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INFP's over 30 Years old

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#21 ·
I don't think specific ages change you as much as specific life events. My first big life decision was my career choice when I was college age. It hasn't treated me super badly as I live a comfortable enough life, but it is far too 9 to 5ish for my tastes, and only after being in this field for 10 years do I wish I could perhaps do something else. I am working on that :)

My next big life decision was marrying my husband. I have grown so much as a person since I met him, but we have grown together as well, so it all worked out. But we did meet and get married fairly quickly(I was 23 when we were married), and I am fortunate that he is who my intuition told me he was. Marrying him is a decision I definitely do not regret.

The biggest life decision for me was deciding to have my daughter (she was born when I was 27). Becoming a mother changed me more than any of my previous decisions, and hopefully for the better.

While I was busy building my life, I did lose touch with myself for awhile - it is easy to become distracted if you let yourself. Turning 30 for me was big, the past year has been one of extreme personal growth. I actually took this past year as a chance to reevaluate things in my life, and I feel I am more capable of making better decisions for myself and my family now.

As cheesy as it sounds, my only real advice is go with your heart, hesitate only long enough to not miss an opportunity, and live life as it comes. Do not spend too much time in the past or the future (I am guilty of both), and try your hardest to not let the world chew you up & spit you out. The one thing I would change about myself is the cynicism that has crept in over the past decade. Guard yourself against that and you will do great :)

To answer some of your questions very generally, I have not become a master per say in social situations, but I am not as socially crippled as I was when I was in my early 20s. I am sure there is much that had I known it would have come in handy, but I do not regret learning life's lessons at my own pace because they have made me who I am.
 
#22 ·
Starling said:
I don't think specific ages change you as much as specific life events. My first big life decision was my career choice when I was college age. It hasn't treated me super badly as I live a comfortable enough life, but it is far too 9 to 5ish for my tastes, and only after being in this field for 10 years do I wish I could perhaps do something else. I am working on that :)

My next big life decision was marrying my husband. I have grown so much as a person since I met him, but we have grown together as well, so it all worked out. But we did meet and get married fairly quickly(I was 23 when we were married), and I am fortunate that he is who my intuition told me he was. Marrying him is a decision I definitely do not regret.

The biggest life decision for me was deciding to have my daughter (she was born when I was 27). Becoming a mother changed me more than any of my previous decisions, and hopefully for the better.

While I was busy building my life, I did lose touch with myself for awhile - it is easy to become distracted if you let yourself. Turning 30 for me was big, the past year has been one of extreme personal growth. I actually took this past year as a chance to reevaluate things in my life, and I feel I am more capable of making better decisions for myself and my family now.

As cheesy as it sounds, my only real advice is go with your heart, hesitate only long enough to not miss an opportunity, and live life as it comes. Do not spend too much time in the past or the future (I am guilty of both), and try your hardest to not let the world chew you up & spit you out. The one thing I would change about myself is the cynicism that has crept in over the past decade. Guard yourself against that and you will do great :)

To answer some of your questions very generally, I have not become a master per say in social situations, but I am not as socially crippled as I was when I was in my early 20s. I am sure there is much that had I known it would have come in handy, but I do not regret learning life's lessons at my own pace because they have made me who I am.
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I personally don't think anything is wrong with cynicism. Cynicism comes about when wisdom and experience collide with ideals. The resulting anger comes out as cynicism but it's that anger that can excite a person to create change. Nothing gets the adrenaline flowing like anger. Cynicism should be embraced. Putting lipstick on a pig accomplishes nothing.
 
#23 ·
jimg1126 said:
I personally don't think anything is wrong with cynicism. Cynicism comes about when wisdom and experience collide with ideals. The resulting anger comes out as cynicism but it's that anger that can excite a person to create change. Nothing gets the adrenaline flowing like anger. Cynicism should be embraced. Putting lipstick on a pig accomplishes nothing.
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If you use cynicism to fuel action it can be good. Mine usually makes me resigned, and I feel more apathetic when in a cynical mood. I am more fueled by hope, but this is just a personal thing :)
 
#24 ·
Inigo said:
Your post reminded me of this quote from Paul Graham:

"Rebellion is almost as stupid as obedience. In either case you let yourself be defined by what they tell you to do."
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Wow, I have been saying something like this for years (to be more accurate, I like to point out that any knee-jerk reaction - be it conformist OR non-conformist, is equally weak-minded, as both essentially involve the individual basing their decision of what everyone else is doing.) I've never encountered a saying before that echoes my own thoughts (well, it's more likely I'm echoing someone else' thoughts) so completely.

Anyway, on topic: at the time of writing this post I'm 2 weeks removed from my 33rd birthday. So why not?

When I turned 30, it was a massive anti-climax, and I mean that in the best possible way. 30 seems like such a big deal; the end of youth and the start of the slow decline into middle age. It seems like hitting 30 will somehow rob you of you life, your vitality, your spark; it will turn you into your parents complete with brow-raising cynicism and mundane, suburban concerns. Well, it doesn't. In fact, nothing really changes at all. And when you realise that, the whole "being a 30-something" loses all its weighty, soul-crushing foreboding.

If anything, I feel younger now than I did at 25. It's hard to explain why; possibly it's cos at 25 I was at university with people 4 or 5 years my junior and often felt like I had to accept my role as the grizzled veteran (even though I was nothing of the sort.) Possibly it's because I spent so much of my 20s fearing the next year would be the year I became "old" that once I hit 30 and all that 20-something angst no longer mattered. I was old now, and in a rather ironic twist of perception, that relieved me of the burden of worrying about getting old and I finally felt like I was just... me. And "me" is a young person.

I think INFPs are perennial adolescents in a way. I said this somewhere else, something to this effect, but most teenagers experience a kinda "INFP-lite" faze when the hormones kick in, getting all introspective, feeling all misunderstood and moody, and desiring to find themselves but also stand out from the crowd. The thing with INFPs is that's not just a faze, it's an identity! So to other types the INFP, no matter how old, will always be like a kid.
 
#25 ·
I'm 31...

It's weird because I feel a lot more sure of myself... Or at least more sure in my uncertainty. I've toughened up to a certain extent, which is both good and bad. I feel like the little tender, caring person I used to be in my teens and most of my twenties is gone. I have to constantly remind myself to be nice, to consider others' feelings. I think I overcompensate to protect myself to a certain extent. It's good because I can go through life more forcefully, but it's also bad because I hate it when I don't have the compassion that I feel I once did.

What I did learn is that being myself is acceptable even though I'm not like most people around me. Being weird/nerdy/sensitive is okay. I wish that I would've known that as a younger person. It took part of the way into my twenties to even admit I was a nerd, but once that happened I pretty much started loving it. My own brand of fun is REALLY FUN when I allow myself to be who I am.

I'm not going to say I'm completely balanced or anything, but I have gotten to a point where it takes more to put me in absolute meltdown mode. I've learned how to cope with my emotions and issues, though I can't say I've overcome them or whatever.

In some situations I STILL feel like the awkward new girl sitting at the lunch table in high school, but it doesn't bother me all that much. I'm like, yep, that figures. And I just get through it and then go home and look forward to hanging out with my true friends who I love to have crazy fun with. I don't think I'll ever get over my social awkwardness, but I'm really just done with expending energy toward it. It is what it is and I have better places to waste my energy. I have people who accept and love my nerdy awkward self, so it no longer really bothers me that I don't have the hearts of the masses.
 
#26 ·
I'm 56. I've spent large chunks of my life trying to please other people--my parents, my spouse, my bosses--everybody except me. I sold out on my passions for a long time and that caused me some deep emotional scars. I am picking up where I left off in my mid 20s if you can believe that. I am doing the same work in the same location and the same industry that I was doing when I began to doubt my own heart and my own dreams. It's too late for me to get all of it back, but I am getting a great deal of satisfaction and experience far less stress and emotional trauma than I did when I was following somebody else's ideas of what I "should" be doing.

All through my life, whenever I have followed my heart, things have worked out for me and my contributions have been valuable to others. When I haven't, I have suffered and the results of my efforts have fallen short of what I am capable of doing. Certainly, as an INFP, I feel a strong need to make a difference and also to do something creative that helps somebody else. That's what I am doing now and it feels amazing.
 
#29 ·
Take risks and just be yourself. Also don't worry about what others think of you.
 
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#30 ·
2 things changed drastically for me since my 20's, confidence & self-respect. I was raised to have neither but I learned them over the years. I had no core beliefs when I was young. I went whichever way the wind blew, often paid a price & rarely learned from it. I didn't know who I was at 25, now I do. I don't attach myself to an image the world loves, I'm happy to be a very uncool misfit. What the world values has become much less important to me. Money, power, fame, certain material possessions, trends, social acceptance, etc. Irrelevant now. It no longer owns me because I don't need it. The quest for those things was killing my spirit for years. My political beliefs have done a 180 2 1/2 times & my religious beliefs have gone from words on paper to part of who I am. I'm more balanced now overall. I was a needy, passionate survivor on the emotional roller coaster, hanging on for the ride & hoping to survive. My INFPness made me stick out like a pink elephant socially but I seem to blend in more & when I don't, I really don't care anymore. I've aquired some grasp of logic & reason which I didn't have before. It helps me cut through the crap & my own personal biases when I need answers. I can say that now at 56 life has become much more meaningful, purposeful & valuable to me & I'm much more at peace now. It has been quite a journey. People treat me with much more respect now. I don't know if it's my age or how I carry myself or both. Funny but in my youth I feared death & now that I'm much closer to it I have no fear of it. Someone once said "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". It's true. Surviving adversity shapes your character & over the years transforms you. I've also heard "A path with no obstacles leads to nowhere". Well yeah, up to a point but I've had enough obstacles for now, I want a vacation!
 
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