ISTP in love with ENFP.

Angelic.sweet · Dec 11, 2015

I'm sorry to hear that, hmmm i wonder why? I think one stereotype I don't like that is given to ISTPs is that they have no affection/don't care they do, and you blatantly did care for her (like my ISTP does for me), was it something on her part? (Don't answer if this is way too personal)

Earworms · Dec 12, 2015

Angelic.sweet said:
I'm sorry to hear that, hmmm i wonder why? I think one stereotype I don't like that is given to ISTPs is that they have no affection/don't care they do, and you blatantly did care for her (like my ISTP does for me), was it something on her part? (Don't answer if this is way too personal)

Are you addressing me?

I did care for her very much. All she ever had to do was talk to me, we could have ironed out any differences. I loved her, still do.

Sometime in her past, she was in a relationship with a guy who forced her to give him oral sex. Apparently he rammed it down her throat, gagged her. Fast forward to our relationship, I enjoy oral sex, mutual if possible. I didn't know about everything that occurred in her past, but I had to be cautious about triggering anything that was traumatic for her. She wasn't any good at giving oral sex anyway, but interestingly that was the only way she would orgasm. She really enjoyed it when I went down on her, but I got little if any satisfaction when she attempted to for me. However, I was very happy to get her off, give her a release. The rest of our love making sessions were typical, normal, enjoyable, without complications.

The last day we were together I woke her up in the middle of the night, she had been sound asleep. I went down on her and brought her to oragsm. She actually said "thank you" after I was finished, which was rather weird and unusual. And then we proceed to make love, face to face, as usual. Then we both fell asleep again.
Later that morning after daybreak, we cuddled and snuggled, then she made me pancakes and we ate breakfast together. She forgot to add coffee to the coffee machine and only ended up with a pot of hot water. LOL. Anyway, I went back to bed, she kissed me on the forehead and said "I love you" before leaving, and that was the last I time ever saw her.

Several days later she makes an accusation of me of "forcing" her to have sex with her against her will. Not true at all. During our four month long relationship, we had sex almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I never had to force her to do anything. Heck, the first time we did it, was in the back of her car!

Something must of flipped inside her head. She has been under an awful lot of stress and also takes prescription meds for severe, acute pain. There is still more to this story, but it is all trivial. I really don't know everything that might of upset her, I can only imagine that she kept it all bottled up inside, each and every little thing and then at some point she just freaked. I'm sure she has her side of the story, but I never heard it, at least not all of it. So it seems she either couldn't handle it or just popped. She ran not only from me, but also from her responsibility to the older gent, her former Father In Law. I mean like if she couldn't or wouldn't talk to me, why didn't she tell him something? We were both living together in his house.

Is she really that scared of me? But we spent months together, hardly ever apart, we did so many things together, enjoyed each others company. I really had a lot of fun with her, but I wasn't interested in being absorbed into her social groups. I didn't anticipate her reaction, never saw it coming, didn't have the slightest clue anything was brewing. This all just smacked me in the face without the slightest warning.

Darn, I miss her like all heck.
I now feel that a female Extrovert and a male Introvert are not the ideal combination. Better would be a male Extrovert and a female Introvert.

Angelic.sweet · Dec 13, 2015

Earworms said:
Are you addressing me?

I did care for her very much. All she ever had to do was talk to me, we could have ironed out any differences. I loved her, still do.

Sometime in her past, she was in a relationship with a guy who forced her to give him oral sex. Apparently he rammed it down her throat, gagged her. Fast forward to our relationship, I enjoy oral sex, mutual if possible. I didn't know about everything that occurred in her past, but I had to be cautious about triggering anything that was traumatic for her. She wasn't any good at giving oral sex anyway, but interestingly that was the only way she would orgasm. She really enjoyed it when I went down on her, but I got little if any satisfaction when she attempted to for me. However, I was very happy to get her off, give her a release. The rest of our love making sessions were typical, normal, enjoyable, without complications.

The last day we were together I woke her up in the middle of the night, she had been sound asleep. I went down on her and brought her to oragsm. She actually said "thank you" after I was finished, which was rather weird and unusual. And then we proceed to make love, face to face, as usual. Then we both fell asleep again.
Later that morning after daybreak, we cuddled and snuggled, then she made me pancakes and we ate breakfast together. She forgot to add coffee to the coffee machine and only ended up with a pot of hot water. LOL. Anyway, I went back to bed, she kissed me on the forehead and said "I love you" before leaving, and that was the last I time ever saw her.

Several days later she makes an accusation of me of "forcing" her to have sex with her against her will. Not true at all. During our four month long relationship, we had sex almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I never had to force her to do anything. Heck, the first time we did it, was in the back of her car!

Something must of flipped inside her head. She has been under an awful lot of stress and also takes prescription meds for severe, acute pain. There is still more to this story, but it is all trivial. I really don't know everything that might of upset her, I can only imagine that she kept it all bottled up inside, each and every little thing and then at some point she just freaked. I'm sure she has her side of the story, but I never heard it, at least not all of it. So it seems she either couldn't handle it or just popped. She ran not only from me, but also from her responsibility to the older gent, her former Father In Law. I mean like if she couldn't or wouldn't talk to me, why didn't she tell him something? We were both living together in his house.

Is she really that scared of me? But we spent months together, hardly ever apart, we did so many things together, enjoyed each others company. I really had a lot of fun with her, but I wasn't interested in being absorbed into her social groups. I didn't anticipate her reaction, never saw it coming, didn't have the slightest clue anything was brewing. This all just smacked me in the face without the slightest warning.

Darn, I miss her like all heck.
I now feel that a female Extrovert and a male Introvert are not the ideal combination. Better would be a male Extrovert and a female Introvert.

Yeah sorry I was addressing you, I sometimes don't make a lot of things clear sorry! Any way I think this was mainly down to the fact that she had some problems. Some thing must have just triggered her off and from that you got the brunt end of the stick. She seemed like she didn't really want to confront her problem rather than tell you what's up (which I've done before): a lot of ENFPs don't like conflict so I doubt she really wanted to say anything until she snapped (and even then she avoided it)
I think the problem here was that she had a lot of issues which was not your doing and I think because she knew you trusted her, she blamed her issues on you. I think extroverted female and introverted male can work, I think it just has to be relatively healthy with a lot of understanding and communication (also ENFPS are the most introverted of the extroverts ) and she wasn't communicating as well.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you, the accusation is just not cool too :l

gencyan · Dec 14, 2015

Earworms said:
Well, today was my last day in that house. She should be moving back in with her elderly former Father In Law now that I'm gone. Interestingly he and I got along real well, he shook my hand as I said goodbye.
She doesn't seem to want even the slightest thing to do with me. She has flashbacks, from sexual trauma that occurred earlier in her life. I did everything that I possibly could to contact her, to talk to her, but no replies via any media. I did leave several nice notes hidden in her room, she should come across them eventually. I left her a very long letter too. I needed to air my side of the story, needed her to at least hear what I had to say. C'est La Vie.
Maybe she'll think of me, but it really is too late. Not even the slightest loyalty, she just tucked her tail between her legs and ran. Didn't even have the ovaries to tell me to my face or say goodbye.

It's sad to say that she had to go through something like that. But it does seem like she didn't want you to deal with it and she wanted some time alone to think about it. I would agree for you to just give her some space and see later on how she feels. Hopefully she'll read your letters and have a think about it. It's hard fighting the pain alone, but it is traumatic having for her to go back down memory lane and remember what happened before.

Earworms · Dec 18, 2015

gencyan said:
It's sad to say that she had to go through something like that. But it does seem like she didn't want you to deal with it and she wanted some time alone to think about it. I would agree for you to just give her some space and see later on how she feels. Hopefully she'll read your letters and have a think about it. It's hard fighting the pain alone, but it is traumatic having for her to go back down memory lane and remember what happened before.

The relationship is definitely over. She went so far as to accuse me of forcing myself on her after she supposedly told me to stop. The only thing I did was force her awake. We had been intimate almost everyday for the previous four months, why would I need to force her? Then comes one night and I was awake with nothing to do, she was there next to me sound asleep, so I peeled back the covers and went down on her. Quite likely it startled her, but after a few seconds of awareness she realized that it was me. She didn't resist at all, certainly didn't tell me to stop or get off, no pushing or turning away either. I didn't just jump on her either, I serviced her first for which she actually thanked me!! Then it was my turn. Everything was copacetic in the morning, she made me pancakes and we ate breakfast together, then she kisses me, tells me that she loves me and disappears, and I had no idea where or why. I thought that something bad had happened to her, I was beside myself worrying about her. One other thing, I had smacked her on the butt a few weeks earlier, it was the only time that I had ever done that, but she thought I had done it to punish her for something she had done maybe two or three months earlier. After she disappears she files a police report on me stating not only had I slapped her on the butt, but that I had also taken a pen and outlined the mark of my hand on her butt and then photographed it! Well yeah, I gave her a nice slap on the butt, but she was wearing jeans. Whoever it was that marked the spot, it wasn't me! Wow, how sadistic am I? I'm going to see if I can get a copy of the police report. Really freaky that she imagined this or made it up. I wonder who it was that took the photograph? I wonder if a picture is included in the police report? I didn't realize that it is no longer acceptable to smack your girlfriend on the butt. I had another girlfriend once tell me that if you smack a butt and don't leave a mark, then you didn't smack it hard enough!

She has chronic, accute pain and takes prescription meds for pain, something slightly narcotic. I could usually tell when she had taken a med, because she was kind of loopy.

I left several nice notes and a lengthy letter where she would find it later. I kind of doubt it will change her mind because I don't know where her head is at anyway. She is kind of messed up these days, too much stress because of her pain management and stress over the holidays, missing her family etc.

Earworms · Dec 22, 2015

A bit of a follow up. Before my ENFP fiasco, I was in a romantic relationship with this other gal, (INFP or ISFP?) anyway she is the one who ended the relationship, but there was never any drama, just a quiet send off. She and I maintained cordial contact throughout my newer love affair with the ENFP, she told me how much she missed me etc. Anyway, I'm back together with my previous girlfriend. It's weird in a way, but it certainly helps me get over what I had just lost. My four month love affair with the ENFP was an incredible ride, too bad it crashed and burned. I've really been depressed over all this, but having someone there for me really helps me move on, get on with life. I never lost my love for my previous girlfriend, and she regrets having let me go.

gencyan · Dec 24, 2015

well buddy it's sad to know that your relationship with your ENFP has ended but i hope your relationship again with your ex will turn out for the good of you. more power to you but definitely avoid those ones that may possibly have something deeper going on because most of the time, when you're trying to fix them, you're just hurting yourself.

whatever clicked on her mind, it's already in the past. it's better to just accept it and move on i guess.
hopefully your case gets resolved

candycane75 · Dec 26, 2015

It has been intriguing reading all the stories about the different ENFP and ISTP relationships. I am currently in a relationship with an ISTP and am enjoying it. We certainly have our bumps in the road, but I love him and am enjoying the ride. We have been together for almost 6 months, we don't live together yet, although we spend every weekend together. We are both 37 years of age and have had long term relationships in the past.

I am stressed at the moment with work and this time of year is rough for me because in November of 2013 my aunt died, then my grandmother who raised me died in December 2013, and my mom died in January 2014; so 3 months in a row around this time of year I lost 3 important women in my life. I also had a miscarriage in October of this year and am suffering from some female complications that could have been caused from the miscarriage. That being said I can be a bit clingy right now and I want to be with him as much as we can be together. I am trying not to be clingy, but then I get insecure. I logically know this man loves me, but my emotions and insecurity sometimes feel as though he does not want me, so I have to fight running away.

So reading this story has helped me. I am good at expressing myself and communicating with him. I let him know when he has accidentally hurt me, sometimes he will passively snap back if he thinks I am attacking. I don't yell and I am very calm when expressing myself but I hate confrontation so maybe I can come off wrong.

He is currently out of town which is so hard for me. He does not make plans so I am not sure if he is coming back into town tonight and it is really affecting me, I am trying not to let it. I did ask him to please come, so we shall see. If he does not I will try to be okay with it. He is wonderful and does not deserve to be ran from. So because I am currently suffering with the female issue I will sleep and not make any rash decisions.
@Earworms
So sorry about your situation with the ENFP lady and sorry you had to experience that pain.

Earworms · Dec 28, 2015

candycane75 said:
@Earworms
So sorry about your situation with the ENFP lady and sorry you had to experience that pain.

I know I made some mistakes, but none so egregious as to cause all of this. I really think she had a departure from reality. Her pain medications, and stress must of reconstituted some of her memories. We really were good together and all she ever had to do was TALK to me and I would have listened. Kissing me goodbye, telling me that she loved me and then disappearing with so much as not even a word was chicken sh!t. Like if she was pissed off at me, why didn't she just call me and yell at me or something? Gosh darn, I would of listened and loved her tenderly. I would of got down on my knees if it would of got her to listen to what I had to say. I never got a chance to say that I'm sorry, not even a chance to say goodbye. WTF?
She probably wasn't ready to get back into dating, having another relationship. It was a wonderful ride and I enjoyed it immensely.

Thank you for your kind comments.

Earworms · Jan 27, 2016

gencyan said:
well buddy it's sad to know that your relationship with your ENFP has ended but i hope your relationship again with your ex will turn out for the good of you. more power to you but definitely avoid those ones that may possibly have something deeper going on because most of the time, when you're trying to fix them, you're just hurting yourself.

whatever clicked on her mind, it's already in the past. it's better to just accept it and move on i guess.
hopefully your case gets resolved

I was recently reading about personality disorders, something about "Histrionics" caught my attention. My ENFP girlfriend exhibited some of the characteristics, symptoms. She could be a bit of a "Drama Queen" at times.

ai.tran.75 · Jan 27, 2016

Earworms said:
I was recently reading about personality disorders, something about "Histrionics" caught my attention. My ENFP girlfriend exhibited some of the characteristics, symptoms. She could be a bit of a "Drama Queen" at times.

Are you guys back together

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Earworms · Jan 27, 2016

ai.tran.75 said:
Are you guys back together?

I wish.

What made you think that? She is finished with me, the last time I saw her was a month and a half ago. I really think her pain meds caused her to experience some Dysphoria. What was I to do, I never knew? It's just that the analytical ISTP in me is still trying to make sense of all that happened to me.

ai.tran.75 · Jan 27, 2016

Earworms said:
I wish.

What made you think that? She is finished with me, the last time I saw her was a month and a half ago. I really think her pain meds caused her to experience some Dysphoria. What was I to do, I never knew? It's just that the analytical ISTP in me is still trying to make sense of all that happened to me.

You sound like a great guy - but she's extremely unhealthy so maybe it's for the best . Keep in mind that she's no longer the same person you fell for . Sad that meds changed her

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Earworms · Jan 27, 2016

ai.tran.75 said:
You sound like a great guy - but she's extremely unhealthy so maybe it's for the best . Keep in mind that she's no longer the same person you fell for . Sad that meds changed her.

Well, I may not be a "great guy,'' but I am genuine. Looking back, I can see how I made mistakes, but we supposedly had an agreement between us to discuss things. There were not supposed to be any unilateral decisions, but she made up her mind without ever consulting me. Emotions often cloud good judgement.

She isn't permanently messed up from her meds, just a temporary thing. Just as soon as she gets her needed hand surgery, she should be able to resume life as normal. Her deeper issues, she has been carrying for a long time, certainly some imbedded anger. How it all flipped inside her head/heart, I'll probably never know.

I think we both wanted someone else or wanted to change each other. She had her ways of trying to assimilate me into her social groups etc. I took a more straight forward approach, told her what to believe or what not to believe. Weird how she and I were alike in so many ways, but unfortunately she took a cowardly route instead of following through with her declarations of love.

BananaPsychiatry · Mar 23, 2022

Earworms said:
Then comes one night and I was awake with nothing to do, she was there next to me sound asleep, so I peeled back the covers and went down on her. Quite likely it startled her, but after a few seconds of awareness she realized that it was me. She didn't resist at all, certainly didn't tell me to stop or get off, no pushing or turning away either. I didn't just jump on her either, I serviced her first for which she actually thanked me!! Then it was my turn.

I have a couple things here that might help you understand her side: People can have trauma responses to any sexual experience they haven't said yes to, Including waking up to someone going down on them if that hasn't previously been talked about. Consent is defined as saying yes rather than not saying no or physically refusing. It's also a common response for people to freeze up rather than fight when things like that happen. Unfortunately that has lead to people with wrong expectations continuing to do harm without realizing it. The "I love you" the next morning was likely an attempt to hide some inner turmoil and pretend like things were normal, but she probably wasn't sure how to feel yet. Whether intentional or not, she may have felt unsafe, and I know it's not necessarily something you can take back, but at least you'll know in the future

ISTP in love with ENFP.

Angelic.sweet

Earworms

Angelic.sweet

gencyan

Earworms

Earworms

gencyan

candycane75

Earworms

Earworms

ai.tran.75

Earworms

ai.tran.75

Earworms

BananaPsychiatry

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