INFJs, are you prone to jealousy? What types of situations trigger you? How do you get through it?
INFJ Jealousy
R22
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I don't get jealous really and it annoys me when people play games and try to get me jealous....because I always win and I don't even have to try!
In relationships I hardly ever get jealous. At most I'll feel a little twinge but that will be more down to insecurity than anything. If I do feel jealous in such a situation that's when I know I really like the person
And I generally don't envy other people....what's the point? It might look like they have something you don't but you don't know what their life is like or how they are feeling...
In relationships I hardly ever get jealous. At most I'll feel a little twinge but that will be more down to insecurity than anything. If I do feel jealous in such a situation that's when I know I really like the person
And I generally don't envy other people....what's the point? It might look like they have something you don't but you don't know what their life is like or how they are feeling...
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I notice the only thing that can get me incredibly jealous is when I see someone being praised/admired for something I have more talent/praiseworthiness in. I don't like that I feel this way nor do I think it is very justifiable. I never act on any impulse this jealousy brings, but it does bother me a lot. Its usually in observance of people who are clearly seeking admiration-and is not because I am doing so myself.
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Holly-normally I'm not either, and it bothers me when I get like this. I don't want to put the details of the siutation out in cyberspace, but it involves someone who I cannot avoid because this person is in an activity that I love and don't want to give up, yet this person is very triggering for me, and if it's not jealousy, it's something else. For whatever reason, I am having a very strong emotional reaction to this person & even have done EMDR on and deep guided meditation on the situation, and it's not going away. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
MasterDood- I can think of a very specific situation like what you described that gets to me too.
MasterDood- I can think of a very specific situation like what you described that gets to me too.
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I hate it when you've worked on teh same things as someone else, but you worked really hard and they put very little effort into it and get a better grade...I kinda jealous then but I'm more angry because of the injustice.
I actually get jealous of my mom sometimes. She's very pretty and I always feel inadequate when I bring boys home because they go all gooey over her. It didn't help when at school they all said she was a MILF...
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hmm.
jealousy.
sometimes I think that our weird way of feeling jealous is a way to protect our hearts before they get hurt.
I haven't quite worked it out yet but I know when I gt jealous I tend to spend less time with the particular person making me feel that way.
usually one of my straight friends gets a gf and I don't like her. bad vibes. and then the wanting to protect my friend and the negative feelings towards this new girl create a strong jealous feeling that I hate. because I believe it is this weird emotion of anger that is also mixed with a positive emotion like praise or love.
I have just found that the best thing to do when I am angry is walk away. I think jealousy is a form of anger. so I walk...
but I do get jealous especially with intentions of love with my friends.
jealousy.
sometimes I think that our weird way of feeling jealous is a way to protect our hearts before they get hurt.
I haven't quite worked it out yet but I know when I gt jealous I tend to spend less time with the particular person making me feel that way.
usually one of my straight friends gets a gf and I don't like her. bad vibes. and then the wanting to protect my friend and the negative feelings towards this new girl create a strong jealous feeling that I hate. because I believe it is this weird emotion of anger that is also mixed with a positive emotion like praise or love.
I have just found that the best thing to do when I am angry is walk away. I think jealousy is a form of anger. so I walk...
but I do get jealous especially with intentions of love with my friends.
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greencoyote- I was just reading some info that says jealousy has it's roots in anger & fear, and that makes sense to me..and I do in fact want to spend less time with the person making me feel this way. As a matter a fact I would totally cut this person off, at least for a while, if it wasn't for having to see him every couple of weeks, so I never quite get enough time to pull it together before getting triggered all over again.
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I find myself getting jealous of other people's happiness. When I see someone who appears to be really satisfied and happy in life, it can make me feel that I must be missing something. I want what they have. I want whatever I don't have. I wish I didn't feel this way. I hate to be jealous. I would like to be happy for others instead of always thinking about myself!
I agree I seem to get jealous over the happiness of others or other peoples success where it is not deserved.
I think this comes from my over powering sense of justice and fairness.
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I get jealous of people who find public speaking easy. The other day I attened an opening even for a school I'm inertested in attending and one of the girls got up infront of everyone and talked about what sixth form was like with such ease (and the room was extremely crowded, I was just nervous sitting in the middle of it ) and I felt very envious of her because I could and probably never will be able to do that. I mean, I just spoke on vent for the first time and it almsot killed me and they are all people who I know and like so if I fall to pieces at that I'll nevr be able to do public speaking.
) and I felt very envious of her because I could and probably never will be able to do that. I mean, I just spoke on vent for the first time and it almsot killed me and they are all people who I know and like so if I fall to pieces at that I'll nevr be able to do public speaking.
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Sometimes I get jealous that other people have innate talents or abilities that I don't have, or get to be somewhere I can't be or do something that I can't do.
For example, I would love to be tall and be able to reach things on the top shelf. And when I hear stories about experiences other people have had it sometimes makes me want to have that experience too. Or if I find out that friends are going to something in another city I really want to attend but I can't.
It is like a frustration that I don't have everything I want.
Sometimes it bothers me when I get like this, because I know I have a nice life and I should be happy. I feel like I'm being ungrateful by taking the great stuff I do have for granted. Sometimes I need to fully accept that things are the way they are... and to be content with it.
But other times my jealousy tells me that something is missing. Like if I am jealous of a couple holding hands I realise that I need more affection. Or if I'm jealous that somebody has done something exciting I realise that I need to spice up my life a bit, maybe go on a holiday.
Jealousy can motivate me to do something that I might not have done.
For example, I would love to be tall and be able to reach things on the top shelf. And when I hear stories about experiences other people have had it sometimes makes me want to have that experience too. Or if I find out that friends are going to something in another city I really want to attend but I can't.
It is like a frustration that I don't have everything I want.
Sometimes it bothers me when I get like this, because I know I have a nice life and I should be happy. I feel like I'm being ungrateful by taking the great stuff I do have for granted. Sometimes I need to fully accept that things are the way they are... and to be content with it.
But other times my jealousy tells me that something is missing. Like if I am jealous of a couple holding hands I realise that I need more affection. Or if I'm jealous that somebody has done something exciting I realise that I need to spice up my life a bit, maybe go on a holiday.
Jealousy can motivate me to do something that I might not have done.
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Jealousy has never eaten me up or anything, I sually remember that the person I am jealous of probably hasn't got as much as I think...and I don't really feel the need to be jealous. I was really poor as a child, but I didn't realise I was poor But now I look vack and compare it to my life now I realise I am better off than most people
I get jealous when somebody I really like flirts with someone else, especially if that someone else is far prettier than me :blushed:
But now I look vack and compare it to my life now I realise I am better off than most people I get jealous when somebody I really like flirts with someone else, especially if that someone else is far prettier than me :blushed:
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sounds like a more scared form of jealousy.
are you worried he is going to hurt you? is he hurting you? does he realize he is doing this? is someone else involved? a loved one?
whenever my intuition fails me. happens with some simple issues
I go to the person I trust that can get my feelings.
they might not have the greatest advice, you probablly will. but talking it out might help the conclusion of how to deal with these intense and very frightening emotions. the person you talk to will hopefully help and lead you to manifest a realization more easily.
hope this helps.
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sounds like a more scared form of jealousy.
are you worried he is going to hurt you? is he hurting you? does he realize he is doing this? is someone else involved? a loved one?
whenever my intuition fails me. happens with some simple issues
I go to the person I trust that can get my feelings.
they might not have the greatest advice, you probablly will. but talking it out might help the conclusion of how to deal with these intense and very frightening emotions. the person you talk to will hopefully help and lead you to manifest a realization more easily.
hope this helps.
Holly-yup, same here with the flirting!
GreenCoyote- I think that what they meant by fear in the article I was reading was fear of loss, like when Holly mentioned the flirting, the jealousy might be a fear of losing your partner to someone who you perceive is prettier/better/etc. This person isn't hurting me or anything, just triggering the hell out of me for some reason. I've done some work with an EMDR therapist & have tried several other things, and Friday I'm going to this alternative therapist who helped me through something similar a few years ago, so hopefully I will get over this hump. Thanks for the well wishes, and I'm totally with you on the validation of feelings!! That in itself can do wonders..
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For me, I'm not sure if jealousy is the right word or not. Well, its THERE, but it is usually overtaken by other emotions because it often triggers lots of other crap.
Like, I dunno, I see something that hits a really ugly nerve. Pretty soon after, my mind is bracing for the inevitable incoming fire from those pesky emotions.
I almost take the sight of someone I don't like enjoying life way more than me as an attack on my character (because hell, at least something should have come my way by now, right?) on some level. I don't know, I'm screwed up, haha.
Like, I dunno, I see something that hits a really ugly nerve. Pretty soon after, my mind is bracing for the inevitable incoming fire from those pesky emotions.
I almost take the sight of someone I don't like enjoying life way more than me as an attack on my character (because hell, at least something should have come my way by now, right?) on some level. I don't know, I'm screwed up, haha.
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My INFJ ex best friend got jealous with me almost about everything. She made me so confused because she's a lot more smarter and prettier than me. Whenever she and I walked together, she's the one that most guys looked and teased at.
When we're in college, one day we walked together and met our juniors. They greet me but not her, because I was a lecture assistant and I met them often at their class, so they know me pretty well. After the greet session, she asked me: "Why didn't they greet me too? Why is it everybody always greet you but not me?". And then she looked at a huge mirror beside a building near us, and I could see that she's comparing our physical appearance.
Another day, a senior came to our rent room to talk to her. When they finished talking, she walked the senior to outside the door. When she came back, she yelled at me. "I hate you!" she said. And I was like WTF?! Then she told me that when she walked with the senior, the senior told her that she didn't know where our room exactly at first. So she asked this one newbie, if she know where my INFJ's room are. The newbie said she doesn't know. So my senior asked again if she know where my room is. And the newbie said yes and took her to my room. My INFJ was angry because the newbie recognized me, but doesn't recognized her. I remember my INFJ yelled at me: "How come you become more popular than me?! Why is it everyone always know who you are, but not me?!"
Another day, I had a crush on this guy, and I asked my INFJ's help to find out if he's still single. She befriends with the guy to help me find the information. And suddenly they got very close together. And sometimes she call or text the guy in front of me, like she wanted to show off that the guy was attracted to her, not me. She did this several times. She even acted so sweet to this guy, like she liked the guy. And the guy did attracted to her. But when he finally asked her out, she said no. I asked her why she said no, she told me, with arrogant style: "He's not my type. You can have him if you want."
That's just a few stories about her (immature) jealousy. That was one of the many things she'd done, that was based on jealousy, that finally pushed my button. It's a very long story. Anyway, I decided to dumped her for my own sake. She's still trying to talk to me and 're-connect' again until now, but I ignores her.
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When we're in college, one day we walked together and met our juniors. They greet me but not her, because I was a lecture assistant and I met them often at their class, so they know me pretty well. After the greet session, she asked me: "Why didn't they greet me too? Why is it everybody always greet you but not me?". And then she looked at a huge mirror beside a building near us, and I could see that she's comparing our physical appearance.
Another day, a senior came to our rent room to talk to her. When they finished talking, she walked the senior to outside the door. When she came back, she yelled at me. "I hate you!" she said. And I was like WTF?! Then she told me that when she walked with the senior, the senior told her that she didn't know where our room exactly at first. So she asked this one newbie, if she know where my INFJ's room are. The newbie said she doesn't know. So my senior asked again if she know where my room is. And the newbie said yes and took her to my room. My INFJ was angry because the newbie recognized me, but doesn't recognized her. I remember my INFJ yelled at me: "How come you become more popular than me?! Why is it everyone always know who you are, but not me?!"
Another day, I had a crush on this guy, and I asked my INFJ's help to find out if he's still single. She befriends with the guy to help me find the information. And suddenly they got very close together. And sometimes she call or text the guy in front of me, like she wanted to show off that the guy was attracted to her, not me. She did this several times. She even acted so sweet to this guy, like she liked the guy. And the guy did attracted to her. But when he finally asked her out, she said no. I asked her why she said no, she told me, with arrogant style: "He's not my type. You can have him if you want."
That's just a few stories about her (immature) jealousy. That was one of the many things she'd done, that was based on jealousy, that finally pushed my button. It's a very long story. Anyway, I decided to dumped her for my own sake. She's still trying to talk to me and 're-connect' again until now, but I ignores her.
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Yeah, unfortunately a lot of INFJs (ones I have come int ocontact with IRL anyways) seem to need reassurance that they are attractive and/or popular. I'll admit, deep down I need it but I wouldn't go to the lengths your friend did. Good on you for cutting her out of your life! If you was my best friend I'd feel so lucky as you are awesome, and she obviously knew you were awesome but instead of admiring you she decided to act like this INFj I used to go to school with. She was extremely jealous of me because I was ten times smarter than her and people liked me more than her...so I know how you feel. Took me a while to cut her out of my life though...I'm too forgiving :blushed:
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WickedQueen- that must have been annoying, although I too had this more extroverted friend back in High School & College, and I do recall feeling very inadequate next to her. She was so pretty and full of life and had this way about her that made everyone just kinda flock around her. I did feel jealous, but I don't think I behaved the way your friend did, and I certainly hope I don't do anything like that to anyone in my present life!
Wow wickedqueen, your friend's behaviour was ridiculously manipulative, I'm pretty sure that kind of unhealthy behaviour isn't a type-specific issue at least.
Intuition makes us aware of too many possibilities, why can't I just accept my limitations, work on improving the things I can and move on? Why can't I just get this over and done with an teleport to a parallel universe where I have total control of the rules? I'm sure that would get boring eventually though.
INFJs have a perfectionistic streak and due to our sensitivity to criticism and eagerness to please, we may internalise and long to live up to ideal standards which society values. I have longed to be smarter, prettier, funnier, happier, more confident, outgoing, talented and attractive, but I hate the idea of being the phony perfect girl whom everybody unjustly envies either. As long as self-worth is contingent upon external achievements and competition, there will always be someone who is better and worse off than you. I prefer to base my self-worth on humane internal principles, which tackles this inferiority affliction empathically. In trying to be less ignorant of others' suffering via self-pity and schadenfreude, I believe a greater sense of self-love will arise from surrendering our egos and manifesting humility and compassion. So much easier said than done but this post is just as much a note to self as it is to anyone else. It's important to remember that everyone is at a different stage of development; we all have different life experiences, strengths and weaknesses, roads untravelled, we are inherently incomparable. It's only ever realistic to compete against yourself because otherwise the variables can never be perfectly controlled.
Intuition makes us aware of too many possibilities, why can't I just accept my limitations, work on improving the things I can and move on? Why can't I just get this over and done with an teleport to a parallel universe where I have total control of the rules? I'm sure that would get boring eventually though.
INFJs have a perfectionistic streak and due to our sensitivity to criticism and eagerness to please, we may internalise and long to live up to ideal standards which society values. I have longed to be smarter, prettier, funnier, happier, more confident, outgoing, talented and attractive, but I hate the idea of being the phony perfect girl whom everybody unjustly envies either. As long as self-worth is contingent upon external achievements and competition, there will always be someone who is better and worse off than you. I prefer to base my self-worth on humane internal principles, which tackles this inferiority affliction empathically. In trying to be less ignorant of others' suffering via self-pity and schadenfreude, I believe a greater sense of self-love will arise from surrendering our egos and manifesting humility and compassion. So much easier said than done but this post is just as much a note to self as it is to anyone else. It's important to remember that everyone is at a different stage of development; we all have different life experiences, strengths and weaknesses, roads untravelled, we are inherently incomparable. It's only ever realistic to compete against yourself because otherwise the variables can never be perfectly controlled.
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