Personality Cafe banner
Cancel
Create thread New Forums

Internally, do you tend to blame yourself or others when upset?

[INFJ]
Jump to Latest

Internally, do you blame yourself or others?

  • I blame myself

    Votes: 30 79%

  • I blame others

    Votes: 8 21%
  • Total voters
    38
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
M

megwini

· Registered
Joined
·
64 Posts
Discussion starter · #1 ·
When I'm really upset and something goes wrong, I tend to blame myself, and suddenly feel like everything is all my fault and I'm a terrible person. Now don't get me wrong, if put on the spot by someone else, I have a tendency to deflect blame onto someone/something else, because I'm too embarrassed to admit to someone else I screwed up. But internally I most definitely tend to turn blame and criticism inwardly to myself.

According to articles about INFJs in the grip, they tend to deflect blame outward, blaming external things in the environment rather than themselves. I was curious if other INFJs here followed this pattern, or if, contradictory to this description, they tended to blame themselves. I don't mean blaming out loud to others, but what's going on privately in your head, what sorts of thoughts you have, etc.

I guess for an example, if you are following a map and you get lost and really upset, do you start blaming yourself for being incompetent, or do you start blaming the map for being poorly written and confusing?

Just curious! :proud:
 
#3 ·
Oh gosh, I blame myself for everything, and I'm more than willing to admit it too. But even then, I tend to only express mild guilt/self blame outwardly, while I keep the desire to beat myself to a bloody pulp reserved to my own thoughts. Nothing makes me more mad than myself. >_<
 
#4 ·
Seeing as how I only ever get upset due to others, they're clearly the ones at fault. I'm perfectly content whilst on my own. *shrug* :tongue:

Outwardly, I don't blame anyone. I just shrug it off. Stupid stuff happens. Inwardly, I strangle the morons in my mind. *ahem* I mean, I teach them the error of their ways. Yeah, that's it!
 
#5 ·
I'm missing a 'both' option in the poll. :tongue: But, like you, when put on the spot I often deflect blame to some external source as well.
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#6 ·
I blame myself for everything 99% of the time.

At work for a few months I was being bullied and tormented by a coworker to a level that was incredibly heightened and even then, I blamed myself. That was such a terrible experience... I felt so weak admitting defeat, not knowing what to do about it when I went to management about it. As someone already perceived as sensitive, I didn't want to show any sign of being bothered, and it ended up lowering my work performance.

With my family, I have very difficult, distant relationships. I always blame myself, despite who says or does what, since I'm the "different" one.

I have a tremendous sense of guilt attached to being who I am and constantly feeling like a bother or burden.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Zech and setzer
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#7 ·
One of the things I like about myself is that I feel like I'm pretty good with suspending fault in most circumstances, since unless it's a recurring problem you want to help fix, there's probably no need to start exposing people for minor mistakes. With that said, on the inside, I tend to be fair with blame. I see most situations for what they are and the predominant reason for why they went wrong. And when it's myself, I don't take it too hard, unless I was particularly neglectful to begin with.

On the other hand, concerning larger, less specific problems in life, I'm probably somewhat unfair with blame and am not as critical with myself as I should be. However, I do believe it sometimes the cards can genuinely be stacked against you. When someone shifts the blame off themselves in a larger situation, there is a tendency for others to automatically assume the opposite is true and that the one person is actually the problem. I guess it's the same reflex as with conspiracy theories. People never, ever want to believe they're true, and most of them probably aren't, but not everything farfetched is a lie.
 
#8 ·
Sometimes I do passes blame on to others. And sometimes I don't.

I think the key is to focus on the greyscale in between. By taking full responsibility for everything that you can, you can, you empower yourself to correct flaws in your character. The key is to not take on the burden of responsibility for things you can't control. Thinking you're responsible for events you can't control will undermine you success and hold you back from being as happy as you deserve to be.

If you can look at a situation, take ownership where possible, and not worry about the things you can't control, you will end up with a happier or more successful relationships with others.

Seriously, I think it's quite easy for INFJs to fall into traps of blaming themselves for things that can't be fixed. I think it's quite important to learn how to not be finicky on self-blaming for the sake of being a perfectionist.
 
#9 ·
I always end up blaming myself. Even when I first blame others, I somehow turn it all against myself after a good ol' internal debate. I'm glad, I'm not as bad as I used to be.

Example:

Person: [insert general insult]
Me silently: oh I made him/her say that to me, I'm a horrible person.
 
#11 ·
A bit of both, though I usually blame others more than myself.
And that's just inevitable, since it's other people that make me upset in the first place, by saying or doing certain things. Or by doing nothing at all.

I can't live without others, yet others are the main cause of my grief. It kinda makes me bitter.

GoodOldDreamer said:
Seeing as how I only ever get upset due to others, they're clearly the ones at fault. I'm perfectly content whilst on my own. *shrug* :tongue:
Click to expand...
There, you put it perfectly.
 
#12 ·
EdBogie;2572487]Oh gosh, I blame myself for everything, and I'm more than willing to admit it too. But even then, I tend to only express mild guilt/self blame outwardly, while I keep the desire to beat myself to a bloody pulp reserved to my own thoughts. Nothing makes me more mad than myself.

I tend to blame myself too. I always look to myself first and examine my actions, conversation, and thoughts. If I am wrong, I admit it. However, if I am right, I usually approach the other person in humility. I phrase my words to make them examine their actions, stating that I might have misunderstood them and that I am the one sorry for the misunderstanding. This usually causes them to open up and admit to the wrong. This results in both parties apologizing and re-establishing harmony. As an INFJ, I desire harmony.
 
#13 ·
When something goes wrong, or not according to "plan" (the plan that I've made up for myself....anyway) ...then I feel disappointed, and like it's all my fault, and if I wasn't such a horrible person, that the plan would've came to fruition, and I wouldn't be in said situation.
 
#14 ·
I try to rationalise it. Many times I get upset is because other people are acting/being negative, and in those cases I just ignore them, but I don't blame myself. If there are situations where I hurt people and where I, myself am at fault, I blame myself.
 
#15 ·
Mostly, I blame myself, but it really depends on the circumstances. I am not blaming myself for everything, especially when is obvious that I wasn't at fault
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#16 ·
Of course it is my fault! it is always my fault :unsure: If I can´t read the map, there is nothing wrong with the map it is because I am not smart enough to read a map properly. If my relationships fail, it´s because I didn´t love enough, or didn´t give everything or didn´t try hard enough :sad: It is frustrating and painful but yeah, I always blame myself.
Sometimes and if the relationship is important for me, I will let the other person know about the way I feel, otherwise, I kick myself inwardly.
 
#17 ·
Myself. I may feel like it's all their fault and tearing into them with it, but they're not going to accept the blame, what else can I do? Better to look at what I can change inside myself to fix the problem. Urgh, that's hard and rough though. It's hard for me to accept that a interpersonal problem is unfixable and I just have to let it be. MUST FIX.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
About this Discussion
17 Replies
18 Participants
Last post:
PetrasShadow
Personality Cafe
posts
11M
members
172K
Since
2008
A forum community dedicated to all ranges of personality types and people. Come join the discussion about health, behavior, care, testing, personality types, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
INFP Forum - The Idealists INFJ Forum - The Protectors INTP Forum - The Thinkers INTJ Forum - The Scientists Myers Briggs Forum