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INFJ monk mode?

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ae1905

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
In short, they are tortured by whether and when they will find their soulmate and their opposing desire to be monks in one form or another. If they find a person that is their soulmate then they will go into monk mode and eventually alienate them.
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This is a quotation from an article about INFJs I linked in another thread here. I've been asked to focus on this passage, in particular. INFJs, it is supposed, are torn between the desire to find their soulmates and their need to be solitary "monks" whose mission it is to discover and express their deepest Ni-Fe-Ti Truths. So strong is this sense of mission that even when they do discover their soulmates, they eventually reject them so they might return again to their paramount solitary pursuits.

Do you experience this conflicting pull? Have you rejected people you thought were your soulmates because they disappointed you or didn't fit into your idea of who you are and what your life's purpose is?

thank you for sharing
 
#2 ·
I sort of have, but I have almost always felt like I needed a life partner. I do not believe that my "mission" and having someone I love on that level need to be mutually exclusive. If anything, my current SO is pushing me toward my goals, not holding me back.

But I do understand that desire to go it alone. I think it ties in with this martyr complex that INFJs tend to have. We can get caught up in this idea that our mission is too profound or heavy for anyone else, and we have to do it by ourselves. To some degree, I suppose that's true, but we shouldn't go so far as to isolate ourselves.

Whenever I get that feeling, I think of (nerd time) Meetra Surik from Knights of the Old Republic II (Meetra Surik - Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki). It may sound silly to type video game characters, but if I had to type Meetra, I would say INFJ. Realizing that helped me understand why I adored the plot of that game as much as I did. An INFJ protagonist fighting through a bleak, seemingly hopeless world, battling villains that embody/advocate different philosophies like nihilism and chaos theory... it touched on a lot of emotions and thoughts inside of me that other things never have.

It touches on that weird desire to be the solitary hero. It may be poetic, but I don't think it's practical. I need people to love.
 
#5 ·
I more or less exist in monk mode. and I really like it, way too much.
I'd probably be more social if my environment were more gratifying, I'm either bored with most people or see the world too differently to relate.
it really depends how I'm feeling tho, I've had the flu all week and I want nothing more than for everyone to fuck off forever.
 
#7 ·
I like using the Sanskrit word for reincarnation: Samsara, to describe some of my behaviors. When I am alone I may be profoundly comfortable, but at some point I will begin missing company. When I am surrounded by close friends I may as well be equally comfortable, but I will surely miss being with myself. This pattern is what I've grown to call Social Samsara.
For me, the same idea applies to relationships -- Extreme passion, dedication, friendship. Fierce love. I obsess over love when I do not have it, as if I were to need it to survive. I am desperate in these moments, to hold someone. Yet at some point after I find love, I begin to long for myself, and myself alone…My one absolute love has always been there when the pillow next to me seems empty - it is the desire to understand what can never be understood through human intellect: God…….Then again, at some point that will bore the living hell out of me, and I'll go on a few dates.
 
#9 ·
INF Jay said:
I like using the Sanskrit word for reincarnation: Samsara, to describe some of my behaviors. When I am alone I may be profoundly comfortable, but at some point I will begin missing company. When I am surrounded by close friends I may as well be equally comfortable, but I will surely miss being with myself. This pattern is what I've grown to call Social Samsara.
For me, the same idea applies to relationships -- Extreme passion, dedication, friendship. Fierce love. I obsess over love when I do not have it, as if I were to need it to survive. I am desperate in these moments, to hold someone. Yet at some point after I find love, I begin to long for myself, and myself alone…My one absolute love has always been there when the pillow next to me seems empty - it is the desire to understand what can never be understood through human intellect: God…….Then again, at some point that will bore the living hell out of me, and I'll go on a few dates.
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I go through this as well, and to be honest, I don't like it. I equate this to feeling restless, unsettled. It makes me feel like I'm simply being discontented, unable to appreciate whatever I have.
 
#11 ·
Our idealistic nature can make us very critical of others. We use terms like "soulmate" because we imagine some person out there who will understand us perfectly and will keep us interested all the time. Even if we meet someone we are compatible with, we are often disappointed.

We want a deep relationship so badly, yet we don't want to settle for a relationship that could end up harming both parties if it doesn't work out.

I'm currently in a master's program. I'm engrossed with the exciting ideas and career opportunities, but I'm disheartened by the fact that the foreseeable future doesn't have a partner with whom to share these passions. It's a difficult dichotomy for sure...
 
#12 ·
unclejes7 said:
Our idealistic nature can make us very critical of others. We use terms like "soulmate" because we imagine some person out there who will understand us perfectly and will keep us interested all the time. Even if we meet someone we are compatible with, we are often disappointed.

We want a deep relationship so badly, yet we don't want to settle for a relationship that could end up harming both parties if it doesn't work out.

I'm currently in a master's program. I'm engrossed with the exciting ideas and career opportunities, but I'm disheartened by the fact that the foreseeable future doesn't have a partner with whom to share these passions. It's a difficult dichotomy for sure...
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^I can relate to this so hard.
Though the person I call my "soulmate" is actually my best friend. We've been "soulmates" for eight years now, and it has never been anything other than platonic between us. I really do believe it's so much better to have your "soulmate" as your best friend, rather than as your significant other.
I'm also taking my masters, and I'd have to say, I'm more frustrated with the limitations existing in the research field itself. But I digress.
 
#13 ·
I relate a bit too strongly to big parts of this. :shocked:

I've found myself (over the last two years +) settling into a routine of work - home - work, and it seems the only people I see outside of the workplace are the 4-5 people in the check-out lines at the store or a neighbor twice each month.

Going to restaurants, the beach, road trips, long walks, etc., have grown weary on me lately because it's become embarrassing to continue doing them all alone, and because I end up finding more reasons not to bother at all, than to just do them.
I used to be a lot more spontaneous, but I've settled into the fact that the outside world is doing just fine without me.

I believe that I can snap out of the monk mode rather quickly if I can connect with someone else, but I'll need to convince myself that I'm an asset and addition to their lives rather than a burden and liability (and worst of all, an unwelcome pest).

I've gotten a bit too absorbed lately in introspective, creative projects rather than outside pleasures. I'd not ever have believed that I'd ever go months on end without a long drive in the country or a long walk on the beach, but it seems to be the new standard.
 
#15 ·
Chocolatentropy said:
^I can relate to this so hard.
Though the person I call my "soulmate" is actually my best friend. We've been "soulmates" for eight years now, and it has never been anything other than platonic between us. I really do believe it's so much better to have your "soulmate" as your best friend, rather than as your significant other.
I'm also taking my masters, and I'd have to say, I'm more frustrated with the limitations existing in the research field itself. But I digress.
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That's such an interesting concept. I can kind of see where you are coming from... my best friend of 9 years is pretty much my soulmate, but he's a guy haha I find it hard sometimes to have a really close relationship with a woman without feeling some sort of feeling past friendship. Mostly because trusting someone so emotionally puts me in a very vulnerable place. Not like I would want more than a platonic friendship with these women, it's just difficult to separate the two sometimes.

I kind of hope my soulmate is the person I end up with, but to be honest I don't even know what that would look like...
 
#16 ·
unclejes7 said:
That's such an interesting concept. I can kind of see where you are coming from... my best friend of 9 years is pretty much my soulmate, but he's a guy haha I find it hard sometimes to have a really close relationship with a woman without feeling some sort of feeling past friendship. Mostly because trusting someone so emotionally puts me in a very vulnerable place. Not like I would want more than a platonic friendship with these women, it's just difficult to separate the two sometimes.

I kind of hope my soulmate is the person I end up with, but to be honest I don't even know what that would look like...
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Hm.. I see where you're coming from. It's just that it usually ends up the opposite for me. It's hard for me to be friends with a guy without the guy eventually wanting something beyond friendship. Which is why whenever I meet someone I am able to maintain a platonic friendship with, I really take care of the relationship. I'm more the type who finds it hard to shift gears. Like, from friendship to something more.
 
#17 ·
Chocolatentropy said:
Hm.. I see where you're coming from. It's just that it usually ends up the opposite for me. It's hard for me to be friends with a guy without the guy eventually wanting something beyond friendship. Which is why whenever I meet someone I am able to maintain a platonic friendship with, I really take care of the relationship. I'm more the type who finds it hard to shift gears. Like, from friendship to something more.
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That I can agree with you on. I tend to form emotional relationships with friends that are really strong, but there's no getting outside of that. Usually it's because I perceive a reason why it wouldn't work out. As the guy, most women I'm friends with would expect me to make the first move anyway, but I don't because I see the whole relationship pan out... usually with an ending that just hurts both parties. I'm telling you, being a guy INFJ doesn't do you any favors where relationships are concerned! But I totally get that need to really care for a relationship.
 
#18 ·
unclejes7 said:
That I can agree with you on. I tend to form emotional relationships with friends that are really strong, but there's no getting outside of that. Usually it's because I perceive a reason why it wouldn't work out. As the guy, most women I'm friends with would expect me to make the first move anyway, but I don't because I see the whole relationship pan out... usually with an ending that just hurts both parties. I'm telling you, being a guy INFJ doesn't do you any favors where relationships are concerned! But I totally get that need to really care for a relationship.
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Yeah. I can see why. That's why I only have a precious few friendships, but they're ones I'd fight for to the end. It's hard to invest in a relationship that wouldn't work out anyway, no matter how much of yourself you pour into it. Sadly, that doesn't keep us from trying, when we feel strongly for someone. Life is about making mistakes, I guess, but I try to err on the side of caution.

My thought process is not as fluid as I would have liked. I apologize for that.
 
#19 ·
Chocolatentropy said:
Yeah. I can see why. That's why I only have a precious few friendships, but they're ones I'd fight for to the end. It's hard to invest in a relationship that wouldn't work out anyway, no matter how much of yourself you pour into it. Sadly, that doesn't keep us from trying, when we feel strongly for someone. Life is about making mistakes, I guess, but I try to err on the side of caution.

My thought process is not as fluid as I would have liked. I apologize for that.
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Not a problem. I could track the stream of consciousness there haha

Yeah, it's those strong feelings that get us into trouble. INFJs would be so logical if it weren't for those damn feels of ours!
 
#20 ·
unclejes7 said:
Not a problem. I could track the stream of consciousness there haha

Yeah, it's those strong feelings that get us into trouble. INFJs would be so logical if it weren't for those damn feels of ours!
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Ah. But that's what I like so much about us INFJs! I like that I feel so much. That I tend to feel more than most. I mean yeah it sucks sometimes, but I try to be optimistic. Because I can see that I perceive life in a different way than most people I encounter and it's a wonderful thing because, whenever I have conversations with others, it becomes obvious to me that FEEL life more vividly, and it's a wonderful way to experience life. And it's hard to find someone who can level with you in that way, thus I tend to experience life mostly alone.:)
 
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