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Just how flirty are you?

[Enneagram Type 2]
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#23 ·
AbioticPrime said:
First, I'd like to open saying that I love type 2s.

Now it's time for my emotional rant!

This quality of you guys drives me nuts. I hate it. Especially when dating a type 2. It makes me (can't speak for everyone) feel you're uncommitted.

Furthermore, I understand it's somewhat natural but, particularly for type 2 females, when they put themselves out there with flirty behavior it tends to set other guys on the alert thinking that she's new prey waiting to be swooped up. With many guys picking and prodding, and the all-known type 2 inability to say no... you can see where I'm going with this.

I hate it.

Just my personal opinion.

Carry on.
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This post made me wonder a bit about myself. I don't consider myself a really "flirty" person but I do consider myself a very friendly person. Ok I'll admit I can be really flirty. Lol. I am a 2w3. I am generally interested in people in a very genuine way. I love asking about other people and telling them about myself and joking with them, laughing, finding common ground. I do admit that I like attention but I'm not annoying about it or over dramatic. Actually there are some times when I really don't want attention. Anyway, I can be a little touchy when I talk to people, which I know probably comes across as flirty, but I'm like this with guys and girls.

The reason why this post made me think is because I'm wondering if my flirtyness is attracting the wrong guys/people. You know, you kinda get to a point in your life where you sit back and wonder - why do I attract the bad boys?? Maybe it's similar to what @AbioticPrime said here: A guy sees you as "prey." Ug. That kinda sent a shiver up my spine. And the part about us unable to say no. :-( This is so true, especially when a really controlling and confident guy comes along and is very charming and everything seems so right... until you realize it's so wrong, and then it's almost too late at that point. It's just really hard because it feels very good to get attention and validation that you are a likable/attractive person. I guess to want/need that too much is the weakness here.

Crap. Now I'm depressed.
 
#24 ·
Hunny Bunny said:
This is so true, especially when a really controlling and confident guy comes along and is very charming and everything seems so right... until you realize it's so wrong, and then it's almost too late at that point. It's just really hard because it feels very good to get attention and validation that you are a likable/attractive person.
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Ever think about talking to a bit more shy and reserved guy? Bad boys wouldn't be bad boys without the traits you mentioned. They're usually the ones who have perfected them. I've never been like that. I've learned a few tricks for leading conversations and flirting, and I'm capable of swallowing my fear and approaching complete strangers, but I've never had that kind of natural charm and charisma. The reserved ones will probably be willing to shower you with attention once you get to know them.
 
#25 ·
@Hunny Bunny

The first step to moving forward is awareness, so it's good that you're recognizing where you are most vulnerable.

It might be because of my 6 head fix, but while I will have the 2's initial friendliness, I am not entirely open - I am cautious about who I let in closer than arm's length. It has proven effective for me thus far. While I'm not in a relationship, I have generally been able to take the time and thought necessary to figure things out.

I don't know what exactly I am suggesting, but perhaps take time to feel out your head and gut fixes so that you can approach these situations with more balance.
 
#26 ·
stephiphi said:
@Hunny Bunny

The first step to moving forward is awareness, so it's good that you're recognizing where you are most vulnerable.

It might be because of my 6 head fix, but while I will have the 2's initial friendliness, I am not entirely open - I am cautious about who I let in closer than arm's length. It has proven effective for me thus far. While I'm not in a relationship, I have generally been able to take the time and thought necessary to figure things out.

I don't know what exactly I am suggesting, but perhaps take time to feel out your head and gut fixes so that you can approach these situations with more balance.
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I want you to lecture all my type 2 girl friends.. lol.
 
#27 ·
desert lynx said:
Ever think about talking to a bit more shy and reserved guy? Bad boys wouldn't be bad boys without the traits you mentioned. They're usually the ones who have perfected them. I've never been like that. I've learned a few tricks for leading conversations and flirting, and I'm capable of swallowing my fear and approaching complete strangers, but I've never had that kind of natural charm and charisma. The reserved ones will probably be willing to shower you with attention once you get to know them.
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Yes I have tried talking with more shy guys. (sigh)

The problem I have with shy guys is two fold.
#1 - They are usually intimidated by me for some reason. This results in them either not knowing what to say or carry on a conversation, or they just clam up altogether and then it's like pulling teeth. Not fun.

#2 - You might get a guy who is insecure but shower you with compliments and attention and get attached really really fast and it just gets really smothering. :-(

I'm not saying all shy guys are like this. (1 or 2) - just saying that's been mostly my experience. A lot of people say I'm really warm and approachable and likable but for some reason I feel like people find me really intimidating... :-/
 
#28 ·
There's definitely different levels of shy. If they can't look you in the eyes and ease into comfortable conversation within a couple minutes, then it's their problem. I'm just saying not all boyfriend material is super charming from the moment you meet. For example, I have a great sense of humor, but I've never been that good at translating that towards strangers.

As for the insecure and suffocating thing, I'm not sure what to say. There's always a tough balance between being too clingy and too distant, and it's always even more difficult at first because you don't have great trust and communication yet. I know I can come off as a little clingy, and it took me a long time to realize it stems from my type 2 desire to help/gift/serve/etc. rather than any kind of insecurity. It's still pretty difficult to explain to someone you've barely met that you just genuinely love making other people happy, so I try to stay a bit more reserved about showing that side to begin with.

Best of luck.
 
#29 ·
I hate how unorganized my flirting is. Its used in points where i'm completely doing it as a joke but the other individual completely takes it the wrong way. The thing is when i like someone i DON'T flirt. and when i think they aren't much to me i flirt. strange but that's just how it is. I hate it to be honest.

Since im not at all much of a bad boy type of girl i usually sarcastically flirt with them and dont really see them but anything else.
 
#30 ·
My flirting is really hot and cold. I like pursuing the guy, but then as soon as he shows interest, I start doubting myself and my interest in him, and then I turn into an ice queen. I think it comes from the fact that I'm naturally distrustful of guys and their intentions. It's okay for me to be interested in someone, but if he's interested in me, I have to question his motives. I endured a lot of sexual harassment from a bully in middle school; it kind of made me associate guys' attempts to hit on me with the desire to throw up. I'm starting to get over this now and learn to take attention from guys as a positive thing and acknowledge that it can be non-threatening.
 
#31 ·
Well, I do not flirt. I was never self-confident enough to do so and, uhm... flirting is such a weird thing to me. :f It seems fake and unnatural, and I find natural things most entertaining. I don't mind being a little teased but I probably won't do the same. *shrugs*
 
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#32 ·
I've been told that I can be flirty, though it's never been something that I've done consciously. I tease and make jokes and the like with everyone, so it's not really anything that seems out of place or indicative of any particular thing when it happens with me. Whenever I hear someone say that I've been flirting, it's always a wonder to me because I just felt like I was being friendly.
 
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#34 ·
I'm gonna be blunt, half of you are probably mistyped. 2s are second only to Sexual 7s in flirtatiousness. seduction is what they do. they're coy, they tease, string you along. it's a game from them "how much can I get him to desire me"

AbioticPrime said:
First, I'd like to open saying that I love type 2s.
Now it's time for my emotional rant!
This quality of you guys drives me nuts. I hate it. Especially when dating a type 2. It makes me (can't speak for everyone) feel you're uncommitted.
Furthermore, I understand it's somewhat natural but, particularly for type 2 females, when they put themselves out there with flirty behavior it tends to set other guys on the alert thinking that she's new prey waiting to be swooped up. With many guys picking and prodding, and the all-known type 2 inability to say no... you can see where I'm going with this.
I hate it.
Just my personal opinion.
Carry on.
Click to expand...
werd!
 
#35 ·
Swordsman of Mana said:
I'm gonna be blunt, half of you are probably mistyped. 2s are second only to Sexual 7s in flirtatiousness. seduction is what they do. they're coy, they tease, string you along. it's a game from them "how much can I get him to desire me"
Click to expand...
Like I said, it's not even something I realize I'm doing. It just happens. Even if every person here really is a 2 (fairly unlikely, given how new many of them are to the enneagram, but for the sake of argument), I'd expect most to say "I'm not that flirty" if for no reason other than just not seeing in themselves.

I could see how it might be frustrating for someone involved with me, though. That being said, the thing to watch for when I'm really committed to a person is whether I really talk to you. I tease and make fun with everyone, I might even be willing to put in the energy for an intellectual debate if they're interesting enough to me; but if I'm willing to actually put myself into the conversation, that's when you know I'm committed to that person. Flirting, much as it may seem like something to you, means nothing; it's just something that happens, not anything to read into.
 
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#36 ·
I don't flirt. I treat everyone with the same gabby behavior.

Unfortunately, unobservant men think it's special attention towards them.
 
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#37 ·
Swordsman of Mana said:
I'm gonna be blunt, half of you are probably mistyped. 2s are second only to Sexual 7s in flirtatiousness. seduction is what they do. they're coy, they tease, string you along. it's a game from them "how much can I get him to desire me"
Click to expand...
That's a stereotype. Yeah, maybe some of them really do that, but that's not necessarily typical for all of them. For example, being proud of who they are is said to be typical for Twos but I never really felt that way about myself - that's not how my father raised me. I used to think self-consciously that I'm worthless. But still, I am a Two, I always was. People are much more than just personality types. :wink:
 
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#38 ·
nannuky said:
That's a stereotype. Yeah, maybe some of them really do that, but that's not necessarily typical for all of them. For example, being proud of who they are is said to be typical for Twos but I never really felt that way about myself - that's not how my father raised me. I used to think self-consciously that I'm worthless. But still, I am a Two, I always was. People are much more than just personality types. :wink:
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it is not a stereotype. seduction is the core of what type 2 is about. it is not about the love/be loved, save-the-world Mother Teresa BS described in the "sugar coated Enneagram". 2s want to be desired. they want your attention, admiration, glorification (Social 2), lust (Sexual 2) or to be given special treatment and privileges (Self Preservation 2) and will probably relate more the the way 3s are typically described than most "modern" descriptions of 2.

http://personalitycafe.com/type-2-f...pe-2-forum-helper/156819-naranjo-pride-histrionic-personality-enneatype-ii.html

I have summarized the relevant bits here
http://personalitycafe.com/type-2-forum-helper/181668-2-seducer-not-helper.html
 
#39 ·
Swordsman of Mana said:
it is not a stereotype. seduction is the core of what type 2 is about. it is not about the love/be loved, save-the-world Mother Teresa BS described in the "sugar coated Enneagram". 2s want to be desired. they want your attention, admiration, glorification (Social 2), lust (Sexual 2) or to be given special treatment and privileges (Self Preservation 2) and will probably relate more the the way 3s are typically described than most "modern" descriptions of 2.

http://personalitycafe.com/type-2-f...pe-2-forum-helper/156819-naranjo-pride-histrionic-personality-enneatype-ii.html

I have summarized the relevant bits here
http://personalitycafe.com/type-2-forum-helper/181668-2-seducer-not-helper.html
Click to expand...
I'd say it isn't quite as strong of a push as you're making it out to be, but yes, at its core, it is always about wanting to be wanted and ensuring that people will continue to want me. Seducing people, either for friendship or romance, is the goal.
 
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#40 ·
Midnight Runner said:
I'd say it isn't quite as strong of a push as you're making it out to be, but yes, at its core, it is always about wanting to be wanted and ensuring that people will continue to want me. Seducing people, either for friendship or romance, is the goal.
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yes, Naranjo does exaggerate a bit (indeed, there is an almost sadistic quality to his writing that I rather enjoy). I like Chestnut because she follows the Naranjo tradition, but is a bit less extreme (ie, doesn't describe versions of each type that are destined to become Batman villains).
 
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