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The light and dark side of an ENFJ

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Optimus

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Discussion starter · #1 ·
I'm sure a lot of us are aware of the notion of the bright and dark side of an ENFJ. We go through stages of depression as it escalates. We have trouble being alone and if kept isolated for a good amount of time we get pushed into the dark realm for a good amount of time. I feel like I've delved back into dark places.

I've become critical of others and started hiding from everyone so that I can recover. Before any of this, I was outgoing, wasn't afraid to meet new people, loved large crowds, and I had the confidence to speak out. But all this changed after I joined a fraternity, filled with the most rude people I've ever met in my entire life. I plan on leaving this organization because I want my life back. I never enjoyed holding grudges against anyone, now I find myself easily holding a grudge among the people in my frat. Is it possible that I am an ENFJ? I'm like totally unsure of myself now. I had someone in my frat point at me calling me an introvert. I know I'm not an introvert, but the way how I've been lately I don't blame him for calling me an introvert... I took another Myers Briggs test and it tells me that I'm an ISTP now.. what on earth is going on here.. anyone?? I used to be a full blown intuitive type and the results show that now I'm a sensing type.

And this quote right here is something I really agree with... But its kind of hard to tell because even as an ENFJ I believe we all go with this conduct in academics and workplace:

"ISTJs respect facts. They hold a tremendous storage of data within themselves, gathered through their Sensing function. They may have difficulty valuing a theory or idea that differs from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea by someone whom they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact that the ISTJ will internalize and vigorously support. ISTJs are faithful, logical, organized, sensible, and earnest traditionalists. They earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Shutting out distractions, they take a practical, logical approach to their endeavors. Realistic and responsible, they work steadily toward their goals. They enjoy creating order in both their professional and personal lives."

Okay, one thing is that I am not an earnest traditionalist I guess that has to do with me being an ENFJ but everything else seems to make sense.
And this last line about creating order in our personal lives is something I've always valued, does this contradict being an ENFJ?
 
#2 ·
Nothing in that short definition completely shuts out an ENFJ (well, maybe the "traditionalists" part).

It sounds like you may be going through a stressful time. When under stress we start using our shadow functions. It normally starts out with a single letter change and works its way down from there, until, if under extreme duress, you may even start acting like an unhealthy version of your opposite type.

Testing works best when you are under "normal spirits" as in relaxed and unstressed. The best thing to do is get yourself into a place where you are comfortable again and then rethink it. Perhaps you are an ISTJ, but you may find that you test as an ENFJ again.
 
Discussion starter · #3 ·
mutton said:
Nothing in that short definition completely shuts out an ENFJ (well, maybe the "traditionalists" part).

It sounds like you may be going through a stressful time. When under stress we start using our shadow functions. It normally starts out with a single letter change and works its way down from there, until, if under extreme duress, you may even start acting like an unhealthy version of your opposite type.

Testing works best when you are under "normal spirits" as in relaxed and unstressed. The best thing to do is get yourself into a place where you are comfortable again and then rethink it. Perhaps you are an ISTJ, but you may find that you test as an ENFJ again.
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I never knew we revert to our unhealthy shadow functions during stressful times. I guess that explains a lot then.
 
Discussion starter · #5 ·
Tongue Tied said:
No. academics seem to make ENFJs focus on Ti, Se, a little Ni and has no use for Fe, As a result, I myself get hyper-focused on facts and logic. I just want it short and sweet. School is a major stressor for me.
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coudln't agree more with you on that one.

Thats why I got confused because on here it says "ISTJs often work for long periods, devoting their energy to tasks that they see as important to fulfilling a goal. However, they resist putting energy into things that don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application."

See, the thing is, being an ENFJ is hard when you're in college. I got so many socializing to do that when it comes time for an exam I find myself hiding, I would love to work in groups but I'm too scared to work with others around me because I start goofing around. So I hide myself, shut everyone out and become super focused and work long straight periods of time for my exams.

When I refuse an invitation from a friend to go partying, I panic because I don't know how to say no, but when I do say "no" I start getting all paranoid because that person didn't seem to take it so lightly and saying "fine! go study then!" <---------- This really pisses me off when a person does this. First, I got priorities and gotta do well in my academics. Second, what kind of support is this coming from friends? Third, I WANT TO FRIGGIN PARTY TOO AND NOW THIS PERSON HAS JUST MADE IT EVEN HARDER FOR ME TO FOCUS ON MY STUDIES. I have finals coming up reall soon and I'm like freaking out because during tiimes like these it seems like I turn into my shadow functions and feel very alone and feel like as if I have no real friends.
 
#6 ·
Umm.. about the fraternity with the really rude people... leave it, now! Something worth for any type is to avoid things that make you stress, depress or alter your humour. If your fraternity doesn't let you feel good and if you can't do anything to change that, you have to leave it.

What Tongue Tied said was right, schools doesn't let people develop their Feeling Function, or maybe you could use team work as a way to develop it.. knowing how to relate to them and make people work hard... but working alone is not a bad alternative... specially since there are lazy, comformist people who don't like to work and always find excuses for everthing failure they have... you have to know with what person you'd like to work...

Studying is the top priority yes, social life can wait. But if you want to party and you have the time... don't stop!! do it!! About creating order in our personal lives, that's something common in the people with the Judging function, we want order, everything planned and set... while we are adaptive to the environments, we also want to put order and structure.. although I don't think we're as intimidating and forceful as people with the Thinking Judging preference..
 
#7 ·
I have often found when I get super depressed I turn into quite a bit of an ass (pardon language), but it's fairly true. I become very much one who lashes out at all around me, for no reason. I take everything as an insult, even compliments. I become the villain instead of the hero (or at least antihero) I normally am and try to be. It's very stressing, because it just furthers a downward spiral until something externally fixes it.

Most recently I was cast into a deep depression due to combatting my own internal struggle for identity along with an old friend killing someone after attempting on himself. I was spinning myself down, isolating from friends, becoming strictly "plan to do nothing or do homework/work" and nothing else. But then I got my acceptance to the college that I wanted, which is part of the "plan" I have for my life...and I almost instantaneously switched from gloomy doomy self to hyper...and after a few days, have gone down to regular happy (but not too hyper) self.

I feel if you're having an issue with your dark side, find what it is that has helped you out before (family, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend, etc) and try and use that as a way to dig yourself out before the spiral goes down too much.
 
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#8 ·
Personally I just think that the bad situation is just effecting you.Most ENFJ's here will agree that when are good intentions are not met in a similar manner we can take it kinda hard sometimes.I think one thing we need to learn is to find that point at which we need to give up on those ppl and move our attentions to ppl who deserve it more.Another thing is we're always emotionally 'on'.We analyse things alot and see it in a different manner,so for example with one little unkind act,we'll delve through layers of meaning just to understand it.

Being unsure of yourself is okay,it happens.We have our views on how to deal with ppl,and when they fail,we tend to think it's us who needs to change their tactics,when it's possible,it's just the other person.Sometimes there's nothing you can do.

Leaving is a good idea.I think it will help.

Testing works best when you are under "normal spirits" as in relaxed and unstressed. The best thing to do is get yourself into a place where you are comfortable again and then rethink it. Perhaps you are an ISTJ, but you may find that you test as an ENFJ again.
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Yeah I really agree with this.Sometimes being upset or in a mood can effect the result.

And on a note that has nothing to do with personality types, you should go study for ur finals,u'll regret it later,especially if the decision to not study wasn't yours.
 
#9 ·
I worked in a place where everyone was not so nice. It made me become anti social and I hated it because I'm a social person and like to get along with everyone. ENFJs get affected by their environment, ie people environment. This is why I left even though the actual work was great. It's because the people weren't. We don't have great introverted feeling (Fi), ENFJs work on Fe and this is the reason why it affects us so much when people around us are so crap even though we are really okay.

Suggest being around a happier crowd...
 
#11 ·
http://students.usask.ca/current/life/employment/PDFs/ENFJ.pdf

Page 7 describes ENFJ's under stress. And then if we are under "extreme stress" we might be like ISTP's under stress:

http://students.usask.ca/current/life/employment/PDFs/ISTP.pdf

I find the tips on how to cope with the stress very useful.

I find that my environment such as being around rude people really stresses me out. I am currently in a situation where I can't "quit" or "leave" the situation, so I try to find how to cope in other ways. It's hard though and one day I wish that I can be in a work environment that is a little more kinder and idealistic.
 
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#12 ·
i'm sorry about the frat situation! i've found that's how i react to a heavy dose of a large group of people. especially a group of people who won't have meaningful conversation or just plain mean to me. i find myself feeling lonely and sad when being deprived of significant [as in, meaningful] interaction with others. don't worry! your personality hasn't been changed. it's just like the lion king: remember who you reeeaally are, something like that.
 
#13 ·
Sounds like you're going through depression, honey. Maybe try seeing a counselor, or just someone you can rely on and rant about your feelings? ENFs have the tendency to push people away in hurtful ways and don't even know it. I went through this when I unconsciously tried to push my family and friends away by going into introvert mode.
 
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AngelWithAShotgun
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