Getting a crush on someone while in a relationship

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RaquelF

62 posts · Joined 2011

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#2 · Dec 28, 2011

I think it happens to people a lot - unless youre in that honeymoon phase of a relationship. I would just look at it as some kind of attraction to that person - maybe it's their sense of humor? I don't think there's a problem liking someone, but it's what you do with it that matters. Enjoy what it is you like about the person.

If it grows and grows - maybe it's a sign about your current relationship.

 

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Senter

652 posts · Joined 2011

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#3 · Dec 28, 2011

Are you in a relationship with an INFP?

Curiosity aside, if it's a happy relationship ... and it meets my ideal then no. But that's rather rare. So most likely yes. But that doesn't mean I act upon it. But I do have Ne. I look around at possibilities. It also depends on what you mean by crush. Because to a certain extent I think everyone gives off an aura that is somewhat pleasing i think. And the levels to which they do ... you know.. depend. There are definitely people I find attractive that I still find attractive even when in a relationship. But if I am confident in our connection and our feelings for one another then I hardly give the possibilities a second thought.

 

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ThePerfectFit

116 posts · Joined 2011

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#5 · Dec 28, 2011

Absolutely not. I get so attached to the person I'm with.

If it ever did, there was probably something wrong with the current relationship.

 

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idego

56 posts · Joined 2009

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#6 · Dec 28, 2011 (Edited)

Edit: Too much info

 

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Hindsight Discussion starter

270 posts · Joined 2010

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#7 · Dec 28, 2011 (Edited)

Thanks for the response, idego.

 

Fairy Dust

284 posts · Joined 2011

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#8 · Dec 28, 2011

@idego

I was paranoid that I'd end up with the wrong person

Click to expand...

This is my biggest turmoil when I meet someone I like.


@ThePerfectFit

Absolutely not. I get so attached to the person I'm with.

If it ever did, there was probably something wrong with the current relationship.

Click to expand...

This is EXACTLY me. Even if there is something wrong with the relationship I am not likely even then to look at anyone else as I never have done. But if I did it would be the latter reason.

 

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strangestdude

3,852 posts · Joined 2011

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#10 · Dec 28, 2011

In dissatisfying relationships... yes. I've had marriage trouble for a while, so I'm a master at managing this .

The problem is if you're going through a 'bad patch' then, the temptation to flirt can be pretty strong. I once had an attractive women on her last day direct her goodbye speech towards me, and pretty much offer herself to me non-verbally! I was speechless - she had a looooooooong term boyfriend (they'd been dating since they were 9, and she was 23), and I had/have a wife.

I can't help being attracted to women, especially seeing as I work in retail which is dominated by female staff, and most of the clientèle are female. I know my wife looks at the sculpted dudes on soaps with attraction, it's not something we can shut down IMO.

Nowadays I make sure I mention my wife in conversations with attractive women so I won't be inclined to (attempt) to flirt. That's the best strategy from my experience, or call them friend, mate (UK thing), buddy, etc. It really put's up a mental barrier. Though some females will still see through that, and tease you.

One other strange thing happened to me, I think that love at first sight is a myth but very soon after I got married (after a very short courtship - I was practising muslim at the time) I was working at customer services and beautiful, sweet young lady who seemed to glow, with a beautiful soft smile and voice asked me if there was any jobs. I apologized and said no, she smiled at me, and left. (Her manner was extremely similar to INFP women on youtube)

To this day I still remember that experience. I've never experienced anything like that before or since - it freaks me out a little.

 

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idego

56 posts · Joined 2009

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#12 · Dec 28, 2011 (Edited)

Edit: Too much info

 

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Hindsight Discussion starter

270 posts · Joined 2010

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#14 · Dec 28, 2011 (Edited)

edited for deletion

 

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infpblog

1,788 posts · Joined 2009

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#15 · Dec 29, 2011

I think it's normal and extremely common. How healthy your relationship is depends on how you manage the crushes. My wife and I talk about our crushes when they crop up every so often. Communication is the key to good relationships. It's not the crush that causes issues in relationships. It's not being able to communicate it to your partner.

In my opinion, crushes are rather superficial compared to long term relationships. You examine why you have the crush and if it's just strong connection you can't explain then you accept it for what it is. If you see something in the crush that you think is missing from your current relationship then that's going to cause a problem.

 

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PumpkinEater

1,086 posts · Joined 2011

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#16 · Dec 29, 2011

last bf i had i started crushing majorly on bono and i lost a LOT of points that way. he was always "what's he got that i haven't got??" and i'd be like "Hmmmn. . . a soul? or perhaps a spine? oh! and perhaps it's that he isn't GAY." lol jkjk. but still kinda true. .

actually one of my three encounters with having a boyfriend i started crushing on another guy. i talked to my friend. and she talked me out of it. said i was just looking for an escape because i was scarred of being closed in. oh how true she was. .