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Getting a crush on someone while in a relationship

[INFP]
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#2 ·
I think it happens to people a lot - unless youre in that honeymoon phase of a relationship. I would just look at it as some kind of attraction to that person - maybe it's their sense of humor? I don't think there's a problem liking someone, but it's what you do with it that matters. Enjoy what it is you like about the person.

If it grows and grows - maybe it's a sign about your current relationship.
 
#3 ·
Hindsight said:
Do you ever get a crush on somebody while you're in a happy relationship? How about if you're in a dissatisfying relationship?

In either case, how would you manage this crush?
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Are you in a relationship with an INFP?

Curiosity aside, if it's a happy relationship ... and it meets my ideal then no. But that's rather rare. So most likely yes. But that doesn't mean I act upon it. But I do have Ne. I look around at possibilities. It also depends on what you mean by crush. Because to a certain extent I think everyone gives off an aura that is somewhat pleasing i think. And the levels to which they do ... you know.. depend. There are definitely people I find attractive that I still find attractive even when in a relationship. But if I am confident in our connection and our feelings for one another then I hardly give the possibilities a second thought.
 
Discussion starter · #4 ·
Senter said:
Are you in a relationship with an INFP?

Curiosity aside, if it's a happy relationship ... and it meets my ideal then no. But that's rather rare. So most likely yes. But that doesn't mean I act upon it. But I do have Ne. I look around at possibilities. It also depends on what you mean by crush. Because to a certain extent I think everyone gives off an aura that is somewhat pleasing i think. And the levels to which they do ... you know.. depend. There are definitely people I find attractive that I still find attractive even when in a relationship. But if I am confident in our connection and our feelings for one another then I hardly give the possibilities a second thought.
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No, I'm not in a relationship with an INFP. Instead, I think I might have been the target of the crush. But if she's in a happy relationship, I don't want any part of breaking that up. I'm just a little hurt that I was drawn in when I didn't have any feelings for her, and now that I do, I've been kicked to the curb rather suddenly. But I'm not bitter about it. Those things happen.
 
#8 ·
@idego
I was paranoid that I'd end up with the wrong person
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This is my biggest turmoil when I meet someone I like.


@ThePerfectFit
Absolutely not. I get so attached to the person I'm with.

If it ever did, there was probably something wrong with the current relationship.
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This is EXACTLY me. Even if there is something wrong with the relationship I am not likely even then to look at anyone else as I never have done. But if I did it would be the latter reason.
 
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Discussion starter · #9 ·
Senter said:
Are you in a relationship with an INFP?

Curiosity aside, if it's a happy relationship ... and it meets my ideal then no. But that's rather rare. So most likely yes. But that doesn't mean I act upon it. But I do have Ne. I look around at possibilities. It also depends on what you mean by crush. Because to a certain extent I think everyone gives off an aura that is somewhat pleasing i think. And the levels to which they do ... you know.. depend. There are definitely people I find attractive that I still find attractive even when in a relationship. But if I am confident in our connection and our feelings for one another then I hardly give the possibilities a second thought.
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Thanks, Senter. I also pose to you the question: how would you interact with your crush? Hide your feelings, ignore them, test the person out a little?
 
#10 ·
In dissatisfying relationships... yes. I've had marriage trouble for a while, so I'm a master at managing this :).

The problem is if you're going through a 'bad patch' then, the temptation to flirt can be pretty strong. I once had an attractive women on her last day direct her goodbye speech towards me, and pretty much offer herself to me non-verbally! I was speechless - she had a looooooooong term boyfriend (they'd been dating since they were 9, and she was 23), and I had/have a wife.

I can't help being attracted to women, especially seeing as I work in retail which is dominated by female staff, and most of the clientèle are female. I know my wife looks at the sculpted dudes on soaps with attraction, it's not something we can shut down IMO.

Nowadays I make sure I mention my wife in conversations with attractive women so I won't be inclined to (attempt) to flirt. That's the best strategy from my experience, or call them friend, mate (UK thing), buddy, etc. It really put's up a mental barrier. Though some females will still see through that, and tease you.

One other strange thing happened to me, I think that love at first sight is a myth but very soon after I got married (after a very short courtship - I was practising muslim at the time) I was working at customer services and beautiful, sweet young lady who seemed to glow, with a beautiful soft smile and voice asked me if there was any jobs. I apologized and said no, she smiled at me, and left. (Her manner was extremely similar to INFP women on youtube)

To this day I still remember that experience. I've never experienced anything like that before or since - it freaks me out a little.
 
Discussion starter · #11 ·
strangestdude said:
I once had an attractive women on her last day direct her goodbye speech towards me, and pretty much offer herself to me non-verbally! I was speechless - she had a looooooooong term boyfriend (they'd been dating since they were 9, and she was 23), and I had/have a wife.
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Thanks, Strangestdude.

How close were you two before that happened? Did you hang out? Talk to one another over email, text, phone?
 
#13 · (Edited)
Hindsight said:
Thanks, Strangestdude.

How close were you two before that happened? Did you hang out? Talk to one another over email, text, phone?
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We used to have conversations whilst working, about life goals, jokes, etc. I complimented her on her hair occasionally (I honestly meant it in friendly way initially) but eventually it did lead to subtle flirting.

Thank God we never exchanged a private means of communication. I think she moved away, I haven't seen her in almost a year.
 
#15 ·
Hindsight said:
Do you ever get a crush on somebody while you're in a happy relationship? How about if you're in a dissatisfying relationship?

In either case, how would you manage this crush?
Click to expand...
I think it's normal and extremely common. How healthy your relationship is depends on how you manage the crushes. My wife and I talk about our crushes when they crop up every so often. Communication is the key to good relationships. It's not the crush that causes issues in relationships. It's not being able to communicate it to your partner.

In my opinion, crushes are rather superficial compared to long term relationships. You examine why you have the crush and if it's just strong connection you can't explain then you accept it for what it is. If you see something in the crush that you think is missing from your current relationship then that's going to cause a problem.
 
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#16 ·
last bf i had i started crushing majorly on bono and i lost a LOT of points that way. he was always "what's he got that i haven't got??" and i'd be like "Hmmmn. . . a soul? or perhaps a spine? oh! and perhaps it's that he isn't GAY." lol jkjk. but still kinda true. .

actually one of my three encounters with having a boyfriend i started crushing on another guy. i talked to my friend. and she talked me out of it. said i was just looking for an escape because i was scarred of being closed in. oh how true she was. .
 
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