs, and she was mistaking my distance as disinterest). If he's letting you into his inner world, you're right where you need to be. I'm sure INFPs have varying levels of trust of course, but trusting you to be inside his walls is huge. You're likely to do a lot of the talking but he'll love to hear you talk. Connect through his passions, opinions, beliefs (though you may run into disagreements, keep them friendly). Show interest in the things he does.

I might be biased with an ENFP wife, but INFP/ENFP is amazing. Be prepared to deal with the lack of J and butting heads because of that and NF, but I've never felt more connected, compatible with, and attracted to someone. Probably depends on what you want personally though, as I know my parents get on extremely well as a commonly good pairing (INTJ/ENFP) but for very different reasons than we do.
 
#7 · (Edited)
I am quite capable(and have done as much) of talking for hours with a girl and agreeing to hang out with them even if I am not at all interested in them romantically. But that's only in a rare case where I think the other person is really great, we have a lot in common, and I like talking to them, but for whatever reason(mostly rather tangible things) I do not feel that way about them. Also, I'll go great lengths to not hurt another person's feelings, which ironically just makes it worse when they find out I'm not interested in them in that way. But that said, if he opens up to you about his inner world I'd say it is pretty certain that he definitely likes you in some way. If you don't have a lot of material things in common he's probably attracted to you, and as so is almost certainly romantically interested if he's talking at length to you and agreeing to hang out, while if you do have things in common, of course that bodes well for all things, but it becomes more possible he might just think you're really cool. I've never had facebook but if I did, or in regards to texts or whatever, I almost always reply at my own pace, and tend to forget about it often. If it was a girl I liked that texted me, I would get terribly excitable and reply instantly, though trying not to be too weird. It's possible I just happened to do so anyway, but less likely. But more than anything, if he said he "really enjoyed talking to you" first, it becomes quite seriously likely that he likes you romantically, if he is at all like me, that is. I'm encouraging of other people, but I am majorly introverted(except when letting loose on kindly message boards or with good friends), and am particularly careful not to encourage any expectations on my solitude unless I were romantically interested, in which case I would be terribly terribly excited, though it would not be even remotely visible ha. However, I would respond with "I really enjoy talking to you too" if she said it first, not as a lie, but it's highly unlikely I would say it first, little comment that it is, if I was not enamored in some way. That would be my way of saying, "I really like you", as I wouldn't say those words themselves because then I'd surely be creepy somehow(says the mean guy in the back of my mind that somewhat represents what I imagine the world would say ha). Also, girls always think I am not interested in them even when I've been madly in love with them ha, so I wouldn't get too worried necessarily if he seems reserved, distant, quiet, and aloof. I always give the wrong signals because I get so nervous and am afraid of seeming creepy or too awkward. I'd always be warmly receptive though to someone I was interested in. If I wasn't warmly receptive to an approach, at least, by someone I've established a rapport with, it might well be because I am afraid of the other person getting the wrong idea. Also, in general, I look for eye contact and to see if she smiles, either way I look away right after. If she smiles back I get really shy but I feel giddy and am smiling like a child whose been validated by their hero. And I'll brave another look. And if validated with another smile I'll keep looking and smiling like a fucking moron until she runs out of smiles, or, at the very least it becomes so damn obvious that I like her that at least she knows dammit. Then I'll go back to pretending to be aloof again for an indeterminate period of time. If she doesn't smile back I just look away and make like aloof, just as I was just doing, just as I always do. After enough time has passed I'll try again, unless she seems cold. Lots of shy smiling though. That would be the obvious tell in my case anyway ha. I need the warmth. I'm like a lonesome wayfaring stranger out in the cold of night. A cat that would love nothing more than to be invited inside where there's a warm fire and some coffee and what not all. But I need to know that it is safe. Lots of gradual assurance that it is okay. Words are often more confusing than body language and warmth. Smile at him and his silly quirks, make him feel okay. Show warmth. A warm heart will always lure me in if I was attracted to begin with. That's me anyways. Good luck!
 
#8 ·
Syvelocin said:
If I was him and acting that way, it's probable that I like you. Oddly the part I'm most hung up on is he sat NEXT to you, on his own accord. Just wow, lol. On one hand, If I was crushing on you and I don't know you well, I wouldn't do that, but on the contrary I also would never just sit next to someone I don't know well unless they requested me to or there were no empty tables so I don't know. :p Sitting next to you but not talking, laughing when engaged, responding promptly to your message, especially opening up to you, just things that stick out for me. I'd say for another type it might be hard to tell if we're into you as it's subtle and can be overlooked (it definitely was by my ENFP. We ran into the problem where I was mistaking her flirting for friendliness as I hear the reverse is common in ENFPs, and she was mistaking my distance as disinterest). If he's letting you into his inner world, you're right where you need to be. I'm sure INFPs have varying levels of trust of course, but trusting you to be inside his walls is huge. You're likely to do a lot of the talking but he'll love to hear you talk. Connect through his passions, opinions, beliefs (though you may run into disagreements, keep them friendly). Show interest in the things he does.
Click to expand...
Yeah that. The sitting beside you was the thing I was most hung up on too actually. Far too often the girl I like most is the one I will seem to have the least interest in coming into contact with, just cause my mind imagines that they are onto me somehow, that my liking them and thinking they are awesome and fascinating makes me a creep for some reason, and to prove them wrong, that I'm not a creep, by mostly ignoring them, though, still within a general area of her because she's all I'm interested in at that moment. The logic that becomes me when a girl I like is present boggles the mind. Never ceases to amaze me how absurd I all of a sudden become. How many girls have I liked that could almost never have thought so. However, yeah I wouldn't sit next to anyone, or he may not have been conscious of his feelings for you at that point, or he may have been like me and trying to do what he never does for once, like, say, what he actually wants, most likely, getting restless, he said to himself, "I'm just going to go sit next to that girl I like, fuck myself I'm an asshole" ha. That is, likely when considering everything else you said. Opening up to you like that means he either really likes you as a serious love interest, or he just really likes you as a potential friend. I'd say the latter is the only confounding variable in this regard. But people are weird, fickle, and aren't always predictable, like myself for instance, who makes no sense at all, so I don't know ha. I'm getting sick of myself so I think I'll stop talking now
 
#10 ·
Yup. I try to hide it. Keep it to myself. Ahhh yes... memories of CH and high school come flooding back. :happy:
 
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#11 ·
@Syvelocin ENFJ wife! Almost the same....?

Way back when, I would hide from people I had crushes on. There could be a number of factors behind this. Low self esteem can bring up false empathy ("I shouldn't do anything about, I'll come off as a creep"). Low self esteem plus the little bit of practicality "I would talk to her, but if this goes wrong I'll screw up the study group". I also had absolutely no "game", so casual respectful flirting was not in my arsenal :). In school I found one crush, I probably smothered her with chatter, then when she turned me down I couldn't bring myself to finish the class and flunked out.

NFs being in relationships together are fantastic. When my wife and I talk about a subject we both love, our conversations go on for hours. We both think in the future, not the present. The only issue is that neither of us are organizers. We organize when we feel like it; which is never on a schedule or based on logic.

Here's a link in case you'd want to do more reading on the subject: http://www.personality-central.com/INFP-ENFP.html
 
#12 ·
bigstupidgrin said:
@Syvelocin ENFJ wife! Almost the same....?

Way back when, I would hide from people I had crushes on. There could be a number of factors behind this. Low self esteem can bring up false empathy ("I shouldn't do anything about, I'll come off as a creep").
Click to expand...
When I was in high school there was this girl I had the biggest crush on ever. Truly, I would have married her right there and then if she'd gone for it, oh, and also, had any idea that I ever even thought of her. There was one time when she (I still cant believe this) came up to me out of nowhere and said "hey, so what are you doing on Friday". I said "nothing" really gloomily and walked away. Ha. HUH!? My self-esteem was so low at the time I could never have believed a girl, much less that girl, could have liked me. If anything, I thought she was making fun of me, which she never would have done, as she had a really kind heart, which is a big part of why I liked her so much. Now, I am, and think INFPs in general are, really warm people. But I was really depressed at the time, and she was beautiful, bubbly, wonderful, and really outgoing, and I thought I was the last person someone so full of life would want. I am generally extremely intuitive, but a low enough self-esteem can make an INFP confusing and defiantly self-sabotaging somehow. It's really funny in retrospect. But in general, an INFP can be really backwards I think, particularly if they lack self-awareness. Cold or aloof outward behavior may just be really low self-esteem.
 
Discussion starter · #14 ·
Yeah the thing with him sitting next to me randomly really confused me too! Haha
Anyway, I messages him the other night, he responded straight away with a hey! How's it going?
And we started talking, and we got to talking about our next Monday date, and he was like , "we will have to organise the details soon, but um, I don't want to get too deep and meaningful, but I haven't really hung out with just one person before, you know, especially a girl haha so I just want us to be cool. You know what I mean"
And I was like thinking to myself what does he mean? Does he like me or what? But I said to him, "yeah that's fine! You totally seem like you've done this before though ;) "

And yeah. So he's super confusing me, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens on Monday!
Thank you so much to all your epic responses! You've been so helpful! :)
 
#15 ·
wow a girl that ask a guy out....... nowadays girls never do that since it's "too easy " for girls to get dates all they have to do is sit and wait.........
i remember the in middle and high school i should of said yes some of the girls......

now in college people it's so much harder..... because i'm the one that has to do all the interaction....... back then in school in group works the teacher initiates the interactions......

hmmm well the advice from me is that..... idk it kind of depends..... he most likely is very excited to go out with you......( you don't state any reason why he wouldn't......)

that would be the most reasonable answer regarding in INFP.
 
#16 ·
cairnsgirl said:
Yeah the thing with him sitting next to me randomly really confused me too! Haha
Anyway, I messages him the other night, he responded straight away with a hey! How's it going?
And we started talking, and we got to talking about our next Monday date, and he was like , "we will have to organise the details soon, but um, I don't want to get too deep and meaningful, but I haven't really hung out with just one person before, you know, especially a girl haha so I just want us to be cool. You know what I mean"
And I was like thinking to myself what does he mean? Does he like me or what? But I said to him, "yeah that's fine! You totally seem like you've done this before though ;) "

And yeah. So he's super confusing me, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens on Monday!
Thank you so much to all your epic responses! You've been so helpful! :)
Click to expand...

The wave cycle of my whole life is, get really excited, then doubt everything, then get really excited about something, then doubt whether I should pursue that thing, for any number of reasons, and there are often many. But when I look down from the mountain I've been trying to climb, I continually see my former self from a greater and greater height, so I seem to be making some progress, though it may almost never seem like that in the present. What he said via text is what I have said (or took pains to imply)to every girl I have ever been in any kind of pre-officially romantic situation with, including a girl I ended up being together with for four years. Mostly because I become paranoid with what the other person may expect from me, and I am terrified of hurting the other person's feelings later on/feel a responsibility to not "lead them on" in moments of doubt(and there are a lot of them, and so I have reason to expect they will come again later). Expectations in general stifle me. The most general and surest answer I'd say is, not to smother him too much in any way until he gets more of a feel for who you are and how exactly you could place in his life. He most likely has to work out his general feelings and intuitions at first. To hang out with any girl where our places in each other's life is not yet established, I'm personally gonna want to figure my own feelings out before I give the green light for the other person's feelings, but that may just be me. The more the other person goes for me, the more anxiety I'll feel in discovering if it's the right thing or not, and it will be harder to be natural, which is what I prefer. That doesn't mean I'm not interested though, just that I am confused. It's pre-anxiety anxiety about the anxiety that will come later if I don't take time to let things happen naturally, and get involved with something just because I am lonely and get so excited about women. At the same time, I think it is very possible for me to be completely smitten at first(with a girl who was interested), where I'd more than welcome all advances and even think I was in love ha. But , that's never happened with anyone outside my fantasy world, so I'm not sure really. It's happened plenty of times when there is distance(no overt interest shown my way). The girl becomes some pillar of womanhood all of a sudden, "too good for me" I might well think. The more the distance closes the more serious it all becomes, the less likely and more careful I am to be about sending any signals. The more I question myself. Also, that he opened up to you may well have him feeling sheepish. Probably doesn't do it very often, and almost feels kind of like you saw him naked or something. Show warmth and that you care, but do not smother him at the very beginning. I think that's best, but I'm also interpreting myself if I were him. Sorry if this is confusing.
 
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