According to various infj descriptions, infjs have "uncanny insight into people" and understand them better than they can. Can you explain how you do this, and why other types may not have this ability? Also, please give me some examples of you "seeing through people"?
How do you "see through people" and what is this experience like?
Aert
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It's difficult to articulate how I know what I know when it comes to reading other people.
1. current emotional state.
Aux Fe can sense emotional current. The reason why there's emotional current may not be clear to me but I can feel the turbulence. The stronger the easier. If I have a knowledge of what's going on in that person's life (marriage/job/parents/children trouble, etc.), my guess on the reason would be better. Emotional state is not constant. Next time when I see the same person I may sense a different emotional state. Comparing to Fe-dom, I don't reach out to address it. I just watch.
2. characters.
Knowing a person is a good or bad seed falls into this category. I don't think I've ever judged a person wrong. It's not that I know "why" a person isn't a good seed. There are many negative character flaws. Unless I'd have time and occasions to observe a person acts, talks, and treats others, I would not know exactly what negative character flaws a person possesses. I just "know" that I want to stay a safe distance from a person, not to get noticed by him or get in his orbit, and would not trust him with my money/investment.
sometimes there's no bad vibe (character flaw) but a general sense of incompatibility. I would "know" that I don't see eye to eye with this person. The conversation would be adversarial and not enjoyable. it's not the person is bad but not to my liking.
How do I know? I really don't know. It has nothing to do with if I know the person for a while. It's almost always first impression or after I talk to a new acquaintance.
1. current emotional state.
Aux Fe can sense emotional current. The reason why there's emotional current may not be clear to me but I can feel the turbulence. The stronger the easier. If I have a knowledge of what's going on in that person's life (marriage/job/parents/children trouble, etc.), my guess on the reason would be better. Emotional state is not constant. Next time when I see the same person I may sense a different emotional state. Comparing to Fe-dom, I don't reach out to address it. I just watch.
2. characters.
Knowing a person is a good or bad seed falls into this category. I don't think I've ever judged a person wrong. It's not that I know "why" a person isn't a good seed. There are many negative character flaws. Unless I'd have time and occasions to observe a person acts, talks, and treats others, I would not know exactly what negative character flaws a person possesses. I just "know" that I want to stay a safe distance from a person, not to get noticed by him or get in his orbit, and would not trust him with my money/investment.
sometimes there's no bad vibe (character flaw) but a general sense of incompatibility. I would "know" that I don't see eye to eye with this person. The conversation would be adversarial and not enjoyable. it's not the person is bad but not to my liking.
How do I know? I really don't know. It has nothing to do with if I know the person for a while. It's almost always first impression or after I talk to a new acquaintance.
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It's all in the way they speak to you without words, and it can be quite annoying sometimes.
I have made friends with everyone hoping that they will be all that they appear, but, in time, a layer or two of the onion peels itself away and different cues eventually allow you to see what's deep inside the layers.
Sometimes, if their cues are easy to spot, I'm like, "Oh no. . . .this one is even more insecure and unhappy than I am . . .", or, even worse, "This person seemed like employee of the month a while back . . .now, they're like the last person I would leave a child or pet with for the weekend . . ." :shocked:
I have made friends with everyone hoping that they will be all that they appear, but, in time, a layer or two of the onion peels itself away and different cues eventually allow you to see what's deep inside the layers.
Sometimes, if their cues are easy to spot, I'm like, "Oh no. . . .this one is even more insecure and unhappy than I am . . .", or, even worse, "This person seemed like employee of the month a while back . . .now, they're like the last person I would leave a child or pet with for the weekend . . ." :shocked:
It's odd, and oddly tough to describe. I guess it is a combination of an ability to intrinsically identify body language that does not match up with the words the person is using in the case of "fake people". In any other case it is a mix of empathy with personal... I am not really sure how to describe the latter quality, I suppose intuition just fits. Some people just feel wrong. Like they're trying too hard to be something they're not. I'm sure there are people out there who could fool the intuition but I just can't put into words that sixth sense that tells you that something is off.
Thanks for all the replies, guys. If you know all these flaws about people, how do you choose who to be friends with? I can't imagine being friends with someone who'd just know my bad qualities (we all try to hide them) and not being awkward with them. I guess, to a degree I know who people are and their stuffed-upness, but I don't know the motivations behind their actions without psychology. It's not like I want to know everything about people, but I'm interested in knowing them for who they are *cringe*. What makes you keep friends or not? Do mental illnesses or personality disorders make you stay away from someone?
Oh yeah, I asked this question because I think it's cool to have Ni and understand people with it. I know that injs have dominant Ni too, but I don't think they'd be interested in this kind of question and they can be quite mean if you don't tickle their fancy :frustrating: Actually, I don't know, I might ask them this question. Eh, it's not like I'm asking them about fashion or 'sensor topics'.
Oh yeah, I asked this question because I think it's cool to have Ni and understand people with it. I know that injs have dominant Ni too, but I don't think they'd be interested in this kind of question and they can be quite mean if you don't tickle their fancy :frustrating: Actually, I don't know, I might ask them this question. Eh, it's not like I'm asking them about fashion or 'sensor topics'.
I often tell people there is nothing "magical" about it, I'm just paying attention. Once I pick up what motivates a particular person, or someone has communicated something that is dominating their thoughts, it's pretty easy for me to identify statements that relate to this. I pick up emotional cues that tell me that this seemingly insignificant statement matters a lot to this person, I file it away, and I look for connections to it down the road. One thing I do that sometimes gives me insight is ask myself, "What do they want to say but aren't saying?" I think many people do this, especially when they have something at stake like a romantic relationship. I do the same but I think I do it more often because I'm actively looking for connection with other people.
One of my favorite things to do is answer questions that haven't been asked, haha. That freaks people out!
One of my favorite things to do is answer questions that haven't been asked, haha. That freaks people out!
Finding friends is quite the challenge. INFJ's are in that group where we'd rather have 4 close friends than 50 'facebook friends'. The world slid the other way from us and isn't going to swing back anytime soon. Most people I meet are only able to give as an acquaintance, but they are willing to take as a friend. That leads to a lot of the issues in our forum in my opinion including the doorslams.
The theme of this thread you started (which is great by the way! Thank you!) is that we see what is really going on. If someone is self-absorbed we don't wish it away (well secretly I think I do a lot of wishing but I don't project that onto an individual person much anymore).
What makes you keep friends or not?
If someone puts time and effort into getting to know me, that is golden. Because I will do that too, and now we have a match! Them putting time and effort into getting to know me isn't actually something I need for me, it actually reveals that they are interested in people as individuals, not stereotypes. Some people just want to go for coffee so they can later post to facebook that they went for coffee that day. I'm not interested in that.
Do mental illnesses or personality disorders make you stay away from someone?
I cannot say I have ever succeeded in having a friendship with someone with a personality disorder. This might be like using a lawnmower to paint your wall. I dunno.
The idealist in me helps me see the good in others first. I know in my mind that everyone has pain, and sometimes people respond to that pain negatively. Me too though. We can all relate with pain.
That being said I've been in a relationship where I've endured a lot of criticism, shaming, attempted manipulation to change my behavior from my "faults", which is really just differences in personality. As someone who is incredibly sensitive to criticism, this was *in Jean Ralphio vioce* "The Worst."
I'm still in this relationship. One of my core beliefs is that love is best when it is most inconvenient, and a choice rather than a feeling. I try to see people as made and loved by God. Such an INFJ thing to stay in a relationship like this I know! However, they are coming around to understanding and appreciating my personality, and focusing on what I bring to the table rather than what I don't.
My advice, be yourself. If they don't like who you are they will leave.
That being said I've been in a relationship where I've endured a lot of criticism, shaming, attempted manipulation to change my behavior from my "faults", which is really just differences in personality. As someone who is incredibly sensitive to criticism, this was *in Jean Ralphio vioce* "The Worst."
I'm still in this relationship. One of my core beliefs is that love is best when it is most inconvenient, and a choice rather than a feeling. I try to see people as made and loved by God. Such an INFJ thing to stay in a relationship like this I know! However, they are coming around to understanding and appreciating my personality, and focusing on what I bring to the table rather than what I don't.
My advice, be yourself. If they don't like who you are they will leave.
"Them putting time and effort into getting to know me isn't actually something I need for me, it actually reveals that they are interested in people as individuals, not stereotypes."
Yes! This I find is one of the hardest things for others to understand about me. I don't need you, but I want and would really enjoy a relationship with you. That balance between being very independent and craving connection and relationship can be confusing to others.
Yes! This I find is one of the hardest things for others to understand about me. I don't need you, but I want and would really enjoy a relationship with you. That balance between being very independent and craving connection and relationship can be confusing to others.
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I feel the same way, but over time, I came up with a word to describe it . . . . .plastic. :laughing:
Some people will be full of charm and warmth with words, and send off all of the opposite signals subconsciously.
I compare a lot of these people to the same ones working in infomercials or as tele-marketers.
We have one at work who is fun to work alongside, as long as this person doesn't start talking.
If I was more outspoken, I'd be like, "Shouldn't you be off somewhere selling Oxy-Clean, or something ?"
Plastic people need love too; I just wish they'd form a colony somewhere and bother each other. :dry:
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That's a tough set of questions until it's given a lot of thought.
For me, I guess that the criteria for choosing friends would be a combination of :
Despite their faults, can I make them laugh and cheer them up ?
Am I subconsciously comparing them to people in the past that I either disliked or feared ?
Does this person accumulate more "good points" rather than "bad points" in my time with them ?
How much does my Spider-sense tell me to trust and open up to this person ?
Am I letting this person in for my well-being, or theirs ?
Does this person really like me, or are they just tolerating me well ?
How I answer any of these will either bring parts of my walls down, or build them up further.
This is only a partial opinion I have, because there are probably another 45 questions I would ask myself with the above list.
My Ni is second only to Si, so I would have to include that in all of my judgments, too.
What makes me keep friends? When I feel an emotional connection with people. Many people don't want to invest in relationships on this level. Which is why I have few but extremely deep and close friends.
I avoid narcissists like the plague because I intuitively sense their inner "emotional vampire" and I know any relationship would not be reciprocal. I just feel "yuck" around these people.
I seek emotional intimacy and connection and this is quite rare but very satisfying to my soul.
I avoid narcissists like the plague because I intuitively sense their inner "emotional vampire" and I know any relationship would not be reciprocal. I just feel "yuck" around these people.
I seek emotional intimacy and connection and this is quite rare but very satisfying to my soul.
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